A/N: Took a while but I hope I'm back on track now to update regularly. Sorry, but this is angsty.


On Monday, Cynthia Rose packed the rented U-Haul and left for Maine.

Beca had thought that it would be a bigger fuss but the most heartfelt goodbye was between CR and Stacie. All of the Bellas looked awkwardly away when Stacie pressed her lips to CR's and then hugged her tightly.

"I love you, you know that, right?"

"I love you too, Stace."

"Good, now get your ass to Maine and marry that wonderchick of yours. I hear she's a catch."

"You heard that from me," CR said, her eyes closed tightly.

"That's right."

And then Stacie let go of CR and went inside. She didn't stay to watch her leave, she would always be the one to leave not the leavee.

Beca tried to talk to her after CR had said her goodbyes and left but Stacie's door had been locked and she didn't open at Beca's knocking. Beca wasn't sure how to interpret this, but she knew that Stacie would be the next one to move out of the house. It felt strange, how Stacie and CR had clung to that limbo that had become the Bellas house, but once one of them left, the other couldn't stay. Maybe they had been closer than anyone had known.

But maybe the same could be said about many of them. Jessica had started crying when Ashley left and had yet to stop. While Chloe seemed the most stubborn to break up the Bellas, Jessica took it all to heart. But even she had made arrangements to leave and just a couple of days after Stacie.

This would mean that Beca and Chloe would be the last ones and Beca wondered how long it would take her to talk Chloe into leaving. Would she herself even be able to leave once everyone but Emily was gone? And how hard would Chloe make it for her?

Beca didn't like thinking about this but Chloe was the one person who could make life a mess for Beca. She had this irresistible power and Beca was afraid of what would happen if Chloe used it, really used it. Yes, she could be able to make Beca happy but Beca was afraid of the cost of that happiness. She was convinced that the price would be too high. The worst part for Beca was that she couldn't tell her best friend, that she couldn't openly talk about this, because Chloe was the one she wanted, but she was also the one she needed to stay away from.


The days went on by, the Bellas house was eerily quiet. Nobody fought, nobody laughed. Chloe spent a lot of time with Jessica, Stacie was keeping to her room, probably packing, Beca tried to work a little, though inspiration was hard to come by. Emily tried to be cheerful and a friend to everybody but the others's somber mood affected her as well. And then it was Thursday, the day they were all going to help Stacie move into her new apartment.

Beca was awake early and in the kitchen when Stacie, Jessica and Emily came downstairs.

"All packed?" she asked Stacie.

"Yeah, all packed and ready to move. Benji should be here with his friend's pick up any minute."

"Where's Chloe?" Beca asked.

"She's not feeling well," Jessica said.

"What's wrong?"

"I think it's a migraine. She still had the curtains closed and I think she puked earlier."

Beca looked up the stairs, fighting the urge to go and take care of Chloe. "Maybe I should stay here with her," she contemplated.

"She said she was going back to sleep. She'll probably be out for awhile," Jessica said. "She took some pain killers."

Beca took a deep breath. "All right. Let's eat breakfast. It's gonna be a long day."

They did that. A couple of minutes later, a car honked in front of the house. It was Benji with his friend's pick up. And a short while later, Amy and Flo arrived with their car to help move Stacie out.


Beca found that the bodily work, carrying boxes to the cars and then carrying it into Stacie's new apartment, helped lift some of the guilt off her shoulders. Stacie's place was roomy and their friend wore a big smile when she showed them around. She seemed more cheerful than Beca had thought she would be. She seemed eager to continue her studies.

When all the boxes were at the new place, they lounged on the new furniture which had been delivered earlier that week.

"Okay, I think I'll have to move in here now, because I can't move. Seriously what was in those boxes, bricks?" Amy said as she collapsed on the couch.

"Exactly. I'm planning to build a pool in the backyard and I thought this was a good way to get everything I need." Stacie grinned.

"You're lucky you're hot. You couldn't get by on your humor if your life depended on it."

"Books, Amy. I've got a lot of books in my boxes."

Amy groaned. "Didn't you say something about dinner when you asked us to help. I could do with some energy."

"Sure, pizza all right?"

They all nodded their consent and Stacie pulled her phone from her pocket.

"Could we maybe do dinner back at the house? I'm a little worried about Chloe. I haven't heard from her all day and Jessica said she had a migraine." Beca looked at Stacie but a strange vibe made her look around at all her friends. Nobody was looking at her. "Did she text you, or something?"

"Or something," Amy mumbled.

"What's going on? Is something wrong with Chloe? Is she really sick, or something?" Beca felt panicky and was about to jump from the couch, when Amy patted her arm.

"She's not sick," Jessica said in a small voice.

"What then? Tell me!"

Beca watched Amy look around the room then sit up to turn to Beca. She took both of Beca's hands in hers. "You know, little one, this is all really messed up. You know I don't like to lie, I'm as honest as ever a Tasmanian created, but... Chloe asked us not to say anything and after the way you treated her-"

"Treated her? I didn't treat her... in any way."

"Well, maybe if you had treated her, it wouldn't be such a mess," Flo said.

"I told you guys, I'm not gonna talk to you about this. It's between me and Chloe."

"Actually, it's between you and yourself, because Chloe is gone."

"What?" Amy's words didn't make any sense. Chloe gone? Gone where? How? But from the look on her friends's faces she saw that it was true, even if it didn't make any sense. A slow acid burn spread through Beca. Something wasn't right at all. She stood and looked down at her friends. "What does that mean?" she asked very quietly.

"Chloe had been packing her things all week and she left today while we helped Stacie," Jessica said.

"But... she had a migraine."

Jessica shook her head. "That was just an excuse."

"You lied to me. All of you. You lied and Chloe... she lied to me too."

Nobody said anything.

"I'm sorry, Becs, but... Chloe asked us to. She didn't know how else to do this."

Stacie's words hardly registered. Beca started walking to the door. "Maybe she's still there," she said more to herself than anyone else. She opened the door.

"Beca, wait."

The other Bellas all followed but Beca ignored them. She had to get to the house, she had to stop Chloe from leaving her.


When Beca entered the house it was quiet. She gave a fearful look back at the Amy who had finally talked her into letting her drive her over and whom she had ignored for the duration of the drive. She could see the second car pull up in front and straightened her back. She couldn't show how afraid she was. Instead, she walked briskly inside.

"Chlo?" Beca tried to call out but her voice was merely a whisper. She felt Amy's hand touching her back but shrugged it off. Another wave of panic hit her gut. She already knew Chloe was gone but needed to confirm it.

Beca jogged up the stairs, eager now to know. The door to Chloe's room stood open and as Beca walked tentatively toward it, she could see that it was empty and darkening in the twilight. She walked inside and closed the door behind her, lest her friends thought it wise to follow her.

"Chloe." It wasn't a question anymore, it wasn't a fearful request to hear her voice again either. She just needed to say her name as tears welled up in her eyes. Beca looked around the room, seemingly still seeing where all of Chloe's belonging had stood while they had talked and laughed for hours, listened to music, sung to and with each other. It was all gone now, only the shadow of a memory remained.

That and... Beca walked toward the window sill where a small pink bear sat. It held a letter between its paws that said 'Beca' in Chloe's playful curvy handwriting. Beca picked it up together with the bear. She flicked its one floppy ear, remembering how they'd argued over it at the fair. Beca had won it at a shooting gallery but Chloe had taken possession of it like she would. Beca had pretended that she wanted it for herself but, of course, she'd glowed with pride because Chloe wanted it. That was how they'd been... before the retreat, before everything got complicated.

Beca took the letter from him and pulled him close. "Has she abandoned you too?" she whispered in its ear and kissed its head. She would have felt stupid doing this if she didn't feel so abandoned, so sad, and just a tiny bit angry.

It wasn't difficult to see why Chloe had left and without a word. Or why she'd asked her friends to keep it to themselves. The anger stemmed from the betrayal. They'd sided with Chloe, against her. They had their reasons and Beca knew she would have sided with Chloe herself, even against herself, if things had been different - if she hadn't had her own reason.

Beca took a deep breath which turned into a sigh. She looked around the room one last time in the dimming light. Then she left it. She walked upstairs to her own room, ignoring the subdued voices from downstairs. She sat down on her bed with the bear and the letter and after a few seconds of just staring at the envelope she opened it.

Beca.

You're probably angry with me but I hope you didn't just tear this letter into pieces and threw it away. I hope you still love me enough to hear my reason for leaving without telling you. Will you, please?

I love you, Beca. You know that, of course. I'm also in love with you. And maybe you know that too or maybe you're blinking your beautiful eyes at this...

Beca did indeed blink her eyes, trying to fight the tears that were seriously falling now. She rubbed at her eyes but it took a while until she could dislodge the thought that had turned on the waterworks: she's in love with me. Fuck, she's in fucking love with me.

Beca took a deep breath and continued through the tears.

... beautiful eyes at this and wonder if I've lost my mind. I have in a way but I was sure you had too so I didn't mind.

Don't worry, it's obvious now that you didn't - lose your mind over me - and that I was just fooling myself. Or maybe you felt a little and maybe not enough. I know you love me, you love all of us, and that's why I hope you'll forgive the Bellas for keeping this secret from you. They did it because I asked them to and they weren't happy to lie to you, believe me. I made them promise. All but Emily, I was sure she would tell on me and didn't tell her.

Are you angry? Are you sad? I hope you're not unhappy. And I hope you will forgive me, because I couldn't help falling for you. You don't know how irresistible you are with your big blue eyes, your potty mouth, your sarcasm, and that tiny hot body of yours. I'm sure it makes you uncomfortable to read this...

Beca took the time to blow her nose here as she nodded to the words.

... to read this but that's how I feel. I feel too much to put it all down and I'm afraid that if I just keep writing the others will tell you that I'm about to leave and you'll just appear at my door step at any moment. I'm also afraid that you won't and that I will have left before you arrive.

Call me a hopeless romantic but I still long for the moment that you do appear on my door step. That I'll only have to look into your eyes to know that you love me the way that I love you. And that you'll kiss me again.

Beca, that kiss. Do I have to tell you how much it meant to me? Or do you know? For just a moment, it was everything and there hasn't been a waking moment since that I haven't looked back and yearned for more.

But that was obviously not how you felt, so I'm not gonna say anymore. I'm not gonna say anymore about all of this when we meet again, don't worry. It will all be said with this letter. I will not torture you with any of this again. That is if you forgive me for leaving and will still be my friend. I think you will be, because I know you love me.

I need you in my life, Becs. And I hope you still want me in yours.

I guess that's it. We'll see each other at Cynthia Rose's wedding. I'll be back to being my dorky self again, and I hope you'll be your snarky self again and that we can go from there. Fair warning: I will hug you when we see each other again. I will always hug my friends, and you're my friend. You'd have to stay away to avoid it but I know you won't do that, because you love CR and you love me. We'll be Bellas again for that day.

Love, Chloe

P.S.: Take good care of Grumpy, I want him back.