Bunokura Town, September 2016
Morning
Silence fell between them after Izaya's harsh words. Despite the fact the light didn't change one bit - it was still soft and warm and golden, bathing the room - and them - in its gentle glow, the temperature in the room felt as if it dropped. Shizuo felt his head start to hurt; which was quite a suitable feeling for the moment, looking at how he once more run head-first into one of the walls Izaya erected around himself, whether to protect himself or close himself in, or both, who knew.
The raven obviously found the silence as jarring as the blond did; Izaya turned his back to him. Shizuo watched the wheelchair turn smoothly, and stared at the back of the raven's head. The feeling of almost unbearable separation was overwhelming, and he wasn't sure whether this was because of how he felt, or whether he was feeling this for Izaya's sake.
This... this wasn't why he came here. This wasn't what he expected. He wanted to get answers, to talk to Izaya, to understand some of the chaos that happened in and around him ever since back that time. And yet, ever since he got here, every attempt at a conversation ended in a feeling as if Shizuo run head-first into the thick, translucent wall that seemed to separate him from Izaya, no matter how hard he tried to break it.
The blond felt his hands curl up on his lap. Why was this so hard? Izaya didn't need to lie anymore, and he himself wasn't getting angry, so why was it so hard to communicate? He talked with Psyche just fine; easily, even.
Shizuo blinked, as an idea bloomed in his mind. Right...
"...Psyche..." he said quietly, blinking as he saw Izaya's silhouette stiffen before the raven turned to him once more, eyes confused and a frown on his face.
"...what-?"
"Psyche." Shizuo repeated. Izaya's frown turned to an obvious annoyance. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Shizuo continued. If Izaya won't talk with him, maybe Psyche will.
"Psyche, why can't we just talk?" Shizuo said, going head first with his idea. Hell, he was never one to overthink things. "We've used to talk all the time, so it can't be that hard. That's all I want, Psyche. I only want to talk. If you want me gone, then just let me have that."
For a long moment, it looked like Izaya didn't know whether to laugh, cry or get angry. He simply stared at Shizuo. The soft, first rays of sun streamed into the room, one of them leaving a golden, shimmering stain over Izaya's cheek and neck, only punctuating how pale and sickly thin he still was. And then, the raven rolled his wheelchair a bit closer; a curious expression spread over his face, and the sunlight now fell on his hair instead, creating an illusion of a halo around his head.
"...Tsugaru-san..." he said quietly, before hesitating - and then, surprisingly, letting out a soft laugh. "Tsugaru-san is as dumb as he always was."
"Yes, he is." Shizuo couldn't help but laugh himself. Did it really just work? If just a bit, he felt the wall between them give way... at least it wasn't the frustrating awkwardness of their first interactions anymore. "Tsugaru-san is a hopeless dumbass, that much is clear to everyone present, Psyche. You'd know... you've talked to him for years, after all."
"So, you know about that."
"I'd be an even dumber dumbass not to know."
"I suppose."
Shizuo bit his lip. Izaya seemed ready to run back into his shell from the brief moment of connection they had, and he wasn't about to let him. If he only could keep the conversation up...
But then, it seemed that won't really be needed. It seemed, for once, Izaya thought the same. And just maybe, the raven wanted some answers of his own.
"So... is that is, then? Tsugaru searching for his lost friend... is that why you came here, Shizuo?" Izaya sighed softly, looking down at the glass of water in his hands. "You won't find him here, you know. Psyche is long gone."
"You're right, and I know he is. But I'm not here looking for Psyche, Izaya. I'm here to look for a friend..." the blond bit his lip, leaning forward slightly, trying to see whether what he was saying got him anywhere.
"...you had friends in Ikebukuro. Here, you have none. You don't make sense."
"See... that's the trouble, though. At first, yeah, I was happy in Ikebukuro. I had friends there, even people who hated me didn't bother to piss me off, due to some dumbass rumors. It was peaceful enough, I learnt to keep calm most of the time... not all the time, obviously, but I got a lot better at controlling myself. Only, see, after some time... I don't know, something started to feel wrong. Like it was all fake, made up. Like I didn't belong in that peaceful city anymore..."
"I talked to Kasuka about it... well, and other people, too. And after a while, I realized I was missing something, and that something was you. Not... hell, how do I explain it? I didn't miss the chaos and me losing control and people getting hurt. But I missed.. being needed? Uh, that's not a good word. I missed having a purpose, I guess. I mean, it was always the two of us, Izaya and Shizuo, we were like two sides of a coin. And now it was just me, and I felt incomplete. So I started thinking, why? Why was it that without you there, I somehow stopped being myself? And I realized that as much as that Izaya kept pissing me off, he was someone that created me. I realized you were Psyche. I realized you were the one who made me foil your own plans. And it didn't make much sense, for someone who hated me... unless."
The blond's amber eyes turned to Izaya. The raven was looking at him, too, and their eyes locked, but there was no wall between them for once. Izaya leaned forward in his wheelchair, listening intently, face impossible to read, but not because he made it so; no, it was because there was too much; too many emotions to read flowing over it.
"Unless Izaya Orihara did not hate me. Unless it was his plan, from the start, to land me where I was today; to make me happy. I guess it's not too weird I had a lot of questions regarding that, all of a sudden."
Silence lingered, Izaya smiled lightly, and for a moment there, illuminated by the sunrise, he looked like himself again. Like his old self, though Shizuo had a hard time how was it he was reminded of the old Izaya here, since the old Izaya never smiled this softly at him.
"...no, Izaya Orihara did not hate you." he said finally. Izaya still seemed to hesitate, even as he, in turn, begun to talk.
"Why didn't you?"
"What was there to hate?" Izaya shrugged, suddenly looking annoyed. Strangely, it felt as if he has had this kind of conversation countless times before, and though Shizuo didn't know it, he really did. Convincing people not to hate the blond, what a pain when the people this time were Shizuo himself...
"I never hated you. You were human, and quite an interesting one, at that. What I didn't understand was why everyone else seemed to hate you... and what I don't understand draws me in." the raven smiled lightly, bitterly. "I suppose that was my downfall. Getting interested in you."
Shizuo opened his mouth; he had a lot more questions than that; more, now, in fact; but Izaya's raised hand and weary look stopped him from asking.
"...I've had enough. For now. I'm tired, and I want to do some work now." Izaya said, surprisingly honest. Shizuo nodded simply, and watched the raven drive past his couch once more, back to his room. And yet, despite them barely talking at all...
It somehow felt better than it did before. Like, though thin and fragile, a thread of understanding between them has been created.
Well then, Shizuo thought, grabbing his bag and finding some fresh clothes there, changing quickly and brushing his teeth in the bathroom, washing his face while at it as well.
I better find out where I can get all of us some breakfast.
Bunokura Town, September 2016
Noon
It was... both surprisingly hard and surprisingly easy to slip into coexisting with the three people living in the royal suite of the best hotel in Bunokura. Breakfast has been delivered to them right as Shizuo was getting ready to go out and buy some things; and surprisingly, it was meant for four people. It seemed that no matter what he said, Izaya took care to make the blond comfortable here, and at least fed.
Haruto and Himari got up soon afterwards, and Shizuo delivered Izaya his breakfast on a tray, together with some green tea; both he silently exchanged for the empty pizza tray by the raven's door, though the moment he tried to tell Izaya that he didn't need to stay cooped up in his room, the door got closed into his face.
Ah, well, what could you do.
The rest of the day went on peacefully enough. Himari sat down with a book, and Haruto wanted to play again, and before he knew it, Shizuo got sucked up into playing with the boy and making the girl tea with cookies, exchanging a few words. He didn't even notice when the noon came close, and Haruto said he was hungry. Not feeling like being cooped up in the apartment any longer, Shizuo knocked on Izaya's door, waiting for the reply that never came to let him know whether the man was listening or not.
"...Izaya?"
Silence. Really? Again?
"Look, I thought I'm gonna take the kids out for some pizza or something for dinner... maybe for some walk in the park."
"...go ahead."
"Thing is, Haruto wants you to come, too. So, uh... do you wanna...?"
"I have work, so no."
Shizuo sighed, and for a moment, thought whether he shouldn't push. Then again, last time he tried to push, Izaya just clammed up again.
"...fine. I'll get you some dinner up there too."
"Please, for the love of god, let it not be pizza."
Shizuo couldn't help it; he laughed.
"It won't be pizza. I promise."
A/N: first off, I am sorry to everyone reading this story for how long it has taken me to update. I really do not have much in terms of an excuse, other than that real life has been a bitch, and with it, the motivation to write faded and disappeared in time.
That having been said, I'm back now; I can't promise I will be here regularly, but I will at least try. And for that, I would like to thank one person.
