Cat's Cradle
Chapter Eleven
heartbeat
"There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment."
― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever
~Cat POV~
"Ms. Valentine? Hi I'm Carly Shay, and I'm your therapist. Come in please." A young woman, about my age says to me. She's absolutely beautiful. Long ebony hair, and beautiful chocolate eyes.
I follow her into a lavender room with tons of books, and paintings. I can't help but look around as I enter.
"I'm sorry, I've been meaning to tidy up a bit." She apologizes, giggling in embarrassment.
"No! It's beautiful." I reassure her, picking up a picture off her desk. It was of her and a blonde woman. They were in their teens, and they were smiling. The blonde looked familiar, like I've seen her before.
"Please take a seat right here." She says pointing to the couch, and I do just that. "So I read your file..."
I looked her in the eye when she said this. That means she knows everything. I'm just waiting for her to judge me, like everyone else.
"and you are an amazing and strong woman Caterina. May I call you Caterina?" she says to me, smiling sincerely.
I nod and smile back. She has this bubbly personality that reminds me so much of Cat, who I used to be, I almost tear up. "Thankyou Carly."
"What's on your mind? Speak to me." She says scooting closer to me, and looking me in the eye. I hesitate at first because I've never really spoken to anyone about this before. Someone I don't know atleast.
So I tell her everything. My life in highschool leading up to what happened, and the aftermath. I told her about Robbie, Jade, and Erin. I just let it all out. And when I stop I look down at my shirt. My red blouse is drenched in tears. I hadn't even realized I started to cry.
My neck and face is wet all over, and the tears keep falling. Personally I don't think I've ever stopped crying. I've always been crying inside.
"Nothing that happened is your fault Caterina. It's never been your fault. It's his. He did this to you, and he could've done this to anyone else." Carly says to me, putting her hand on arm. "There is nothing with you. Your red hair, your pink clothes, your stuffed animals, they're who you are. Don't be ashamed of it. He should be. He ripped it all from you."
"It's hard though. I've tried to convince myself that I-It could have happened to my friend Tori, or Jade. Or anyone, but the fact that he knew me. I confided in him, he knew my weaknesses and he used them against me. If I didn't have them I wouldn't be here." I sobbed, wiping at my face.
"We're only human Caterina." She says to me, trying to assure me of the fact.
Robbie said that to me once. And that's when my mind goes back to yesterday.
"Caterina what has you so wrapped up? I can see it on your face. Tell me, you can trust me."
"I saw Robbie again. Yesterday. T-there he was on the beach, like a figment of my imagination. I could hear my heart beating, and it felt like it's never beat before. It felt foreign, but it wouldn't stop. Instead it sped up, and I couldn't catch my breath. And I'm looking at him, and he's looking at me." I whimper, crying more at the memory. I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"I felt my daughter Taylor take my hand, and I ripped my eyes away from Robbie to look at her, and she just has this look. Like she knows how I felt and what was going through my head at that exact moment. She smiles, and that's when I look at Robbie 's walking towards me, and he's wearing a white shirt. He's just walking with that little girl holding his hand, and I wanted to melt. He's so close to me now, but he's not stopping. My head followed him, and when he walked past me that's when I realized we will never be the same. We won't get the start over that I've been waiting for all these years."
Carly just looks at me. Kind of like how Taylor looked at me. Like I was an intense book that she just wanted to keep reading.
"Do you blame him for walking away?" She asks me.
"I don't blame him for walking away, I'm sure it hurt. He loved me. He loved me more than anything he's ever known but I told him to leave. I begged him to, I didn't want him around. He was going to help me, he was going to be good to me, he was going to make me smile again. I know that, I do. But it was never about him, it was about me. I was the one who wasn't going to be good to him. I would've screamed and shoved him every time he touched me, and cried whenever I realized that I had nothing to fear. I would've cried because I know that I won't ever know the difference between Lane and anyone else. I see Lane when I close my eyes,and I'm fighting it, I'm trying, but I can't stop him. I can't stop any of it. This nightmare will always follow me. It's another one of my weaknesses."
"I have weaknesses too you know? Everyone does." She says to me calmly.
I rolled my eyes at this. This talk about how it wasn't my fault really pisses me off, because I know the truth! I know it was!
"Has someone ever used it against you?"
"My best friend died a month ago." she says quickly, looking me in the eyes. No emotion on her face. "She had cancer, and I knew the time was coming, but I wasn't ready when it did."
I look at her in shock, I didn't know what to say.
"Death was always one step closer you know? It knew how much she meant to me, and how much I loved her. It knew I would be crushed if she died, but it took her anyway. I cried at her funeral and the whole week after that, and I never cried again."
"Carly. I, uh, I'm so sorry. I had no right to s-"
"It's okay. You didn't know." Carly interrupts me, faking a smile. "But enough about me."
"What was her name if you don't mind me asking?" I say before I'm able to think it over and stop myself. "Oh my God! Don't answer that! I'm so sorry!"
Carly forces a laugh, and smiles again. "Samantha Shapiro."
Oh. My God.
"Wait. Shapiro?" I say again, my voice cracking as my heart beats in my mouth.
Carly nods looking at me in confusion. "Her husbands name was Rob Shap- Oh my God."
"Oh my God."
"Robbie was married to your friend? T-they have a daughter?" I ask, flabbergasted.
"He told me he was going away for a while, but I didn't know he was coming here. I can't believe this." Carly says, running her hand through her hair.
I can't believe this happened to him. He has such a kind heart, and good soul. He married her, he truly loved her. They have a daughter, and now he's alone.
"I just wish I could talk to him. Let him know I'm here for him, and I always will be. I just want to tell him I'm sorry, and that I miss him so much. I miss him so much Carly! I know I made a mistake, and that we could've worked it out, and I'm so sorry!" I cry, holding my stomach tight.
"It's been so hard! I just miss him so much! He was always there for me, but I haven't been there for him, and I-"
Carly wraps her arm around me, and I sob into her chest.
My eyesight blurs, and my mind goes into a mantra screaming his name. And the only thing I can hear is the sound of Carly's heartbeat.
duh dun duh dun duh dun duh dun duh dun duh dun duh dun duh
A/N- YAY! Carly's in the story now! woohoooo! I don't like Carly's character in iCarly, but I like how her character will attribute to this story.
So yeah! I hope you liked it! I'm sorry if it's short! No beta, excuse mistakes!
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I remember when I started "Cat, Interrupted" in 2011, and I was just hoping people would read it and like it or even love it! And people did, and now I'm writing the sequel and you all love it too, and I just, thankyou so much!
Your making my dreams come true. :)
Because you guys are awesome I'm gonna try to make this story 30-40 chapters long or even more! It all just depends on what I come up with next!
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