AN: Lyrics are from Sarah McLachlan "Sad Clown"
"Are you certain?"
Gweniel sighed; they had been over this too many times to count. While there was nothing that she wanted more than to sail with Legolas, she had a promise to keep.
"Legolas, meleth you know I cannot," she said sadly. Seeing that he was about to protest she picked up her hand in a silencing gesture.
"What if it was me?" she asked quietly enough so that Gimli who was waiting in the ship could not hear. "What if it was me instead of Arwen? What if you had died as Aragorn did and left me alone? Would you not want someone to be with me, to help me through my loneliness?"
"I would want someone with you," Legolas said just as quietly. "But why does it have to be you?"
"Who else would it be? Her brothers? They never understood the choice she made and she has not seen them in over a year. I know her better." she said sadly. "I understood her choice then, and I understand it now. Even had I not promised Elrond, it would have to be me."
After a long pause, Legolas nodded. They both made the Elven gesture of farewell, hand to heart and then reaching out to touch each other faces, their hands lingering on the others face before stepping back.
"Go now," Gweniel, said. "Go now or you never will."
And she stood and watched long after the boat had vanished down the river to the Sea, before mounting her horse and setting off at the fastest possible pace.
Just as she had done so many years before she was riding a horse named Epona. And once again she was riding to her friend who was almost like a sister's aid.
…
The Lothlorien that she walked through was not the Lothlorien of her memories. There was silence instead of music and the great forest seemed deserted. The only familiar sights were the great trees. Those at least had remained unchanged. The emptiness made the already vast forest seem larger and she felt small in the loneliness. It proved her instincts right however. This was the place to come to when you had lost all hope. This was the place to die. Arwen would be here, in the very heart of this loneliness. All she had to do was find her. A task that was easier said than done considering the amount of space she had to look in and the short time available. Unless Arwen was where she suspected she was, Gweniel was faced with an all but hopeless task. A task she had promised Elrond she would fulfill. Undomiel, she thought, quickening her pace, please be where I think you are.
She was right; Arwen was exactly where she had thought. She was on the hill where she and Aragorn had pledged themselves to each other all those years ago.
"Undomiel."
"What brings you here?" Arwen asked. "Can I not die in peace? And why do you call me by that name? No one has for years and years."
"In the order of your questions," Gweniel replied evenly, "I did promise both your father and Estel that I would be with you in your time of need. And no, I do not think I could let you die in peace as you call it. You will die regardless; at least you will have a friend by your side. Last, well, that is your name after all. There are just the two of us here. You can be the Evening Star again. Is that not who you are, especially now in the twilight of your days?"
"If you ask me to leave," Gweniel continued, "I will go. I will leave right now and take ship. However, I do not think that you will be able to say that without lying. What is the answer?"
"How do you always know?" Arwen finally asked. "How do you always know what to do, what to say, when to say it. How?"
"Well," Gweniel said a hint of a smile on her face, "a lot of it comes from listening to other people instead of talking."
"It is today no?" she said soberly. "It was today all those years ago when you and Estel pledged your troth. And it is today you will die."
"How did you know?"
"I guessed the first, and after that the second was easy. And today is the last day of winter. I knew you would not spend another spring without Estel."
Arwen nodded. "Then you will do me one last favor?"
"What?"
"It is foolish, " Arwen said, "but I remember when you would sing people to sleep. Do that for me?"
Gweniel nodded. "Of course." Quickly she thought of a song.
A time so haunting moonlight in the mist
Lay me down beside you as long as it lasts
From the river comes a figure drifting slowly by
Trailing along the water, leaving softer than a sigh
Softer than a sigh
All the feelings they remain like a still life
A dying swan song forever lost your cries of glory.
The rain is falling down like silence in a shroud
When all the really matters is left to lose
I'm all alone
I'm alone.
All the feelings they remain like a still life
A dying swan song forever lost your cries of glory.
Walking from the shadows, a feel of sadness grows
Your heart is in your hand your knowing looks
Our time has gone
My time is gone
Swans dying song
