Hello, everyone! Now that my break is over, I'm back and as hyper as ever! I know this isn't the 14th, but I thought that was a weekend. It wasn't. So here it is! Again, I'm sorry for the wait, but I have a lot of projects to work on, and I wanted plenty of time to work on them. Don't worry, though. Updates will occur weekly all this month!
Now then, COMMENT REVIEW TIME!
Katlover12: I get a huzzah?...This is amazing. And it was worth the wait?...Double amazing. You know that Rarity'll make her wear the dress...But hey, you can have cool dresses. Think that one chick from RE4. What's her name...Ada? Something like that. Look her up.
LostHero171: Nudge and Angel, and maybe Total. The rest? yeah, not gonna be great.
Elia the Huntress: And I repeat: oh yes. Oh yes indeedy doodle.
Dr. Device: yep, those are fun even when the humans like the clothes. When they don't? Even better.
Alexis Hyde: Wait, didn't it have magic ponies? *flips through book 3* I could have sworn they were somewhere in the Itex model shoot of nightmares. Right between Duncan-Heinz arm man and the Gator Guys. Oh well. Thanks for the like! It means a lot.
TazmaniaLizard: I have plans for Flamenco...Whether they are good or bad, you'll have to see.
xXIllusionFoxXx : No. No it won't.
Hell Executioner: Sorry, expo's gotta happen. I promise, once the action starts, it'll be great. thank you for being patient, and glad you liked it to some extent.
Now...LET THE STORY BEGIN!
It went on that way for a surprisingly short amount of time. We'd just stand there, looking bored, as one flock member was plunked on the ground and another one was dragged over to the dreaded flowery pedestal of eternal embarrassment. Occasionally, we had to duck as the poor bird kid got a little extra air and set course for our heads. Once she was done with the patterns, I thought Rarity would let us go. I was dead wrong.
Angel had just been sent soaring back to where we all were standing, face aglow (literally) with excitement. Well, at least she was enjoying this. I could tell by the sour look on Iggy's face that he most definitely wasn't, probably because Rarity, in her haste to transform a pattern for him, forgot to take into account how tall he was. I bet his shin would have a nasty bruise in the morning, although I suppose he was better off than the mannequin he had hit. Rarity wouldn't be modelling anything other than hats on it for a while.
Anyway, once Angel touched down, I did a quick head count, then added one for Total. All flock members, safe, accounted for, and not glowing blue. "Ok, guys. I guess that's it." I said hopefully. I turned and started moving-very slowly- towards the door. "Now, who's ready to-"
Out of nowhere, a yellow measuring tape flew through the air like a hot dog balloon letting its air out and wrapped around my wrist. I yelped and shook my hand, trying to get it off. Have I mentioned that I don't like snakes? Well, I don't. And this thing was basically a snake.
"Oh, no you don't!" Said Rarity smugly, trotting around until she stood in front of me. "I need to measure you all, next." A few more tape measures danced behind her like they were alive. Again, very snake-like.
I sighed as loudly as I could. "Do we have to? Can't we just tell you our sizes?"
Rarity frowned. "As easy as that would be, I doubt the size measurements in your world match up with ours. I mean, I have to take into account the fact that you only walk on two legs. And, of course, you're all as tall and slender as willow trees! I can't say that's a bad thing, though." She signed wistfully. "I'd love to know how you do it."
I raised an eyebrow. What do you know? Ponies that can fly easier than a paper airplane and lift things with magic powers, envious of bird-kid metabolisms. Fancy that. "It's the bird half," I said, thumping a fist to my chest. "We burn calories like nobody's business. Great for getting rid of those pesky ounces after the holidays." Oh, if only she knew what I wouldn't give to have pesky ounces to get rid of one once in a while.
Rarity looked interested. "Why, that's fascinating!" she said, looking over my shoulder for some reason, but still talking to me. "So, you're all really half bird?"
I shrugged. "Actually, only two percent bird, but hey! Wings are wings."
Rarity chuckled. "Yes, quite. I'm sure Rainbow Dash would agree with you on that." She stepped back for a minute, then clapped both front hooves together gleefully, which must have taken some killer balance. "Alright! All done!"
I blinked, confused. "With?" I said, leaving the end open so she could fill me in.
Rarity chuckled again. "Measuring you, of course!" she said. The measuring snakes-I mean, measuring tapes- flew back to her, along with a quill and paper pad I haven't even noticed. The pad was covered numbers and other fashion jargon. When had she done that?
I hated to admit it, but being able to do something like that without me noticing was pretty darn impressive. "Well, well, color me impressed," I said, giving a little mock bow.
Rarity blushed tomato red right through her fur. "Why, thank you! I've always found it easy to do things like this quickly, but I suppose that's why I got my cutie mark in fashion in the first place!"
Whoa. Wait. Cutie mark? Dumb name alert, dumb name alert. Do not laugh. Do not laugh.
I managed to turn my typical snort into a cough. "I'm sorry; did you just say, 'cutie mark'?"
Rarity looked confused. "Of course. Why do you-"she made a little 'oh' of understanding. "Terribly sorry, Max. I forgot you aren't from around here. A cutie mark is a mark that every pony receives as they're growing up. It appears when a pony discovers their special talent." She turned and showed her own mark: those three little blue diamonds. "Mine represents fashion and my ability to find hidden gemstones."
Oh, this was just too much. A world of talking ponies in Magic Marker colors, with wings, horns, and a mark on their butt that showed what made them special? And I couldn't insult them? At all?
Not everything in life is meant to be laughed at, Max.
Whoa. There was a sound I hadn't heard in a while. Voice, you can't honestly expect me not to laugh even a little at that.
Yes, I can. Self-control is important in new places, Max. Don't make enemies were you could make friends. Life is easier with friends.
I rolled my eyes internally. Sure thing, Master Yoda. You have fun with that. Where have you been, anyway?
No response. Of course. This is why you should never have voices in your head, kids. They blab when you want them to shut up and never answer simple questions.
Rarity's voice brought me back to earth. "Are you alright, Max? You look a little…flushed."
My face must have been beet red, what with the combo of me thinking back at the Voice and trying not to laugh about the- oh no. I shouldn't have thought of that. There was another laugh coming. I could feel it down in my hollow bones.
I thought about the worst, saddest things I could. Itex catching us. Jeb betraying us. Nudge after Project Runway and three cups of coffee.
I managed to get my humor levels down to manageable. I took a few deep breaths. "I'm fine," I said. "Who do you want to measure next?"
Rarity seemed grateful for the topic change. "Anyone will do. Send over who you think should go."
I grinned maliciously. "Sure thing," I said innocently, sauntering back over to where the flock was hanging out, drinking tea and chatting like real, well-mannered, one-hundred percent human kids. How I hated to spoil their fun, but…
"Fang!" I singsonged. He looked up, and he must have recognized the evil look on my face, because he flinched. "Your turn!"
His face darkened even more than usual. He didn't say anything, though. He was off, skulking like a shadow to stand next to Rarity, who seemed even whiter next to him. Instead of staying to watch Fang stare down a unicorn, I turned to talk to Nudge.
"So, Nudge," I said causally, trying to sound like I just wanted to make small-talk. "Was Rarity's pattern a dress for you?"
Nudge looked at me curiously. "No, it was just for casual stuff. A shirt and pants. Why?"
Oh, that was so not fair. Nudge gets casual clothes, and I have to play Cinderella with a magical unicorn as a fairy godmother? "No reason."
Nudge shrugged, then went back to chatting with Angel. Now that my faith in the universe had been thoroughly shattered, I went over to Gazzy and Iggy. "Hey, guys. How are you holding up?"
Gazzy looked at me sadly. "Not that great. I mean, everyone is pretty nice here, but everything is so…I don't know."
"Girly?" I suggested. "Colorful? Revoltingly adorable?"
He nodded glumly. "Try all of the above. I mean, they have princesses. Pony princesses, Max. I don't know how much longer I can go without either making a mean joke or blowing something up." He looked at me hopefully. "Hey, do you want me to-"
I cut him off. "No, I absolutely do not want you to whip out one of the bombs from the endless supply stuffed in your undies and make these ponies hate us. If something needs exploding, I'll come to you first. Promise." I turned away from his grumbling face and spoke to Iggy. "What about you, Igs? How are you managing?"
If looks could kill, I would've been thirty-six feet under from the look he gave me. "Not too great. Things are happening so fast, and no one will stop to tell me anything other than, 'Hey, talking horses!' How did we get here? How are we going to get home?"
I sighed. "I wish I could tell you. I'm sure if these ponies knew anything, they'd tell us. They don't seem too big on lying over here in fairyland. And they already said they were going to try and send us back."
Iggy still looked mad, but he gave me a grudging nod. "While we're talking about this, can you tell me what everything looks like? All Gasser told me was that there were ponies, a gingerbread house, and a giant diamond castle. Not too much to go on. A three-year old kid's Christmas party would be about the same."
Well, at least he was still cracking jokes. "Well, it kinda looks like a medieval parade. Little thatched-roof houses, dirt roads, gardens, the works. Lots of ponies in lots of colors, doing normal stuff, or at least as normal as you would expect. Talking. Gardening. Drinking milkshakes outside little cafes. It's actually pretty average, in a bizarre kind of way."
Iggy frowned. "Freaky." He looked like he wanted to say more, but at that moment, Fang materialized behind him and tapped his shoulder. "Your turn to get measured, Igs."
Iggy opened his mouth to protest, but right at that moment, Rarity called over to our group. "Come along, Iggy, darling! I do have the most splendid idea for your clothing, and the sooner you agree, the sooner we finish!"
Iggy shoulder's slumped in defeat. Silently, he trudged towards the unicorn. I looked from him to Fang. "So, how'd it go?" I said.
Fang didn't even look at me. "Not too bad, actually. She asked me about what colors I liked to wear."
I smirked. "Let me guess…black, black, and more black?"
"Right in three," he said. He was quiet after that. I didn't ask any more questions. I just stood there and waited for Rarity to finish.
After about twenty-five more minutes, in which Rarity measured all of us, including Total, much to his surprise, she called us all over. "All right!" she said happily. "Now, I want you all to follow Fluttershy to the castle, so I can get started on these!" She held up the patterns in her magic and sighed, a starry look in her eyes. "Oh, they are going to be simply spectacular!"
On that frightening note, she hurried us all out of the shop, with Fluttershy in the back. I had completely forgotten she was there. Dang, that was one quiet little pony.
Once we were all out in the open, I realized that it was actually pretty late, even though it hadn't seemed like such a long time inside. The sun had set completely, and the moon was high up. And-I squinted to make sure- unless there had been something weird in those pastries earlier, I could swear that the stars were moving.
I elbowed Fluttershy. "Hey, are the stars moving, or am I just really tired?" I said. She eeped adorably when I touched her, but recovered fast enough. "Um, no, you're right, Max," she said. "The stars are moving."
I waited for her to finish, but she didn't say anything else. I sighed. "Care to explain why the stars are moving?"
She gulped loudly. "Um, how about we wait until we get back to the castle? I promise I'll answer any questions then."
Before I could answer, Total came running up. "Sure thing, Miss Fluttershy!" he said, before giving her his best puppy eyes. "Whatever you say!"
While I oggled at Total's sudden personality transplant, Fluttershy giggled. "Why, thank you, Mr. Total," she said sweetly, giving him a pat on the head. I thought the poor dog's tail would fall off with how hard he was wagging it. "You certainly are a polite pup."
I figured he would at least huff at her referring to him as a 'pup' but Total didn't even flinch. When Fluttershy started walking in the direction of the castle, he was right behind her, chattering away and frolicking like a deer.
I stared, then turned towards the flock's resident mind expert. "Angel, any idea why Total's acting like such a…a…"
Angel finished for me. "Dog?" She grinned sneakily, a face which made me proud and terrified at the same time. "He really likes Fluttershy." She pointed at the retreating yellow pony. "And apparently, Fluttershy really likes animals."
I thought back to what Rarity had said about cutie marks, then struggled to remember Fluttershy's. Three pink butterflies. Huh. I would have guessed it had something more to do with butterflies, but animals worked to, I guess.
I waved a hand. "Come on, guys," I called. "Time to go and sleep in a castle."
