12
April 30, 1997
Harm was staring up at his ceiling, unable to sleep. It had been a few weeks since their night at the Willard. He had danced with Ensign Sims and Mac, mostly Mac, and for some reason he was still thinking about it.
"I know this is like dancing with your sister," she had said.
Technically, that was what she was. His sister-in-law. But she was so much more than that. He didn't think about her like that. Of course she was Tally's aunt, but she was his co-worker as well, and a fellow officer. She was his friend.
Very rarely, he would look right through her Marine uniform, and see Diane. But he could barely remember the last time he had done that. It had been weeks, probably months already. When he had picked her up, his heart had skipped a beat when she had come into sight; her hair slicked back, the elegant black dress hugging her figure in all the right places. And he had responded as any man would have. He had just seen a desirable woman; a woman to date, to get to know better.
This definitely meant that 'seeing her as his sister' was not even near the list.
But the Princess had made a very smart observation while she was here. His wedding ring. His wedding ring had been there since he'd said "I do" to Diane. Most days he didn't think twice about it. But it had been three years since her death.
He had to admit that it had been convenient. Nobody would question his marital status, and he wouldn't have to explain. To the outside world, he was still married. And in his heart, part of him had been, all this time, too. But Mac was right. If he didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone, he had to get back into the dating pool at some point. And no such thing as getting back out there with his ring still on his finger.
But he couldn't just take his ring off. It represented an important part of his life, and if he was going to take it off, he wanted to tell her. So, in the very early hours of the day, Harm found himself sitting in front of her gravestone.
"Hi, sweetheart," he said. For some reason, he struggled to find words. He cleared his throat. "I've been thinking… It's been three years since you left…" He swallowed and started again. "You know I've loved you, right? That Tally loves you?"
He paused, deciding to be blunt. "I'm going to take my ring off, Di. It's time to move on, I guess. And I know that you'd want me to be happy, even if that means that it will be with someone who isn't you. It took me a while to wrap my brain around it, but I do now. It just felt weird for a long time, I guess." He gulped. "I've loved you for a long time, and both Tally and I have been so lucky to have had you in our lives for as long we did… But Tally deserves a mother, someone who is going to be there for her, someone she can talk to. And I would like to have someone to come home to, as well. Eventually. Not that there's someone waiting, but I would just like to see how this dating thing works again, and I need to figure that out on my own, without hiding behind us and what we used to be." For a moment he was silent. "Don't hate me for doing this, all right? It's time to deal with the situation best I can. And I promise that I won't introduce Tally to anyone, unless it becomes serious. So, that might take a while, you know I'm terrible with hints." He had to smile at the memory. "I remember a not so blind date set up by you and Keeter."
In fact, Diane had enlisted Jack's help after dropping hints with Harm for weeks. In total male fashion, Harm hadn't noticed, so Jack had forced the issue and set them up on a one-sided blind date. "We were good together, Di," he whispered. There were days he wondered if they had been great together, but decided not dwell on that. No marriage could be perfect. "I will always cherish that. And I will tell Tally how wonderful you were, when she's really old enough to understand. Every now and then she'll slip up, and get confused, and still call Mac 'Mom'. I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, though. Having Mac here is good for her; someone to look up to, to feel safe with, too, I guess. It helps of course, that Mac is family to her. They're so much alike it sometimes scares me."
Harm sighed. "Maybe I'll fall in love with someone who is just as wonderful as you were. Maybe a bit more headstrong, because we both know that wouldn't hurt. Wish me luck, please?" He pressed his fingers to his lips and then to the cold stone. "I did love you, Di, don't forget that."
An hour later, back home, for the first time in almost nine years, Harm slipped his ring off his finger and put it in the box where he kept Di's rings. Maybe Tally would like to have them once she was old enough.
Not only did his finger feel bare; for a moment he felt relieved. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Perhaps it had.
