The exams took forever. Kate agreed to everything the nurse asked, and finally, everything was over. There were no orderlies in her room; no worried doctors. Her rape exam was over and she felt new respect for the women who went through things like this.
She had wanted company during the rape exam, but didn't know how to ask for it. JJ was so heavily pregnant; she didn't want her standing so long and while Garcia would never have said no, Kate also felt that her bubbly friend would also simply rather not.
And Hotch.
He'd barely looked at her since they'd escaped from the woods together...Touched her, yes. His hands were all over her; resting gently on her shoulder while they talked to the medics, holding her hand during the ambulance ride and gently touching her arms as she was taken inside.
She hadn't known how to ask him to stay for it.
As she dozed, there was a knock at her door. "Come in," she immediately called, and Garcia poked her head in.
"Hi, can I—Yeah, you just said I could," she whispered, hurrying into the room. "Oh, Katie. How are you?"
"I'd be better if you didn't call me Katie," Kate joked, and Garcia's eyes lit up with tears.
"After everything, you still have your sense of humor," she whispered, moving closer. "I am so sorry that this happened to you."
Kate shrugged, letting Garcia's hand slide into hers, and she gripped it tight, like the lifeline it was. "I don't know, I don't know if that's how I feel about it. I feel kind of numb, like it had to happen. And now we've got so many leads on the other buyers and sellers. We'll get to close it out, everything."
Garcia made a strangled sound. "I hate hearing you talk about so positively but I guess you have to keep your sanity," she whispered.
Kate nodded. "You...a man shot you once, didn't he?"
Garcia closed her eyes against the memory. "Yeah, he did."
"Can you honestly say that you don't forgive him? Because I know you, Penelope."
Garcia sighed. "I guess...maybe along the way I did forgive him."
Kate smiled weakly. "I'm not saying I forgive them but I am saying that I learned something. And that maybe it was inevitable. I...I don't know if I believe in God, but there was a priest I once knew. He always said that God would only allow evil if he knew that good would come from it. That's how I feel right now."
Garcia nodded solemnly. "Maybe you're more right than you know," she whispered. "Listen, as soon as you're feeling up to it, I want to smuggle some chocolate in here so what's your favorite brand?"
"Dove. Could you smuggle in some cat videos too?" Kate asked. "I've been dying to watch some kittens skidding around corners and making impossible jumps and getting caught in the curtains."
"You bet," Garcia said.
JJ slipped inside her room next. Kate wondered if there was a limit placed on visitors that she didn't know about or if the team was just spacing it out themselves.
"Listen, JJ, do I need to give another statement?" Kate wondered, after a few minutes of talking.
"I'm not sure," JJ said. "You'll have to talk to Cruz, I know that."
Kate sighed. "What's new on that front? Am I...is Hotch in trouble?"
JJ shrugged. "Not yet, as far as I can tell. Cruz didn't bat an eye during the whole investigation, it was obvious that he was just holding back until the end of it. Now that it's over...I suppose he will be talking to you two soon."
"How tough is he?" Kate asked. "I've heard that Strauss really cracked down on things like interteam relationships, but I haven't heard about anything like that in regards to Cruz."
"Matt's a great guy; there's no doubt there," JJ said, her voice a bit wistful. "He'll be fair. And if that means asking you to step down..."
"I'd do it," Kate said. "You guys need Hotch more than you need me."
JJ moved her hand to Kate's forehead, as if feeling for a fever.
"What are you doing?" Kate wondered, after a moment.
"I don't know, checking your temperature," JJ said. "I just need that extra confirmation that you're okay, you know?"
"I think I might," Kate said, a lump in her throat.
Reid came in next, holding one of Garcia's many electronic gadgets: a brand new I-Pad.
"I just remembered why I hate these things," Reid muttered, before closing the door fully behind him and walking forward. "Hey, Kate. How do you feel right now?"
"Physically, mentally or emotionally?" Kate asked.
"How about all three?" He asked gently. "On a scale of 1 to 10, with one being the worst."
Kate sighed. "I don't know. Maybe a four physically, because I just can't feel right now, so it's weirding me out. A five mentally, and a three emotionally."
Reid nodded. "Why such low scores?" He asked, after a moment.
"I thought you'd ask that," Kate said. "I think it's because I don't know what's going to happen. To me, to Hotch, to the Unit. I can't believe I let myself do such a stupid thing."
"As the puzzling saying goes, it takes two to tango," Reid said gently. "I don't doubt that Hotch knew exactly what he was getting into when he started...things with you."
"That doesn't mean either of us were prepared for the consequences," Kate whispered.
Reid nodded. "I know a lot of really good therapists, psychologists who deal with victims of trauma. You'll need someone to talk to, someone who isn't on the team, and beyond just the guy you'll talk to to get recertified for the team. Just let me know 'when' and I'll give you their names."
Kate nodded. "I will," she promised. "Thanks, Reid."
He stood up, demeanor quiet. "Kate...too many good friends have left this unit simply because they couldn't handle it anymore. I...I don't want you to be one of them."
"I don't want to be," she said.
He looked at her; his gaze was intense. "Then don't let yourself," he whispered. "Really let people in. Tell us when it's too much."
"I know," she told him.
Reid nodded.
Rossi came in next, looking a bit out of place. "Hey, it's my new partner in crime," he joked, pulling up a chair. "How'd you let yourself get in here?"
"I tripped over my own feet," she joked back.
"It's always terrible when that happens," he replied solemnly. "Oh, god, Kate. I can't believe we let this happen to you."
"You didn't let anything happen to me," she replied fiercely. "I don't blame anyone. Not myself, not God...maybe not even the Zorgens." She shifted on the bed. "What do you think of me right now?"
"I think you're a smart, hilarious, beautiful woman who would do anything to make the right thing happen," Rossi said.
"And...you don't think less of me for...?" Kate trailed off.
She could tell that Rossi saw the pain in her eyes and he reached for her hand, massaging it between his. "No, never. As I said, you always try to do the right thing. So I don't think you having a relationship with Hotch is wrong in any sense of the word." He then winked at her. "Besides, the main reason there are so many anti-fraternization rules in the FBI...and the BAU in particular...that might be because of me."
"Rossi!" She protested, letting herself laugh with him, and it felt so good. "Thank you for that," she panted, after a sustained moment of hilarity. "For a moment there, I was afraid I'd never laugh again."
"Oh, Hotch wouldn't let that happen," Rossi vowed. "He may not look like it, but he knows how to make people smile. I promise, Kate."
She smiled. "Do you...what do you think will happen to us next?"
Rossi shrugged, his hand slipping from hers. "I know that I will fight a very good fight before either of you is taken off of the unit," he said. "Now I think that Cruz needs to talk to you before visiting hours are up, so let me just slip away." He pressed a kiss to her hand, and smiled. "You're safe, Agent Katherine Callahan. That's enough for all of us right now."
She didn't really know Cruz; their paths hadn't crossed enough for her to have an opinion of him.
Nevertheless, despite the good stories she'd heard about him, a panic seized her heart when he walked in. "Hello, Kate," he greeted, his face unshaved and his jacket messy.
"You look like you've been up all night," Kate said. "Hello, Section Chief Cruz."
"Call me Matt," Cruz said, shaking off the title. "How are you feeling? Up for another interview?"
"I'd rather do it tomorrow but I guess we should get it over with...my memory is freshest now, I guess," she said.
He smiled as he sat down in one of the chairs next to the bed. "We can talk for a few minutes first. Don't be scared of me right now, Kate, just because I'm here in my official capacity. I promise you that I'll be fair and I'm definitely not judging you on the decisions you made concerning one Aaron Hotchner."
Kate opened her mouth to speak but Cruz shook his head. "Don't bother. I've gone over your relationship with Hotch. I don't need anything from you on that front. I just want to talk about the kidnapping ring."
Kate's eyes widened, wondering what this could mean. "What did Hotch tell you?" She blurted.
"That doesn't matter, because that doesn't need to be addressed yet," Cruz said. "I promise you that no decisions have been made on that front. Can we talk about California now? Bakersfield?"
Kate sighed. "Okay. Let's talk."
Cruz's interview seemed to take forever but she appreciated the extra pains he took for her.
Finally, he departed from the room, patting her shoulder before he left. "You did a good job, Agent Callahan. Don't forget that."
Now she was alone again, heart aching with the renewed pain that Cruz's digging into her memories had brought up.
The door opened. She didn't turn her head, she just felt tired.
"Hey, Kate," a voice greeted and she smiled just from hearing him.
"Aaron," she said and suddenly he was at her side, taking her hands in his. His eyes drank her in, as if cataloguing her.
"Hi," she whispered shyly.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" He wondered, his hands moving over her covered legs for a moment.
"I haven't lost my legs, if that's what you're wondering," Kate sighed. His touch was emotionally healing, at the very least. His hands went up to her hairline, caressing her head, and she leaned into it.
"I love you," he breathed. "I didn't know how much you meant to me until after I got your text." He shook his head. "Pepper."
She sighed. "Cruz said you talked to him about us, that I didn't need to add anything," she began.
Hotch nodded. "You really don't have to worry about it," he said. "Neither of us are in trouble."
She bit her lip. "Hotch, I don't know...I don't know if I can keep going like this."
"What do you mean?" He wondered, brushing his thumb over her lower lip.
"I need time," she said. "To heal."
"I know," Hotch agreed. "You can take all the time in the world. Please don't think you have to hurry back to work...come back when you're ready. And..." His gaze darkened for a millisecond. "It's also okay if you're never ready."
"I'll be ready," Kate promised. "You don't need to worry about that. JJ's got, what, a month left? I'm not going to rush myself but I'd like to be back when she goes on her maternity leave. There's no reason for you guys to be down two agents."
Hotch smiled. "You sound so much like your old self," he whispered. "I'm so glad it didn't change you..."
His smile froze, and so did his hand. "You...Are you really okay with what happened to you?"
"I'm sure that all will out eventually," she whispered. "I've seen so many women suffering from PTSD that I don't doubt it will come eventually. But for right now...I'm fine."
He nodded. "So what's this all about? What are you trying to tell me?"
"I want..." Her voice trailed off. "Can you...you guys still have Donna in custody, right?"
Hotch nodded, his gaze growing serious.
"I don't know if I can look at her again," Kate said, voice breaking. "I don't know if I could handle that. But...I need you tell her something for me. Aaron, Kyle saved my life. Just tell her that. That in the end..." A sob almost choked her. "In the end, he did the right thing. Give her that comfort, Aaron, please."
"Of course I will," Hotch promised.
"And the other thing..." Kate began.
"What is it?" Hotch asked, voice tender.
I want to break up. I still want that. I'm sorry.
"It can wait until tomorrow," she finally decided.
He nodded, trusting her.
"Just why didn't you tell me, Kate?" He asked, his hand tightening on hers. "Why did you just avoid everything?"
"I would have told you, I wanted to, but I was afraid for your position," she said.
He shook his head. "I chose you," he said. "That night on the airplane, I saw a clear choice and I made a gamble, Kate. I'll stand by that. No matter what."
She nodded.
"I want you to promise me something," he said. "Before I go. If there's ever...ever...a time that you just need to talk...or take a break...just say so. I've made this offer before. I stand by it, Kate."
"I..."
He raised an eyebrow. "Pinky swear," he said, solemnly raising his smallest finger.
She raised her own and linked it with his. His touch was like fire, and she was so afraid of getting burned.
"Pinky swear," she whispered.
She was beginning to think that he wasn't even there, but about ten minutes before visiting hours were over, Derek Morgan slipped into her room. "I got caught talking to some people," he apologized. "I'm sorry for taking so long."
"I don't mind, it's just that visiting hours will be over soon," Kate said.
"I know a doctor," Derek said slyly. "She'll let me stay after hours."
"Okay," Kate agreed, laughing. "You're in good with the staff, huh?"
"Definitely," Derek said. "Damn, Kate. You look too good after being tortured. How do you do that?"
She sighed. "I've seen myself in a mirror, and no, I don't look that good."
"You do," Derek said. "You're at your most beautiful. You've got this glow, Kate."
"I don't believe you," Kate continued.
"Yeah, well, okay," Derek said. "But you do."
He straightened. "I need to say something," he said. "I...I should have had your back, Kate. I shouldn't have let the ring matter drop. I shouldn't have let you slide into the cracks." He sighed. "I've failed the people I love too many times in my life. I was so scared I was going to fail you."
"Hey, you could never fail me," she said. "No matter what. I know that you'd always try your best, forever and always."
He nodded. "I couldn't bear to lose the one short brunette that I know," he said.
"You had to put that in there," she groaned, and he just laughed, brushing his hand over hers. "I've gotta be going," he said. "Savannah gets off her shift soon and when she does, I'll have no one to protect me from the nurses trying to kick me out. Stay safe, Kate. Is...Is Hotch staying with you?"
"No, he has to get home to Jack," Kate said. "Jessica couldn't get out of something."
"Got it," Derek said. "In that case, I'll have an extra word with your guard."
"He's only a 'just in case' measure, right?" Kate asked. "Because I really don't think anyone is coming after me."
Derek nodded. "Just in case. We want to keep you safe, Kate."
"I know," she whispered.
The words hung in the air long after he was gone.
And she did know. She could feel the bond that knit this team together and it was one made of love...of respect and joy in each other's lives...
And it would be what helped her to heal in the end.
THE END
Summary for the sequel to Tick Tock (Yes, I still have more planned, but it just made sense to move it into another story.) :
Title: Pinky Swear.
Summary: They both know that they have healing to do. For the sake of the team, Kate and Hotch break off their budding relationship after the events in Tick Tock.
A/N: Just to clear up something, Derek's line about Kate glowing does not mean that she's pregnant. She isn't.
