Thanks to Yoshishisha for the beta


November 15, 1991

They trudged into the apartment that he had taken to calling as home in the past few months. Flicking on the lights, he gestured to Tonks, "Go on the balcony, I'll make us tea."

"Can we have firewhisky instead?" She asked somberly.

Grimacing, he nodded in confirmation.

Tonks sat with her legs tucked in on the comfortable bench they had placed on the balcony. Remus sat down beside her, handing her a glass of the amber liquid.

For few moments, they both watched the setting sun. 'It is bad luck to watch the setting sun' his grandmother had told him once. But because of the way sun threw an orangish hue over the small field adjacent to their apartment, making everything look calm and serene, Remus didn't care much.

Suddenly, he felt Tonks pressing her face in his shoulder and her arm creeping to his waist from behind.

Sighing, he said: "I know... believe me I know..."

"It's just... I always wanted him-and others too- all of them to get good homes and parents they deserved but... I never thought that it would be so hard to say goodbye to them." She spoke, her voice muffled with sadness perfectly evident in it.

James- the little boy from the orphanage - was getting adopted. A childless muggle couple from Wales had applied for his adoption. The rigorous procedure of the adoption was almost complete and just few formalities remained. If everything went well, James would have a new home by the day after tomorrow.

Although they were happy that he was getting what every child should have, it wasn't easy saying goodbye to him. Over the course of time, the boy had grown upon them and they both were deeply fond of him.

Caressing her hairs, he assured her, "He'll be happy- more than he is here."

She nodded in a subdued manner and then said: "I wish we could have adopted him instead."

Remus stiffened immediately. "I am afraid… that's not possible..." He trailed off, words failing him as a horrible sinking feeling gripped his chest.

"It's not as if it's not possible but it's not feasible at the moment... not just economically but from all aspects. I was talking hypothetically of course, I am too young to adopt anyway... but I just feel bad that I don't want to let him go... He's like a younger brother I never had..."

She is talking hypothetically, Remus reasoned, I should let the matter drop here...

He should have kept quiet he knew, he should have simply kissed her and should have assured her that James would be fine, but he couldn't keep his silence. He couldn't give her false hope. She needed to know his all realities.

"I am not just talking about right now, Dora. I am talking about forever." He said with a heavy heart. "It won't be ever possible with us- with me." He specified. Fault wasn't in her, it was in him.

"What do you mean?" She raised her head from his shoulder and looked at him bemusedly.

"A child... it will never be a possibility for me... adopted or not."

She chuckled lightly. "Remus... I said I am too young to bear the responsibility of a child..."

"You are now. But one day, you'll get older and will want-"

"Remus, who knows what will happen after eight-ten years? Why think about it right now?" She shook her head in agitation.

He had a feeling that she understood what he wanted to say, but was determinedly choosing to ignore the implications.

"That's what you always do, when it comes to me. You stall it to the future. You are like... 'We'll see when it comes'... but you don't understand that time does not stay still. One day you will be well settled, you'll want a family… you'll want a child of your own... something which I can never provide..."

"Why is that? If we are being abstract, then I think you'll be a wonderful father despite your monthly illness."

"That's a different matter entirely. No child of mine will be healthy. He will carry my blood, my infection... to think that I can knowingly transfer my condition to another being... an innocent child at that?" He shuddered involuntarily.

"Why are we getting so worked up about something that's not even a possibility right now?" She sounded irritated and withdrew her arm from his waist.

"But it will be some day. You are doing it again Dora." He sat up straighter and placed his glass on the ground. "You are willing to go blind whenever it comes to me. Why can't you see that I'll never be able to provide you with a normal life?"

Placing her elbows on her knees she massaged her temples with her index fingers. "You give me headaches."

He smiled sadly at her. "You don't really have an answer to that, do you? You know I am right. And I know you wouldn't want to bring a child into this world either, who will have to suffer with... unbearable pain every full moon..." He felt nauseous at talking about the painful destiny of the non-existent child he would never father.

"I understand what you are trying to say Remus." She started and he heard her controlled voice. Though whether she was controlling anger or sadness, he couldn't say. He felt bad for burdening her with a new realization when she was already distressed. "I see what full moons do to you...it saps your energy...the physical pain. And I understand your reluctance to have a child of your own. But there must be other way... adoption for example. There are so many unfortunate children that need parents."

"You think a child will be fortunate enough to have me as a father? Dora, don't even get me started on that... my family will always be on the brunt of prejudice... that aside, no one wants to give custody of a child to a werewolf. And before you say, I am talking about muggle community as well. I haven't had a steady job for as long as I can remember. You cannot explain to muggles that you are an Auror. The only way to convince them is to confound them and the laws and rules we will be breaking? Need I mention? Hurdles… hurdles... that are all you'll get...with me."

"What do you suggest then?" She looked up with challenge in her eyes along with a touch of despondency in them. "We should move our separate ways? Because of children that don't even exist?" Her voice reached an octave higher.

A monster sized hand gripped his heart at her question.

He had often found himself thinking these days that he should let this relationship go before they were deep in this. But then another comprehension would dawn that they were already too deep in this. There was no turning back.

"Just answer my concerns." He finally said, no longer able to look in her imploring eyes.

She leant back and stared ahead. "I understand what you are trying to say." She repeated. "And I probably don't have any answer or solution to your concerns... but... there's one thing I know... and I may sound weak or even pathetic for saying this... but for me, there's no longer a life without you." She looked at him, her hair hanging limply around her face, her lips twisted in a sad smile. "So may be after years... I'll be- we'll be without a child, but I'll have my family if I have you. I have come to rely on you so badly... it might be silly because it's just been few months... but I have never been loved this way before... So if you think separating is better because then I can have some ideal family and life, then you are wrong. I'll never be happy without you. And I don't know why, but I am sure about this." She looked away again and absent mindedly rubbed the bridge of her nose.

He stared at her. It was right, there was no returning. Whether or not they remained together, they would end up falling, they would get hurt. And the reason he had started to loathe himself day by day was that he had dragged Tonks into this. He had always been destined to lead a wretched life, but he had dragged another person into this.

Love was a funny thing. He had loved every person differently in his life. He had loved his parents, his friends- with different intensity. He loved Dora in a way one would love their soul mate. And if he would have ever believed that there was a soul mate for him, he knew that Dora would hold that position. But the idea of a girl like her- pure and innocent- being the soul mate of a werewolf was absolutely ridiculous and heartbreaking.

Somehow, in twisted ways of destiny they had met and had ended up becoming such an intricate part of each other. He lived for her. She was the last thing he saw at night and first thing he saw in the morning. When she was there, he would feel whole, with a sense of peace. When she was not there, his time passed with waiting for her. He had become so used to her, that he had forgotten all about his life spent without her.

"I am going to sleep." She spoke quietly, scrubbing her eyes.

"I was going to start dinner. It's barely seven." He replied worriedly.

She shook her head. "I don't feel like eating right now, I am tired..."

"If you'll fall asleep early, you'll wake up at some ungodly hour."

"It's okay, I'll see. I need to sleep."

"Dora-" he started, but she had already stood.

"You eat okay?" And with that she left, touching her hand lightly to his cheek.

Night had fallen around them.


November 27, 1991

"... Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor dress..."

Dora's voice washed over Remus's ears through his sleepy haze as she read George Eliot's Middlemarch to him. His head was comfortably nestled in her lap and she had strategically placed the covers and blankets around him, creating a warm cocoon for him. She had her back to the headboard as one hand held the book and the other stroked the hair behind his ear.

Winter full moons were especially harder on him. The chill of the atmosphere made his bones stiff and thus they ached more in winters during the full moons. He recovered slowly in these months.

Full moon was an issue they had never talked about before.

He avoided talking about them because he wanted to protect her from the harsh realities of his transformation. It never helped someone to see their loved one in agony. He had no intention of adding an extra worry to her head. She avoided talking about them because she respected his privacy.

During these months they had been together, he would leave two days before the full moon arrived and would return two days after the ordeal was over. Overall, they were separated for about five-six days in a month.

While he was in obvious pain at that time, she wasn't at peace either. When he would return, he could see the worry clouding in her eyes and visible symptoms were the dark circles or her dull hair.

He knew the time would come soon when she would want to become a part in it.

And it had.

Her dam had finally broken and she had requested him to leave late and return early. She wanted him to leave just for the transformation so that before and after it, she could take care of him as she hated the idea of him being alone.

The reason for him to create the distance between them was clear to him. During that time he was so weak that he could barely walk. And the fact that he was always agitated and irritated didn't make things easy for those around him.

But this time she had fought and fought until he had relented.

And so here he was, lying almost dead lest it be for his beating heart and ragged breathing.

He caught her hand playing with his earlobe and brought it to his lips, kissing each finger. Just the small movement was laced with lethargy and exertion. "You...must be...parched...with all... reading aloud..." He mumbled through his sore throat.

"Not really. I am enjoying it." She kept the book aside anyway and bent to place kisses on the side of his head. "How are you feeling love?"

She tried to disguise the worry in her tone with affection. But this was his Dora, he knew her too well. She had been horrified when she had seen him leaning against the door, barely able to stand on his legs and pale as a ghost, with far too many fresh scratches and wounds. She had tried to be strong for him just as he had tried to be strong for her.

The one hour after he came back had passed in a blur, with her trying to fuss around him, feeding him and giving him pain potions, mopping his burning face with wet cloth and what not. He would never admit it, but it had felt nice. It had been years since someone had taken care of him like this. First it had been his mother and then it had been Poppy Pomfrey during the Hogwarts. But his relief at being loved and cared had vanished when he had heard her carefully muffled sniffles in the bathroom.

However, when she had come outside, with a face absolutely fresh and clean, with no signs of exhaustion or crying, he knew she had morphed; morphed so that it would not hurt him.

It was heart touching- their efforts to protect the other from hurt- by concealing their true feelings.

Since then, she had arranged the bed around him and had catered to him by reading a book with his head in her lap.

It felt nice.

It felt wonderful.

He was home.

"Better..." He croaked out. He hated being so vulnerable, so weak.

"Hmm... Fever seems still quite high though..."

"Don' worry... 's normal..."

"Do you need anything?" She asked brushing his bangs away from his forehead.

He shook his head, cringing inwardly at the pain that shot through his neck.

He curled himself tightly into a ball, snuggling further into her, his neck straining as he bent his head.

"Okay..." She kept caressing his face and placing numerous tiny kisses on his forehead as if willing for the fever to go away through her loving touch. She placed her face above his lightly and stroked his jaw while his neck continued throbbing...

He marveled at how intimately she was able to touch him after he had been through such a degrading process. Days after the full moon, he would feel unclean and dirty and would often feel as if the malicious wolf lingered on him.

Her soft breath seemed comforting to him and acted like a balm on his aching body. Her rhythmic breathing started lulling him into sleep…

"Remus!" She exclaimed suddenly, immediately withdrawing her head. "God you are bleeding!" The alarm in her voice woke him up from his sleepy daze and he craned his head lightly to look around, wincing loudly as a pain shot through the back of his neck.

He saw in silent horror as thick red liquid dripped from his neck and soaked the sheets around them.

His blood.

His dirty werewolf blood.

Scrambling to his feet, ignoring the way all his muscles ached in protest especially the searing pain in his neck, he gathered all the soiled sheets. He absently saw Tonks standing to her feet as well.

"Remus-"

"I-I am sorry, I didn't mean to-" He fussed as his weak hands were unable to grasp the sheets in a proper grip.

"No, listen-"

"The wound must have re-opened-"

"Remus, please-"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to stain them-"

"Remus-"

"I'll wash them right away, the stain won't remain-" He finally had all the sheets and covers in his arms. She had used all the available ones to cover him, to keep him warm and he just had to freaking bleed on them. What a wonderful way to pay her back.

However just as he had taken two steps towards the door, Tonks voice halted him.

"REMUS!"

He looked at her startled and a little scared at her sudden outburst.

"Will you listen to yourself?!" She shouted as her hair hairs crackled into life by turning bright orange. "I don't give a damn about the sheets! You are fucking bleeding. YOU'LL BLEED TO DEATH!" She screamed and burst into tears, snatching all the covers and sheets he had managed to gather in to his arms.

"Incendio!" She pointed her wand at the covers and cried out the spell.

He leapt back in alarm as she set fire to the whole bundle and the flames roared, touching the ceiling. For a moment the flames and her hairs looked of same color and he wondered if her head had caught fire.

Thanking gods that he had his wand in his pocket even when he was resting, he immediately tried all the spells to quell the fire- aguamenti, scourgify, evanesco- as the place appeared on the verge of burning down.

The air around them considerably cooled as the fire was extinguished and vanished into nothingness.

Still staring at her in alarm, he was startled when she spoke to him.

"Sit!" She pointed towards the edge of bed. When he hesitated, it seemed to make her cry harder and angrier. "WILL-WILL YOU SIT DOWN?!" She sobbed out.

He immediately obeyed like a lost puppy, almost falling down in the process. As the rush of adrenalin dimmed, he got aware of each aching body part especially his neck.

"Accio medical kit!" She summoned her first aid, tears falling down her face steadfastly, and her magic rigorous as the kit came flying from another room at the speed of a firebolt.

Sniffing and hiccoughing loudly, unable to control her cries, she rummaged the kit and took out the bottle of Dittany. She unbuttoned his shirt like a pro and took it off his shoulder, throwing the bloodied garment in the corner.

She cleaned the blood with a spell and he closed his eyes in despair as her tears fell on his shoulder, his own eyes stinging. She applied the dittany on the wound, which he couldn't for the life of it understand how had he acquired.

The wound sizzled as his wince and her sniffles filled the room.

Her chest continuously heaved as she sobbed, wiping her nose in her sleeve, not paying heed to her tears but concentrating on cleaning his wound.

She carefully bandaged the wound, placing numerous spell to secure it. His pain instantly dulled but the ache in his chest escalated. He restrained himself from rubbing his chest to relieve the pain.

He recoiled as he saw his blood on her hands.

She left the room and after few second he heard various utensils banging with each other.

After few minutes she again entered the room, her tears slowed but not completely stopped. He again resisted the urge to take her in his arms and to soothe away all the pain from her face.

"T-take th-this." She gestured to a glass of water in her hand. "It's diluted b-blood replenishing po-potion."

He took the glass without further question and he noticed that both of their hands shook.

Despite her aggression in her earlier actions, she tenderly placed her hand on the newly bandaged neck to support it as he tilted his head to drink the potion.

He placed the glass shakily on the bedside table as she made to leave.

"Dora-"

"What?" She whirled around, the pendant he had gifted her swirling around her neck with her movements. "You want to apologize for ruining the sheets? Want to offer to buy new ones? Because that's all I care about isn't it?" She spat angrily at him but he could see the hurt in her eyes.

"No..." He whispered and grabbed her hand with both of his, leaning on his elbows and placing the back of her hand on his forehead. "No..."

"How can you think you would matter to me so little, Remus? If I would be dying or hurt would you care about the mess I was creating?"

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he answered: "If you were hurt... it would rip my soul Precious... and that's what happening to you right now. Seeing me in this state, hurts you... and then it hurts me more..." He urged her to sit beside him. After some resistance, she sat stiffly.

"If I were ill, you would take care of me, wouldn't you?" She asked tearfully, as he continued to stare at her hand that he had clutched in his lap. "And you would be happy doing it. Why can't you assume the same for me?"

Shaking his head he replied: "If you were ill, it would go away Dora, it would go away with care and medication... but my disease? It's not going to get better..." He looked up with shining eyes. "It will keep getting worse with passing of time and you'll suffer with me too... you'll suffer as long as you are with me."

"What do you mean as long as I am with you?" She asked accusingly.

"Forever." He amended. He didn't know if he had said 'as long as' intentionally or if it had just slipped out. "You'll suffer forever with me."

"I'd suffer more if I were to leave you to your own devices." She replied, her face scrunching up again.

"Hey..." He touched her face with his roughened palm. He hated when she cried and he hated himself when he was the one to make her cry. "I am sorry..." And he wasn't apologizing for just now, he was apologizing for the pain that would accompany in the coming time. The longer she stuck with him.

"Yes, it hurts me to see you in pain. But it hurts even more when you think so lowly of yourself. It hurts me even more when you don't try to understand my love for you... your attitude towards yourself hurts me. Physical wounds would heal... but... I mean it would anger me if anyone would speak badly of you, because I love you. Imagine how conflicted I feel when you treat yourself this way?"

"This... has been rooted inside me for... years... as long as I can remember, it won't just go away."

"But you won't even try. And it breaks my heart." She pulled her hand away and covered her face with them.

All because of me, this all is happening because of me... If I stay, I hurt her... if I am away, I hurt her...

Thoughts echoed inside his mind as he carefully engulfed her in his arms. Her shoulders shook as she cried again.

Kissing her forehead he spoke: "I have made you so unhappy, I am so sorry... Please..." He thought about for how long she had kept these feelings bottled up inside her, how she must have suffocated within her own thoughts.

"Don't apologize..." She whimpered.

"No, I am sorry. I'll do whatever you'll say..." He pulled her hands away from her face and wiped away her now red face with his palm. Placing kisses on the tear tracks, he spoke in her skin: "I love you, so much... so much that it hurts, that it makes me crazy... I love you so much that sometimes I can't understand what to do. All I want is for you to be happy."

"I'll be happy if you can learn to love yourself..."

"I'll try. Whatever I have is all yours, all yours. I am all yours and I'll live the way you want me to; I'll do whatever you say..."

"You make it sound as if I am asking for a slave." She chuckled through her tears.

"Whatever you want. Whatever." He promised, joining their lips together.


December 3, 1991

They were happy.

He was as happy as he had been during his Hogwarts days, even more so. After his friends' death, he had never imagined that he would ever get a reason to smile; but in these past months, sometimes he would smile so much that his mouth would start to ache. Despite the little incidents of tension between them or the moments of self doubts, he was happy. And she was the reason.

Sometimes, it was unbelievable for him and he would often find himself asking that how was it possible for a woman to affect him so much. A smile on her face would bring a smile on his, a touch or a kiss would fill him with immediate warmth and he would feel as if he was worthy of love as well. Her faith and trust in him inspired him to work hard and well, to not to disappoint her.

As he craned through the shelves of Honeydukes, he thought how little gestures of love have come to mean so much to him.

Sometimes he would find love notes in the pockets of his trousers. Nothing elaborate just small pieces torn from the corner of parchments with simple messages like 'Just a reminder- I love you', 'Don't forget to eat your lunch' or even those touch on the dirty side that would make him blush while he would be stacking the piles of files at his workplace.

She would often eat from his plate when she was being lazy or would even take a sip of his tea without inhibitions, claiming it tasted sweeter. She saved her favorite desserts for him, saving it for him even if she was way too tempted to eat them.

Just when he would come out of shower, she would often stop him in his tracks and would take a long sniff by placing her nose below his ear, telling him that she loved the smell of him after shower.

He had taken to calling these gestures as tokens of love in his mind. And he would never take these gestures for granted.

He looked over at her disappearing form among the array of shelves, probably looking for her favorite coconut ice. This was their first outing in wizarding world. It was her odd day off and she had said that she missed Hogsmeade and wanted to pay a special visit to Honeydukes, having run out of her supply of sweets. She had wanted him to come with her. He had been reluctant for obvious reason but she had convinced him by saying that his lycanthropy wasn't a public knowledge and it wasn't as if they would be attracting special attention. Besides, it was a weekday and therefore place would be less crowded.

"Remus Lupin?" A soft female voice called out from somewhere behind him and he turned to inquire.

A woman of his age, bearing dark brown curls and brown eyes was peering at him with curious gaze.

"Helena?" He asked, equally surprised.

"Oh it's really you!" She exclaimed softly and suddenly gave him a one armed brief hug as her other hand was laden with goodies.

"You-" He was more than shocked as she was the last person he would have expected to see here. In fact he hadn't expected to see any face from his past.

"Yes! It's me. I never thought I would see anyone of you again." She replied warmly to him. He realized by that she meant his other friends as they frequently used to visit the restaurant she used to work at.

"Yes, well... I didn't expect it either. It's been a long time..." He replied, returning the smile.

"It's been what? Thirteen years?"

"Something like that."

She had grown quite gracefully he noticed. She looked mature with all vestiges of teenage innocence gone from her appearance. They had parted on good terms and it had been a mutual decision. They had decided because while they got along well together, deep down they both knew it was all fun and nothing serious. However, after their separation, they hadn't been able to remain in contact. What with him being heavily engaged in Order missions and her moving to a new city.

"I... heard about the Potters back then. I felt terrible, so sorry I wasn't there..." She looked at him sympathetically and touched his arm.

"Well, yes that was unfortunate." He replied back and was glad that despite meeting after so many years, so unexpectedly and given their history, it weren't awkward to talk to her. It was one of her charming qualities that she was capable of making even a stranger feel at ease around her. "That's awful lot to candies you are carrying." He pointed towards her bags.

"Oh, it's my nephew's birthday today and we are throwing him a party. All this is for his friends."

He nodded and she asked again: "Where have you been all these years?"

"Oh well... just been wandering I am afraid... never fully settled down..."

"You were always the restless one." She shook her head at him.

"What about you?"

"I well... you know I moved to California and then returned to London after... six-seven years... have been at the Ministry since then... presently I am personal assistant of Undersecretary... a lady named Dolores Umbridge... you might have heard of her." She told him as little blood fled from his face at the mention of his probable nemesis. The woman who had turned lives of people like him into hell.

"That's great..." He nodded somberly.

"Oh and I suppose you wouldn't know, I wish you would come with me- and you wouldn't believe-" She rushed in excitement.

"Easy Helena." He laughed. "One word at a time."

"I am here with my son and my husband, in fact it's our first family outing ever since he was born- my son I mean- he's just two months old, his name is Charlie."

"That's wonderful Helena." He beamed at her, feeling genuinely happy for her. "When did that happened?"

"Oh I married Roger back about two years ago... They are at the Zonko's, he insists on showing Charlie the shop knowing fully that he is way too small to understand anything. I believe he had gone for his own benefit."

"You seem happy. I am so glad for you."

"Thank you." She blushed and lowered her eyes. "By the way, what are you doing here of all places-?"

"Remus?" As if on cue, Tonks appeared stepping in hesitantly, her gaze switching between Remus and Helena. Remus saw as her eyes shifting to the hand Helena had placed lightly on his arm. He shifted away from it without being obvious about it.

"Er... Tonks this is Helena- my- er old friend-" He ignored the odd look that crossed over at Helena's features. "-and Helena this is Tonks-"

He worked his mind furiously. Helena was assistant of Umbridge and by experience he knew world was a very small place. "-my friend."

The timid smile left Tonks's face as Remus uttered those words.

"You are keeping an awfully young company Remus." Helena teased him good naturedly. "Nice to meet you Tonks."

"Hey.." Tonks mumbled plainly.

"She's ah- I am teaching Tonks here... charms... her cousin used to be my friend so, I-I just came here, she needed to buy some supplies." Remus finished lamely, realizing how fast he was digging his own grave. He could sense a huge row coming.

"Er, I'll be at the till, I need to pay-" Tonks halfheartedly gestured to the bag in her hand, looking none of them in the eyes and hurried away from them. He didn't miss the hurt and disappointment in her eyes.

"Hey, why don't you come and meet my husband and son?" Helena asked, completely oblivious to the pending storm.

"I-I would have loved to Helena, but I am running late as it is, maybe next time?"

"Yeah may be after another thirteen years?" She rolled her eyes sarcastically.

He chuckled nervously to hide his impatience. "No, I am sure we'll run into each other again someday. Sorry but I got to go. It was nice seeing you. Take care." He rushed and practically ran, not waiting for a reply.

"Excuse me, there was a witch here in blue hair-?" He inquired to the man behind the counter when he saw Tonks was absent from there.

"Eh?" The old man looked up from his newspaper, adjusting his glasses and focusing on Remus.

"A witch with short blue hair?" He almost snapped.

"She's gone I guess, apparated. Looked right pissed that one."

Remus ran without further delay.

He apparated inside the flat just in time to hear Tonks shutting the door of their bedroom behind her with a loud snap.

"Dora..." He placed his ears on the cool wood of the door. "Love, let me explain please..."

When she didn't respond, he unlocked the door with his wand, praying that she wouldn't hex him on sight.

Despite the shining sun outside, the room was plunged in darkness with windows shut, curtain drawn and lights off.

Hesitantly he flicked on the light and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed, with her feet clutched to her chest, her back to him.

Ever so slowly, he approached, but just as he was about to place his hand on her shoulder she growled out, reminding him of his wolf counterpart.

"Don't touch me."

And for a second he listened to her.

But then he threw caution to the winds and touched her shoulder anyway.

He almost could have felt her bristling beneath his palm under his touch.

"Dora..." He sat down next to her and started to put his arm around her, but suddenly he was pushed into the mattress with force.

"I said don't touch me! Why are you showing you care anyway? I am just a friend aren't I? Student infact? Because that's what you have been doing all these months... teaching me charms and it meant nothing to you..." She started with high pitch which by the end was turned down to a slow whisper.

"You know that's not true." He spoke helplessly as she strode to the window and crossed her arms.

"Do I?" She asked quietly. "Are you ashamed of me?" She asked abruptly in an even quieter tone that he had to strain his ears to listen.

"Ashamed of you?" He almost laughed at the absurdity of the statement. "Dora shouldn't it be other way round?"

"No." She glared at him. "You are the mature and wise one; I am the kid aren't I?

He shook his head. "You are wonderful, perfect, to me anyway."

"Yes, that's why the-the first friend of yours you introduced me to; you introduced me as your student of sort! And in fact she was your ex! Is that the reason you didn't want to-" She hissed in a hurtful tone.

"She's married Dora." He sighed and rubbed his face, leaning forward and placing his head in his hands.

"And that bothers you?"

He looked up in surprise. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Why would that bother me, love?" He asked gently. "I am happy for her, she has a son; she told me. I am seriously glad that things worked out for her, not that I gave her any thoughts in past few years. Dora, whatever it was, it was a passing fancy love, you know it..." He took a deep breath and continued.

"Before you came, she told me she was working for Dolores Umbridge. And if anyone is there who realizes that how world is such a small place, it's you and me... Ever imagined that what kind of coincidence it was that we, both magical people, met in an entirely muggle setting? I meet Black's cousin at a place where I don't expect wizards at all.

And I feared that... with you both in the Ministry, sooner or later she would come to know that you are an Auror trainee... and with Umbridge so obsessed on werewolves, you never know... how things would work..." He didn't elaborate further. She knew what he was trying to say, even if he knew that she didn't agree.

Tonks wasn't in favor of hiding their relationship even from the Ministry, but Remus knew better.

When she didn't respond and kept her eyes fixed on the drawn curtain, observing it with astute observation, he prompted: "Whatever I do, my Precious, is all for your own good." Even when I know your betterment is not with me, and for your life long happiness I should leave you alone.

"You know I love you Dora, you know."

"I am not sure what I know anymore, Remus. I am not sure if you even love me like you say."

Even though her words were quiet, they were clear and slapped him across his face so hard that he could feel the thudding of blood in his ears.

All the color fled from his face, as he stared at her, gob smacked.

He swallowed heavily and uttered a feeble 'Dora...'

She couldn't possibly believe that… after all these months, she couldn't possibly really mean that, could she? Had he really been that of a prat that the person whom he loved the most on earth and who meant the life to him, would doubt his love for her?

Her words were a huge setback to him and he could feel himself panicking. How could he make her believe, how could he make her trust him?

Did that mean that she didn't trust him as well?

He got up shakily on his feet and walked towards her. "Precious..." he wracked his brains to think of something sensible, to say something trustworthy, but couldn't find right words. One moment, his head would be buzzing with things to say and another moment, it went blank.

"I love you, I do. I have told you that so many times." He cupped her face in his hands, painfully aware of the coldness in them especially when they touched her warm skin. "And I have meant it each time I have said it. I have not been l-lying... whatever I have done... acted in a way you haven't liked... it's-it's because I care for you and I don't want you... I don't- I-I just love you..."

When she wouldn't look at him and kept staring away stubbornly, he felt as if he was about to lose her. He felt like it wouldn't be much longer before she said that she didn't believe him and wanted to end things. Tears of desperation gathered in the corner of his eyes though he was unaware of them. He could clearly hear the painful thuds of his heart.

"Nymphadora, please, believe me..." He made her look at him, urging her face towards him.

She looked at him and her hardened expression softened at whatever she saw in his face. Hesitantly, she touched his hands on her cheeks. "I-I am sorry, I just-" She closed her eyes as a frown appeared between them. "-I didn't mean it; of course I know you love me, you love me the most. I know... I am sorry, I don't know why I said it." She pulled him towards her and he pressed his nose in her hair as they embraced.

He waited for the relief to come from her words, but it didn't. The acute ache in his chest didn't dull. Nevertheless, he hugged her tighter, discreetly wiping his eyes with his fingers.

"I don't know what I'll do- if... if you cease to have faith in me, in my love." His voice was hoarse as he said it.

She stroked his head emphatically, pressing a kiss to the shell of his ear. "I trust you blindly... sometimes… I just say things... in anger or when I am upset... I don't mean them. Sorry."

He took a deep breath and sought comfort in her words and scent.

She kept holding him for a long time as his mind kept pondering over a single question.

How long until she lost her faith in him for real?


A/N:.

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. So there were seventy two visitors on the previous chapter and I got only three reviews! Come on! At least tell me what you thought about the chapter, it won't take much time I am sure. In fact I say if you are not logged in, drop me a review without logging in. It's very much appreciated.

adamantfire : I love long reviews so don't worry about that. I understand what you are trying to say though. One good thing about me is that while writing I realize where I am making mistakes or where it is becoming a bit too much. However one bad thing about me is that despite knowing I am unable to rectify it. Writing is something which gets out of my hand, once I start on something especially Remus and Tonks. I realize when thing becomes 'too fluffy' but the problem is that I already had formed a certain direction for my story and it proves difficult to change it at the last moment even if I know that particular plot is not going good.

That said however there's one thing I want to clear. I guess you were talking about while she was bitten right? So yes, when she is bitten- yes there is confession from Remus's part but not realization- because there nothing new to realize, he had known all along that he loved her. So he would confess, it was only a matter of time. Even if he was forced to do so.

Now, I hope you'll like this chapter and I will hope for an honest review on this as well. It is far from annoying :D

remusdora: Thank you so much. You have been a regular reviewer since my first fic and it means a lot. Though I think you might be a bit biased when it comes to my fics because you are a very strong RLNT shipper just like me :)

GinnyPotter6891- Thanks for the review :) I am glad you feel that way. These are just some small incidences through which I am trying to express the root of the problem. I don't want it to appear like they were in a relationship and one day Remus wakes up suddenly realizing he is ruining Tonks's life and leaves. I wanted to show that it was a slow building process.