aaaaah I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of reviews and sweet PMs I get for this story. I truly appreciate all of them and I'm beyond excited that everyone seems to love my brittana fantasy that I put out here:P For those who are reading my other fics, I'm really working on updates but I was just too excited about this one :) So the rewrite the date scene in this chapter to make it more brittana instead of Sophie. You'll see what I mean.
Enjoy!
Santana POV
I knew Quinn was talking to me, but somehow all my senses were shut off. My eyes were staring at the phone screen in my hand waiting for a reply from Lizzie. My ears were shutting out the lecture Quinn was giving me and caused her to talk even louder. My skin wasn't burning anymore, the tingles in my stomach were gone and the taste in my mouth wasn't the taste of Brittany. It was the taste of pure failure. I failed to tell Brittany how I feel when she gave me the perfect chance. I failed to protect her from running back in the arms of that heartless bitch. I just failed and let her slip out of my fingertips before I even had her. Suddenly I got shaken out of my own little world by the flashing of my phone screen and the vibration through my hand.
INCOMING LIZZIE: I'll be there ;)
Before I could reply, Quinn pulled the phone out of my hand and looked wide eyed at the screen.
''You're not serious about this right?'' She asked shocked while looking back and forth between me and my phone.
I rolled my eyes and made a move to take the phone back, but she quickly stepped back so I couldn't grab it.
''Give my phone back Quinn!'' I said irritated.
''Only if you cancel this thing with Lizzie, because it's fucking ridiculous! Why are you doing this? You're in love with Brittany!'' She said still looking shocked.
I knew this wasn't a good thing to do, I don't want Lizzie anymore. But somehow it's all I can think of to forget about Brittany, even if it's just for a couple of hours. I want this pain to stop.
''That's exactly the reason why I'm doing this. Don't you see? Brittany is probably sucking face with Sophie now and I'm not planning on feeling sorry for myself for the rest of my life because she doesn't love me back!'' I said and felt tears welling up in my eyes again.
''Who says she didn't go out with Sophie to tell her she doesn't want to get back together anymore.'' Quinn said and dropped my phone on the kitchen table before walking towards me. ''And how can Britt tell you that she loves you back, when she doesn't even know that you love her.''
''It's pretty fucking clear to me that she doesn't want me. You know how Britt is, she blurts everything out like it's nothing. If she loves me in the way that I love her, she would've told me that. Can you just please go away now, I have stuff to do.'' I said and brushed past her into the living room.
''You do realize that if you continue this disgusting booty call, you'll lose her forever.''
''Luckily I can't lose what I never had. I can't keep what's not mine and I can't hold on to something anymore that's not there. So like I said, it's pretty clear to me. '' I said and opened the door to make it more obvious for Quinn that I want her to leave now.
''You're making a mistake Santana. Please don't do anything with Lizzie, there are other ways to distract yourself. Come to my place, we can watch a stupid movie and stuff our faces with chocolate and ice cream.'' She said.
''There are only two ways to distract myself from the knowledge of Brittany with Sophie.'' I said.
''Which is?'' Quinn frowned.
''Sex.''
''Yeah I figured that one out.'' She sighed. ''What's the other way?''
''I don't know, never used that one.'' I said sarcastically and gave her a soft push towards the door.
''You know Santana..'' Quinn said in a defensive tone. ''I really wish you would grow a pair and just tell Brittany you're crazy about her. But I guess you don't love her as much as you say you do or you would man up and tell her.''
Before I could reply to that, Quinn walked away without any more lectures. I let out a long deep sigh and rested my forehead against the door. I closed my eyes to force the tears back that were trying to prick through my eye lids. All the feelings were messing with my head. I know that Quinn is right. It's my own fault that this is all happening this way, but the strength to fight the inevitable truth is just gone. Brittany doesn't love me and the only way to overcome that right now is to shut everything out and focus on something else.
I got myself together and walked towards the bathroom to wash my face. When I looked into the mirror I saw that my mascara was smeared over my cheeks. Feeling like a mess, looking like a mess. Just awesome.
I put on the water and stretched my hands out to let the water fill the space between it before throwing it over my face. The cool water caused me to shiver a little, so I did it a few more times and dried my face off with the towel. I looked back into the mirror and quickly averted my gaze. I don't want to look at myself right now and see the failure and broken heart. I don't want to see the shower behind me in the mirror and think back about the time that I was in there with Brittany. I don't want to see Brittany's pink toothbrush in the holder and think about that perfect smile. I don't want to see anything that's about Brittany right now. Unfortunately Brittany is everywhere around. Even if I close my eyes, I still see her in my mind. I still hear, taste and feel her. It's going to take a long time to get over these strong feelings. Honestly I don't think I will ever get over this feeling. I'll just have to find a way to put it away, far away. Especially if I see that Sophie monster walking around in this apartment again with that stupid smirk on her face.
I felt a shiver running through my spine just thinking about that and quickly tried to shrug it off. I grabbed my make up to put something back on and walked over to my closet. Maybe it's better not to wear a tight legging since it's pretty hard to get off. I don't want to waste any time talking to Lizzie and frankly I couldn't care less about what she has to say.
I decided to wear a short booty jeans and a tanktop. My hair was still all over the place and I tried to style it a little so I wouldn't look like a lion that's about to jump his prey. When I gave myself a final glance in the mirror, I plopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. Again I saw Brittany smiling at me in my thoughts.
''Fuck'' I growled.
I opened my eyes and started staring at the ceiling. Just like the white of the paint on the ceiling, my mind slowly turned blank. There's nothing to think about now and I managed to switch the feelings off. Before my thoughts could wander off again, I heard a few knocks on the door. It's time to make this all go away.
My body was moving on his own and suddenly I was standing in front of the door. I let out a deep sigh and put my hand on the doorknob. Somehow I couldn't open it yet. If I open this door now, an other door would close. Maybe that door was already closed by Brittany when she walked out of here towards Sophie.
I shook my head back and forth and opened the door.
''Hi.'' Lizzie smiled.
''Hey Liz.'' I managed to smile and stepped aside so she could walk into the apartment.
She was wearing a tight black dress with high heels like we were going to a fancy restaurant or something. She looked hot though, but when I smelled the perfume she always wears, all the irritations I felt in our so called relationship came back to me. I'm positive it's not a good idea to talk too much with her, because I don't think I could handle that right now without acting like a total bitch.
''Sooo..'' She breathed out and turned towards me. ''I assume Brittany isn't here?''
A sharp pain hit me again by hearing that name, but as soon as it came, it was gone again. I felt like I just took a few sleep pills or something and everything in my body just didn't respond to any kind of drives.
''No, she isn't''
''I thought so.'' She smirked and walked towards me. I just kept looking at her and forced my eyes to scan over her bare legs and her breasts so I would feel more motivated to do what I planned.
She was now so close to me that I could easily lean in to kiss her. She started playing with the hem of my tank top and looked up to me through her eye lashes. When I thought she was going to kiss me, she turned her head to the side and brushed her lips against my ear.
''Don't worry, she won't find out. I know why you texted me and I miss this too.'' She husked before sucking in the skin underneath my ear.
I took a sharp breath in and tried to calm myself down. I squeezed my eyes shot and forced my hands to wrap around Lizzie's waist while she started to kiss in my neck.
''Why are you so tensed.'' Lizzie asked and pulled back a little. I opened my eyes and stared into her blue ones. It were not the blue eyes that make my heart beat faster. Her blonde hair wasn't the blonde hair that feels like soft silk when I run my fingers through it. Her waist under my hands didn't fit in perfectly like the waist I loved to hold. There was nothing left of my feelings for this girl in front of me. Brittany took everything I have without even knowing it.
''Santana?'' Lizzie frowned.
''There's too much talking going on.'' I said and crashed my lips against hers.
Muffled moans filled the room as we stumbled towards my bedroom. I ignored the voice in my head that was telling me that I shouldn't be doing this but I kept going. I kept kissing and I kept my hands roaming over her body until I managed to get turned on and shut everything else out. When I felt the back of my knees hitting the bed, I turned us around and gave Lizzie a push against her shoulders so she fell on my bed. Maybe it was a little too aggressive but Lizzie just smirked at me and beckoned her finger.
I hopped on the bed and lay down on top of her before crashing our lips together again. Her hands on my ass started to pull me closer into her and I squeezed her breasts through her dress. I lowered my head and started to suck forcefully on her pulse point.
''Hmm.'' She moaned out. ''You're so good at that.''
I felt myself getting nauseous and started to suck and kiss all over her neck to force the feeling down. Her hips started to grind into my clothed center and my body reacted on it naturally. The pressure there felt good and I started to focus on that.
''Santana we sh..'' Lizzie began and I quickly lifted myself up to kiss her again. A moan vibrated against my lips and I pushed my tongue through it to deepen the kiss. Her grip on me tightened and suddenly my shirt was being pulled upwards. I stopped the kiss and sat up to pull the shirt over my head.
Lizzie licked her lips and her eyes darkened even more. I saw light marks appearing in her neck from my aggressive approach. Maybe I was little too aggressive, but I can't help it.
''How much time do we have before Bri..'' She began and before she could pronounce that name I leaned down and silenced her with my lips.
''No talking.'' I breathed against her and let my full body weight rest on top of her again. My thigh slipped between her legs and caused her to moan louder in my ear.
Even the sound of Lizzie's moans from the pleasure I was giving her made me feel nauseous. I felt disgusted by myself. Even though my head was managing to let go of Brittany now, my heart was holding on to it. I've had sex without feelings before, why can't I just do it now.
Suddenly she rolled us over and placed a quick peck against my lips before standing up from the bed.
''Where are you going?'' I asked confused and lifted myself up a little on my elbows to look at her. She walked towards the end of the bed and turned towards me with a seductive look in her eyes.
''It's getting hot in here, so I'm taking off my clothes. '' She smirked and started to sway her hips in a sensual way in front of me.
Meanwhile…
Brittany POV
I was standing in front of the mirror in the girls bathroom of the restaurant. I don't know how long I've been standing here staring at my phone, but Sophie is probably wondering why I'm taking so long. My phone never went off, or vibrated to let me know I had a text message. I hoped that Santana would've called me or texted me that she wants me to come back home. When I left I could see in her eyes that she wanted me to stay. I could see that she squeezed her hands to fists when I pronounced Sophie's name. She always does that when she gets worked up about something and tries to hold it in. It was the reaction I wanted to see. I wanted to see that she actually cared about the fact that I was going to Sophie. But when I asked her straight out if there's a reason I should stay, she didn't say anything. Even when I was about to walk out of the door, I asked her again and she let me go without a word. I didn't expect her to barricade the door or something and drop down to her knees to make me stay, but I expected at least something in the form of 'Don't go'. Maybe my mom wasn't right after all, maybe Santana isn't in love with me. Or maybe I should've just asked her even though my mom told me not to. Or maybe I should've told her that I think I'm in love with her. Or maybe.. The maybes in my head started to run through each other and I almost felt a little dizzy. I kind of used Hercules to get Santana to talk to me about it though, but it didn't help much either. So here I am, waiting for something from Santana while my ex is sitting a few meters away waiting for me. I decided to shake off these feelings and maybe actually enjoy the rest of the lunch.
I took one last glance at my phone before letting out a deep sigh and tucking it back in my purse. I made my way back towards the table where Sophie was and already eating her salad. Apparently our lunch was already served while I was away.
She looked up to me when I sat down again.
''What were you doing in there Britt? Trying to come up with a plan to let those screaming kids stop being a living hell?'' She chuckled and nodded towards a table with four little kids and their parents. The kids were screaming and laughing with each other over a funny shaped piece of bread and started running between the tables.. A small smile formed on my lips by the cuteness of it and I turned back towards Sophie.
''I think they're cute.'' I shrugged and took a sip of water.
''They're annoying as hell.'' Sophie said and pretended to shiver. ''Maybe I should just go there and ask the parents to let their kids shut the fuck up.''
''Ssh what if they hear you. Just be nice, it's not that big of a deal.'' I said.
''Okay I'll ask them kindly to please shut the fuck up. That better?''
This was the part of Sophie I never really liked. She's always so rough on things and which I on the other hand just find cute or sweet. She's always a little on her edge, but luckily with me it wasn't that bad. Still it bothers me that she can be so rude about things or other people so easily. A beautiful face and a great body will never substitute for an ugly attitude and a hateful heart.
Santana can be like that too sometimes, but with Santana it's always a lot more innocent. It's almost funny how Santana handles some things without really being mean to someone. Santana would never say something like that to kids even though I know she finds the loudness of some of those kids irritating as well. While Sophie started talking about something that happened at school, my wind wondered off back in time when I was in an other restaurant with Santana.
Flashback
''So I was just saying to Rachel at work that I found out about Lord Tubbington's drug addiction and she just laughed at me.'' I pouted.
''Well if you hear about someone's cat being a drug addict for the first time, it's a little shocking I guess.'' Santana chuckled.
''Why? He smokes too so it isn't that weird.'' I shrugged.
Santana looked at me with a big smile and shook her head in amusement.
''I believe you Britt.'' She winked and took a bite of her food. ''We should drop him off at a cat rehab so he can also stop his food addiction and grow a sixpack.'' She smirked.
''Now you're just making fun of me.'' I tried to pout but the laugh in my throat already made its way out. Santana started to laugh too and snored lightly which caused me to only laugh harder.
''I'm sorry I'm not making fun of you, it's just adorable.'' She chuckled and took a sip of her water to clear her throat. ''But if you want me to kick Rachel's ass for not believing you, just tell me a place and time and I'll make sure to jump off the bitch town express.''
I laughed at her words and this time it was my turn to shake my head in amusement.
''You don't need to bring snix out, it's okay.'' I chuckled.
''If you say so, but the thing that's not okay are those screaming kids that are running around in here.''
I looked around and just noticed the three little boys and an adorable little girl chasing each other through the restaurant and passed our table while screaming out the amusement.
''They're cute.'' I smiled.
''I can't hear a damn word you say because of them.'' Santana said slightly irritated.
''Be nice San.'' I said and immediately her look softened.
''Fine.'' She sighed. ''Hey little buddies!'' She said a little louder and one of the little boys turned to look at her.
''What are you doing?'' I chuckled.
''Being nice and making this stop.'' She smirked.
The little boy walked over to Santana and the three others slowly followed him to our table.
''You want to know a big secret.'' Santana began and the four kids nodded excitedly with wide curious eyes. I just looked at the scene with a smile on my lips, not knowing what Santana was planning to do.
''Well I heard that the waiters here play a game, if little handsome kids like you guys stay silent for more than a half an hour, they give free icecream!'' She whispered like it was a big secret.
''Really?'' One of the little boys asked excitedly.
''Sshh not so loud.'' Santana smirked in a whisper. ''If they find out that you guys know about the game, they don't give you ice cream but vegetables!''
''I don't like vegetables.'' The little girl mumbled.
''I don't either, but if you stay very quiet you'll get an icecream!'' Santana whispered. ''But don't tell them okay.''
The kids nodded with a cute smile and looked at Santana as if she was a secret Santa Claus who just told them when the presents under the tree would be there.
''Okay now go back playing, but remember… sshh.'' She said and pressed her wisefinger against her lips.
''Thank you!'' One of the little boys whispered and they all giggled a little before walking away silently.
Santana asked for the waiter to come towards our table and told him to give the four kids an icecream over a half an hour and charge it on our table. The waiter nodded with a smile and walked away again. She turned to me with a big proud smile and raised her eyebrows.
''You're crazy.'' I chuckled.
''Just being nice like you told me.'' She chuckled. ''Now we can enjoy our lunch while I can actually hear what you say.''
Warm tingles started to spread through my body again as the smile on my lips turned wider thinking back about that cute moment. I unconsciously was playing a little with the salad on my plate when I suddenly heard Sophie talking again.
''Britt where the hell are you with your head? I feel like I'm talking to a wall.''
''Oh I'm sorry I was just thinking about uhm… about Lord Tubbington.''
''Don't tell me you still actually believe that your cat is a drug addict. It's ridiculous.'' Sophie smirked.
''It's not.'' I mumbled and looked down at my plate again. The more time I spend with Sophie the more I realize that I don't want to be here and the more I seem to think about Santana. I don't understand how I managed to be with Sophie while she can be so blunt all the time. Maybe I was just seeing through that because I needed someone to be with me.
''Okay let's not talk about that anymore okay. We're here for different things.'' She suddenly smiled softly and reached for my hand over the table. She started to stroke her thumb over my hand. I didn't feel tingles shooting through my body with just one touch like Santana can do. And now I noticed that Sophie's hands weren't as soft and comforting as Santana's were.
''I missed you, you know.'' She said.
''I uhm..'' I began but the rest of the words didn't come out. When I think about it, in the beginning of our break up I did feel that something was missing, but that feeling quickly got replaced as soon as Santana and I started the fake dating plan. Now I have that same feeling again, like I'm missing something and it can't be Sophie because she's sitting right in front of me.
''Here's the spaghetti ladies.'' The waiter suddenly appeared and placed the spaghetti plates in front of us. I was relieved that I didn't get the chance to finish that sentence because it wasn't what Sophie wants to hear I guess.
''Took you long enough.'' Sophie said with a disapproving look and I felt my cheeks burning a little when I saw the waiter looking a little insulted. He sighed without responding to it and walked away.
''I really don't like when you say stuff like that to people.'' I said softly.
''What? We're paying for the food and service. It's pretty normal to get your food before you've waited so long that your hair is starting to turn grey.''
I wasn't in the mood to discuss it so I started to change the subject.
''Look what I can do. It took me a little while but now I'm actually pretty good at it.'' I chuckled.
''Well I know one thing you're pretty good at.'' She smirked.
I ignored her comment and placed the plate with spaghetti and the meat balls right in front of me. I scooted back in my chair to lean down and started to roll one of the balls with my nose towards the edge of the plate just like they do in Lady and the Vagabond. After the ball was on the other side of the plate, I wiped my nose and looked up with a proud smile to see Sophie's reaction.
Instead of the smile I was expecting, she was frowning at me.
''You shouldn't put your face in your food, it's not something to be proud of.'' She frowned. ''Your face is dirty right now.''
I let out a disappointed sigh and started to wipe my face with the napkin. I kept my gaze on the meatball in front of me and my mind drifted off again.
Flashback.
Santana was making her favorite spaghetti while I was sitting on the kitchen stool waiting for it to be ready. The whole apartment already smelled really good and my tummy started to make noises because I was hungry. A few minutes later the spaghetti and balls were ready and Santana placed a plate in front of me before sitting down on the other bar stool with her own plate.
''Hmm it's so good.'' I smiled after a while when my plate was almost empty until there was only one meatball left with a few spaghetti strings.
''I know. I don't want to brag or something, but I'm one hell of a cooker.'' Santana chuckled and leaned back in the bar stool while rubbing her belly.
''You are.'' I smiled. Suddenly I got an idea when I looked at that one meatball on my plate again and it reminded me of another Disney movie.
''Okay what are you thinking about, you have that look again like you just discovered what I've bought for your birthday.'' Santana laughed.
''I'm trying something. Watch.'' I smirked.
I placed the plate with spaghetti and the meat balls right in front of me. I scooted back with the bar stool to lean down and started to roll the ball with my nose towards the edge of the plate just like they do in Lady and the Vagabond. After the ball was on the other side of the plate, I wiped my nose and looked up with a proud smile to see Santana's reaction.
She was smiling so brightly with an amused spark in her eyes and started to clap her hands.
''Really good Britt, you should've played in that movie.'' She chuckled.
''I guess so too'' I chuckled, '' You try it!''
''No I'm not a pro at moving things with my nose like you. It takes some kind of special talent'' She laughed.
''Pleaseeee. It's fun.'' I said excitedly.
''Okay fine, I'll try it.'' She said and rolled her eyes.
She took the same position as me and placed a meat ball on the edge of the plate in front of her. She leaned down to roll it with her nose and suddenly a fun idea popped into my head. Santana was rolling with her eyes closed so I softly put a little sauce on the plate in front of the meatball. When she rolled a little further, the ball went through the sauce and came into her nose.
''What the…'' She let out shocked and opened her eyes with the spaghetti sauce all over her nose. ''Brittany!''
I was too late with putting the spoon back in the sauce and I started laughing uncontrollably. Santana was still looking shocked at me until she burst out in laughing to.
''You're so going to get it now.'' She laughed and grabbed the spoon and dipped it in the sauce. I saw the naughty gaze in her eyes and I let out a squeal before standing up and running towards the nearest door which was the bathroom.
''Brittany you better open this door before I break through it!'' Santana laughed from the other side of the door.
''No, you're going to throw sauce on me!''
''I would never just throw sauce on you Britt.'' She chuckled. ''I just need the bathroom to get the sauce out of my nose before it comes into my brain!''
''That can happen?'' I asked suddenly worried.
''Yeah and it's really painful.''
I hesitated for a moment, but I decided to open the door to let Santana in the bathroom. As soon as I opened the door, Santana raised her hand and wiped it over my cheek. I felt sauce dripping all over my face and Santana started laughing.
''You're so easy.'' She laughed.
''You cheated!'' I let out shocked but started laughing again too.
''At least it tastes good. If I was in a bad mood, I probably would've thrown something much nastier on you'' She chuckled and wiped her thumb over the sauce on my cheek before licking it off in her mouth.
I remembered that my stomach hurt the rest of that night from all the laughing, it felt like I did a hundred sit ups. But I always have that with Santana, I always have such a comedic relief when I'm with her. Especially when she's being as crazy as I am. She would never judge me for anything that I do. She literally said that a few times to me; 'always be yourself, because no one is better than you'.
''Okay what's going on Brittany, you don't listen to a word that I say here. '' Sophie's words shook me out of my thoughts again. My mind was just so filled with fun memories of Santana or things that she does that it's hard not to think about it. I looked up to Sophie's frown on the other side of the table and realized that this wasn't the place I should be right now. Sophie isn't the solution to the emptiness I feel inside of me, it's Santana. A big smile crossed my face and I stood up from the table. I'm sure now, I'm in love with Santana.
''I need to go.'' I said in an almost relieved tone.
''We haven't even finished our food yet.'' Sophie said confused.
''I'm sorry, I just really have to go.'' I said and started to put on my coat.
''Are you fucking kidding me? First you cancel our date multiple times, even Friday a day ahead, and now you're leaving already?''
''What do you mean I canceled Friday, you wanted to change it into Monday.'' I frowned.
''Because you texted me you couldn't make it Friday.'' Sophie said irritated and stood up too.
I started to think back about what I did that day, but I really didn't remember texting Sophie that. Maybe I texted it while I was watching TV or something then I don't really process it. But why would I text that in the first place if I didn't had anything else to do that night.
''I don't know anymore.'' I frowned. ''Anyway I really have to go now.''
I dropped some cash on the table and started to turn around when Sophie pulled me back into her.
''Running back to your girlfriend? I don't think she would be happy that you're here on a date with me huh.'' She smirked. It sounded really mean how she said that and I only wanted to go away even faster.
''I don't think you could call this a date.'' I snapped back. ''and if you're talking about Santana, then yes I'm going back home. This was a mistake.''
Instead of replying, Sophie pulled me into her and pressed her lips hard on mine. Before I could process what she was doing, she pulled back and looked at me.
''Can you tell me if that felt like a mistake too?''
I wiped my hand over my lips and nodded. ''It was.''
''Fine.'' Sophie snapped. ''Then go back to that pathetic ass back home who'll only manage to get a job on a stripper pole later.''
''Don't talk about Santana like that! You pushed me away by yourself.'' I said before taking a deep breath in. ''Honestly, I miss the feeling of having a sweet person who would stick around after seeing me in every way I can be and not take me for granted. Someone I can tell everything to like a best friend, but cuddle with afterwards. Someone whose smile keeps me wanting more after I laughed for an hour straight. Someone who will never judge me no matter what I do and makes me feel proud about myself. And yes that someone isn't you, never has been, it's Santana.'''
With that I turned around to walk out of the restaurant as fast as I could. I didn't want to face another discussion with Sophie right now. I can't believe why I thought this would've been a good thing. How could I've been so blind. All that time I've spend with Sophie, should've been with Santana. It was probably already after that first kiss when we practiced for our plan. One kiss and my heart knew, I was made to love her. It only took a while for me to realize that too.
A few minutes later I was sitting in the cab on the way home. I'm not wasting anymore time, I'm going to tell Santana how I feel about her. I'm pretty sure she feels the same, I've seen it. It just has to be right? The cab stopped in front of our apartment and I gave the driver some cash.
I started to feel sick suddenly because of the nerves, desire and endless discussions in my head. I pressed my fists against my stomach to calm the butterflies in my tummy, took a few deep breathes in and opened the door of the cab.
Oh noooooo!
Let's hope Santana didn't do anything stupid!
