Chapter 12

A/N: Thank you for your reviews. They are wonderful to receive! This site has stopped showing the most recent reviews but I do still get them by email so please keep sending them! They will appear eventually when the site starts working fully again- this often happens. Thanks again and hope you enjoy this chapter x

"That's it … now the last letter," she instructed softly.

Charlie concentrated with everything he had, finishing the final 'e'.

The young boy and the Housekeeper sat side by side at the Servant's table.

"There you are now, you've written your name," Mrs Hughes pronounced, as Charlie beamed excitedly at his Ma.

Charlie had been at the Abbey almost a month now and the new Ma and son had fallen into a routine of spending an hour every afternoon on Charlie's reading and writing. There weren't many other staff around at this time in the afternoon, most were focused on their chores, therefore it was a good time to get some peace and quiet. Charlie would be starting school in a month or two, only a couple of hours per day to start with, and the Housekeeper was determined to give him a head start. They had focused initially on learning the alphabet and the sounds of each letter. Charlie certainly hadn't mastered all of those yet, naturally this would take some time. However, he had been desperate to write his name and so Mrs Hughes has written out his name lightly in pencil, in large letters, and Charlie had traced the lines with his pencil.

"Can we do it again?" he asked, as Mrs Hughes ran her fingers through his hair.

"We certainly can," she said, as she wrote his name another three times for him to copy over.

He was a bright boy who loved to learn, therefore he was very focused on his task. He completed all three in no time.

"Wonderful! Now, let's see if you can copy it without me writing it first …" Mrs Hughes said, as Charlie looked at her anxiously.

"Don't worry, just give it a try. I know you can do it Charlie … just use the ones you've already done and try to copy them," she said supportively.

He concentrated hard, looking at his previous attempts, and managed to reproduce his name. It was a little ragged but for a first attempt it was excellent.

"You did it. My, you are a clever boy," Mrs Hughes cheered, kissing his hair.

"I did it Ma. I did it!" he chimed happily.

Mr Carson watched from the corridor, unnoticed by the pair. A huge grin on his face as Charlie managed to write his own name unaided. The Butler felt exceptionally proud of the little lad who he'd grown more and more fond of each and every day. He didn't even deny it to himself anymore. He cared for the little boy. He cared very much for his mother too but that was an altogether more complicated notion.

The Housekeeper and the little boy did not notice Mr Carson at the window but an observant Cook did, as she watched him from the doorway to the kitchen. She shook her head fondly as she watched the redoubtable Mr Carson smile lovingly at the Housekeeper and young boy. Give it time, she thought. Give it time.

######

"Would you like a sherry?" Mr Carson whispered from the door to her sitting-room, holding the decanter in the air.

"I'd love one," she whispered in return, both mindful not to wake Charlie who was sleeping on her knee.

Mr Carson had been happy to note that their evening ritual of a sweet sherry or a glass of wine together had resumed; it naturally couldn't happen every evening but on most nights, they did manage to spend a few moments together.

"Still not sleeping on the sofa then?" Mr Carson chuckled, nodding to Charlie as he poured their sherry.

"I don't know why I bothered having that moved in here, he only falls asleep on it if I sit next to him and that defeats the purpose of this little one sleeping whilst I am working," she smiled, shaking her head happily.

"Shall we try and get him over there without waking him?" Mr Carson asked, they had managed this once or twice although Charlie seemed to have a sixth sense when he was being moved, even when apparently fast asleep. However, once he was settled in one place, he could sleep for hours.

"Yes let's, he's getting a bit big to be on my knee all night, as lovely as he is … he's a little bit heavy," Mrs Hughes joked warmly, kissing Charlie's forehead softly.

"Right then," Mr Carson whispered conspiratorially, ready for the challenge. Both chuckled.

Mr Carson lifted him from Mrs Hughes arms, holding their breath as Charlie began to stir. Mrs Hughes clenched her teeth willing him to stay asleep, as the Butler gently carried him across the room. He seemed to settle. She held Charlie's head as Mr Carson lowered him to the sofa. Just as they thought they were there, he began to stir again.

"Mmm … Ma …" he murmured, scrunching his face, as he rested back against the pillow.

Mr Carson's hands were still trapped underneath him; he didn't dare move them whilst Charlie was stirring.

"Shush now love, you rest and sleep well, shush, that's it, sleep well bonnie lad," she soothed, lulling him back to sleep.

Then she nodded to Mr Carson and they both stepped back ever so slowly, proud of their efforts.

"Who's have thought we'd be doing this a few months ago, eh?" she asked in amusement.

He smiled happily, neither daring to sit down just yet. They both continued to gaze at Charlie.

"You are a wonderful mother," he said fondly, not being able to contain the thought.

Mrs Hughes was stunned. It was so unlike the Butler to make such a personal remark, let alone such a complimentary one.

"I don't know about that …" she stumbled modestly, blushing at his words.

"It's true," he said sincerely, firmly.

Mrs Hughes starred at the Butler but he didn't turn to face her, not yet.

"Thank you, Mr Carson," she breathed, a lump in her throat.

And you are a wonderful father to Charlie, she thought, but of course she did not say it out loud. She couldn't. What would he think of her? You have no right to think of Mr Carson in that way.

"You are wonderful with him too. He adores you," she said instead. It was utterly true and in that moment she did not care if her words were overly sentimental. She wanted to say them at least once.

"I'm not sure why?" he pondered, turning to face Mrs Hughes at last and looking genuinely dumbfounded that Charlie had grown so attached to him.

Mrs Hughes gazed at the Butler. If anyone else had asked that question she would have thought they were fishing for a compliment and yet she knew this would never be Mr Carson's intention and she could clearly see the uncertainty on his face.

"Because you are a kind and good man. He trusts you Mr Carson and he looks up to you," she said tenderly.

The Butler gazed devotedly at her and she became lost in his eyes, lost for words. Oh, this will never do, she thought after a few seconds.

"Unbelievably, he also seems to think that you are very funny!" she added with a smile, taking the edge off her earlier warm words.

Mr Carson smiled at her teasing and yet his thoughts were headed down a much more serious path. He had been thinking these thoughts for weeks now and struggling internally with what to do about it. He couldn't just blurt out his feelings, he knew that. That would be entirely inappropriate and totally unfair to Mrs Hughes. He needed to fully consider the potential repercussions for any such declaration. Yet, something about this evening was making it increasingly difficult not to say more. Maybe it was the dimly lit room, the late hour of the evening, the close proximity of the Housekeeper to him, her kind words, her teasing, the sleeping young boy whom they had both settled on the sofa? They were only a foot apart now and he felt the ground shaking beneath him.

Mrs Hughes had hoped to lighten the atmosphere with her teasing and yet, as the Butler continued to gaze at her, with a soft smile on his lips and not uttering a word, she became more and more unbalanced.

It had been creeping up on him for weeks, always there and lurking at his shoulder. All those years ago they had talked about whether they had ever considered going another way. At the time, Mr Carson hadn't known what to say and so he had deflected the question back to her. Sometimes, maybe, she had replied. He would never forget it. Well he did know now. It had taken a little boy of just four years old to bring him to his senses. He wanted the other way with Mrs Hughes and Charlie. There, you have admitted it. However, he didn't know if it was possible. If he was simply being selfish or foolish or both.

Why should Mrs Hughes want me? What right do I have to think I could have her, have this? I have waited all of these years, never once uttering a word to her about my feelings. Have I left it too late? Will she think I am only asking her because of Charlie? I would never want her to think that. Even if she would consider it, how could it even happen? I am still Butler, she is still Housekeeper. Everything that stopped me before is still present now.

"Mr Carson, is everything alright?" she eventually asked gently, not being able to stand the silence any longer.

Her question threw him. I can't tell her; what on earth was I thinking?

"Uh-huh yes, Mrs Hughes. Sorry, I drifted off there for a moment," he said, smiling apologetically.

"Oh don't apologise, happens to me all the time. Umm … shall we have that sherry?" she smiled, trying to get things back to a normal footing.

"Yes, yes of course," he rumbled, sitting down in his normal seat as she passed him his glass.

Mrs Hughes watched as the Butler looked down at his knees, not uttering a word as she sipped her sherry. What was going on? Just five minutes ago they had both been happy as a lark, settling Charlie on the sofa. Yet now, Mr Carson looked lost.

"Mr Carson, are you sure you are alright?" she asked once again, her voice laced with concern.

He looked up into her eyes and found that for once, he couldn't muster a stoic, formal reply.

"Oh, I was just thinking … about what might have been, decisions I have made, opportunities I may have missed," he whispered honestly.

Mrs Hughes gulped; this was so very unlike Mr Carson. And what does he mean, what might have been? Is he talking about a different career? Or does he mean what he might have had with Alice? Or something else? He was being very vague and she could sense that she wasn't going to get any more from him tonight.

"Well whatever you think you may have missed, in my experience it is never too late," she said warmly.

She watched his eyes brighten and she was glad to have offered him some comfort despite not knowing the source of his concern.

"Thank you Mrs Hughes," he returned gladly, hoping with all of his heart that she was right.