Prompt: Black Velvet (#311)

Chapter 12:

About Fidelity

Awkward as bollocks. That was the only way Tracey could describe her present predicament.

The last weeks of September had evaporated like so much fog in the noon sunlight. With October, came the reluctant but necessary preparations, so that they weren't caught off guard by the deadline while waiting for a loophole that simply did not exist.

For Tracey's part, she was rather resigned to marrying Snape, even if she couldn't wrap her mind around it. Even if she was avoiding the entire subject like the plague, leaving all the preparations to her mother and even Snape while she involved herself obsessively with work.

These days, Tracey practically lived at the Ministry. She was always the first one in, and the last one to leave. Some days, she even slept at her desk, falling asleep on one report or other because as much as she hated to admit it, the thought of going home scared her, since the day of Blaise's warning.

The nightmares weren't helping matters.

"Have you been sleeping?" Snape asked as Tracey took a seat on the black chesterfield.

Tracey didn't immediately look up from where her head was buried in her hands. She was so exhausted lately, that she didn't even have the energy to be curious about the fact that she was sitting in Snape's sitting room.

Not that there was a whole lot to look at, apart from the books that lined all the walls. At least from what she'd seen when they entered the sitting room.

'I've been very busy at the Ministry,' Tracey meant to say with a wave of her hand. But instead, what came out of her mouth was "No, I've been having nightmares and sleeping at the Ministry so I don't have to think or be home alone."

Tracey frowned, wondering why the hell she'd said that, but just chalked it up to the fact that she was so tired; she didn't even know what she was saying anymore.

Snape merely raised a brow at this, but decided that he didn't care for her to elaborate.

"What did you want to discuss about the binding?" Tracey asked.

Considering it wasn't a desired wedding, there wasn't a lot that needed to be done. They'd already filled out the license and it was ready for processing. All that was left was to sign the marriage certificate before a Ministry official or another qualified wizard, and of course the binding itself.

Although, to fulfill the contract, all that really mattered was the binding. Binding ceremonies were ancient, and predated modern laws. So while the certificate and license were necessary for their marriage to be recognized by the law, magically speaking, the binding was far more important and significant.

"It's not the binding itself. I think we can agree that the most basic of modern bindings should suffice; omitting love vows," Snape stated in distant tones, causing Tracey to roll her eyes.

Marriage bindings of course, came as different as the colors of the rainbows. There were bindings that were, in a sense, very strict or extremely restrictive that they even made cheating something physically impossible. And there were those that were considered to be "freer". There were bindings that allowed the couple married to set their own rules or vows, and then there were those that came with standard promises of love. And there were even bindings that were more equivalent to slavery, but those were all outlawed.

The only thing all bindings had in common, was the fact that the magic entwined the two souls of those being bound together.

Soul magic, Tracey thought with a shudder, Should be made illegal.

Really, she didn't understand how Blood Magic had all been classified as Dark Magic, and Soul Magic had somehow avoided that stigma.

Tracey tried not to think about that, as it was the one thing that truly scared her about the entire marriage.

"Well the date is set for October the thirteenth. My mother says the officiator can perform the binding himself. Or she could do it," Tracey said, not really sure what it was that Snape wanted to talk about.

"It seems rather inevitable... this marriage," Snape stated in pondering tones, causing Tracey to look up at him with a raised brow, wondering why he was stating the obvious. "Do you understand what even the most basic of bindings entails?"

Tracey tried not to react to the fact that Snape was sitting before her, now staring at her with those intense eyes.

Being aware of the other's existence. Feeling when their spouse is feeling particularly strong emotions. Feeling a sense of completion and peace in the other's presence and so, being hyper-aware of the other's absence. And from then forth, no one else would ever feel right, no one else would ever make them complete, no one else could take the place of their bonded.

Their beloved, was the technical term. Or eternal beloved, if you looked at the most ancient of text.

"Of course," Tracey replied, feeling somewhat offended, "Do you?"

Snape momentarily glared at her, giving her a pointed look before moving on, completely ignoring her impertinence.

"Given that this is a union that is not only undesired, but also forced upon us, I realize that it is unreasonable to ask anything of you," Snape started in grave but unyielding tones. "But there are simply things that I cannot abide; things I will not tolerate, and if we are to try to live as harmoniously as possible, these are things you must be aware of."

Tracey sat up straighter and stared at Snape seriously, feeling her stomach clenching at what Snape was going to ask of her; given his tone, she figured it wasn't something she would like. Snape looked distinctly uncomfortable as he paused.

"I am... possessive," he stated in somewhat embarrassed tones, his cheeks tinting pink though he attempted to look as unruffled and collected as possible.

Tracey furrowed her brow, wondering what the hell that had to do with her, but she didn't ask. She didn't want to interrupt what was clearly a painful confession on Snape's part. Even though, she already knew the man was possessive.

Very possessive, Tracey corrected for Snape mentally as he was even possessive of his students. It was always My class, My students, My house with Snape.

"If you become my wife," And Tracey almost couldn't help rolling her eyes at the possessive adjective though her stomach roiled at the noun, "I truly do not expect anything from you and though I would prefer to have your complete loyalty... I would settle simply for your complete discretion. I don't want to know."

Tracey blinked for a moment, not sure what to hell to say to that.

Fidelity, which was what she knew that he truly meant, was something afforded to someone that you respected and loved or at least cared for.

Despite that, Tracey was given to having Monogamous relationships. Once she'd settled her interest on someone or began to date them, she was faithful to that person. She didn't allow herself to get emotionally of physically involved with anyone else, until that relationship or interest, was put to an end.

And Snape... in some shape or form, had always had her respect and loyalty. Almost since her first year at Hogwarts.

However... even though her entire being rebelled at the idea of being faithful to someone she had only seen as her Professor and Head of House... the idea of cheating simply did not sit right with her.

But the alternative... was she really going to be able to go the rest of her life without love, affection and sex?

"I can't promise you anything... though I've never been the cheating sort," Tracey replied with a frown after some thought, looking up slowly to look into Snape's eyes. She was slightly startled to see his eyes had become hard and extremely guarded, though his sour expression became cold and aloof.

"You owe me nothing, I do not expect any promises from you. And even you had given one, I'd have no reason to believe you would not break it," Snape said coolly and with a shrug as he stood from where he was seated, clearly concluding this meeting.

However, Tracey couldn't help feeling slightly offended.

"You know... monogamy is an agreement between the two interested parties... an unspoken contract. And there are different levels of cheating; different ways to be unfaithful, not simply an act involving one's body. You can cheat in your mind and heart. Why should I promise to be faithful, when I can't even expect the same from you?"

"What are you talking about?" he hissed as he turned around, his hard eyes narrowing on her, as if daring her to say what he thought she was going to.

Tracey got slowly to her feet, her hands dropping to her side, readying herself for an attack for what she was about to say. In spite of her respect for the man as her ex-Head of House, she was still an Auror, and had enough pride that she couldn't allow herself to back down.

"I'm talking about your unrequited love for Lily Potter."

The silence that swept the room as they both faced each other down so intense, Tracey felt like the entire world had lost sound.

Warily, she watched as Snape's hands balled into fist while her own twitched, ready to dive for her wand at any given moment. The stormy expression in Snape's eyes made the hairs along the back of her neck to stand on end.

However, Snape seemed to reign himself in after a moment.

"I think we are done, please see yourself out," Snape stated in low tones through clenched teeth, his voice like black velvet.

For a moment, Tracey was transported back to her days as a student. When that same voice and tone used to inspire her awe and respect, but now only left her feeling empty and nostalgic.

She felt regret unfurl inside herself as she merely nodded her head, wondering why she'd allowed things to become so nasty, but having still too much pride to allow herself to apologize.

Instead, she merely pulled her wand from her robes and apparated home, where she could torture herself with the meeting until she finally fell asleep due to exhaustion.

Married life is going to suck, Tracey thought with a grimace as she stared at her alcohol selection with longing.

TBC...