Ch. 12
She walked slowly downstairs after her shower, the wet locks of her long brown hair brushing over her back and leaving small, wet spots on her shirt.
Her breath caught in her throat as she leaned against the railing for the stairs and took in the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen. Rylen was sitting in front of Mike and they were both focused on her latest toy. Rylen stood up suddenly and turned towards him, wrapping her short, chubby arms around his muscular body.
Mike scooped her in his arms and stood up with her. "I really do love her, and I think I just fell in love with you, too. I only wish that it mattered."
Ashleigh let her presence be known and the three of them sat on the couch, curled up and watching the snow falling down from the heavens. It was a long time before anyone spoke and the first one that did was Mike. Big, strong Mike.
"I never told you how my father died." he said softly.
"You can tell me when your ready." Maybe if she was patient enough and was everything he'd ever wanted he'd stay. That he'd take the ring back from Cassie and give it's meaning to Ashleigh. If she was good enough…he'd never be able to leave.
"He was coming home from a dinner he'd had with a client. The roads were terrible and he couldn't hardly see anything. Another driver swerved into his lane and hit him head on. He was drunk and my father died because of it."
Ashleigh rested her head on his shoulder in pain. "I'm so sorry." she pressed a gentle kiss to the inside of his neck felt him wrap his arm around her. She pressed into him, wanting to never be anyplace else. He felt so different in the way he was…she had a feeling she already knew what was to come.
Mike set Rylen in her bouncy chair and looked down at Ashleigh. "I didn't sleep much last night. I spent most of it thinking about a lot of things."
Ashleigh stood in front of him, her body shaking in anticipation and despair. "And what conclusions did you come to?"
"I…love you. I've never loved anyone the way that I love you and I never will again. You…are…everything to me and I wish more than anything else that things could have worked out for us but I've learned that timing has so much to do with the way things turned out. And…we realized our mistakes at the wrong time. It's too late."
Ashleigh bowed her head as tears dripped down her face. She laced her fingers through his and squeezed tight. She met his deep blue eyes with nothing but pain in her hazel ones. "Will you just stay…please? I need you."
"I'm sorry." he pressed a soft kiss to her lips before exiting the house. He went back to the life that was his now…he went back to the girl that would in three weeks forever be called his wife.
*
The crisp December morning air chilled Ashleigh as she sat on Destiny For You's strong back. The snow had stopped and the track was finally in condition to be ridden on. It felt good to be riding a horse again…to feel that one on one connection that she could only identify as a feeling of contentment and freedom.
The twosome tore around the track, or so it seemed. In her heart Ashleigh was flying high above the world so she guessed that's why Destiny's speed seemed so much faster than it actually was. She wanted to feel amazing again. Like she could do anything she dreamed of. She was tired of living like this.
Mike was getting married tomorrow at four o'clock in Lexington, Kentucky. Ashleigh had her invitation stuck in some drawer but she'd already decided that she wasn't going to go. It would be too much to see him handed off to someone else forever.
Ashleigh shook away thoughts of Mike and focused on her ride. She was planning on doing more racing for other stables when summer came. Rylen was already over a year so she'd be easier to have around.
When she saw that it was time for the work to end she gently pulled the filly up and brought her back to Ian McLean, the cold slapping her face. He grinned at her. "Nice work." he said with a big smile.
"Thanks." she was planning on going to check on Shine when she felt his hand on her shoulder. She turned back and noted the serious expression on his weathered face. "Yes?" she asked expectantly.
"I wanted to let you know how good it is to have you back. That I think that you've turned into a very strong young woman to get through all that you've been through. I've thought of you like a daughter for a long time, Ash and I just wanted to let you know." Ian said seriously, his deep green eyes staring deeply into hers.
"Thank you." she said earnestly, sentimental tears springing to her hazel eyes. "That means a lot to me."
Ian nodded. "I mean it. I also want to let you know I respect the way that you've acted towards Mike. I know it hasn't been easy seeing the guy that you loved for many years as he's getting ready to become someone else's husband. You're a fine girl, Ash and you'll find someone that you can love forever and can love you back."
Ashleigh managed to keep her gaze neutral when the conversation drifted to Mike. Would he respect her as much if he'd known that she'd slept with him? That she'd tired to be better than Cassie so she could have him back? Her actions hadn't been very honorable but she couldn't bring herself to tell him that. And she couldn't bring herself to agree with him and tell him that she knew she'd find someone to love forever because she thought that she already had. She knew that she wouldn't and couldn't love anyone the way she loved Mike. There just wasn't anyone else like him.
*
Shine's mane tangled with Ashleigh's fingers as she took in his deep, horsy scent. The tears had finally stopped drifting down her face and now she simply wrapped her arms around Shine's glittering neck and tried to find the strength to move from this very spot. To find the strength to go pick up Rylen and try to be the best mother she could be to her. To face her family and friends and look them in the eye and know that they knew that she was broken. To know that they would wonder if she was going to run again. She wanted to tell them that she wouldn't but she didn't want to lie again.
She wanted to run so bad.
She wanted to get out of here, to be free and make a fresh start with Rylen. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to handle seeing Mike everyday. She knew that they would both make a mistake that would break up his family and ruin everything Ashleigh had tried so hard to be. She knew she wasn't going to be able to control herself. It wasn't going to work.
She sank into the corner of the stall, wrapping her arms around her knees and resting her chin on the pile she'd made. She didn't know where to go. Back to Saratoga? As much as she missed everything about New York she knew she couldn't go back. Maybe she'd go to southern California, where the weather was always warm and no one knew her. No one could judge her and know what a failure she was. What a damn chicken she was.
But could she do that to Rylen? To her family? At least with them things had finally been getting back to normal. Whatever that was. Caroline had just told Ashleigh that she thought she might be pregnant and the two had started to look forward to doing baby clothes shopping and doing the whole sister thing. And Samantha, sweet Samantha. How could Ashleigh leave her again? It wasn't fair that Ashleigh ran out every time things got tough.
But they didn't know what it was like.
None of them knew. None of them could ever know what she felt when she woke up every morning and looked out her window and saw the smoke curling out of their chimney, knowing that they were inside that house, lying in bed together, all warm and happy. Knowing that Mike woke up every morning with another woman in his bed. The woman that Ashleigh had to pretend that she liked. She was tired of pretending but she couldn't stop. Life had left her no options.
"Your pathetic." A harsh voice said from the stall door and Ashleigh looked up to see Brad Townsend staring down at her, a look of disgust on his handsome face. "Get the hell up."
Ashleigh was so stunned that she obeyed and was even more surprised when he opened up the stall door and yanked her out. They didn't talk until they were well into one of the farm's aisles between the white-paddock fences. "What are you doing here?" She finally asked, her breath coming out in cold gasps, misting the frozen air.
"I came to rescue you." he said, lifting his upper lip in a disgusting smug look.
She rolled her eyes. "What makes you think I need to be rescued?" she continued to walk.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "Your face is all blotchy, you've been crying." How had he known? "Don't think I haven't been watching you, Griffen. I see you with your moping around, acting like your whole world is over."
Ashleigh raised her chin defiantly, her eyes flashing with annoyance. "You don't know me, Brad."
"Don't give me that shit, Ashleigh. I know you better than you know yourself." His eyes flashed but then there was that sort of tenderness there. That tenderness that always stunned her and always almost made her want to go back. Go back to when things were good between them, to the times that they'd tried to love each other and had. She wanted him to not make her hurt so bad. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and have him suck all of the pain out of her. She would do anything. Anything at all, to just feel whole again. To want to live again. She was so close to sinking into him forever.
But she knew how it would end, of course. They would never have their happily ever after. It just didn't exist for them. She would spend the rest of her life dreaming about Mike and Brad would grow bitter. They'd get divorced and their children would always have a broken home. She couldn't do that to herself or her future. As much as she'd once thought he hadn't, Brad deserved better.
"So how are you proposing to rescue me?" She said, swiveling her head and looking at him now through tired hazel orbs.
"Giving you back the man that you love." He sort of smiled at her. It would have been cocky if she hadn't seen through to that same tenderness. He leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It'll be better soon, darling and I can get back to torturing you. It's better that way." She looked into his eyes and suddenly knew that he knew everything she'd been thinking just moments ago. He knew how ready she'd bee to come running back to him and he'd stopped her. Her eyes questioned his but he only smiled and walked away.
Ashleigh watched him go and was startled to see Cassie hovered in a huge winter jacket, a nervous smile on her face. "Hello, Ashleigh." she said and crunched through the snow to get to the other woman.
"Cassie." Ashleigh said and cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?"
Cassie looked down into the pure white snow for a few moments, kicking her boots into it. "I, ah, came to talk to you about Mike." She looked up and her blue eyes were sad. "I'm giving him back to you."
Ashleigh stare at the pretty woman in front of her for several long moments before she found the sense to answer. "Giving him back to me?" she quoted, not understanding.
Cassie nodded. "I've called off the wedding." her tone was almost matter-of-fact. Would have been if there hadn't been that tinge of quietness that told Ashleigh that she wasn't doing this for herself. She was doing it for Mike. Because she loved him.
"But-but why?" Ashleigh stammered. "Your wedding is tomorrow. Everything's all planned and ready to go. I don't understand."
Cassie sighed and started to walk. Ashleigh followed numbly. "I remember when he found out that you'd come back. He was like a different person. He tried to be loving and caring with me and act like nothing had changed but I saw it every time I looked at him. He still loved you and it wasn't me that he saw when he closed his eyes. It was his first love, his only true love." Cassie stare deep into Ashleigh's hazel eyes. "He saw you." There was something close to tears in those pretty blue eyes that broke Ashleigh's heart even as it swelled. Made her want to wish she'd never come home even as she wanted to jump for joy that she had. It hurt her to know the pain she'd caused.
"Cassie, I never wanted to-" Ashleigh trailed off, not knowing how to finish that sentence.
But the girl nodded in understanding, briefly closing her eyes as a tear trickled out. "I know, I know." she almost whispered. "You fell in love." There was a wistful smile on her face now. "I know what that's like. I was selfish for a long time, I just wanted to have Mike and our happily ever after but in order to have that you both have to want it and each other more than anything and anyone else. I've been alone in this relationship for a long time and I" she paused, tears welling in her eyes as a defiant look slipped over her pretty features. "I deserve better than that."
Ashleigh was forced to look away as her own eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry."
Cassie hugged her and Ashleigh wrapped her arms around her. "Don't be. You can't chose who you love. Or who your meant to be with. That was decided long ago."
"Thank you." Ashleigh whispered as they held each other at arms length. "What are you going to do now?"
Cassie wiped away her tears. "Go back to Boston, I guess. I've got family there and I guess I'll go back to school." She half-smiled. "Maybe it's better this way. I never liked the horses as much as he did. They were fun on the sidelines but it would have bugged me the way he was always with them. I need someone that lavishes his attention on me the way he does those horses."
Ashleigh nodded and half laughed. "I hope that you find the one your looking for."
Cassie nodded. "Me too," they both looked over her shoulder to see Mike walking towards them, his hands shoved deeply in his pockets, a hesitant look on his handsome face.
Cassie walked up to him, planted one hand on either side of his face and pressed a firm kiss on his lips. They exchanged a few words before she walked away, not stopping once to send a longing glance over her shoulder.
Mike walked over to Ashleigh and the two stare at each other for a few moments before he finally spoke. "Still want me?" he asked, sounding nervous.
Ashleigh nodded, "Yeah, I do." she murmured.
"Good." he said and smiled. They stare at each other for a few more moments, memorizing every detail of this precious moment that they were brought back together, forever. She finally laughed and jumped into his arms, wrapping herself around him and finding his mouth with her own. She kissed him long and hard and vowed, this time, to never let him go.
