A/N: Thank you very much for reviewing!
"I...got my own apartment."
"Oh...good for you."
Why did this have to be so goddamn awkward? He had made up his mind so long ago, so then why was he feeling guilty? It was so...completely messed up. Then again things just hadn't been right for him recently, the madness starting the moment his mother stabbed him. His body had healed just fine, but as for his mind, well...there was no helping that. The wound was deep, deep enough to the point where Flynn wasn't even sure if it would heal at all. It was all he thought about during his stay in the hospital, about the hurt he felt and how stupid he had been with handling his mother.
Deep down he knew she needed medical help, not just a few pills here and that would make her drowsy. But he was naïve enough to believe that he could do something to help her without having her be taken away from him...The blonde should've taken the opportunity when it had presented itself, because it was in that incident that he first noticed just how sick she really was. He was nine at the time, his father's death happening the previous year which weight heavy on his young mind. His mother had changed by then, going through crying fits while yelling at him about things he didn't truly understand...but she never raised her hand to him.
He wasn't sure when that changed though, when she decided that it was necessary for her to physically harm him to get her point across. It happened by the stairs, his mother suddenly grabbing both of his arms as she shook him, crying about how everything was 'his fault'. Whatever he had seen in her eyes that day had truly terrified him greatly, the younger blonde unable to do or say anything as a result. The sheer force of her slap had sent him backwards, his small body tumbling down the stairs and not stopping until he hit the wall near the bottom. He screamed the entire way down, his cries becoming louder the moment he hit the wall.
His body ached all over, but he knew there was something especially wrong with his arm. He could hear his mother screaming his name, frantic as she cradled his body while apologizing over and over again. She called 911 soon after, the paramedics and police arriving within a reasonable time-frame. The fall has broken his arm, caused him to suffer a mild concussion and a few bruises. Because it looked so suspicious the policed talked to him, asking if his mother had anything to do with his fall. It was in the moment that he had to think; if he told the truth then something horrible would've happened to his mother, but if he lied...if he lied then everything would be okay.
Even if he had been afraid, fearing what his mother would do to him, he knew she hadn't actually meant it. Flynn really couldn't hate himself for doing what he had done...he chalked that thinking up to his innocents and the belief that his mother wouldn't intentionally harm him. But now he knew what she was fully capable of...He was still nursing his wounds when the police came to talk to him, Yuri trying to prevent them from entering since he wasn't completely well. The blonde merely told him that it was all right, adding that a few questions weren't going to tired him out. He huffed and plopped down in the uncomfortable looking chair he always seated himself in whenever he came to visit.
He told the authorities about everything, about the stabbing, the previous abuse, her trying to seduce him and how it all stemmed from the accident that had taken his father's life. He became a bit uncomfortable when the asked for details, especially when it came to talking about what she did when touching him. When they left he knew it wasn't over, because the justice system didn't work in such a way. There was a process, and the only thing he could hope for would be that it was over quickly. During that time he would have to retell everything he had already told the police officers, and he was sure it wouldn't get any easier no matter how many times he spoke.
But until that time he allowed his body to rest. While still hospitalized he received a hand-full of visitors, half of which cried while the other half continuously questioned him. Estelle and Rita were first up, who had visited him while he was unconscious...which he actually preferred. He didn't like seeing Estelle cry, especially when it was over him, which was why he had to turn away after awhile. The smaller brunette that had come in with her was the one who kept questioning him, asking how bad his pain was, if there was anything critically wrong with him and so on. Flynn just answered to the best of his abilities, noticing the way Rita never really looked him in the eye as she spoke.
She was trying to be strong, probably more so for Estelle and him then for herself. Rita might've had an overbearing personality, but every now and then she showed that she actually cared about the people around her. Judith came the next day, the female bartender trying her best to keep it together but it seemed she could only do so much. She cried, showing just how much she cared about him even if they rarely met outside of the bar. They didn't exchange many words, but once she was gone he could tell that the two of them had gotten closer. Raven was the last to visit, and even though he didn't shed any tears he fussed over him. It felt like something a parent would do...and it was a felling he needed in that moment.
When the older man was there Flynn missed his father, knowing that if he was still around his mother wouldn't have completely lost her mind. The blonde silently cried about this fact once when no one was around, feeling so lost, confused and angry. It wasn't until he was ready to be discharged did he see just how his thinking had taken a toll on him physically; he looked exhausted, the bags under his eyes a clear sign that no matter how much sleep he had gotten it hadn't done his body any good. His body could only take but so much anguish, the limit so very close to being reached with everything that had taken placed.
But Yuri was there...he allowed him to take his mind off things even if it was for a short while.
Even Repede, the dog who originally didn't think much of him, seemed to be rather enthusiastic about his return. He circled around him, yelping happily as he jumped and nuzzled against him. He had to make sure the rather large dog didn't hit either one of his wounds, Yuri eventually having to tell Repede to stop since he came a little too close to one. But it was a nice gesture nonetheless, and once he had calmed down he gave the Akita Inu an affectionate head rub. He would've liked for things to return to normal, but they didn't...it all starting with the court proceedings and it all went downhill from there.
It was the third time in his life he had donned a suit, and a second time it had been a somber event. The courtroom was a cold, disconnected place for him, the judge staring at him and his mother with little to no sympathy in his face. Because it was the preliminary hearing he was there just to speak about what had happened, the court trying to find out if he actually had a case. He felt completely uncomfortable as he spoke about everything his mother had done to him, having to pause every now and then to gather himself so he could continue.
He could see Raven winching in the gallery, and even if the younger blonde wasn't completely aware of what it felt like for him but he could easily guess by looking at his face. As he spoke he never once looked over at his mother, who occasionally screamed that what he was saying held no truth to it. It led to her having to be taken out of court, Flynn trying his best to block out her screams of how much she hated him for putting her in such a horrible position. If she had actually acted like a mother he wouldn't have had to...But he didn't say a word, waiting until her voice disappeared down the hallway as the court officers hauled her away.
He would've liked that to have been the last time he saw her in such a state, but it sadly wasn't...that happened during the plea bargaining. Since it was quite clear that the older woman was not in her right mind there wasn't much for the defense to go with, so the two attorneys were only left to either come to an agreement or go through a length, and completely unnecessary, trial. Since they had pleaded insanity his mother was committed to a psychiatric hospital, where she would be held until the court deemed her 'well'. Because he was still a minor (but completely capable of taking care of himself) Raven was appointed his guardian, though it wasn't as if he'd be acting as such for long.
Once again he didn't look over at his mother, because he didn't want the last few images in his mind to be of her cursing his very existence. But he could still hear her...and Flynn was sure her words could remain with him for quite some time. After telling Raven he'd be going back with Yuri he refrained from talking all that much, finding it to be too much of a hassle. The process had taken an entire two weeks to finish, the blonde physically and mentally drained from it all. The longer haired male looked a little concerned, and who could really blame him? Flynn wasn't acting like himself, and he wasn't really sure when the real 'him' would return. It was a discouraging outlook, but it was the only truth he could come to.
The longer haired male, even with all his depressing looks, continued to give him silent comfort, the kind Flynn appreciated the most. He didn't bring up what had happened in the courtroom, though he did mention that he looked good in a suit. It brought a small smile to his face, even if it didn't stay there that long. Things at the apartment just didn't feel the same, the blonde fully aware that his presence was bringing the mood down. The blonde went about the day like he normally would, but he couldn't help but feel hollow. It was like he was moving on auto-pilot, body knowing what it was supposed to be doing but mind somewhere else completely. He wanted to act normal, but...he wasn't sure what that was anymore.
And then the nightmares started. At first he'd merely awake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, body shaking and mouth slack as he panted hard. He only calmed down when he remembered that it wasn't real, that his mother was locked away in a place that would help her and was not chocking the life out of him. His little mantra only worked the first few times, because as the dreams became progressively worse so did his reactions. Instead of just jolting awake like he usually did the blonde screamed as he did so, looking around frantically as he gripped the blanket he slept with.
It was a few days later when he started to thrash about because the dreams had become more violent, only waking when the older man had shaken him hard enough. Flynn always latched into to the longer haired male whenever he managed to snap out of his panic state, probably because he was the only thing grounding him in reality. When panicked eyes fell on a frantic Yuri he knew he was awake, knew that the image of his mother trying to kill him was only in his head. But even if he was grateful for the older man's intervention, he hated the fact that he was disturbing him from his work.
The longer haired male didn't go back to his computer after he had woken up, instead he held him until the blonde fell asleep, which usually took some time. Yuri should've been working...not taking care of him...It made the blonde feel guilty, adding just another reason why he felt he shouldn't fall asleep. So he tried everything to stay awake, coffee, walking Repede at ungodly hours of the night, watching TV, pinching himself, listening to music on his MP3 player that was louder than normal and many, many more. He managed to stay away for two days, and if anything it only made him feel paranoid and jittery.
Clearly he was going about everything the wrong way, and thankfully Yuri intervened. He was brought into the bathroom, the blonde watching as the other male crouched down and began to rummage through the cabinets under the sink. A minute later a bottle was tossed to him, Flynn catching it easily as he read the label. They were sleeping pills. He looked questioningly at the longer haired male, but he felt that everything that was running through his head was only due to his paranoia...so he kept quiet. The pills worked a little too well; ten minutes after taking them he felt groggy, and when the twenty minute mark rolled by he was out like a light.
The thing was...upon waking up he didn't recall dreaming at all, though in exchange he woke up feeling so refreshed that it was almost scary. He took one before falling asleep every night, which killed the guilt he held for Yuri having to comfort him. Things were a little better when he didn't have to worry about his mother's image trying to kill him, but then his mind became preoccupied with wondering about her. She was gone...really gone, and even if he knew it was for the best the blonde was worried about her. The worst part was that he couldn't even see her for at least a year, because that was the time he figured it would take for her to show some kind of improvement.
If he showed up at the psychiatric hospital too soon he'd probably blow the progress the doctors had made, and that last thing he wanted to do was have her flip out and hurt someone. It was a hard pill for him to swallow, but he knew he either had to deal with it or regret having her placed in such a place. Flynn wasn't going to start regretting anything...the wounds on his body screamed at him for that much. They had healed up just fine, though because of the way his mother had handled the blade he was left with two scars.
He was sure they'd fade with time, but...until then they'd be a reminded of just how much caution he needed to put into visiting his mother...whenever it happened.
"Good...for me..." The blonde repeated the words, feeling slightly...surprised by them.
"That is what I said isn't it?" Yuri didn't even bother to look away from the screen as he spoke, the action irritating Flynn for some unknown reason. He was completely use to the older man continuously working when he they had a conversation sometimes, but this time around he found himself feeling pissed off.
"...Is that all you have to say?"
"Is there something else I should be saying?"
Gritting his teeth he lied back on the couch, figuring that there was no point in getting into a useless argument. But as he lay on the couch his mind began to stew over their short conversation, which was not something he had intended. Why had he wanted the other male to say more? And better yet, why was he mad that he hadn't? At first he figured that it was because he had been in his apartment for so long, and therefore thought that he'd show a little more emotion other than the clear indifference that was heard in his voice. But so what if he spoke to him like that? Wasn't it better that Yuri didn't seem to care?
The two were on friendly terms, but if they weren't that close didn't that mean he had succeeded in not getting attached? Flynn wasn't sure what the older man saw him as, and for some reason this fact irked him greatly. In the past he never really made a big deal of his lack of understanding when it came to Yuri, but now...he was angry at himself for not being aware of what was going on in that head of his. Quickly getting up he knew his actions were going to be brash, selfish and childish, but he didn't care.
Grabbing the back of the other male's chair he spun it around, making the older man face him as gripped onto both of the armrests, a glare gracing his feature as he did so. Yuri looked rather surprised at what had just happened, but soon crossed his arms as he cocked his head to the side. Flynn knew that look...that stupid, apathetic look that drove him crazy if it was directed at him.
"...Is there something I can help you with?" There is was...the tone that told the blonde that Yuri couldn't care less about what he had wanted to say. Flynn couldn't help but grit his teeth at this, wanting to slap the other male so he'd at least see some kind of emotion from him other than 'you're bothering me'.
"I..." He took a moment to gather himself, quickly closing his mouth so he didn't say the wrong thing, "Why the fuck do you have to be like that?"
"Flynn, I'm really not in the mood for deal with your bullshit-"
"Well you're going to, because you're pissing me off and I need to know why." He hadn't meant to growl out the last bit, but he was so through with Yuri's attitude that he had a hard time controlling himself. The longer haired male just looked straight at him, eyes never wavering as Flynn glared at him.
"Seriously Flynn, I don't have time-"
"Do you even care?"
"...Excuse me...?"
"Do you even care that I'm moving out? Do you even care about me-?" Flynn couldn't even finish his tirade because he was too busy reeling from the slap he had just received, the blonde holding his cheek as he gazed over at the other male.
Yuri looked absolutely livid.
"Do I care...are you seriously asking me that?" Flynn had to back up a bit when the longer haired male quickly got up, the blonde moving backwards as the other male began to come at him, "You're seriously asking me, the guy who's been housing your ass, lying for you, comforting you, held your bloody fucking body- oh god..."
Flynn was trapped; he had backed himself against a wall, the older man preventing any sort of escape as he placed both hands near either side of his head, nail digging into the paint slightly. Yuri wasn't looking at him, his head was down, and as Flynn adjusted his head slight he could see that he was biting his bottom lip.
"I...I held your bloody body until the paramedics came...and you have the au-fucking-dacity to ask if I care...?" Flynn flinched a bit when he saw the longer haired male slowly begin to look at him, and when their eyes met he could see just how much hurt Yuri was feeling.
"Yuri, I-I...just wanna know how you feel...what you're thinking-"
"Why? It's never mattered to you in the past, so why the change?" He spat those words out, the blonde very well aware of how little he had invested in the other male's opinion before. But things were different now, and he wasn't really sure why that was.
"I...I don't know. But it doesn't help that you haven't told me what I am to you..." It was true...Yuri had even said himself that Judith was his only friend, and they clearly weren't in a relationship since he found them 'bothersome', so...where did that leave him? If he wasn't a friend, lover or fuck buddy then what the hell was he?
"You're...confusing."
"What?"
"You're just confusing...that's what you are to me..." The longer haired male finally removed his hands from the wall, releasing him as he walked back over to his computer.
"Yuri, I-"
"If you wanna know how I'm feeling right now, well, I'm feeling like absolute shit," Once again he didn't look at him as he spoke, merely turning to his computer where he continued to type, "They're thinking about pulling my book from shelves..."
Flynn was honestly shocked by what the other male had told him, quickly asking why the publishing company would do such a thing. When the other male's fingers stopped moving across his keyboard the blonde grew patient, because anything that could've made Yuri give that kind of look was worth shutting up for. He could see the other male clinching his hands, biting his bottom lip once more before he spoke.
"Some bigoted fucktard out there figured out that I use to write gay romance novels, so they're making a big fuss over it and trying to get my book pulled. They've rounded up more people to put pressure on the publishing company, saying that it's 'morally irresponsible' for them to keep someone who writes 'smut' on their label..." Yuri looked worn out after he finished speaking, which made the blonde wonder just how long this had been weighing on his mind.
"That's completely unfair to you-"
"You don't think I don't know that? Of course it's fucking unfair! It's unfair and fucking wrong, and there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it anymore!" He beyond pissed, the longer haired male visibly shaking as he spoke. Flynn kept his distance, not completely sure what he was supposed to be doing but knowing that it looked as if Yuri was nowhere near done talking.
"I worked too hard...love this story too much to just let it die...but it's not up to me now." When he saw the older man place is face in his hand, head down in the most dejected pose he had ever seen, Flynn knew it was time for him to move.
It didn't take him long to cross the floor over to Yuri, instantly reaching out to grasp the longer haired male tightly. He was still shaking, but at the moment he could tell that it was controlled, like the older man was holding back. It was then that recalled the words Yuri had spoken to him in the hospital, the very ones that had needed to be said because denying what he felt would've only made things worse for him.
"You don't...you don't have to pretend for me, Yuri..." He felt the longer haired male tense up, Yuri gripping his shirt tightly before he buried his face in his chest. He could tell by the wetness, the shaking of his shoulder and the 'hic' noises he heard that the older man was crying, and had it been any other time he would've been surprised.
But then he realized that Yuri wasn't some kind of one-dimensional cardboard cutout, he was a person with feelings that ran deeper than what he allowed to show on the surface. Yuri was human and was completely capable of sadness, but to actually see it come forth made him slightly uncomfortable. Flynn had always seen the longer haired male as a strong individual, so to see him breakdown was painful...but at least he understood where it was coming from.
He had witnessed the how much of his soul Yuri had put into his work, the lost hours of sleep he had gone through to make sure even the smallest detail was correct and the glee painted on his face whenever he did something he considered 'right'. Yuri loved his work, and the tears he shed were the burning passion he felt for the work he loved being treated so poorly. Flynn just held him, fully aware that there wasn't a thing he could've said to make things okay. If the situation had been flipped the older man would do the very same for him, so he merely did what he felt was right.
"I-I can't fail at this, Flynn, I just can't. I've already failed as a son, I can't fail as a writer." The blonde wasn't sure what he meant by that last part, but decided that if it was important Yuri would elaborate, "You must think I'm pretty fucking pathetic right now..."
"I don't."
"Flynn-"
"I don't Yuri...seeing you like this doesn't make me think any less of you." He would never lie about something like that...Flynn didn't find the other male's actions to be childish or demeaning to his character, he was doing what anyone else would be doing if they were in his situation. And really...if he thought ill of Yuri for crying he would've been a complete idiot and hypocrite.
The older man gave off a small chuckle before removing himself from his shirt, wiping the tears away from his face with his sleeve before meekly looking to the side. And speaking of his face...he had never actually seen Yuri look like that. His cheeks were completely flushed, the tips of his ears and nose red as well and even with the small smile on his face the blonde could see the discomfort in his eyes. At that moment it was clear that he was looking at a very vulnerable Yuri. This caused his stomach to tighten, the feeling not at all painful but he had to look away from the longer haired male to make it stop. It was just...strange.
"Sorry...I mentioned something you probably didn't understand..." Yuri muttered a bit, Flynn slightly taken aback by the fact that he was being so soft-spoken.
"It's fine-"
"I have to start off by saying that my parents pretty much hate me..." The blonde quickly shut his mouth, taking in what he had just been told to him and the fact that the longer haired male was still averting his gaze from him. He didn't mind the latter...
"...It is because you're gay...?" His chest tightened a bit when Yuri nodded, watching as the older man's hands began to clench and unclench.
"Yeah...I told them back in middle school, and things just weren't the same after that." He was fidgeting now, as if what he was talking about made him physically uncomfortable, "They just started to ignore me, like it was better to pretend I never existed in the first place than accept me..."
He really wanted to stop him, because it was quite clear that they were about to approach a place where Yuri could stop. Flynn couldn't lived with knowing just that small piece of what the longer haired male had told him, but as soon as a sound emitted from his mouth Yuri's head snapped in his direction. The look on his face clearly screamed 'shut the fuck up, I'm telling a sad story', and because he feared what would happen if he didn't the blonde decided to just do what was best for him. After staring at him hard for a few seconds the other male turned away, biting his lip briefly before he continued to speak.
"Three years ago-"
Fuck, it was coming, and there wasn't a think Flynn could do to stop it...
"Things were really bad for me...those damn romance novels weren't selling well, I hit some kind of mental wall, I felt like shit overall and I could barely keep up with my goddamn utilities. I really needed someone to talk to, so I said 'what the hell' and figured that something might've changed after I had moved out..." Yuri paused, fingers running through his hair before coming to grip his jeans, "As soon as my father figure out it was me he told me never to call there again, and then hung up. I seriously didn't believe it so I tried again and again...they ended up blocking my number..."
"Yuri..."
"My own fucking parents didn't even want to speak to me...me...so I figured 'what was the point of going on when the people I care about the most hate me...?'. So I...slit my wrists...In the end I ended calling 911."
The blonde just stood there, completely horrified with what he had just been told. Knowing that Yuri had tried to commit suicide was one thing, but finding out that it was his parents who had driven him to do it was far more than he could handle. The worst part was that he completely understood that betrayed yet hopeful look in his eyes...because it was the very one he himself gave his mother every time he encountered her. Never had he expected to have something in common with Yuri, and as he reached out, grabbing the longer haired male once more, he couldn't help but feel his heart break.
"Yuri, I..." He knew he shouldn't have said a word, but..."I-I'm...I'm sorry..."
"There's nothing for you to be sorry about...this is my problem-"
"That's what I mean...I'm sorry I was such a selfish kid; all I did was complain to you about my problems, but I never bothered to ask you if you had any of your own...I-I...should've cared about you more." He felt the older man tense up at his words, Flynn wondering if maybe he actually should've kept his mouth shut.
He hadn't expected to arms to wrap themselves around his neck, the other male pulling himself up before gently pressing his lips against his. Usually he wouldn't have been startled by a kiss, the two of them engaging in one at least a few times a week since it usually let to sex. But this kiss was different. It was gentle and timid, both of which were qualities he never associate with Yuri since the older man was clearly a rough and confident kind of person. Flynn was almost tempted to break away, wanting to demand the longer haired male tell him just what was behind the action.
But instead of thinking about it too much he just kissed back, just as softly and timidly since the feeling was pretty new. He wasn't really sure how long they were connected, but when they parted the blonde couldn't help but feel small pang of disappointment in his chest. As the older man became close to his ear, his breath against his bare skin causing him to tense a bit, Flynn wasn't really sure what he was going to say.
"You know...it's really easy to shut you up like that." Even with what he was saying, Yuri voice was like velvet and he shook a bit at the sound.
"...You're such an ass sometimes, Yuri..." The longer haired male merely laughed as he turned back to his computer, Flynn grumbling a bit before plopping back down on the couch.
"But thanks."
"Huh?"
"Thank for...making me feeling better, Flynn."
A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he muttered a small 'don't mention it'. The smile, however, vanished as quickly as it came when Yuri asked when he was moving out, the blond momentarily forgetting that he was doing so. A silence filled the air, one the made Flynn move uncomfortably on the couch before speaking.
"...A week before the semester starts..."
Flynn only had two weeks left to be under the same roof as Yuri...and he didn't understand why his stomach churned in such an unpleasant way when he thought about it.
A/N: As always reviews are welcome.
