On arrival back to the cabin, I helped Jack climb into bed and watched as he fell immediately into a deep sleep. I stumbled back up to my bunk and crawled beneath the sheets. I however found that sleep seemed to disagree with me. I stared up at the ceiling as my mind continued to tick. It hurt to think that Jack actually liked Rose. The idea that he had spent almost all night shows how serious he was. I didn't understand what was so special about her. I did think that maybe I was been the one who was over exaggerating but it seemed others agreed with me.
Before I knew it, the cabin was filled with light, and I could hear Jack grumbling from the bottom bunk. I heard him heave himself out of bed and glance towards my bunk. I snapped my eyes shut. Jack began stripping and I couldn't help but watch. I looked at his muscular arms and his deep tanned skin. I gazed in amazement, wishing I could run my hands up and down those arms, those strong arms. Jack began to turn round and I quickly closed my eyes again, I didn't want him thinking I was a peeping Tom. I felt his presence come towards me and he gently shook me awake. I faked a groan, opening my eyes slowly.
"Morning,"
"Hi," I said.
"I'm gonna go get some breakfast you coming?" Jack whispered.
"Yeah give me a sec,"
I changed quickly and we both strolled down the cabin corridor.
"How's your back?" I asked breaking the silence.
"What?"
"Well you fell asleep on a bench," I laughed.
"Oh yeah, it's fine quite comfortable actually," Jack smirked.
We were both surprised to see everyone up and awake in the mess hall.
"Cassia, Jack!" Cora called standing up and waving. We both made our way over and sat down.
"Hey Cora," I said as she hugged me.
"What you having for breakfast then?" I asked.
"Oatmeal," Cora said disgustingly. She scooped up some oatmeal and then let it drop off her spoon.
"Cora eat it properly or don't eat it at all," Bert said.
Cora immediately pushed the oatmeal away and reached for a fruit bowl.
"You both look terrible," Tommy said.
"Thanks Tommy," I said sarcastically.
Jack sat down and immediately quietened he was deep in thought again. He pushed his fruit from side to side in the bowl, and didn't interact with much conversation. I knew who he was thinking about. Rose, what could I say though? Nothing, I couldn't just snap him out of it if he wanted her, it just wasn't that simple.
Suddenly Jack put his fork down and stood up.
"I have to go, I have to see her," Jack said and began to walk away. Panic set in for me, Tommy looked at him and then at me.
"Go Cassia, GO!" Tommy urged while everyone else looked at us confused. I wasted no time in standing up and chased after him.
It was like my dream, I ran but he was always out of my reach. Always that too far in front, always following someone else. Most people were waking up for breakfast now and were leaving their cabins. I pushed past them, not even turning round to say sorry. It seemed like everything was an obstacle. My heart pounded as I could see him not that far away from now. He looked behind him and walked out onto the deck. I flung the door open following him. He was not meeting her; I just couldn't let it happen.
"Jack!" "Jack!" I shouted in sheer desperation. Jack turned round to face me but he didn't stop walking.
"Jack please!"
"Cassia, I have to go see Rose," He said still not stopping.
"Why?"
"Because I do ok,"
"No, no it's not ok, she's getting married Jack why can't you just let her go!" I screamed.
"I can't, I just can't!"
I was getting out of breath by this point, the screaming and running were tiring me out, but he wouldn't stop, why wouldn't he stop?
"Please don't go to her," I cried.
"Cassia you're confusing me now. Why do you dislike her so much? Why don't you want me to see her?" Jack questioned.
"Because I love you!" I shouted surprising both myself and Jack. Jack paused in his stride and slowly turned around.
"What what did you just say?" Jack asked. Even though he had heard me fine well.
I breathed deeply, my voice shaky. "I love you," I said more quietly.
Jack backed off slowly and put his head in his hands. I wanted him to say something, to at least tell me a lie that everything was gonna be ok. We would work through it, but he stayed quiet and each second the silence was torturing me.
"Jack, say something," I pleaded.
Jack shook his head. "Oh god Cassia," He whispered. I stood awkwardly playing with my fingers. I immediately regretted it every last word that had left my mouth. How could we even go back to been friends. I was so stupid.
"I have to go see Rose," And he walked off again. This time I didn't follow, I stood watching him go feeling rejected. I didn't really know what to make of what just happened. I hiccupped and suddenly tears were spilling down my face. I ran the length of the ship crying my eyes out, the pain beating through me as my poor heart shattered. He had chosen her and now there was nothing left for me to do. I was alone, something I had always feared of been, I reached the back of the ship where it was completely deserted. Trembling I fell to the floor crying horrendously. I had never ever cried like this before, not even when my mother died.
Why was the world so cruel? I had lost my mother and now Jack. Still Rose has won, like always. My feelings for her weren't even hate anymore it was pure and utter jealousy. I could imagine them now, him taking her in his arms and kissing her. I blinked the image away and with which more tears flowed. I gripped my hands into a fist and slammed it on the deck.
"Stupid stupid girl!" I cried angrily at myself. How could I ever have thought Jack felt the same way? It was him and I was me. Why did our friendship have to bring up more feelings about myself then what ever would be? What was love? A feeling of the heart where you can't eat, sleep or go on with your everyday life because that person's always on your mind. You blood pumps their name, your heart beats every time you see them. You cling onto the desperation of hope thinking that there is always the glimmer of possibility they felt the same.
They say your first love is the one you remember the most. So what happens when they don't feel the same? Well your heart breaks, shatters into tiny little pieces. Your blood boils with rejection; you feel the pain of losing someone. If I'd known been heartbroken hurt this much, I would never of fallen in love. In fact I don't ever think I can love someone again.
So she told him! What did you all think of that chapter? Sorry it's short but a lot more stuff is going to happen so I hope you all keep reading. Remember to review, because if you don't review my next chapter won't be very good, as reviews help me write.
Leah xxx
