Sasuke was throwing a Kunai around, hating himself for everything, especially for the fact that his hands were actually trembling. He was so jittery and confused and frantic that he sliced his finger open on the sharp blade. He sucked at the blood and paced in tight rows.
"You idiot, you idiot, you let him get away," he muttered to himself. Sasuke wasn't sure whether he had wanted Itachi to stay because he'd wanted to kill the older man or because he wanted someone who hated him just enough that he might actually love him. A little. Maybe. His eyes glinted angrily as he continued to pace, running fingers quickly through his spiky raven hair.
"You idiot," he repeated, wanting to slash something. He was like that sometimes. Anger made him violent, and violence made him reckless. Reckless wasn't good, but it was something. Not progress, exactly, but something. Gritting his teeth, Sasuke sat down heavily and started to tear at his hair. He hated feeling so ridiculously alone. He hated it, hated it, hated it. He hated people who rocked and mumbled to themselves, whose eyes were bloodshot and lined with dark circles from sleep loss. He hated people who were frantic and crazy. Actually, he just hated people.
"Idiot, idiot, idiot," he scowled, lying flat on his back and staring up at the vast expanse of sky. "Idiot, idiot." He wasn't very supportive, and he sure as hell wasn't peppy. His sole motivation had been to kill Itachi. But that wasn't happening any time soon.
"Idiot," he echoed, because there was nothing else to say.
As the silence closed in on him, Sasuke decided he had to do something to stop himself from going insane. To stop himself from turning into someone he would hate. He rubbed at his arms, whipped raw by fierce wind. The wind was gone now, though, and the lack of noise was becoming frightening. But Sasuke wasn't ready to be afraid; he also wasn't ready to be happy and deceived. He wouldn't let himself be played just so he could pity himself. He didn't want to be oblivious. He had to hunt the fucking man down and…and…
And what?
He had no idea.
Sasuke usually was a step ahead of things, but to be honest, he hadn't planned ahead. He had no idea what he would do if he found Itachi.
No idea whatsoever.
But he had to find his brother, you see, because it was all he had. It wasn't much, but it was something, and he needed something very badly.
He also needed Naruto-kun and he needed the brother Itachi used to be. But both of them were gone.
He missed both of them miserably. Naruto Uzamaki, a drunken, ramen-soaked boy with laughing blue eyes and a sharp grin. He had definitely changed something in Sasuke. It was strange. They pissed each other off so much that they filled up cracks and spaces. Naruto was Sasuke's brighter side, and Sasuke was Naruto's stronger core. They made something interesting. They just...fit. And now Naruto was gone and Sasuke was in ruins. It was as simple as that, he kept telling himself, but it wasn't simple at all.
Sasuke stood up and breathed deeply. He started off to find Itachi, and he had no idea how or where he would find him.
Sometimes, maybe, just maybe, it was okay to improv. It was actually better that way, really. No painful what-ifs or thinking about what would happen next. What would happen next was bullshit. It was up to fate to decide whether or not he would find Itachi.
He kind of liked it that way.
