Busy, busy - this was going up earlier, but time ran away with me, sorry. Thanks to everyone, reading, following, reviewing - makes my day :)


I'd been home all of five seconds when Sarah started in on me.

"You can't keep running around like this," she exclaimed.

"Chill," I told her. "Who's 'running around' for Christ's sake? I was at Sylvia's, you know that. We were sitting, not running." Sometimes her righteous attitude rubbed me the wrong way and sarcasm was the only way to go.

"I don't believe you stayed in the house all weekend. You're playin' with fire, Evie, hanging out with the wrong people. Greasers, hoods and JDs." Her lip curled. I fought back a smile.

"I ain't hanging out with any old 'greasers, hoods and JDs', you idiot. I been seeing Sylvia's brother for weeks. I thought you might've figured that out." Of course, I was secretly pleased that she hadn't, that I'd got one over on her all this time.

"Sylvia's brother? The one who drives the two of you around?"

I nodded like she was particularly stupid. "Yup. Buzz. That's him."

"Buzz?" She narrowed her eyes at me. "What's their last name again?"

I told her.

"Buzz...Richardson...?" It was like she was playing some kind of puzzle game, putting clues together. Had she really not known his name before now? Come to think of it, I didn't remember her ever seeing Buzz pick me up, because I was usually at their pad first. And I hadn't exactly been home much lately, to discuss things with her.

"Yeah, Buzz Richardson. Sylvia's big brother."

"Oh God. Evie, you have to be joking. Tell me you're joking." She sat down hard and put her head in her hands.

I stared at Sarah. Even for her, this was taking wigging out to a whole new level. I wondered if she'd been sniffing Tony's dry cleaning fumes a little too much.

"Chill out," I said. "I know he's a little older, but he's –"

"I know exactly how old he is. I know plenty about Buzz Richardson." She cut across me, snapping out the words. "I can't believe this. I can't believe I never knew Sylvia was his sister. All the times you stayed over there..." A look of pure horror crawled over her face. "Oh my God, Evie, are you sleeping with him?"

I let out a laugh at her absurd reaction. "What the hell's the matter with you? How did we get from you objecting to 'greasers, hoods and JDs', to this? You're acting like he's the devil himself." I didn't want to have to get into details of my love life with her, but if I had to, I could easily tell her how kind and gentle Buzz was. How good he treated me. I had a sudden thought. "Is this because he gambles to make his dough?"

"He what?" Sarah said weakly, still regarding me with horrified eyes. She shook her head. "No. He's the one who...D'you remember that I told you I knew a girl at school who got pregnant?" This took us all the way back to her original objection when she found out I'd slept with Steve, of course, when she categorized him as 'the kind of boy who got a girl pregnant and ran'. I'd been so indignant at the time, defending Steve, that I'd never asked her for clarification and she'd never brought it up again. Now I watched her carefully as she told me the rest of the story. Told me it was Buzz who got the girl pregnant. Buzz who left her high and dry.

"I don't believe you." I was adamant.

"He didn't go to our school. But everyone knew they were dating. Her father threw her out, Evie. She was on the streets before she ended up in the unwed mothers home."

"Dating don't mean nothin'!" - was my immediate reaction, with Sandy and Soda fresh in my mind. "Did she say it was Buzz?"

Sarah bit her lip. "I wasn't that close with her, I just knew her from a couple of classes. And afterwards, it didn't matter. She died, Evie." Her eyes were anguished as she continued in a quiet voice. "Something went wrong, too early for the baby to be born, they said. She bled to death right there in the Home of Redeeming Love."

It was suddenly very clear to me why Sarah made such a issue out of the subject. Why she'd wept when I told her about Sandy. For that matter, why she'd 'saved herself' all these years. She was scared. Not in the usual, 'hey, we'd better be careful' sense, but really, truly scared of being pregnant. Which was kind of a big deal, seeing as how she was getting married real soon.

She knew I'd slept with Steve though. Pretty sure she knew he wasn't my first. Why the hell had she never told me this story, to warn me off sex? I must have been about thirteen or so, just getting interested in guys, if it happened when she was still in high school. Why had she simply objected to my miniskirts, my makeup, my going around with kids she disapproved of? She was weird. Whatever the reason, me being with Buzz was obviously one hell of a big deal for her. But I couldn't do anything about that.

"That's horrible. Awful. But it don't happen all the time. Millions of babies get born, just fine, every day. And you don't know for sure it was Buzz," I could hear the indignant tone in my voice and see the disappointment in her as she realized I wasn't giving him up because she'd told me this. "Even if it was Buzz, it won't happen to me. I ain't stupid. I know what I'm doing."

And only when I was upstairs, on my own, thinking about Buzz, did I let myself reflect on the fact that he was kind, funny, gentle – and careful. Real careful.

Way more careful than Ricky, who'd needed reminding every time and who griped and complained, to the point where I had to buy rubbers myself because he conveniently 'forgot'.

And even more careful than Steve, who although he used them, liked to get things good and hot between us before he got around to putting one on.

No matter how drunk we were, how high we were, Buzz never took chances.

I started to wonder why.

I got the answer sooner than I expected.

xXx

Ironically, for once, I'd arranged for Buzz to pick me up. But I was ready and waiting and I flew out the door before Sarah had a chance to stick her nose out of her room and into my business.

Obviously I was curious, but I wasn't about to make my greeting, 'Hi, did you once get a girl pregnant?', so I was determined to wait for a suitable opportunity to raise the subject. When that would present itself, I had no frigging idea.

Buzz greeted me with an apology and said he had some business to take care of, some details regarding an upcoming poker game that he needed to see a guy about. This would mean our date started off by a visit to a pool hall downtown. But the upside was, he said, I got to choose where we ended the evening. I smiled. It didn't matter to me, but if I ever expressed a preference that was where we'd go, anyway - he was so easygoing, he wouldn't consider it worth a fight.

Buzz kissed me when he parked up and then asked me to wait in the car.

"Are you kidding?"

"It's a dive, honey, you don't wanna be in there. I'll be five minutes, tops."

I waited. I checked my makeup, best I could, in the rear view. I tidied my purse some, using up a stray stick of gum and surprising myself by finding thirty five cents and a lost earring in the lining. Then, probably because I'd been told not to go inside, I decided I needed the bathroom. Buzz's 'five minutes' had stretched to almost fifteen.

The fog of smoke and beer fumes hit me as I walked up the stairs. The place was a warren of rooms, with a dingy bar centrally placed.

"You got a ladies' room?" I asked the bartender, when I didn't see any obvious signs. He snorted and a couple of guys, who I'd thought were sleeping on their bar stools, looked around.

"We got a bathroom, sugar. Ain't much call for 'ladies' round here." He jerked his thumb towards the next room.

As I made my way past the pool tables in the room, I winced and cursed mentally, recognizing one of the players. Luckily, he had his back to me and I slipped into the bathroom without his noticing, the sound of pool balls crashing together following me in.

But when I came out, Tim Shepard was leaning back on the table, his stick resting idly in one hand, between his legs.

"Another one of your surprise appearances?" He smirked. "You shoulda called. I woulda picked you up."

I made to walk past, but he moved - unhurried, like a cat stretching - to block my way. "What're you doing here?"

"Leavin'," I said sarcastically, although the fact that I couldn't get past him made me a liar.

He took a step forwards, I took a step back. He grinned. And did it again.

"Ain't we been dancin' around this long enough, sweetheart?" Tim was very close now and I ran out of space to back into, bumping into the pool table. The room was real quiet, only two other guys apart from him. One was doing a good impression of being asleep at the small table in the corner, but Tim's opponent just watched from the other side of the table.

Probably would just watch if Tim lifted me up and did me right there.

"At some point...," Buzz announced from the doorway. I nearly collapsed with relief at the sound of his voice, the tone light and playful as always. "At some point, even you, Shepard, have to accept. It simply ain't true."

Tim turned around, his lip curling in distaste. I darted around him, over to Buzz, who was still waxing lyrical.

"They say it, I know...Who is 'they'? You ever wonder that? 'They' say so much shit, huh?" He shook his head, like he'd never know the answer. "Well, they say it, but it just ain't true. Sorry, an' all, but it ain't."

Tim finally took the bait. "What ain't true?"

Buzz's face went very still and he lost the jovial tone. "Chicks. Don't. Dig. Scars."

Tim's eyes were glacial. A small nerve twitched in his cheek. He noticed me slip my hand into Buzz's. "They don't dig losers like you, Richardson. Not for long. Remember?" He winked at me. "Come back when you wanna play with a real man, sweetheart." He turned his back on us, lining up his stick over the table.

"You breathe in her direction again, I'mma take you down, Shepard," Buzz said calmly.

Tim didn't show any sign of hearing him, just took his shot, the ball exploding into the corner pocket.

Outside, I rounded on Buzz, before we'd even gone as far as the car.

"You're gonna 'take him down'? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Hey, didn't you once complain because I didn't run off some lowlife that was hitting on you?"

"That wasn't about me, in there. That was about you an' Shepard. 'Remember'?" I put the same spin on the word that Tim had.

Buzz had the grace to keep quiet and not argue.

I glared at him. "What gives?"

"Can we at least get in the car? I'm turning into a Popsicle here." Something was off in his jokey tone, however much he was trying. He delayed further once we were in the car, by starting the engine and pulling away.

"Hey!" I objected.

"Hey, yourself. I ain't hanging around there. We can talk somewhere I don't gotta watch for hoods tryin' to steal the hubs while we're still in the car."

Somewhere turned out to be the park overlooking the river. Not a place we'd ever been to as a make out spot, mainly because we didn't need one; we had the whole Richardson house when we wanted it.

Buzz kissed me. I let him, but then I pulled back. "Spill."

He kept his arm around me as he spoke, although his attention looked like it was on the quarter he twirled in and out of the fingers on his other hand. It was like drumming his fingers for Buzz, the thing he did when he was thinking.

"Me an' Shepard got history."

No shit? I held my tongue.

"When I was in high school, I had a huge crush on this chick. She didn't think I was all that...but for some reason her dad loved me. Out of all the guys she dated – not that there were that many, don't get me wrong – I dunno why, but her dad thought I was okay. He didn't sound off at her if he thought she was seein' me." Buzz was quiet for a long while. I didn't interrupt. He shook himself out of whatever memory he'd been reliving and continued. "So she told him she was out with me. When she wasn't. She went with Shepard."

I waited but he didn't elaborate.

"She two-timed you with Tim Shepard?" I prompted.

"Wasn't even that, really. Not like we were going steady or nothin'. It was just convenient for her, to have everyone think she was dating me."

"Was it convenient for her to have everyone think you knocked her up?"

That surprised him. "You knew?"

I shook my head. "Not about Shepard. Not anything about her. Someone told me you knocked up some chick, is all."

"You know what happened to her?"

When I nodded, Buzz gave me a small, sad smile. "Yeah. Well. Now ya know the rest. Wasn't me, it was Shepard." He grabbed the quarter in his fist in a sudden movement. "What I can't forgive him for is, he didn't do nothin' to help her. We were all kids, y'know. But if it hadda been me, I'd have tried to help her."

I could suddenly see his sympathy for Sylvia, when Dallas was killed, in whole new light. It was more than just being a good brother – he knew what she was feeling. He'd liked, maybe even loved, the girl who died. I thought it was interesting that he now seemed to live by a code of calm acceptance. I'd lost count of the times he shrugged off a setback with the words, 'You win some, you lose some.' Something similar had crept into Sylvia's attitude to life. Guess things like losing money, or even a car, didn't seem so important if you lost someone in the way they had.

I wondered if I could ever explain all this to Sarah. It must have been a huge deal for her crowd at school...and I remembered Darry staring at Buzz with dislike. Darry, who'd been at school with Sarah and the girl who died.

"Why didn't you tell people it wasn't you?" I thought of Soda and Sandy. Pretty much everyone knew why she'd disappeared now. Plenty of people assumed it was Soda's baby. As far as I knew, he didn't go out of his way to correct them.

For a while, a nasty, judgmental part of me had thought that maybe he wanted it to enhance his rep, to have people think he'd got a girl pregnant, like some kind of stud. But then I got to thinking that actually he was preserving Sandy's rep a little, so people wouldn't think she went with lots of guys. When Buzz just shrugged in answer to my question, I figured his motivation was the same.

What were the odds? Two kids in our neighborhood, trying to do the right thing by girls who'd cheated on them. Maybe it meant there was more hope than hoodlums.

But this enmity with Tim was a dangerous thing; a potential powder keg waiting to blow up. No wonder he loathed Trey running with the Shepard gang.

"You didn't mean that back there? What you said to Tim – you ain't gonna get into it with him, are you?" I'd never seen Buzz fight. He looked like a fighter, with his muscles and his tattoos, but he was actually one of the gentlest guys I'd ever been around. Then again...

"Aw, we don't cross paths that often. We got our own...turf. If he stays outta my way, won't be no problem."

"Did he get in your way before?" The thing that had been nagging at me was a full on itch now. I had to ask. "When you went inside, was that because of fighting with Tim?"

"Much as I'd like to say yes, I ain't never actually assaulted the bastard, if that's what you're asking. I never got hauled in for fighting."

Oh. I suppose I'd assumed it. You go with what seems most likely, what you're used to, right?

Buzz grinned at me. "Did I just go down in your estimation? You look kinda disappointed."

I told him no, indignantly. "Sylvia never said. She just told me you were in, at the same time as your dad."

"Jeez, where'd ya think I was? McAlester? I was only in County. Caught the judge on a bad day, 's'all." He laughed. "No wonder you looked down your nose at me, that first time you came by."

The time I blackmailed Sylvia and her cop. The first time I laid eyes on Buzz. I'd thought he was handsome, even with his prison hair cut. Like he was reading my mind, he rubbed my hand over his hair.

"Do I look less like a hardened criminal now?"

I tightened my hand in his hair, not enough to hurt, just enough to pull him over for a kiss.

"You look like you," I told him.

"Holy Christ, as bad as that?"

"I can live with the view." I grinned.

It was only much, much later that I realized he hadn't actually said what he was inside for.