Part Two: Analysed
10.
I dodged questions all dinner, saying little if anything. Only knowing I couldn't raise Kit's suspicions kept me functioning. Then I bolted, dragging Coop with me and barring the door.
As my Mac booted up, I pulled the wolfdog onto my lap with difficulty. Clamping my arms around him, I buried my face in his fur. Coop didn't seem to mind the cram, settling his head and front paws on the arm of my desk chair. Maybe he sensed my inner tempest, or sniffed it.
I was far more shaken up over Violet's… confession… than I cared to admit to anyone. Myself included.
It needed to be shared with the other Virals, so it was handy I had already called that meeting for ten minutes' time. It gave me a sliver of headspace.
When I clicked over to our video conference, only Shelton was on, so I played with Cooper while first Hi, then Ben, popped up.
"Hey guys. Thanks for joining." I smiled, already feeling sick from the news I had to break. After Violet's issue, though. "I have two – "
"Holy crap." Hi looked up from his Nutella for the first time and almost dropped the jar. "Tor, you look terrible."
"So do you. Never seen wet hair before?"
"Sure have, but I've also seen pictures of Plague victims, and you also look like one of them."
"Thanks, Jake Gyllenhaal, call me when you win your Hottest Male award." I was fully playing defence now. Ironically.
"You are looking pretty ill, Tory," Shelton said, peering at the screen with a worried crease between his eyes. Ben, at least, wasn't giving me a doctorly look of diagnosis, but that didn't stem my irritation.
"So what if I'm not looking sunshine and daisies? If that's how I'm looking now, prepare to look ten times worse yourself in five minutes' time," I snapped. "I have two things I need to say, that you need to hear. Feel free to arse around after that."
I checked each segment; the boys seemed suitably taken aback for me to relate the problems without stupid jokes peppered in. Not that I was a good person for forcing them into this. Way to isolate yourself from the pack when you need them most, Brennan.
I took a deep breath, ducking to tuck Coop's back under my chin. "Sorry. I didn't mean to bitch at you. But, um, firstly I was at soccer practice today and one of the other defenders – Violet Stanley, her father's a Reverend somewhere – she wouldn't so much as receive a pass from me.
"Ella called her out on it, and she eventually told us that her Daddy's told her to avoid any contact with – with me."
"What? Why?" Ben's first words today sounded scathing. I wondered if he'd feel the same way once we finished the VidCon.
Unlikely. It would change everything.
"Because Madison's been telling everyone at her Church that I'm possessed," I said heavily.
"What?"
"Dayum."
"Why?"
I dropped my gaze from the screen, where the boys' incredulous faces sat, to Cooper's grey fur. Ran my hands through it, prompting him to rub his body upwards. "I think we can guess why she thinks that."
"I meant, why now?" Hi pointed a finger-gun at me. "She saw your eyes last July. You went psychic on her like six months ago. What's new?"
"Her church? Nah, wait. Her counsellor. She's not been in therapy that long."
"She's in therapy?" Ben's shock prompted me to look his way. I wanted to bury my face in my hands. But that wouldn't do.
I just nodded jerkily instead. "I feel like pond scum about it."
"First Chance, then Madison. Our body count is too high." Hi shook his head, setting the Nutella aside.
"Is there anyone else who's seen some of our powers but we haven't yet turned crazy?" Shelton asked, anxiety tingeing his tone.
Ben screwed up his face. Which prompted the answer from my brain.
"Oh – oh no, no, we are are not turning Jason into a third Tory-hating mental patient. Third time lucky says we succeed this time. How hard is it to keep acquaintances sane? At least Chance and Maddy hated me already. Jason's a … buddy."
"Buddy. Right." I ignored Ben and his unimpressed tone. "Doesn't matter anyway if Madison spreads this crap. Everyone will know."
"They won't have evidence," Shelton pointed out.
"Good stories never came from evidence," Hi scoffed.
"So as long as our flares stay under control, I'm safe?" I knotted my fingers in Cooper's fur. "Well that's clearly not a problem, because my flares are obviously under control. Didn't that list I sent you demonstrate just how in control I am?"
I sucked in a shuddering breath, too close to losing emotional control. Closed my eyes as my friends chipped in support.
"We'll figure it out, Tory."
"We always do."
"It's what Virals do."
There it was. That word that no longer just meant Pack strength.
I couldn't stay silent. "That is what Virals do. But it's what our pack isn't doing. I mean – we're no longer getting anywhere." Glancing up at their expressions, I noted confusion to narrow-eyed suspicion; pushed on regardless. "Guys, I – I need to find out what's going wrong, because with all this? I'm scared. And I don't want to stay like this."
Hi's mild confusion dropped into and expression of open-mouthed horror as he realised. One down. I pushed on.
"I want to know what's gone wrong. So I've –" swallow "– texted Chance. Candela can have me."
"Tory, no!" Shelton.
"No – we said – no – " Hi.
"What?" Ben hit his table so hard the camera shook. Bit out every word forcefully. "We said. We said no testing until Claybourne has our trust."
"I'm not saying we all have to do it. You can do whatever you want. But I have to at least tell you." I gripped Coop's fur tighter.
"Tory. Please. Don't – just…" Hi shook his head, as if trying to remove the realisation from his head. "You can't."
"I can. I have to."
"But why have you volunteered – and early too – to be a lab rat?" Shelton was aghast.
"Because I'm so freaking terrified that my mind's about to untether from my body at any moment. Because our flares can come and go without warning. Because I'm hearing people's actual thoughts in my mind – which I don't think dogs can do either, which makes me doubly mental. Pick any one of those." My voice was shaking. I clamped my arms full around Cooper and buried my face in his fur; the boys kept on talking.
"We can sort that alone," Shelton tried. "It's not that weird."
"I bet dogs can mind-read. Psychic mutts. Just another normal Veterinary Practice 101." Hi didn't sound like he was convincing himself with that terrible attempt at light-hearted.
"I'm doing it," I mumbled. We weren't getting anywhere with delusions.
"Tory." Ben sounded neutral. "Tory. Victoria Grace." That made me look up, sceptical of Ben's reaction if he'd used the full name. "I'm coming with you."
I gaped, not prepared for this. As the words sank in, my body had the least expected reaction of all.
Relaxing. Eyes dampening embarrassingly. Ben was coming with me?
Even after all we'd said – his reasonable terms – we were going to enter Chance's laboratory together.
And there wasn't even anything really wrong with Ben. It was all for me.
I smiled gratefully, putting all the emotional overload into that one expression. "Thank you."
My eyes stayed on his quarter of the screen. Ben offered me a smile up to one side, the underlying nervousness in both of us needing no further words.
The moment broke when Shelton let out a loud groan and leaned over the back of his garage chair to wing his phone at the floor beanbag. It landed on target, just. "Don't do it, Hiram!"
Hi – evidently texting Shelton – held up his own phone in surrender. "I'm not telling you to."
"Damn you." Shelton put his head on the keyboard. "Once Tory goes, Ben goes, you go, and I go. The pack stays together." He thumped his head once. "I thought we weren't going to volunteer for this until we found the stupid mutts?"
"I can't wait any longer," I said quietly. "There's too much at stake. Too much danger. You don't have to come – anyone. This is different from our normal – well, usual – adventures."
"No. It's just the same." Shelton sat back, face slightly squished and bouncing side to side. "In danger again. Lives threatened. Unsolved mysteries. It's so Viral I never should have put my money against it. Damn you, Stolowitski."
Hi snickered. "We've been on the waiting list from day one, dude. Never bet against Tory. Can't believe you don't remember that after all this time."
Shelton sighed, rolled his eyes. "Alrighty. Imma go count out my savings. Keep me updated." His square winked into darkness, and Hi rubbed his hands together, wearing his 'miserly villain' expression.
"I gotta go collect Shelton's debt. See you in a few. Not," he added, half-off the chair but pointing the Nutella jar at the camera, "that this stops us being both pissed off and nervous as hell about what you've done, Tor, but we'll be over it by tomorrow lunchtime. Laters."
Hi's segment blinked off too, and my screen transitioned to split Ben and I a half each. Blown up to half-Mac size, I could appreciate anew the boys' worry about me. I really did look like a zombie. It was a wonder nobody had tried to quote The Walking Dead at me.
"Ben?" The word came out weaker than I'd wanted to sound. But I had nothing more to offer.
He gave me a small, gentle smile. "It's – it'll be okay, Tory."
"But – how? How is this going to be okay in any way?" I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. "I'm sorry. I asked for it. And you're just trying to help me feel better. You don't have to come to watch me face the consequences of my own stupid, stupid decisions. Or stupid consequences of okay decisions that I should have seen coming back round to bite me."
This was the product of my body's reaction over the last year, my reaction over that time. I felt like the substrate me had been catalysed into a different product in the catalyst of time and virus.
I sucked a deep, shaking breath. Tried not to lose it.
I was close to the edge here.
"You did what you had to, to protect us. Don't regret that." Ben leaned forward and smiled properly at me. A full-face, teeth-flashing, eye-crinkling smile that warmed me for a moment. "And of course I'm not leaving you. Wouldn't consider it, ever. Not for a second – not even when I'm angry and say stupid stuff. I've always got your back."
"Thanks, Ben." I said it slowly so the words would mean more as I smiled through watery vision. There was nothing more I had to say than those words.
"Are we needing me to chauffeur at some point, then?"
"Is tomorrow too early?" I grimaced, palming my eyes, glad of the return to the short return to light-hearted topics. "Chance's suggestion."
"No. Better not to give you more time. We know what you're like with overthinking, so now we're doing the best thing… better to get started now. I mean," Ben grasped for the words, "all the stuff you've got going wrong? It's scary. Too big for us."
I swallowed. "Thanks for understanding." Coop stood up on my lap, or tried to, so I unwound my arms and let him wander around my room. I watched him for a second before turning back to the screen. "God. This sounds stupid, but I really miss you being here. Like, opposite Kit's place."
"I've got weekends," Ben offered, "but I know. Feels like – like half my life is missing. Replaced by…"
"We're still here," I promised. "We'll just have to make every second count for more than it already did."
Ben nodded, shifting his arms to fidget in his lap.
If I was there, I'd have taken an arm and pulled it away, tucking myself under instead. But we were separated by an hour's road of Lowcountry, and neither of us were touchy-feely people, and all we ever did was circle in arguments so we could never work at a relationship while the pack stood.
But I needed him, and I wanted more.
Before I could think twice about the rubbish cliché, I said quietly, "I wish I was with you now. Beside you."
The words almost made me cringe, but Ben only flushed slightly. "Tomorrow. We'll be back… together… tomorrow."
I blinked away the tired-tears, jumping as the connecting music filled my speakers. Hi, coming back the chat.
I couldn't face him now. I hit the disconnect button, grabbing my phone and shooting Ben a text before he freaked.
Sorry for quitting. Couldn't deal with Hi/anyone else.
A reply pinged almost instantly. It's all good. I did the same.
That almost made me laugh. I went to grab Coop just as a knock came.
"Tory?" Kit.
I went to the door, unlocking before throwing my arms around him. Squeezed hard. It took my dad only a second to hug me back.
"Hey, cub. You okay? I thought I could hear you getting a bit…" He trailed off, unsure. I looked up at him.
"It's just some of this school stuff. It's pretty overwhelming. I might go with the boys to Ella's for a revision session tomorrow to sort it. But thanks, Dad."
"S'okay. You definitely alright?" He peered closely at my face. "You've never been that worried about school."
"Some of the girls have been saying nasty things too," I admitted. The rumour might get back to him anyhow. "About me. But I'm over it now. I've got Ella."
"Tom said you'd sorted it out with Ben, too."
"Yeah. All four of us are… good, again."
"Well, good."
I smiled and released Kit. "Thanks for checking."
"No problem. It's in my job description, right?"
"Probably. Somewhere." I turned away, back into my room.
"Wait, Tor. Make sure you're back from your study session in time to cook with Whit, okay?"
"Sure thing." Grr.
I had mended my fences on multiple accounts now. The weight off my shoulders was a giant relief. But now to get through tomorrow.
A/N: Welcome to Part Two! I promise I won't bring out ~~all the dialogue~~ for all chapters. That was pretty heavy. I started forgetting the speech marks, ha. The first draft of this also my first writing for JulNoWriMo 2014 (which at the time of posting I am majorly stuck on). I'm going on holiday for a couple of weeks now - with wifi so I should be able to update as per my usual schedule - but the packing and school holiday work has been insane, so I'm really sorry about the delay getting this chapter up :(
What are your feelings on single-scene chapters? I'm just interested as to how they work compared to multiple-scene chapters :) Next time: Susan, Azad and adverse effects.
