Title: All The Wrong Reasons
Author:
MistressKiko
Rating:
M
Pairing: Shizuo x Izaya
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters!

THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS. You have been warned.

"Mirads" are my made up creatures.

Shizuo's POV

"... hospitalized? What happened?" I asked anxiously, a cold ball of worry knotting together in my chest. I haphazardly sat on the edge of my bed.

"He got caught up in some trouble while on the job. Apparently he was surrounded by some gang members and beaten. Some lady found him unconscious in an alleyway. He's alive, but he still hasn't responded to anything," Kuraku explained. I swallowed tightly, running a hand through my hair shakily.

"Give me the name of the guy he approached," I demanded, clenching my fist.

"Shizuo, don't do anything rash-"

"I'm not going to. Just give me the name," I growled.

"Well um... hold on a second," Kuraku gave in. There was a thump, and I figured he had set the phone down to go find out the name.

"Shizuo?"

I looked up, seeing Izaya standing over me with a concerned expression.

"Tom's in the hospital," I explained vaguely, before looking at the floor and waiting impatiently.

"Hey, you still there? His name was Taijou Tanaka."

"Is someone named Taijou Tanaka connected with Shiki?" I looked back up as I asked Izaya. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.

"Not that I know of..." he trailed off uncertainly.

I sighed.

"Thanks, Kuraku. Give me the number to the hospital he's at."

I wrote down the number and hung up the phone, burying my face in my hands afterward. Beaten unconscious? Tom? I could hardly even comprehend it. It was impossible.

But it was impossible because I was his bodyguard. I was supposed to be there, and I wasn't.

"Hey," Izaya whispered. I felt his hand on my shoulder and immediately reacted, pulling away.

"Just-" I began, taking a deep breath before burying myself under the blankets, "Leave me alone."

Fuck, my chest hurt. Tom was the only true friend I had. Even with Izaya, he had helped all he could without even knowing the circumstances! Right when I heard he was hospitalized, I got the chilling feeling that Shiki was going to play dirty and hurt anyone who knew me. It wouldn't have been a long list, but that's what would have made it hurt worse. I didn't open myself to many, but those I did, I gave my all for. But it looked like it was just a regular debt collecting gone wrong.

I wasn't relieved by that in the slightest.

Unconscious. Still unconscious. He could very well never wake up.

Impossible. I had just talked to him yesterday.

If I would have been there, it wouldn't have happened. That single thought was what kept hammering against the inside of my head, making me feel sick.

I had been selfish. I just left.

But I left for a purpose. Izaya. I couldn't bring myself to regret my decision to leave, because Izaya was here with me, happy and free from the clutches of that fucking bastard. I cared about him too. It's not like I could have known this would happen to Tom. I was rational enough to understand that.

It still didn't make me feel any better.

The next four days were a blur. All that mattered were the phone calls to the hospital; the talks about Tom's condition and what was being done. I was too worried to do anything else but lay in bed and hope that the next phone call that came would tell me Tom was alright.

Izaya stayed clear of me. I would catch his worried glances every now and then, but he mainly payed attention to Shizu-chan, and often took him outside.

It was on the night of the fourth day that I could finally rest easy.

"He's conscious?" I exclaimed, my entire body buzzing in relief.

"Yes sir. He regained consciousness about an hour ago, and he seems to be fine," the nurse assured me, and the first smile in the last four days crossed my face.

"Thank you so much. Tell him Shizuo said to call him the moment he can," I replied, gripping the phone. I wanted to dance around, I was so relieved. I ended the call and turned around, "He's alright!"

Izaya was sitting on his bed with Shizu-chan in his lap, and he smiled.

"I'm glad," Izaya said softly, looking down at Shizu-chan. I was confused by the attitude, and then the color of his eyes registered in my mind.

Shit, I had been worrying over Tom so much that I had hardly spoken a word to Izaya, much less made any contact. Thinking back to when I shrugged away his touch, I winced.

"Ah..." I started, sitting on his bed, "I can... hug you... or something."

Izaya snorted.

"I can last, Shizuo. It's not like I'll die without it," he said, basically rejecting the idea. This alarmed and confused me. What was with this guy? One minute he wanted to touch me, and the next he appeared almost completely repulsed by me!

I didn't like those dim eyes.

I shuffled on the bed, sliding behind Izaya and embracing his shoulders. He tensed in my hold, as heat began seeping through my arms.

"Shizuo," Izaya complained, struggling in my hold. I just held on tighter. Shizu-chan apparently didn't like the struggling, so he jumped off Izaya's lap. I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Maybe I should have done this when I was freaking out about Tom. It would have calmed me down," I muttered. He stopped struggling.

"But... aren't you angry?" Izaya asked, glancing over his shoulder.

"Angry? Hell yes I'm angry. If I ever see this Taijou guy, he's fucking dead," I growled.

"Not..." Izaya trailed off, looking uncertain.

"Izaya?"

"I thought you were angry at me," Izaya admitted.

"Why the hell would I be angry at you?"

"Because! Your friend got hurt and you were supposed to be his bodyguard, right? But you couldn't be, because you were stuck here with me!"

Ah.

Izaya had been thinking this the whole time?

"I don't regret being here," I said truthfully, solidly, "Something like this could have happened at any time. I'm not going to be able to protect Tom 24/7. So get those thoughts out of your head right now."

Izaya turned in my hold, facing me. His eyes were staring, fixated, onto mine, his expression something between awe and... and I don't know, but it made me nervous. His hand raised, and I held my breath when his fingertips trailed over my cheek.

"You..." He whispered, his fingertips stopping at my chin. He suddenly slumped into my arms, burying his face into my chest and laughing.

"Izaya?" I asked uncertainly. This was odd.

He pulled back and looked up at me again, his eyes wet and a smile on his face. I swallowed harshly. A man should not look like that.

"I don't even know. I'm just happy and relieved and," Izaya listed, suddenly wrapping his arms around my neck and pouncing forward. I fell back on the bed with an ooph, him on top of me, "Hey, hey, can we stay like this tonight?"

Heat rose in my cheeks, definitely not the cause of the energy transfer, and I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him.

"Sure," I said, shifting just slightly to get more comfortable.

"I really am happy about Tom. I've been worried about you these last few days," Izaya admitted. My heart twisted. I felt guilty for practically neglecting him.

"Sorry. Tom and I go way back and I... was just scared of losing him," I replied.

"Way back? How'd you meet him?" Izaya inquired, and I heard him yawn right after.

"Well, technically it wasn't too far back, but I've never kept a friend longer than him, so it's been a long time to me. He was already in college when I was still in high school. He actually saw me in a fight with some bastards who were picking on one of the weak kids, and first approached me with the idea of 'trying to get this kid off the street,'" I explained, a wry smile on my face, "He's all about justice and a lawful society. Needless to say, he quickly realized I wasn't one of those hooligans, and we just started hanging out after that. He's the one who got me my job."

"Hm.. I think I'm jealous," Izaya said, his fingers twirling my hair.

"Jealous?"

"He's lucky to have you."

"... don't get all sentimental on me all of a sudden."

Izaya chuckled, and his fingers dropped from my hair.

"It's nice, though. Having someone to confide in, knowing they are looking out for your best interests instead of their own. I'm starting to realize how much I want that," Izaya spoke softly, and I listened attentively, surprised at him talking openly like this, "It's hard to establish that, being a mirad. We get tossed around so much and hardly ever stay in one place. I've never known one person for over two years."

"I've meant to ask about that. After this contract with Shiki is over, what do you want me to do with the jewelry box?"

There was no answer. I could feel the steady rise and fall of Izaya's chest against mine, and assumed he had fell asleep.

"I don't know," he muttered so softly I could hardly hear it, proving my theory wrong, "I almost want to say seal it away so no one else can find me."

I frowned.

"You'll just be in white nothingness for the rest of your life that way!"

"It's not that bad. I mean, mirads are used to it. That's the place we were born, or at least, it is my first memory of anything. Sure, it will be a little hard to adjust to after knowing what exists in the human realm but... I almost think it's better than risking getting another contractor like Shiki."

I wanted, so badly, to kill this Shiki guy with my bare hands.

White nothingness over a man like him? That was saying more than anything else ever could.

"I swear, after this time limit is over, I am finding a way to put that man behind bars, at the very least."

"No you won't," Izaya said, clutching at my shoulders, "Leave him alone."

My temper flared.

"But why? Why are you defending that man when you're clearly scared shitless of him?" I hissed. He jumped when I pulled his shirt up, spreading my hand over his back, "These came from him didn't they? You really don't want to see him get a taste of his own medicine?"

"I've told you before, I don't care if that man dies," Izaya replied, lifting his head up so our eyes could connect, "But I do care if you die."

I was speechless.

Izaya looked at me for a moment longer before sighing and resting his head back on my chest. I kinda wished his head was in a different place, because even I could feel my heartbeat growing faster. Sheesh, just throw that one out of nowhere, why don't you?

I was happy. Strangely enough, the confession made me happy. He cared about me; he accepted me. Both things that he had been reaching for himself throughout his life.

"Well I care about you, too. And seeing these scars makes me so angry I can hardly contain myself. I would erase them if I could," I said, then my eyes widened, "Hey, what if I wished them gone?"

Izaya looked up at me again, eyebrows raised.

"... I can't grant that wish," he said, smiling afterward, "But thanks, Shizuo."

I scowled. Why the hell not?

He chuckled at my expression, and yet again rested his head against my chest. My muscles had already transformed into goo, and the heat was pleasant and welcome without any covers.

I just couldn't accept it. I couldn't let him out for anyone and everyone to grab, and I couldn't confine him to the jewelry box either.

I could contract with him.

No, no, I had already thought of this. The thought of owning another person like that was something I'd never want to take part in.

But.

"What if... I contracted with you?" I asked softly, completely still as I waited for the answer.

It never came.

Izaya really had fallen asleep this time.

I sighed, and closed my eyes. Maybe it was better this way. I shouldn't be asking about things I wasn't so sure of myself.


FACTS:

1. I figured it would be too cliche to do the whole 'Shiki got a hold of Tom because of Izaya' thing, so yes, it was just a fluke. Some dude didn't like being told what to do, and got some gang members to beat him up.
2. I rewrote this chapter... twice...
3. Though the 'Tom getting injured' thing will tie into the story, and make for a few moments/dialogue, the main reason I did this is for a time skip, lawlz.
4. Depending on how I decide I want to continue with the storyline, you will be getting a smutty moment either the next chapter or the following ^_^

centurylm: Lol, yeah, I toyed with the idea of whether Izaya could hear everything from the jewelry box or not, but due to later scenes, I decided it would be best if he couldn't
izeitgeist: I DO love cliffhangers :D
PlanetStorm: Your review made me so happy, thank you ;~;!

EDIT: I am an idiot. Thank you for all the warnings, guys. Here is chapter 12!