Sanji rubbed his arm where Zoro had grabbed him as he walked out to Chopper's desk. He was sure Zoro hadn't meant to hurt him. Zoro wasn't that kind of guy. It had just been a fit. He had just woken up from being blacked out from emotional distress. Sanji had probably done something to set him off.
He reached Chopper's desk. "He's awake." Sanji stated simply and quietly.
Chopper looked at him with glee. "Alright, I am going to go ask him some questions to see if I can confirm my diagnosis. If you'll just wait out here," Chopper paused "You know for Doctor patient confidentiality."
Sanji nodded and sat in a chair in front of Chopper's desk. He watched the little doctor walk down the hallway and enter Zoro's room. Sanji rolled up his sleeve to look at his arm where Zoro had grabbed him. It was already starting to bruise.
He swallowed a thick lump that had formed in his throat. He wondered if you would be able to see the finger indentations like when Sanji had been attacked. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing. Now was not the time nor the place to relive that.
Sanji leaned forward and held his own head on either side. It was hard to pull air into his chest. He felt his palms becoming clammy. A hand on his shoulder made him jump.
He looked up to see Law had crouched in front of him and was eyeing him with concern. That was strange in itself. In the time Luffy had brought Law into their lives not once had he seen concern on the doctor's face in such an earnest manner. Usually Chopper made up for that ten fold. That's why they were always on shift together.
Law let go and moved away. "Sorry you looked like you needed someone to pull you out of your head."
"I'm fine." Sanji muttered.
"Luffy always tells me 'fine never means fine.' Which is annoying because I tell him I'm fine all the time but," Law paused for a minute, "now I see what he means." Law was studying him. Great.
"Do me a favor and shut the fuck up?" Could his mood get any worse?
"I'm inclined to let you go on with whatever you're dealing with but, I know Luffy would be upset if I let one of his friends suffer."
"I don't have to listen to this. Let Zoro know I went to my quarters to shower and change." Sanji got up to leave.
"If you leave now and don't let me know what's going on, I will tell Luffy."
Sanji paused at the threat. He turned to look at Law. Law would do it in a heartbeat. That was the last fucking thing he wanted. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "What do you want?"
"Well you were just showing signs of a panic attack so why don't we start there? You can tell me and I won't tell anyone else. Doctor patient confidentiality and all."
"But, you just said you would tell Luffy you ass."
"Well I wasn't treating you so while I was and am a doctor in that moment you weren't my patient." A sly smile grew on the doctor's face.
"So you're blackmailing me into treatment?"
"I suppose that's one way of looking at it. I'd like to think I am just helping my boyfriend's friend the best way I know how. Now, what was going on before I interrupted you?" Law had brought the conversation back to Sanji's panic attack.
"I-I went through some stuff a while back and sometimes I relive it when certain things happen. They set me off." Sanji stated not meeting Law's amber eyes.
"Do you have strategies for dealing with your PTSD?"
Sanji didn't like that label for his issue. Law was looking at him waiting for an answer. "Not really, no. I tend to just go somewhere and ride it out."
Law nodded. "Would you like me to give you some strategies?"
Sanji tried to find a reason to say no, but he knew if he said yes this conversation would be over quicker. "Sure, whatever."
"Here is one that I found helpful in the past. It is a distraction method. You count five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. I think this one works well because it grounds you in the now. In what is real." Law explained. Sanji had noticed his wording. A strategy Law had found helpful? He'd ponder that later.
Sanji nodded. The strategy actually made sense. He was expecting something like 'keep a journal' or 'try breathing deeply'. He always hated that. 'Breathe deeply'. What did you think he was trying to do?
"We'll stick with that one for now. I would also recommend talking out the things you feel during your attacks but, that doesn't seem likely right now."
"I would just prefer not to." Sanij said quietly. He realized some of his annoyance with the current situation had subsided. Law was genuinely trying to help even if it was under the guise of doing it for Luffy.
"That's what I figured. You can always talk to me if you need to though. I am an actual doctor." Law went and sat behind his desk. "Two last things; One, you should probably be honest with your partner about your trauma if you want that to last and two, I don't like bread. Please stop putting it in my meals?"
Sanji smirked at the last one. "I will think about it. Please let Zoro know I went to shower and change. If you guys let him out will you have him message me?"
"Yeah. I am serious about the bread though!"
Sanji made his escape.
"Chopper, really I am fine!"
"People who are fine don't suddenly pass out Zoro. You are not leaving this infirmary until I know that you are okay. If you would just tell me what happened, I might believe you." Chopper was in his most human like form standing over Zoro. The doctor had shoved him back into bed twice now.
Zoro crossed his arms. "Nothing happened! The room got all slanted and then I woke up here!"
"I know you are lying Zoro. You won't even look me in the eye!" The doctor called him out. "You know I won't tell anyone else. Why are you being difficult?"
Zoro knew why. It was because that part of his history, that part of him, was the most private part of himself. He didn't want to wave it around like some flag. It was painful. It made him vulnerable. That memory was his and his alone. He huffed. He looked Chopper in the eye with fierce determination. "That lady tapped my shoulder and I turned and got dizzy. I don't know why. I tried to grab the wall but, it was too late. The room looked tilted and fuzzy and then I fell. Next thing I know I woke up here."
Chopper's brow furrowed. He knew Zoro was still lying but, he also knew he wasn't going to get the real reason out of him. The doctor returned to his original form and added something to his notes on his tablet and left the room looking defeated.
Zoro felt a pang of guilt. Soon after Chopper left, Law walked in. He waited for Law to try and get a straight answer out of him but, Law just studied Zoro in silence.
"Yes?" Zoro questioned impatiently.
"You will be discharged in a couple hours. Sanji asked me to tell you he went to his room to shower and change. He also asked me to have you message him if there was any news." Law stated.
"Thanks for letting me know." Zoro responded.
"I saw the bruise on Sanji's arm. I don't know if it was intentional or not but, if I see signs of domestic abuse …" Law trailed off but, the look on his face said it all. Law turned and left the room.
Zoro was not scared of the doctor but, that was not the point. He would never intentionally hurt Sanji. It had been a one time mistake. It would not happen again. Zoro started to feel sick to his stomach. Had he really bruised Sanji? Fuck. He really hadn't meant to hurt him. He just was trying to figure out that look. That damn look. It would always haunt him. He grabbed his communicator from his bedside table.
He wanted to out right apologize but, he knew it would mean more face to face.
1032 They said they would discharge me in a few hours.
1034 Cook: That's good news. I am glad you're okay.
1034 Can we meet up and talk?
1037 Cook: I missed the breakfast shift, I need to work.
Zoro couldn't tell if Sanji was avoiding him or if he genuinely did need to work. Probably a little of both were true. He sighed in defeat just as his communicator chirped.
1040 Cook: We could meet up after dinner. Around 2030?
1040 Sounds good. I hope you have a good day at work.
Sanji was sitting on the edge of his bed with a towel wrapped around his waist staring at his communicator. He knew there was no reason to avoid Zoro. He wasn't sure why he felt like he needed to. He hadn't assaulted Sanji. He had only grabbed him. Once. That was it. Zoro up until today had always been gentle and mindful of Sanji. Even going so far as to cut grappling out of their sparring so Sanji could enjoy himself.
Sanji let out a deep sigh. He would talk to Zoro about it. That was the right thing to do. Instead of being a coward. Sanji paused for a moment in his thoughts to take note of something. Usually this would be the point that he would jump ship. End things because they had grown too complicated. This was the first time he felt like talking to one of his partners would be worth it. That it would actually make a difference.
He felt himself smile a little. Zoro was worth it.
Sanji got up and went into his bathroom. He turned the water on. He liked his showers piping hot. He knew cold showers were better for your skin and hair but, they were hardly relaxing. He started to wash himself. His thoughts fluttering around the fact that things might actually be okay. This is not a mentality that found him often but, he could definitely get used to this.
In three weeks time the Sunny would reach their next destination. A planet called Dressrosa. He was excited despite Robin's remarks. Staff members would get a much needed reprieve from their jobs because passengers would be disembarking for a few weeks while the Sunny refueled and restocked.
He had heard mixed things about the planet. The creepy things Robin had told him made him feel a bit weary. He had heard good things too though. That the food was excellent. That the planet was known for the beautiful wildflowers that grew last thing he had heard was of the beautiful and passionate women. He could only imagine.
His mind created images of beautiful women. Then his mind conjured another image. One of him and Zoro in a field of wildflowers. Zoro kissing him gently after placing a flower behind his ear. He should see if he can find things for him and Zoro to do on planet.
With that image, he exited the shower and got ready to go to work. Everything was going to be okay.
"Okay Zoro, you can go. But, you will be on limited duty at work for a week. That means you will only be working the service desk."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Zoro said with incredulous eyes.
"No, I am not fucking kidding you. We don't know what caused your fainting spell so you have to take it easy. I also called Franky to escort you back to your quarters." Chopper stated crossing his arms.
Zoro didn't know which was more unbelievable: Chopper saying fucking or that Franky was supposed to be a responsible babysitter. Zoro gave resigned sigh. "Fine." If it got him out of here who gave a shit?
He walked out of his room to see Franky yammering on about something to Law who looked like he would rather be jettisoned into the vacuum of space than listen to another word.
"Oi! Franky, let's go." He said moving quickly towards the hallway that led to the ladder well.
"Okay, bye Chopper. Bye Law." Franky had to run a couple steps to catch up to Zoro.
They got into the ladder well and a rather tense silence had settled. Zoro was fuming about not being able to work. Franky was probably trying to figure out how to deal with Zoro's mood.
Franky tried. "Hey man, we are all glad you are okay. You had us worried."
Zoro muttered a thanks.
"How are you feeling?"
Zoro muttered fine.
"Do you know what caused it?"
"No."
Franky's mouth pressed into a straight line then turned into a smile. "So I have upgraded the chutes system. It's a lot safer now. Luffy has been using it like crazy."
"Luffy is also pretty much made out of rubber."
Zoro appreciated that Franky was trying to help his mood. He made a conscious decision to let go of his anger for the time being as he had no appropriate outlet for it at the moment.
"Eh, you got me there. I guess I should move on to human testing next….. Want to be my guinea pig?" Franky asked. Zoro knew he was just messing around.
"Hell no, man. The only way you could get me back in that thing would be if Luffy dragged me in again." Zoro said this with a hint of a laugh.
"That could be arranged. Then I could get a real opinion and that would be SUUUUUPER!"
Zoro shook his head as they made their way to his quarters. They reached the door and he turned to look at Franky. "Thanks man."
"Dude, you know you need to thank Chopper too? He is only trying to be sure you're okay." Franky said seriously.
"You're right. I'll apologize for being an ass later. I've just had a lot on my mind." Zoro explained.
"Well you can always talk to us. Any of us."
"Dude, I know. Can we please just drop this for now?"
Franky gave him a look of disapproval but, did not argue. "See you later then." Franky disappeared down the hallway and Zoro stepped into his quarters. He sighed heavily.
He was nervous to see Sanji later on. He knew he had crossed a line grabbing him like that. Sanji didn't like being grabbed like that. He had learned to be careful in the way he touched Sanji.
Zoro wanted to slice through whoever had made Sanji feel that way to begin with. The idea of someone hurting Sanji made him shake with anger. Then the thought came around again. He had hurt Sanji though. The more he thought about how bad he had fucked up the more he shook with anger. He was pacing in his closet of a room to keep from punching the metal wall.
He wanted to go work out all of his frustration at the gym but, Chopper said to take it easy. He knew if he got caught working out Chopper would restrain him on bed rest.
He sat on the edge of his bed. He was going to lose his mind this way. He needed to find something to do until after dinner.
Later he found himself in the presence of a witch at the mall they had aboard the Sunny. Zoro hadn't ever made his way here and for good reason. Everything was marked up because they knew they could get away with it. Passengers came to shop when they were bored so why not blow an excessive amount of money?
"Zoro you are going the wrong way. It's a straight line to the shop I wanted to show you." Nami tugged him towards a store that looked entirely too expensive.
"Why are we here?"
"Because you said you were bored. I'm doing you a favor." She said matter of factly.
They entered a store where everything it seemed sparkled. Nami was flirting with the guy behind the counter. Zoro could tell she was already working some kind of an angle. He rolled his eyes and wondered around the shop looking at jewelry in glass cases.
Something caught his eye. Cuff links with some kind of blue gem stone that reminded him of the cook's eyes. That would make a great gift for the cook. Zoro looked at the price and felt a piece of his soul leave his body. If he bought those right now that would be all the money he had saved up for when they get to the next planet. Maybe after the next planet he would buy them for the cook.
"You have good taste. Those sapphires are from a planet called Petit Jardin."
"Jeez even the planet they are from sounds expensive." Zoro muttered looking at the sales clerk.
"Oh yes it's quite lux-"
The clerk was cut off by Nami. "Petit Jardin is a dangerous planet with dinosaur like creatures. It's mostly forested except for the volcanos. Don't let this guy fool you. Although with the risk involved in mining on that planet I can understand the price."
"You sound like you've been there." Zoro noted.
"Well Vivi and I spent some time there. I wanted to study the geography and magnetic poles of the planet. It all went great until I got bit by a bug and got sick." The smile Nami had said it all. How much she missed that girl Zoro had never met.
The sales clerk cleared his throat. "So you won't be making a purchase today, sir?"
"No, not today." Zoro smiled back with an apologetic smile.
"You know if those are for Sanji, I could loan you the money." Any tenderness from her nostalgia had vanished. The witch was back.
"No. I am not falling for that again! I let you loan me the money for that damn cologne and you tacked on a 300% interest you damn witch!"
"Oh that's right! Thanks for reminding me you already owe me money!"
Zoro grunted in frustration and left the store. He checked the time. He still had an hour and a half before the cook could meet up with him. He sniffed his shirt. Maybe he should shower and change.
Nami had followed him out of the store with two bags in hand. She handed one of them to Zoro.
"I said I didn't want to borrow any money from you." He said as he refused to take the bag.
A strange look crossed Nami's face as she continued holding it out to him. "Listen, don't worry about it. Sanji deserves something nice. He's been a lot happier since you guys got together. And," She paused searching Zoro's face for something. "You never know when life may tear you guys apart so you should treasure every minute you get." She shoved the bag into his hands and walked away.
Zoro was left a little dumbfounded.
A/N: Thank you for your feedback everybody! It is always encouraging! To my American readers happy turkey day! I hope you find some joy in it. To my non-american readers I hope you are having a great Thursday! Please feel free to leave a review and let me know how I am doing!
