CHAPTER 12

On my way to Jax's I picked up my dad from the cabin. We were driving on the way there when he asked.

"I heard you seen your mom earlier?"

"Yeah, I did."

"You al'right with that sweetheart?"

"What her being here? She can come and go when she pleases, it's what she's good at doing anyway."

That made him laugh and he said "Yeah, you got that right."

"Is she coming tonight?" I ask, praying that she Isn't

"What the hell do I know? That woman is one big closed book." He says

I look over at him and we start laughing.

"You got much of an idea with what's going on with Ope."

"It's complicated sweetheart, best you stay out of it."

I look at him and look back to the road "You don't have to pretend with me pops."

"I'm not, there's just nothing to tell. Don't get all hissy with me"

"I just hope nothing bad happens that's gonna make you regret saying that."

Dad takes a puff of his oxygen and we park outside Jax's. When we get inside everyone is there including Abel.

"Here she is! The good doctor." Gemma calls over to the door, all eyes on me. "Let me get you a drink."

"Thanks." I'm gonna need one.

Once Gemma passes me a beer I glance over at Jax in the corner of the room, he winks at me – he's busy talking to people who are gushing over Abel. I go to find Opie who's standing in the kitchen with Bobby. I haven't seen Opie since I found out what's going on with him and Agent Stahl.

Bobby sees me first "Hey darling" and he gives me a hug

"Hey Bobby."

He points at me and says "I don't see enough of you y'know."

"You gotta stop this obsessive behaviour Bobby, I've told you before no?" I tell him jokingly.

"haahha, right I'll leave you siblings to it." He walks out the kitchen to the crowded living room and me and Opie are left alone.

I lean against the counter next to him "So, you got your shit together?"

"I've never got my shit together, however I made it here with my family in one piece so I'm doing something right. You don't need to worry."

"It's harder not to when it's on my front doorstep." I tell him and take a sip of my beer.

"I just don't know how to get around this shit with Donna, the life it's still not for her, I can't hold down a decent job or stay away from the ass holes who run the law."

"You'll figure it out. Maybe you should tell her more." I suggest

"You're kidding right? Donna does not wanna know shit. Plus, I've never told her anything and there's only two ways this old lady thing works – it's to tell em everything or tell em nothing. I chose nothing, it has its pros but it had its con's."

"Yeah when you put it like that, it makes sense." And I think of me and Jax and all the shit he doesn't tell me.

"You get it though, the life. It's all you know. Jax is lucky that way."

"I don't know if lucky is the way to put it Ope, speaking of – I'm gonna go find him, I'll catch you later k?"

He nods at me with his beer and I go find him.

I walk through to the living room and sit on the arm of the couch where Jax is and I watch on.

Dad is playing with the kids and Wendy is sulking in the corner. It bugs me that she is here - she is the reason Abel is having this homecoming, the reason he skipped death.

I lean down and grab Jax's face and kiss him. I don't know what came over me but my possessive side came out. I clearly caught him completely off guard as he turns to me to ask.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" as he pats my leg.

I nod at him and follow him through to Abel's nursery.

"What's the matter?" I ask as I put my beer down

"Nothing. It's just- Look, Wendy's like a heartbeat sober. We don't want to do anything to set her off."

Oh god here we go.

"Because she's still in love with you?" I ask him straight faced and pissed.

"No. I'm just saying we should be cool with whatever this is around her, you know?"

"Whatever this is?" I gesture with my hands between me and him.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't … You are so full of shit! God! You think I care about her stability? She will always be un stable. She nearly killed your son. Me? I'm completely stable yet your treating me like I'm the one that needs to be sectioned. You're pathetic" I'm pointing at myself and I turn around to walk away.

"Cara." He calls me and grabs my arm.

"No!" I yell at him and I turn around, lose control and slap him across the face.

"Cara!"

I run down the hallway getting weird looks from everyone, we probably caused a commotion and I honestly don't give a shit if Wendy heard what I said about her. Opie gives me a concerning look asking me if I'm ok, I grab my bag and hold my hand up to Opie and I slam the door behind me.

As I drive down the street I hear a bike and realise Jax sent one of his minions to follow me, god he sends me in such a rage, he tests me. Does he think I have robot feelings? I keep driving down a street I don't know until my tears gets too much and I have to pull over.

I'm sobbing uncontrollably I'm so angry. It angers me that he cares for her when she doesn't deserve the attention. Most of all it makes me angry that he told me he wasn't avoiding 'this'. Yet tonight he was avoiding all of it. I try to gather my emotions so I can continue driving home until a rush of sirens run pass me where I pulled over. I feel an unsure feeling, the kind of feeling I get when I'm in surgery and the operation isn't going to plan. Similar to failure but this felt panicky like that night with Kohn.

I follow the sirens until I'm led to a scene surrounded by cop cars and ambulance, the lights are so bright I can barely make out what's happened. I see David so I rush over to him to see if there's anything I can do to help since there's only paramedics at the scene. Once he spots me he starts running towards me which is strange, he holds up his hands.

"Cara."

"What's going on? Do you need my help?" Then I start hearing the bikes.

"Cara, Its Donna." Donna? She was at the party when I left.

"What do you mean?" My heart starts beating fast I feel it in my mouth.

Unser comes up behind hale "C'mon sweetheart lets go over here shall we?"

"No! Tell what's happened." They won't answer me; they don't know what to say. I start running closer to the scene but there's tape. I spot Opie cradling Donna, blood running from her head, eyes wide open. I jump over the tape and I hear Unser yelling at the cops telling them its ok for me to go but I don't turn back.

"omg" I whisper to myself. I bring my hand to cover my mouth. Donna is dead. By the looks of things, been killed.

I start waking nearer slowly and I see Jax - he looks torn and Clay is behind him cursing under his breath.

"What happened Jax" I ask him shaking and I don't even notice I'm crying again until I taste the tears in my mouth.

"I dunno some guy just rolled up behind her and shot her through the back window." He's crying but not as much as me. "Help me get Ope." He asks me, but I look at Opie and he doesn't want to let go of Donna.

I leave Jax's side and I lean down to Opie and I put my arms around him and I feel Jax have his hands on me.

"Hey, hey buddy look at me. You gotta put her down Ope. Ok? I say through the tears. He doesn't even look up at me, he can't take his eyes of Donna.

"No no no no. Oh god, baby."

"Hey, c'mon man" Jax tells him

"I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry." Opie is telling Donna's lifeless body, pulling her closer and closer.

"Shit" I say to myself, I look up at Jax and I shake my head at him like this is bad, how did it get to this?

Opie finally let's go and Jax helps pull him up and the police start body bagging her up.

I go over to Agent Stahl, catch her eyes and say "This bloods on you" and she just stares at me blankly knowing exactly what I meant.

We finally got Opie to leave the scene and Jax helped me bring him home. Mary was there with the kids but thankfully they were asleep. Opie went to kiss them goodnight whilst just me and Jax stood in the living room.

"I think I'm gonna stay here tonight, I know Opie doesn't really wanna talk but I wanna be there when the kids wake up. I tell Jax

"Yeah, good idea." He looks at me and can see I'm trying to hold it together but I can't.

I start crying again and Jax grabs me in for a hug. I talk into his cut. "Why does shit like this happen to good people Jax?"

"I wish I knew." He whispers into the top of my head.

I pull away, look at him and say "Something tells me somebody does" The look he gives me is worry.

He kisses me on the head ignoring what I said and asks "You sure you're gonna be alright?" he nods towards the kitchen where Mary is fishing around for something strong to drink.

"Yeah, don't worry."

"I'll come by first thing tomorrow ok?"

I nod at him as he lets go of my hand and walks out the front door and rides away.

I go through to the kitchen where Mary has a glass of bourbon waiting for me on the counter, I take a sip and she has almost finished hers.

"Donna was a good girl."

I don't say anything I just keep sipping whatever this is to numb some of what I'm feeling.

"You being here will be good for Opie and the kids."

"That your way of saying you want to get back to your own life?"

"This is my life." She tells me.

"I'm not up for a fight Mary."

"When did you start calling me by my first name?"

"A long time ago, it just took you so long to notice." I finish of my drink with one last gulp and start walking through to the bathroom.

I throw water over my face in the bathroom and when I walk through to the bedroom the kids are sound asleep and Opie is sat on the edge of the bed still. I sit down next to him and tell him "I'm gonna sleep here with the kids, that ok?"

He just nods back at me and I don't want to bother him anymore, he needs to heal his own way. I lay down on the bed next to Ellie and it takes me a while to fall asleep and I hear Opie leave the room. I lay there for a while still in shock, thinking about how this is going to work - Me here and how my future looks. Not even three months back and someone I love and have known pretty much my whole life is killed.

When I wake up tomorrow these kids won't have a mother, my brother won't have a wife and I don't know where I fit in with all of this.