A/N: So much drama and angst in this fic, huh? I hope I'm not depressing you all! I am getting some lovely feedback - thank you so much, peops! Anyway, after this chapter things might start looking up a little bit ;)
(For disclaimer, etc. - see prologue)
Chapter 11
"This is delicious," said Rory awkwardly around the biggest mouthful of pasta ever seen.
Mrs Rossini took no offence at what might be considered bad manners by some. She liked to see people enjoying their food, especially when she had cooked it herself. She certainly found grateful dinner guests in Rory, and in Jess on the days when he came to dinner too.. What was surprising to the older woman was that it was the female of the couple with the heartier appetite. That was fine by Mrs R, especially since Rory was now eating for two. The poor girl was so very thin, from the first day Mrs R met her actually, though she was more so now. That wasn't right, not when she was carrying a child. It would not do at all.
"I am glad you're enjoying it, my dear," she told Rory as the young woman continued to eat with gusto. "You need feeding up, all three of you," she said with a knowing look.
Rory smiled at the sentiment, her free hand not holding the fork going absently to her stomach. She was mostly okay about the whole pregnancy thing. She'd had plenty of time to get used to it now, being almost three months gone. She was starting to show and deliberately wore baggy clothes when she worked so neither her colleagues or the customers would tell, it was just easier that way. Still, it was nice to have Mrs R in the loop on what was going on.
Unfortunately, Mrs Rossini couldn't help Rory with any useful pregnancy advice. She had no children of her own, and whilst she had plenty of stories about helping to raise kids, she couldn't say much on the process of carrying a child or giving birth. Rory had nobody to turn to in that regard. Her Mom would be he best person to call, but somehow she couldn't make her peace with picking up the phone. Every time she thought about it, she saw the look on Lorelai's face when she caught her and Dean together. She heard the words she yelled at her then, how disappointed she had been. Then came the flashbacks to words said and accusations made when it came to Jess. Somewhere between getting back with her ex and getting pregnant, Rory knew her mother would go crazy. One of those factors would be enough, but both together, and on top of the way she left and why, it was too much.
"You are worrying too much," said Mrs Rossini, clearly having noticed the way Rory was so thoughtfully chewing on her food now and not putting any more into her mouth.
"I'm sorry," she apologised immediately and made a point of eating another forkful of delicious pasta.
"Don't be sorry, bambina" Mrs R told her, wiping her hands on her apron and sitting down beside Rory. "Tell me, what worries you. Is it that boy working too hard?"
Rory sighed heavily. She did worry about Jess a lot. He seemed to be working almost every hour that he could and always looked so tired. He soldiered on because he felt he had to. They needed the money, and Jess was so determined to be the support that Rory needed in her pregnancy - financially, emotionally, everything.
"We fight so much lately," she shook her head. "I feel bad because he is trying so hard to do everything to help me, but... but he works so hard, I hardly see him. He's always tired, always in a bad mood. I'm no better, I just seem to swing from angry to sad and hardly ever really happy anymore..." explained Rory, tears filling her eyes as she talked about it all at last.
"Times are hard," her friend and neighbour sympathised. "This is how life can be for young couples starting out."
"I know," Rory nodded. "I understand life is tough sometimes, and I don't mind working hard and everything, I can deal with that, we both can. It's not just the work, it's not even just the baby."
There was so much she could tell Mrs R, but it almost felt like a betrayal to let too much out. Most of it was her own fault, but she worried about making Jess come off like the bad guy somehow. He was doing everything he could, but it still wasn't enough. He was hiding things from Rory, she suspected quite how much he was working, and how badly off they were for cash even with all the hours he was putting in at Walmart, for the messenger service, and at the bar. They needed to get out of New York. He said it several times, and Rory wasn't dumb enough to ignore what she knew must be true. This was an expensive place to live and getting worse all the time.
"He talks about leaving" she told Mrs R. "Somewhere less expensive, out of the city... and I know it makes sense, I do, but... but this is the only place I've lived except for home and school."
"And you cannot go home?" her friend checked. "I know you have said you think your mother would not welcome you back, but maybe you're mistaken."
"I'm not," said Rory firmly, shaking her head to emphasise her point. "My Mom never liked Jess, and the last thing she wanted for me was an unplanned pregnancy."
"I understand," Mrs R nodded. "But your mama loves you, and such a person can forgive much."
Rory smiled sadly, thinking of a scenario where she could imagine her mother being so pleased to see her home. If she went alone, if she wasn't pregnant, then yes, she could see that in her head as being a happy occasion. Relief to be together again, a little anger at the way they parted, but it could all work out. Even through what happened with Dean and the running away, Rory could see the mother-daughter relationship being patched up somehow. Circumstances being what they were now, it just felt so impossible.
"I made a list," she said then. "Several actually. Jess and me, we picked out places we might go to live, maybe Philadelphia, or New Jersey, places like that. We wrote down all the pros and cons, you know, the advantages and disadvantages?" she continued on when Mrs R nodded that she understood. "Sometimes it's obvious what we should do, and then it changes... Sometimes I just think we should go home, but there is so much in the con column on that one, I just can't," she shook her head again, this time dislodging tears that streaked down her pale face.
"Oh, my dear," Mrs Rossini said, looking pained as she wrapped an arm around Rory's shoulders. "Things will get better. Maria will help you, anyway that I can," she promised, hugging the poor young woman close.
It was comforting in its way, but all Rory could think was that nobody's embrace could be as comforting as her mother's right now. Lying in Jess' arms felt good, always, but it wasn't the same. She needed a woman who understood what she was going through. She needed her best friend. Up to now, that had always been her mom.
Rory opened her mouth to thank Mrs R for all she already said and did, but the words didn't come. There was a crash in the hallway that made both women jump. Rory wasn't sure what made her so certain, but somehow she just knew it was Jess. She was up from her seat in a second, practically throwing her dish of pasta aside. She bolted to the door, with Mrs Rossini hot on her heels, crying for her young friend to be careful. Rory didn't hear, she flung open the door and felt her heart break at the sight. Jess was face down at the top of the stairs, his legs dangling in ungainly fashion down the steps. One arm was under his body, the other reaching out as if he tried to save himself - it was in a pile of broken glass.
"Oh my God!" Rory gasped, rushing to his side. "Jess? Jess!" she yelled his name over and over as she tried to figure out how best to help him.
He was too heavy to move much, and if she misjudged taking any of his weight he could slide right down the staircase. Rory barely noticed Mrs Rossini helping until suddenly she was sat on the floor with her boyfriend's head in her lap whilst Mrs R bound his bleeding hand with the scarf torn from her hair.
"Jess, please!" Rory urged him to wake, her hands at his face and running through his hair. "Please wake up!"
He didn't respond for a long while, and Mrs Rossini hopped back to her feet, declaring she must call an ambulance. Rory barely noticed the going of her friend, her full concentration was on the pale and motionless face of her lover. He meant so much to her and she needed him, not just because she was pregnant, but because she could never imagine loving another man this much, not ever.
"Jess?" she checked when he seemed to make a sound, a groan of pain or fatigue, she wasn't sure which. "Jess, please don't leave me."
"Rory?" he croaked, his eyes flickering a moment before they closed again and he was gone back into the darkness.
"Jess!"
Rory was right there at his bedside when Jess came to. Everything felt fuzzy but he knew he was in the hospital. He had been fading in an out of consciousness for a while, too exhausted to fully open his eyes, but he heard things, saw a little. Yep, this was a hospital bed, the uncomfortableness of the thin mattress and the sterile smell gave it away, plus Rory looked so freaked out when he finally opened his eyes properly and saw her face.
"I'm sorry," he said, squeezing the hand that had been desperately holding onto his for a while now. "Rory, I am so sorry."
"Don't be sorry, you don't have to be," she promised him tearfully. "I know you were working so hard for me, for us," she sniffed, her free hand going to the slight roundness of her belly. "It's my fault you're here."
"Don't do that," Jess shook his head slightly. "This is not your fault. You didn't make me take on extra shifts. You didn't even know how many hours I was working, I made sure of that," he told her, words segueing into a yawn he couldn't control.
"You need rest, lots of rest," she advised, smiling slightly as she reached over to push his ever-unruly hair out of his sleepy eyes. "The doctors say that a couple of days solid sleep should do wonders, and the drip in your arm is for the hydration and stuff. They cleaned up your hand from when you fell, that's just a minor thing, they said. You'll be okay," she promised.
Jess nodded, knowing she was right. He had hoped to avoid this. He knew he wasn't coping quite as well as he pretended, but he never really expected to end up in hospital. This was just one more thing they were going to have to find money for, and all the time he wasn't earning any more. Just thinking about it made his aching head spin all over again. The crinkling of his brow gave him away and Rory knew the worries were going round and around in his head.
"Please, Jess," she urged him, fingers tripping over his forehead and back through his hair again. "Don't worry about anything. Just concentrate on resting up and feeling better."
"It's not that simple, Ror," he reminded her, turning to meet her eyes again. "We can't live like this anymore, we just can't."
"I know," she nodded, already knowing he was right long before he said it.
All that talk about leaving New York, it couldn't be just talk anymore. They had to go somewhere else, somewhere where the cost of living was cheaper and bottom-of-the-foodchain apartments were safer. A place where Jess wouldn't have to work himself into the ground just so they could get by. Rory could only think of one place and she dare not say the words, for both of their sakes, she just couldn't.
Jess' eyes were closing when she paid attention again. He needed sleep more than anything else, the doctors had said as much. A couple of days rest and he would be discharged, then they had to make a real decision about he future for the both of them, for all three of them actually. For now, Rory was just going to sit here in her chair and watch over the man she loved most in the world. It was all she could do.
The next time Jess opened his eyes to the world it was dark outside the window. Whether it was the same day or the next, he honestly couldn't be sure. Rory was in the chair still, curled up like a child with a blanket thrown over her. He smiled at the sight, and then immediately frowned. She deserved so much better than this life. Their child deserved better too.
Money was always going to be an issue, no matter where they went. There was really only one place where they could get the help and support they needed most, and Jess knew that was going to be a tough call. Stars Hollow was somewhere he swore he would never return after Rory's rejection of him months ago. The sting of that night faded right away over this Summer spent together and in love, planning a future where they would be together always and raise their son or daughter as a family. Lorelai was not going to be happy, and Jess doubted Luke would be thrilled either. Most of the town hated him, and knocking up sweet little Rory Gilmore wasn't going to help his case one bit. At the same time, Jess kind of missed the wacky little town, the only place besides New York he had ever really looked upon as any kind of home.
Shifting in the bed and attempting to sit up, Jess' elbow caught Rory's notebook on the bedside locker that went tumbling to the ground. Leaning out of the bed to grab it made his head spin wildly and bile rise in his throat. Fighting the urge to pass out or throw up, Jess focused on the pages now in his hands. Pro con lists. He smiled at the sight of Rory's childish but favourite way to make any big decision. She had one each for all the places they had thought to go to when they left New York. He barely looked at any of the reasons on either side of the line for Philly, New Jersey, or any other place, until he hit a page he only half expected to find. Stars Hollow. This was one list she had not consulted him on at all but he couldn't mind.
Rory had been so dead set against going back, even though Jess knew she was missing Lorelai and her home town desperately. One by one he read the cons first, which included 'facing Mom', 'facing Dean', 'being near Yale but not going', and 'leaving Mrs R'. On the other hand there was the pro list, which was of almost equal length to its adversary. It included Lorelai's name again, plus Luke, Lane, and the Gilmore grandparents, a support system, cheaper living accommodation, everything from the practical to the truly sentimental. By far the most telling thing was the last 'pro' listed, in block capital letters. Jess' breath caught in his throat when he read it.
"Our home," he read aloud, looking over to see Rory wide awake now and staring at him.
She probably came to when the notebook went clattering to the floor, but hadn't said a word yet. She had let him sit silently reading her lists, just waiting to see how he reacted to them. Jess surprised them both when he smiled.
"Our home," he repeated. "Time we got back there, huh?"
Rory couldn't speak, but the nodding of her head proved she agreed, at last. It was not going to be easy, facing up to everybody after all that had happened, but it was time to try and they both knew it. Time to head back to Stars Hollow, the place they first met, their one true home.
To Be Continued...
