Greetings, primitive life forms that reside on this hunk of dirt and rock you call earth! The Spaded Blade is here for another chappy of MineQuest!
AFTER OVER NINE THOUSAND HOURS, HE FINALLY UPDATES HIS PIECE OF CRAP STORY!
Ignore the writer's block, people. He's the one who's been messing with my head.
SAYS THE GUY WHO CONSIDERS HIMSELF INSANE!
Bill, just stop. There are people out to get you.
NOT ANYMORE!
Oh? What happened to Desmond and Levi and 'friends'?
I RECALL YOU REVIEWING AWAKENING OF KHDUDEABLE C13!
Ah, yes. That was messed up. BTW did you return the mini-gun to thehuman-lookingnemisis?
MAAAYBEEE...
He's gonna kill you so hard. Harder than when Sky was hall monitoring hard.
ANYWAY, ON TO FLAMMING YOUR STORY INTO OBLIVION!
Hmm, let me think that ov- NO.
FINE THEN, PARTY POOPER! *TELEPORTS AWAY*
Y'know, I'm going to get this over with since this whole A/N must've been at least 100 words long. DISCLAIMAH!:
I don't own minecraft. There are several reasons for that, one of them being that I DON'T HAVE A FREAKIN' JOB AT ALL!
Awright, lez do dis!
I woke up to the smell of something cooking. Sorta like the smell of bacon. I got out of my bed and walked down the stairs to find Ty lounging next to the furnace, which was cooking something. I glanced around and saw that Cupa was at the table, playing with some sticks and planks. I looked back to Ty, who had noticed I was up, and stood up from where he was sitting.
"Hey, bro. Thought I'd make you something to eat while you were napping." He said, pointing to the furnace.
"Ty, I don't like bacon. You know that." I replied plainly.
"Luke, you need to try new foods. Ever wonder why you're so weak?" He said, getting up in my face.
"One, I'm not weak. Two, pretty much all the foodstuffs here are edible, exceptions being clownfish, pufferfish, poisonous potatos and rotten flesh. Three, it says right in the official minecraft trailer, 'with no rules to follow, this adventure, it's yours.' No rules." I said, pushing his face away with my hand.
"Well, I'm establishing some rules. One, you eat whats on your plate, no matter what. Two, if-"
"Establishing rules for yourself. I have the right to ignore all those rules your squishy little brain might think up." I interrupted him, glaring daggers.
"TWO, if you don't follow the rules, you get executed." He said, pulling out his sword.
"Alright, enough!" Cupa said, putting her hands between us. "If you two keep going, you'll kill each other! Just stop!"
"... I guess she's right..." Ty said, putting his sword away. "But you still need to try new foods."
"I'll do that, when the pirates vs. ninjas debate comes to a close." I countered. "Or when I want to. Whichever comes last."
"Anyway, I'm gonna get some iron and budder and stuff." He said, standing up and walking out the door.
"I call the redstone!" I called over to him. After he left, I sat in a chair and thought of different redstone gates. I loved tinkering with redstone. I looked up several uses for it on the minecraft wiki, and I found stuff like RS NOR latches, AND gates, even secret entrances to bases. I also saw some mods that do crazy stuff with redstone, like the Trail Mix mod. Flying rocket pigs. How is that not awesomely awesome in every awesome way?! Anyway, we're getting off subject and breaking the fourth wall. Again. Man, I gotta work on that. Anyway, I thought about some stuff, and in the process, I heard a scream from outside. That sounded kind of girly. I ran over to the window, looked out, and saw a REALLY tall girl with a black jacket, a dark purple skirt, and a black cap. I then looked behind her and saw zombies clad in leather, chain and gold armor chasing her. Hmm, I thought. Looks like the enderwoman's here too. I grabbed my stone sword and mystical potato and ran outside. The girl tripped onto the ground, zombies about to devour her vital organs, when suddenly, a stone sword protruded from the leather armored zombie's chest. It flashed red and fell on it's side, after which it dissapeared in a poof of smoke. Once it cleared, a brown haired boy (That's me) stepped through, his blue eyes burning with rage.
"Hey, I know you guys are addicted to eating human flesh, but murdering an innocent woman is far from protocol." I said calmly, after which i sliced the chain clad undead in half horizontally, causing it to reduce to a piece of rotten flesh. The last one began running at me, with it's end result being a sword in the gut. Once it was slain, I walked over to the girl, who was curled up in a ball, shivering.
"Hey, the zombies are dead." I said, poking her a bit. She jumped up in surprise, and ended up falling flat on her face. She looked up, rubbing her face and groaning slightly in pain. She then looked at me, her violet eyes piercing my blue ones. "Well, dead again, I guess." I added, offering a hand up.
"Um, th-thank you mister." The girl said, getting up with my help.
"No problamo. I needed some rotten flesh anyway." I replied, thinking of the necromancy mod.
"W-well, is there any way I-I can repay you?" She asked, seemingly bracing herself.
"Well, I'd like to at least call you by your name." I said, putting my sword away as the zombies were long gone.
"Um, w-well, my name i-is A-Andr." She replied shyly.
"Andr, hmm?" I examined her for a few seconds. "You wouldn't happen to be an enderwoman, would you?" I asked, causing her to step backwards.
"W-w-wait, y-you aren't one of those e-enderpearl hunters, a-are you?" She asked, seemingly scared out of her wits.
"What? Nah, I don't need enderpearls. I can get those in stronghold chests. And besides, I don't even have diamonds yet, let alone any obsidian or blaze rods. I don't have any plans to go to the end any time soon." I told her, trying to calm her down.
"O-oh... S-sorry... I-it's just that I've encountered a lot of them, and it kind of makes me paranoid." She replied, sighing in relief.
"Wait, I should be sorry. I didn't tell you my name. You can call me Luke." I told her with a smile.
"Hey, Luke!" I heard an all-so-familliar voice call.
Andr gave a small meep and teleported away, leaving me standing in an open field, vulnerable. Next thing I knew, I was tackled down by an orange-haired creeper.
"Cupa, how come whenever you see me, you hug me?" I asked, barely breathing from the sheer amount of strength she surprisingly had.
"Oh, um, well, I, erm... It's compliated." Cupa replied, her face becoming a deep shade of vermilion.
"Well, could you let go?"
"S-sure... Sorry..." She said sadly, getting up.
"It's okay, I guess." I told her, taking in air as if I was going to dive to the sea floor.
"Well... Who was that you were talking to?" She asked.
"That, would be Andr the enderwoman. Saw zombies chasing her." I replied, standing up.
"Huh... Andr... That name seems so familiar..."
"Well, plenty of fans on FanFiction make it so you and her are, like, best friends in the history of friendship."
"Wait... I have fans?"
"So many it would take me at least a week to count, IF I didn't lose count."
"W-wow..."
"Yeah, but don't let fame get to your head. Messes people up, just ask the once-fans of Justin Beiber."
"Who's that?"
"Someone from back on earth. If only it were some OTHER planet that housed him..."
"Huh... Well, let's get back to your house. Ty'll freak if we don't-"
Zzzt.
"Hi."
Cupa jumped at least 6 blocks in the air from the sudden scare caused by a certan enderwoman, who began smiling like crazy, but not laughing. My eyes widened as I stared at the black dressed woman, who stared back and stopped smiling. Suddenly I heard some ominous noises, like growling echoing from a mile away. Then ender particles started to block out the background, leaving only a purple sheet behind the enderwoman. Then it hit me. Oh yeah. Endermen pwn upon someone staring at them. Right when I thought I was dead meat, I felt something fall on top of me. The ender particles dissipated, Andr teleported, and I felt as though my ribs would be crushed from how tight I was being hugged.
"W-w-what was th-that?" Cupa shivered, still clinging to me.
"What I'm wondering is how you have Jump Boost V. I don't think there are any beacons around here." I sighed.
"Wh-who was that behind me?" She asked, loosening her grip slightly.
"My guess, Andr the Enderwoman. But that's just an incredibly wild guess, don't take my word for it." I said sarcastically.
"Okay..." She sighed, getting off of me.
"Now that that's over with, let's get back to-" I didn't get to finish my sentance, because I was punched with immense force into a tree. "Ah, man, what was-" I was once again cut off by something gripping my throat. I struggled to breath, and as I opened my eyes, I saw not an enderman, but an enderwoman, her eyes filled with hatred. So, I did what any partially sane person would do.
I kicked her between the legs.
She fell back, screaming in pain, and I tried to get my sword, with little success. It was then that I realized it fell off my belt when Cupa fell on me. So, I looked in my pockets, searching for something to stop the woman in front of me from killing me. I widened my eyes at the fact there was nothing I could use against endermen, not even a water bucket. All that was there was my potato of magicalness. So, I did what any insane person would do.
I chucked the potato at her.
It flew through the air.
On a direct course to her forehead.
Impact.
-Insert gif of an enderwoman being knocked out by a projectile potato here-
I walked over to her and picked up my potato. "Buddy, you've saved me once again." I said gladly to the vegetable. I then glanced over to Cupa, who's eyes were wide in utter surprise.
"...What's with the anime eyes?" I asked, only to her deeper confusion.
"...What the heck was that?" She asked in quite a loud voice.
"The power of Potato Man." I answered simply.
"I kinda wanted a serious answer." She said, seeming a little bit ticked off.
"Seriously?"
She just glared at me with that one give-me-a-straight-answer-or-die glare.
"Okay, fine, the truth is, I dunno what just happened there. All I did was chuck my potato at her and it knocked her out."
"Honest?"
"That's the only thing I can think of. I have, like, no skills in any sort of combat."
"...But you said that the physics of your world don't apply to this one, right?"
"Well, yeah, but that probably wouldn't affect my smarticle particle count."
"Your what-now?"
"Nothing, nothing. I'm just a kid who plays minecraft without a care in the world, 'cept maybe the constant threat of world-war III. But that tension's always hanging around, and now that I'm not on that planet..." I punctuated my sentance with a sigh.
"What's world-war III?" Cupa asked curiously.
"It WOULD be the successor to the most violent war to ever exist, world-war II, and world-war I before that. It had people killing eachother over useless things, like if apple pie was better than pumpkin pie."
"They had wars over pie?"
"Well, maybe not about pie, but there were alot of stupid reasons for the cause of those wars. They had weapons of mass destruction, iradicating entire cities in a single blast. It ended with the americans on the winning team, but they were the ones blowing up civilians for little reason. The other team surrendered after we nuked two of their cities, and they're home was put in charge of a guy who's true name might never be discovered." I sighed once more, and then chuckled lightly. "Thing is, I should be grateful that I was born in america. I've got much more freedom than kids in other contries. They'd like to leave, but they can't."
"Huh... Well, let's get back to you're place before that girl over there wakes up. I don't want you to get beaten up again." She smiled as she began skipping towards the houses.
"One, I'm not exactly beaten up, and two," I ran up to her. "RACE YA!"
She began running with elegance and speed, twirling through the air to get over a rock. But I began running Ezio style, dodging smaller obsticles and leaping over larger ones. We were neck and neck, closing in on the house, and...
I triped.
Why. The. Heck. Do. These. Shoes. Have. Laces.
I tumbled across onto the ground, trying to stop but to no avail. I heard Cupa calling my name desperately, but I couldn't hear all of what she was saying. After feeling like I might stop at long last, I felt no ground below myself. To my horror, I could barely see that I had fallen into a ravine, and as luck and maybe karma would have it, there was a large lava flow beneath me. I thought that my life was about over, I could even barely see the hardcore hearts in my vision, somehow down to a half-heart of health. I chuckled as I thought of different ways it could have ended. I could have gotten shot by the skeleton along with Cupa, or one of those zombies could've gotten me in the back. Heck, I could have fallen in the lava that pig fell into on day 1. Maybe even fall in some water and drown. But no, it had to end with me tripping over my shoelace that I didn't know existed and falling into a ravine, ultimately meeting my doom in a lavafall. Know what, fate sucks eggs.
I closed my eyes as I aproached the lava, but at the very last moment, I heard a zipping noise nearby, I was grabbed, and I blacked out as the same noise sounded again.
*Fingers bleeding* Finally done with this chapter... Oh my GOSH this took forever to type.
YEAH, PROBABLY CAUSE YOU KEPT TAKING THOUSAND YEAR BREAKS!
Ignore the person who I wish would be attacked by Imgig Zu from D&D Adventures.
WHO IN OBLIVION IS 'IMGIG ZU?'
One, you can't say anything similar to 'what in oblivion' because you haven't even PLAYED any of the Elder Scrolls games, two, Imgig Zu is the Hellspawn leader from D&D Adventures, and three, *Inhales deeply* FUS RO DAH!
*GETS BLASTED THROUGH A WINDOW AND INTO A GOBLIN ZEPLIN*
Now that thatss taken care of, I apologize for taking so long to update. I was on several family trips and I was playing minecraft, and OKAMIDEN, and Skyrim, so I didn't have much time to type. I am very, very sorry about this.
But, on the bright side, I've got a good start on my tower that'll go up to the block hight limit, I beat Akuro, and I've learned Push, Unrelenting Force!
So now that that's all done with, time to reply to reviews!
Wck: I was wondering when you'd review again. And also... I'll put a note at the bottom for several different people.
ElevenComics: Thanks for the fav!
khdudeable: So close, yet so far away...
thehuman-lookingnemesis: Okaaay, I've recently learned more 'bout TF2, so I think I need to apologize. Sorreh!
And as a final note: Guys, thanks for the LOLs about the humor, but I wasn't even trying to make this something that'll make the weak-willed die of laughter. I just wanted some humor to make this story a bit more interesting than just 'The bad guy dies the end.'
So keep LOLing if you want, but if you want a more humorous MC fic, let me know so I can make another once this is done. Now, without further adeu...
Pace fouri, suckers!
