A/N: Hello faithful readers! Chapter twelve deals with the 5th anniversary of Praimfaya, and Bellamy finally snapped. And there will be another chapter tomorrow. I promise!

Disclaimer: I do not own The 100 (Book series), the CW Network or anything that resembles content from the book or show.


A month passed and then another, and then two more. The engineers were here in a newly erected lodge, using my Rover to bring back equipment and salvageable metal from the Ark ship. Wick and Nathan would hang out in the evenings when Arden wasn't monopolizing Nathan's time. The girls were learning how to hunt from Caris and Indra. I was helping build a larger smokehouse, a bit further than the original stood, and we moved and expanded the camp's walls.

Wick and I would talk about Raven and one night over a particularly potent batch of moonshine, he broke down and told me he still loved her, and would never stop. She pushed him away, but that didn't mean that she would never want him again. We slowly got more and more people out of the bunker, mostly to help with building shelters, and then because we needed help with the Mess Hall roof. My mother sent Jackson out to help set up the Medical hut and it was great seeing how they all adapted to the merging of two types of medicine.

With more people, came more responsibility for me. Naturally, I was needed for more pressing issues, like where to gather more food so that we didn't deplete the forest before winter. Instead, we shared food from the bunker's hydroponic farms and our own stores of meat. It was a good trade off, as everyone got meat and vegetables on both ends. With sunlight being so limited, the Rover was used less. There were a few horses found by a scouting party, and they hurriedly tried to tame them and breed them. There would be two new foals within a year.

The girls were being taught by a few members of Trikru about their history, and Madi was soaking up everything she could. I grew more and more worried that she would want to be a warrior, and not a healer like she was telling me. My mother assured me that Madi would choose her own path, much like I had, and if I was patient and understanding, she may still surprise me. Not that her words made me feel any better about the uncertainty of Madi's future, but I no longer tried to change her mind. She would be her own person, regardless of my anxiety to keep her safe.

I imagined this is what Bellamy felt like when O started her way towards being Indra's Second. Or even before that when she was learning from Lincoln and sneaking away from camp and his authority.

Callie was regarded as a Princess in her own right. But she played with the other children and helped me out with gathering herbs and roots when I went out with scouting parties.

All was well, even with winter on its way. There was plenty of wood for fires, furs for beds, and food for my people. And even with the knowledge we would survive the coldest winter since Praimfaya, I was missing Bellamy more than ever. Indra had shut down any talk of Bellamy and the others never returning, and me needing to take a husband. I knew they wanted to grow our numbers again, but I refused to give in that he wasn't coming down.

Now I knew how Octavia felt. Being told you needed to settle down when you still belonged to someone else, body and soul.

Today marked five years since Praimfaya, and I somehow knew Bell wouldn't be back on the exact day they left. It was too optimistic. I knew there wasn't a solid return trip plan when we found Raven all those years ago in Becca's lab. She had mentioned it, and Bellamy said that we would cross that bridge when we came to it, or something along those lines. It reassured me somewhat that they were just having difficulty getting home, and not dead. Somewhat.

As our people danced and celebrated, I stood off to the sidelines, dressed in my finest clothes, and wearing Lexa's headpiece. Wick had slightly modified the design and gifted me a necklace as well, which I wore on everyday. Even though I had her in my head, and had talked to her many times, it was a subtle reminder of the lessons she taught me. I got many gifts that day, including a blade by one of the blacksmiths. The legend of Wanheda said I didn't need a weapon, but they felt that the Commander should be armed, and I rarely used the rifle for more than the scope these days. I cleaned it almost daily, but I hadn't fired from it in over three years.

My transmissions to Bellamy were moved to the evening, right before I went to sleep, because there was never a moment before hand that I could. Someone wanted my attention or I was working on a new building with the others. But tonight I was almost too tired to speak, let alone get myself to bed without collapsing. The girls and I had danced, and sang along with our people's songs, celebrating with everyone.

There were still people underground, along with my mother, but it would be only a month or two before they joined us. If there wasn't such a distance between our camp and the bunker, we would have been celebrating together.

But for me, it was an anniversary of the day I lost Bellamy. The day we created our daughter and were separated by miles of atmosphere and radiation.

Indra sensed my separation from the jovial atmosphere and said, "I'll make your excuses for your evening retirement."

"Thank you," I said sincerely. The girls were already in the Dropship, hopefully trying to fall asleep. I entered quietly, climbing the ladder to poke my head in on them. They were sleeping, Callie with her doll and Madi, holding Callie's hand.

"Clarke?" The radio crackled to life. I dropped silently from the ladder and picked up the radio.

"Mom, how are you?"

"Everything's good here Clarke. Thelonious wanted to see if you needed help up there. He's feeling a little… in the way down here."

"I can see about assigning him to teaching. Do you think that is something he would like? The girls like his stories and he knows the most about life before the bombs."

"He would love that. Clarke?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you feeling okay? You sound… off."

"I'm fine Mom. Just tired. It was a big day up here, celebrating five years."

"I can imagine. It was a little loud down here and there will be a few people with hangovers tomorrow from moonshine."

"I should try to sleep. We have to go over a few things with the hunters tomorrow," I said, rubbing my hand over my face.

"Alright. I love you sweetie."

"Love you too Mom."

As I sat down on my bed, Athena perked her head up from her spot on the floor, and Ares breathed loudly, upset that I disturbed his sleep. I rolled my eyes, getting under the furs and patting the space beside me on the bed. Athena was up and curling up as best she could against me as I brought the radio to my lips.

"Hey Bell. I know I haven't been sending my normal messages, but preparing for winter for a camp of almost 100 is tiring. Funny, it didn't feel this exhausting the first time around."

"But today was five years. Five years since Praimfaya, since we made Callie. It's kind of odd, most people don't know what day they conceived on, and I can name the exact date."

"But we partied hard tonight," I laughed quietly, "And I'm feeling the weight of my responsibility now. Because I don't know when you are coming home. I knew it was too much to hope you would come back on the exact date. But something tells me it will be much later than we expected. At least, I have hope you are having mechanical troubles, versus being dead this whole time."

"But, we go on. Well, I can't keep my eyes open anymore. Gonna crawl into the bed with the wolves and dream of your return. I love you. Sweet dreams, and may we meet again," I whispered. It was the first time I spoke that to him in years. I always feared that instead of the word goodbye, that the farewell phrase of our people would bring a sense of finality. That he was really gone, and never coming back.

Something told my heart to keep going, and it wasn't the people around me. It was a small voice in the back of my head. It sounded familiar and foreign at the same time. It sounded like hope.

It sounded like Bellamy.


Bellamy's POV:

Over the last several months, her transmissions got shorter and the time changed to right before she went to bed. Apparently there was a lot going on that needed Clarke's supervision. O must have made her pretty important to act in her place up top. O was staying underground to keep the rest of them in line, and Indra was with Clarke, making sure the Commander's orders were met.

I wondered most days what she was doing that left her so exhausted. She was never this tired sounding when she set up the camp by herself, or even during our first year on the ground. She built walls and huts, she hunted and foraged. She could live independently, but I knew she wouldn't like it. She needed people around her, not just to boss around, but to keep her she was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. I could feel it.

So any transmission I got, I would relish, alone in the Comms room.

She would tell me about Wick and how he got drunk and told her he still loved Raven. Or Nathan and the grounder Arden, who was also one of the hunters. Or how well the girls were doing in their studies, both academic and training. Callie wasn't doing as much because of her age, but Clarke wanted her to have a solid foundation for training later on in life.

"Hey Bell. I know I haven't been sending my normal messages, but preparing for winter for a camp of almost 100 is tiring. Funny, it didn't' feel this exhausting the first time around."

"I bet Clarke. I hope you are taking care of yourself."

"But today was five years. Five years since Praimfaya, since we made Callie. It's kind of odd, most people don't know what day they conceived on, and I can name the exact date."

"I plan on getting you pregnant again, so I can see it this time," I smiled sadly.

"But we partied hard tonight," She chuckled, "And I'm feeling the weight of my responsibility now. Because I don't know when you are coming home. I knew it was too much to hope you would come back on the exact date. But something tells me it will be much later than we expected. At least, I have hope you are having mechanical troubles, versus being dead this whole time."

"Unfortunately."

"But, we go on. Well, I can't keep my eyes open anymore. Gonna crawl into the bed with the wolves and dream of your return. I love you. Sweet dreams, and may we meet again."

Those words cut at me, and I couldn't help the surge of anger through my body. I was up and pounding my fist into a wall. A savage yell tore from my throat, and soon I felt myself being restrained. I could hear Raven and Harper's voices as I fought against whoever held me. I felt a prick on my neck and then suddenly, my whole body went slack.


When I came to again, I was in our makeshift medical area. I heard Harper's worried voice first.

"Clarke is gonna kill me. What if I gave him too much? What if he doesn't wake up?"

"He is gonna be fine. Well, maybe not his hand for a few weeks, but this isn't the first time he has tried to break it," Raven said as I hissed. I had tried to use my hand to push myself up.

"Hey, he's up," Monty said, snapping everyone's attention over to me. The group was looking at me, wondering if I would need to be restrained again.

"I'm fine," I said gruffly.

"You sure as hell aren't. What set you off?" Raven asked.

"May we meet again," I said bitterly.

"You think she's given up because she said that?" Raven asked, looking at me like I was stupid.

"It had been five years. It's been safe for months, and she's tired. I can hear it in her voice. She is tired of waiting."

"You know as well as the rest of us that she wouldn't give up on you that easily," Monty said.

"She expects us down soon," I argued.

"Well, she would prefer waiting until we don't burn up in the atmosphere, rather than never seeing us again," Harper said.

"Exactly. She said she would wait as long as it takes. Don't fall apart now Blake," Raven reprimanded. Closing my eyes and leaning back on the pillow, I thought about her. How sad she will be to not see any sign of us for a year.

"Give us a minute," Murphy said, surprising me. The rest of the group moved out slowly, before I couldn't hear any more footsteps.

"I just… I need to be alone," I said.

"Not gonna happen."

"Murphy, I just need to sleep."

"No, you need to talk."

"How would you know? You have Emori here with you. How would you feel to be separated from her for 6 years?"

"Pretty shitty. Now, you have two choices. Either get your shit together and work so we can all get down there, or mope and make our work drag on longer," Murphy said, making me look at him. I winced, because he had a rather good shiner around his right eye.

"Yeah, that was your elbow," He deadpanned. I thought about what he said. It wasn't a hard choice; in fact it was kind of stupid that I had to think. I just wanted to stew in my guilt and anger awhile more. But it wasn't doing us, or me any good. It wouldn't get me to my family faster.

God, I had a family. I knew that Callie was my daughter, and Octavia my sister. But Clarke and Madi were my family too, and I hadn't even met Madi.

I then resolved to work as hard as I could. I was choosing my family, and I would choose them everyday for the rest of my life.