I could not love except where Death was mingling his with Beauty's breath.
-Edgar Allan Poe
Chapter-12-Unmasked
They were returning. Those ghastly talents which I possessed, they were coming back to haunt me.
The way the sky had reflected my emotions, as it had done in the past, had been a dreaded confirmation for me. I had spent so much time deadening my emotions, learning apathy and indifference, and now it had all cracked away. I had wanted to die.
But then Erik had arrived. His presence had always brought a beautiful warmth to me, but at that moment, my macabre destiny was stabbing me in my heart.
But he had seemed so concerned for me. When I had proposed death, I had expected him to help me with it. But instead, he became afraid. Yes, afraid. For his anger was nothing but another mask for his fear. He had feared for my life? No person had ever cared about me in the past. Ever.
And then it struck me. It wasn't just infatuation that I held for him. And it was something deeper than merely fascination for him. I was terribly attracted to him and there was an urge within me. An urge to know his within. To comfort him, to be at an intimate distance. I desired to be within the security of his arms, again. He gave me a feeling that I had longed to nurture, all my life. But fate had only given me reasons to hate, and not love. Was that the reason behind my inability to understand my emotions towards him?
He had asked me to meet him in the evening in the balcony, but for what reason? Did he wish to acquaint himself with me? Or talk me out of my supposed delusions? But I could not help but be thrilled by the fact that I would have his company. He was the only light in my soul in this ghastly time, and such a beautiful light it was. My feelings for him would make me blush scarlet like a young naive girl, would trap my mind with his alluring being, and also give me a warmth that would cradle my entire consciousness.
The day was long for me. Mme. Giry had finally decided that it was fit for me to try and roam around the Opera, though not dance. I helped with some of the art work required in the making of the setup, but Mme. Giry took care that I did nothing strenuous. My fellow dancers were replete with wishes and prayers for my broken form, and alas, a plethora of questions too. How did I manage to evade the ruffians? Why had I decided to stroll in the dark? How abominable were my wounds? Thankfully, Mme. Giry had offered me some satin gloves to conceal my bandaged hands, or that alone would have earned me a flood of horrified exclamations. But I could not keep my form to be still for my thoughts were constantly engrossed with Erik.
A tumult was gathering in my stomach. What would happen?
Finally, the evening approached.
I went to my room and looked at my insipid form. Though frail, my face had a glow to it, an unexpected effervescence. My hands were trembling. A yearning seemed to fill me. I could wait no longer.
Slowly, I approached the staircase and reached the balcony. But Erik was nowhere to be seen.
The sun was setting, painting the sky in shades of violet and tangerine. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. The air was whirling around me softly, caressing my bare skin. The sensation seemed to calm me.
Then, I felt a presence behind me. Erik had arrived. I slowly turned and faced his masked face.
"Rose", he acknowledged me.
"Erik."
He held out his hand, and I took it. His face was emotionless, restrained. I wondered whether my face gave away my internal thoughts for him.
He led me towards the inside edge of the balcony, towards a door that was excellently hidden away from the normal view. It was almost camouflaged with the wall and tiny knob protruded out of it.
He opened the door and led me through it. It revealed a dimly lit passage with some dingy stairs. We descended down it, and reached a similar tunnel that I had previously seen behind my cupboard.
We walked silently, with him leading me. He would turn to look at me at moments, and I would blush, much to my vexation.
And then, surprise filled me, as we reached a lake. It was breathtakingly beautiful, the turquoise water amidst the ruin-like structure of the place. A black boat was floating in the waters. Erik stepped inside it and helped me to do the same. The boat was small, yet beautiful. It was old, but intricately carved. It was like a craft of death.
Faint yellow lights pervaded the air, but I could not place the source. The surroundings were eerily beautiful.
I glanced at Erik, he was quietly paddling the craft. The strange yearning filled me yet again and I unconsciously clenched my fists. I wanted to touch him.
After a while, he turned back. Ashamed, I looked down.
"We're here", he proclaimed, in his elemental voice.
I had been so engrossed with looking at him that I had lost the awareness of my surroundings.
I held my eyes up, and I lost my breath.
Erik's abode was inexplicably beautiful. Alluring and antique lanterns and candelabras were situated around the place in an intelligent manner; the haunting light seemed to echo from within the walls and corners itself.
An old and charming piano was placed within the center of his abode. Old curtains and draperies adorned the walls. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before. This man was a beautiful genius.
He stood up and tied the boat to safety. Then, he reached out his hand and helped me out of the craft.
The carnival like beauty of his lair made me smile like an impish child. He looked at my expression with curiosity, and I restrained my grin.
"It's so wonderful, Erik. You are ..."
I couldn't find the proper word for him. But his face was still restrained, his expression dispassionate.
"You are here because I want you to answer some questions for me", he said, in a solemn voice.
"What questions?", I asked, perplexed.
"What is your heritage?" he asked.
"I was born in England, but my parents met their demise when I was quite too young. I am devoid of a proper heritage."
"Who raised you, then?"
"A distant relative." I was trying to keep my face solemn, but the task was difficult.
"And you have no friends to call your own?"
"I have this Opera. I don't understand.." but he interrupted me within my sentence.
"What plagues you, Rose?"
I could now see the thread of emotion seeping through his eyes.
"That is none of your concern."
"What plagues you Rose?"
This time, I could sense the urgency and agitation in his voice.
"I assure you, that is none of your concern", I emphasized.
He turned away from me.
"What plagues you, Rose?"
Anger had completely drenched his voice.
Fury seemed to invade me too.
"You really want to know? I see ghosts, Erik! I see the ghosts of my past! Ghouls and darkness and fear plagues me. Damnation plagues me!"
"But can you tell me what plagues you, Erik?", I said, defiantly.
I strode towards him and turned his form towards myself.
"Can you tell me?" I was challenging him.
He grabbed my shoulders. His face was distorted in pain and anguish.
"Oh, you want to know what troubles me, you foolish girl? Can you bear to listen to it? I am not afraid of ghouls or darkness. You know what I fear? I fear a loveless existence! I fear that hatred will take over my soul and eat away the man I am. Soon my soul will echo my distorted face, and no one will be able to help me! You fear damnation, Rose? Well, I am already damned!"
My anger faded away and pure anguish engulfed me. My eyes blurred with tears.
"Erik.." I softly whispered.
"You must go now."
He was about to turn away from me but I grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards me. The torment was still visible on his face.
I reached out my hand towards his mask. He recoiled, but I held on to him with whatever force I possessed.
"Be still, Erik."
I covered his eyes with my right hand. Then, slowly I proceeded my other hand towards his mask to take it off.
I could almost feel the pain and dejection flowing from his heart.
But it had to be done.
I slowly took his mask off, and realized that he wore a wig. That came off too, and now there were no masks now, just plain and unashamed truth.
His skin behind the mask was deformed. It stood out with pink and red subtle blisters, outlining his right eye and the upper part of his forehead as well. His real hair was blonde.
I did not feel any disgust or any fear upon beholding his face. Instead, I felt sorry. Not for him, no. But for the world. The world had shunned such a beautiful soul upon their superficial mindsets. For him, I felt rage. I was angry and anguished that he had been treated so, until now. I loved him. Yes, I could not deny it any further. I held a connection with him that superseded the common life we beheld. I wanted to take his pain away. I wanted to love him.
My hands were still covering his eyes, and the torment never left his face.
I slowly reached out my hand and softly caressed his scarred face. I traced the outline of his jawline and saw his expression change. Warmth was invading him as sweetly as it was invading me. I traced his pink lips with my fingers. I heard his soft gasp.
I uncovered his eyes.
As he looked into my eyes, I saw neither torment nor anguish, but pure astonishment and emotion.
"Erik, you are beautiful."
I placed my hand over his heart.
And I embraced him.
He did not respond or return the gesture at first, but then I felt his arms around me, clutching me tightly.
It was as if he was holding on to me for his dear life.
I felt a soft kiss on the top of my head, and I looked up.
There was gratitude in his eyes. But did he feel for me the same way I did for him? The question gnawed at my insides.
"I don't understand you, Rose."
"You don't have to. Erik, I...
I could not form the words to say. I took a deep breath and tried again.
"You do not deserve this, Erik, you don't. I cannot replace Christine, I understand, but I would, at least, like to be your friend. Would you take me as your friend?"
He released me from his arms and I realized that I had virtually confessed my feelings for him. Bitter scarlet tainted my body.
"As unearthly as you are, Rose, you're very daft too. Such a foolish little girl", he said, stroking my cheek.
"If a friend is what you would call yourself, Rose, then be it. Let me show my friend, a glimpse of my world.", he said, placing his mask back on to his face.
