Chapter 12 Good Intentions
"This hearing is dismissed until 9 am tomorrow morning. Everyone rise. Footfalls echoed through the chamber as everyone stood to their feet and watched the Admirals leave the room through the back entrance. Uhura's knees locked as tremors raced through her legs. Clutching the witness box she turned her eyes from the Admirals to Spock, who had not broke his gaze from her face. She could not read his expression, and cursed his Vulcan heritage.
Spock took one step to the side, before Matthias grabbed his arm to stop him. The councilman gave him a warning look and took a step back, pulling his client with him.
The Commander opened his mouth to protest, but Matthias interrupted him in clipped tones, "Not now." Matthias continued to direct him to the exit, while Uhura looked on in unbelief.
"I cannot just leave her..." Spock protested as they picked up speed, making their way through the crowed corridor.
"The hell you can't." Matthias stated as he took a side exit, opening the door to the bright sunshine of the courtyard. Spock opened his mouth again to reason with his council, only to be shut down. "Not now." Matthias looked to the edge of the lawn searching for something, before he took Spock's arm and directed him to the hover taxi waiting at the foremost east point. Spock accepted the set down with acquiescence and followed the older man to the east edge of the lawn.
They entered the taxi and it took off without direction. Matthias held up his hand to stop his client from trying to speak for a third time as he opened his communicator and bit out a command. "How fast can you come up to San Francisco? Yes, I have some questions for you. " Spock waited, no signs of his anxiety, except for nervous tick at his right temple. "Where?... No, that would be better. More private. Meet you there." Matthias ended the conversation and entered a different code as he turned his pensive gaze toward the Commander.
"Yes, go get her...No, change of plans, I will email you the coordinates." Matthias closed the communicator and then turned to the window. Spock remained silent, waiting for the councilman to open the conversation. Both remained in the stalemate for several minutes before the older man gave the taxi driver new coordinates and then closed the privacy glass. Matthias turned his angry eyes to the Vulcan, still Spock kept his silence.
"I asked for honesty. I warned you that my ability to defend you, was only as good as my knowledge of the situation. You continue to leave me in the dark, Mr. Spock. You continue to mislead me." Spock opened his mouth to deny any such doings, only to close it at the intent glare from the councilman. Matthias held up the transcriptions from the bank facility, "what is this?" His tone rising in his anger.
"It looks like transcriptions from a bank facility." Spock's tone even and fact filled. Matthias gave him a disgusted look and waved them again.
"You know what I mean. Don't hide behind technicalities. What is the meaning of this? Your credit account is all over this. It goes back two years, Mr. Spock."
"I would assume that would be obvious. I am the primary benefactor of the scholarship." As before, Spock's tone was even and without emotion, which infuriated the older man.
"Yes, Mr. Spock, that much is obvious." Matthias slurred his reply with great sarcasm. "What is not obvious, Commander, is why you would go to such lengths to per portrait a fraudulent scholarship to keep your mistress."
Spock's expression hardened at the councilman's accusation. "There is no valid reason to insult Ms. Uhura. I can assure you that the scholarship is not fraudulent. The account was created by Captain Pike and myself eight years ago, to assist Ms. Uhura in her academic career. And has been used for that sole purpose."
Matthias studied his client for a moment before he asked, "why would you do that? I mean, she was just a child, what did she mean to you?" Matthias was truly confused. What would a starship Captain and a Vulcan officer have in common with a preteen Earth girl from the wrong side of town? It just didn't make sense.
Spock took his time, trying to formulate his answer. "I... the Captain and I saw great potential in Ms. Uhura. The evidence clearly stated that without assistance, she would not have had the opportunity to meet said potential. We took the only logical course. We created the scholarship to help her achieve her goals." Matthias was still skeptical.
"And you saw this after one afternoon? In just a few hours conversation with an eleven year old? That is anything but logical, Mr. Spock. And I think it will be highly doubtful if I can convince a panel of Admirals to think any way else." Matthias was contemplative for the next few minutes, as he turned back to the window. Spock kept his silence as he looked at the view from his own window. They had reversed direction, heading toward the northern coast. The metropolitan areas were soon replaced with deserted rocky coastline that glittered in the bright sunlight of the afternoon.
"You said that you and Pike started this account eight years ago? It is highly doubtful that you two put in your whole revenue from your starfleet careers into this account. How do you account for the balance?" Matthias was surprised when the Commander hesitated with his answer. He noticed that the Vulcan's eyes broke contact first, which was unusual in itself, but there was something else in his ebony eyes. Could that be guilt? Matthias leaned forward. "Come on out with it. If there is anything that could be construed as illegal or lewd, I would like to be made aware before it is declared before the board."
"It was not lewd." Spock's declaration was immediate and held a hint of irritation of being insulted. But Matthias also noticed that he left out the word illegal in his defense. The councilman's senses pricked at the conclusion. The Vulcan would only do that on purpose. And for one reason only.
"So it was illegally obtained." Matthias' statement was met with more hesitancy. "How much trouble are we talking about here?"
"It was … not illegal in the sense that you are surmising. It... " Matthias was getting nervous at the Commander's stuttered speech, so unlike his character. It could only mean trouble.
"Spit it out Spock!" Spock flinched at the councilman's emphatic exclamation. The knock on the window, brought the Commander to attention. He was not aware that they had reached their destination. They were parked in front a beach bungalow on stilts facing the Pacific Coast. Captain Pike was at the Councilman's window, trying to get their attention. Spock felt a small measure of relief to see his former Captain. Matthias scanned the sensor to pay for the ride and opened his door. Spock opened his own and made his way around the vehicle.
"So I hear that it didn't go so well." Pike's understatement was met with a punch on his arm.
"You have some explaining to do mister." Matthias demanded as he motioned for him to lead the way.
Uhura could not believe that Spock and Matthias just left her like that. She stood in the empty hearing room, staring at the vacant chairs, where they were sitting just a few minutes ago, a numbness growing in the pit of her stomach.
The cadets mind whirled with the change of events from this afternoon. She never thought that she would doubt the Commander or his intentions, but the things she had just heard, did not make sense. And his eyes did not deny the accusations. A custodial employee entered and started cleaning the room. On shaky legs, the cadet made her way out of the witness box and out of the hearing room. She was met with speculative gazes as she moved down the corridor, Uhura meeting their eyes with as much decorum as she could gather. She had nothing to be ashamed of. Matthias' reminder to not give them any ammunition to shoot back at her. She deliberately slowed her steps, to not appear as if she were running away from their rude curiosity.
Uhura felt someone pull her arm, and turned her startled expression to her roommate. "There you are. I have been looking all over for you. Come on now, we are going to be late for my birthday party." Gaila pulled on Uhura to move her toward the side exit. The cadet resisted, not in the mood to party, and irritated that Gaila would believe that she would be.
"I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to go back to the room." Gaila got in the other girl's face.
"Oh, yes you do. You don't want to disappoint your boyfriend do you? Matty is just waiting to talk to you." Uhura's eyes narrowed on the Orion. "Not to mention that Chris is waiting too. And they are bringing a guest. I know you want to see him."
Uhura no longer resisted as Gaila pulled her to the exit door. She noticed that the people around her were not even trying to hide their curiosity. When they made it out into the bright daylight, Gaila released her arm and pointed to a couple of taxis at the curb. Uhura opened her mouth, but closed it at the expression she received from her roommate.
Gaila opened the door and let Uhura get in first. She was surprised when Gaila just scanned her credit chip and spoke to Uhura, "Just key in our room number as the pin."
"Aren't you coming with me?" Uhura asked as Gaila shut the door. Her roommate pointed to the other taxi that had another occupant in the back seat. Uhura could not see the person in detail, but she was about the same build and coloring as herself, in a red cadet's uniform.
"No, it's time for me and "Cadet Uhura" to party." At Nyota's confused expression, she elaborated, "Cadet Timmon's can't be confused with you with close scrutiny, but from a distance no one will tell, and Matthias thinks that they won't tail you too much. Off you go now and don't have too much fun." Gaila closed the side of the taxi and tapped the side for the hover craft to go.
As she drove away, she realized that she hadn't even thanked her friend for her help. Once the Academy was behind her and the city sights turned into the vast highway did she find her body letting go of the rigid stance. If only her mind could do the same. Taking a deep breath, she scanned the horizon as she tried to make a rhyme and reason to her scattered thoughts. Her first inclination was to accuse Spock of deliberately trying to trick her. But what could possibly be his reason to make her think that the scholarship was not exactly what she thought it was?
She didn't want to jump to conclusions. Uhura laughed to herself, the sound bitter in remembrance. Jumping to conclusions can cause all kinds of heartache that she was well familiar with. Nyota had not felt so alone since her Uncle's funeral. Time slipped past the window as easily as the scenery as she thought back a little more than six months ago, when her world turned upside down.
The sound of the rain as it pelted on her umbrella drown out most of the of the words of the reverend, as he spoke of terms of comfort and promise to the mourners that gathered at the graveside service. Uhura was sure that she had shed all the tears that her body could hold, but was surprised that drops still fell on her hands as she clutched the handle of the black umbrella that completed her somber ensemble. Her eyes broke contact with simple casket that was adorned with daises and white carnations, his favorite flowers.
Hanori was very specific with his funeral requests. No cremation, he did not fancy burning in the fires of hell, and did not want to start his eternal life in a pit. A facsimile of a smile framed her face at the memory.
The pain of knowing she would never have another conversation with him sliced through her heart, causing her face to crumble and sobs to escape from her throat. Gaila placed an arm around her shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze. Uhura gave her a wobbly smile in gratitude. And she was grateful for her roommates comfort. Grateful for all of her friends and family that rallied around her in her time of need. But it also gave her no time for herself. No time to be alone. No time for Spock to approach her. And she was lonely.
It had only been three weeks ago, when the incident with Charlie happened, she could not let herself think of it as more than that, and her relationship had not progressed as much as she would have liked. They had not had the privacy to initiate any intimate contact. And Spock was …..Spock. He was no more physically responsive than before their breakthrough. She was hard pressed not to believe that it had all been a dream, if not for the few moments, when his voice softened or his eyes betrayed a familiarity that went beyond teacher-pupil relationship.
Uhura had been awakened in the dead of night four days ago, to be called to the hospital, only to find that her uncle had slipped away peacefully in his sleep. Since then, she had been surrounded and supported by distant relatives and fellow students. And in all of their embraces, she had never felt so alone.
Uhura lowered her head as the reverend said the last prayer. The formality of the benediction caused fresh tears to fall as she silently said her last goodbyes. All too soon the congregation echoed the amen and she felt herself surrounded with people forming a receiving line to give their condolences. One person blended into the next as their words flowed over her in the persistent ping of the rain.
She made sure that her smile remained fixed on her face and made the occasional thanks of appreciation as one after another took her hand or gave her a customary hug. Uhura felt numb. Then he was there.
He did not bother with an umbrella but let the water flow over him. His expression was void of emotion. To others he would look no different than if he were in front of his classroom. But she knew different. His eyes held his concern. Spock just stood in front of her. He did not try to speak the same generic words that had been said numerous times before. He did not try to touch her, but she felt his heat in the close proximity. Uhura drank in his presence. She longed to touch him, but that was impossible with the crowd that surrounded her. Uhura could feel the others in the line impatiently waiting their turn to speak with her and she felt the moment slipping away. It just wasn't fair.
"Thank you for coming." The words stumbled from her lips. His eyes followed her lips movement and she involuntarily swayed toward him. Spock's hands found their way to her arms to steady her.
"Are you alright Cadet?" His compassion softened his normally clipped tone. Uhura closed her eyes to the warmth that flowed from the contact. She felt an echo through the fragile bond that they were forging. Others closed in, afraid that the Cadet was going to faint. Uhura opened her eyes as Spock's hands were pulled away. She took one step forward, but it was too late. He was swallowed up by the well wishers, who closed in to offer assistance. She felt like growling at them to leave her alone, but did not give in to the urge. The crowd lead her away to the hover taxis that would take her to the bar, that would hold her uncle's dinner. Without protest, she got in and sat back into the seat, the whole time she felt herself being led away fro Spock and felt like exploding at the situation. Gaila took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"It's ok to feel angry and sad. Everyone grieves differently." Her roommates words, although misplaced, were still comforting. Nyota looked out the window as they made their way for her last night at the bar. It had been sold. The new owners were going to take possession the next day. Until then it was closed. She had a little more packing to do, but other than that all that was left to do was say goodbye to the place that had been her only home on Earth.
It hit her like a wave, taking her breath. She was alone in the world. Yes, she had distant relatives and friends, but with her parents gone and now her Uncle Hanori, she could not help but feel like an orphan. Again Gaila squeezed her hand.
Through the rest of the ride, Uhura tried to keep her mind blank. It helped to deal with the pain. While Gaila paid for the ride, Uhura made her way to the Bar's entrance, noticing that the sign that read Hanori's Happy Hour was still hanging by a couple of wires, yet in all the years, that she had lived there, it was no closer to falling down than it was now. He had made numerous declarations that he was going to fix it, but never made the time. Guess it did not matter now. The thought echoed in the hallow pit of her stomach.
Her cousins had already set up a small buffet on the bar's counter and had the tables ready to receive the mourning guests. One of her cousins handed her a glass of iced tea and told her to take a seat, that they had everything under control. Control. One thing she felt lacking at the moment. The rest of the evening past in alternating segments of pain and laughter. She welcomed the moments of peaceful reminiscing, but her eyes kept straying to the doors, expecting Spock to show up at any minute. But he did not come.
Deep in her heart, she knew that he was not comfortable with emotion, and the room was reeling in it. She knew that he was concerned with appearances, and his attending the funeral was acceptable, but the dinner was for closer friends and family. She knew that any moment of intimacy was initiated by her. But she could not help herself from hoping. And it hurt that he was not there.
Spock took in the spectacular view from the floor to ceiling windows of the beach front bungalow. The waves were topped with frothy white caps as they billowed and crested on the rocks below. The Vulcan felt overwhelmed by the display of so much water in one space, his own planet void of any oceans of mass. For a moment the earth shifted under his feet, and he mentally documented the experience in his mind.
"Have you ever seen anything like this Mr. Spock?" Captain Pike's question intruded in the Commander's thoughts. It took a moment for Spock to find his voice.
"I cannot say that I have Captain." Matthias broke up the two to have them to take a seat at the table. He was not in the mood for small talk. Until the revealing of the bank documents, he was confident that the hearing was going to be dismissed because lack of evidence, but that was blown out of the water by the prosecution. Matthias hated being left in the dark and he took this latest display as a direct insult. He was so close to dropping this case, friend or no friend. The councilman felt betrayed. And at the moment he did not know who to blame more.
"Alright let's get started. Someone want to tell me what the hell is going on? Well, don't all talk at once." This last statement was made when the other two occupants at the table exchanged censored looks. Pike shrugged his shoulders to let Spock have the floor.
"Would you please clarify your question." Matthias rolled his eyes at the Vulcan.
"Are we really going to play it like that?" The councilman stared down the other two before he bit out with great condensation. "Why would two dedicated Starfleet officers take the time and money to create a scholarship for a kid, and continue to contribute to the fund even after presenting said scholarship?" The two officers looked back to each other. Matthias snapped his fingers a couple of times to get their attention.
"Over here guys. Stay with me now. And why the hell did you not tell me? Do you like making me look like a fool? Do you want me to quit? Speak up guys, any time." Spock spoke up first.
"I apologize for any inconvenience our omission may have caused. I assure you it was not intentional." Again Matthias rolled his eyes at Spock's first statement.
"You have yet to answer any of my questions." Matthias was losing the last of his patience.
"I was impressed with Cadet Uhura's natural talent with phonology. Even at that early age, she showed exceptional ability and sensitivity. It was obvious by her Uncle and environment that she would not be able to attain the education needed to enhance those abilities without assistance."
Pike interrupted. "It was my idea. I was the one to suggest it. I have just as much responsibility in this as Mr. Spock. We did not bring it up because we did not see the need. The scholarship was made in good faith and there is nothing obscene about it." Matthias rubbed his chin.
"That is not for us to decide. The problem is that it fits in with the perception that the prosecution is trying to create for the Commander. Our job is to tear down that perception. We need to make this scholarship professional and established." Matthias got up to pace. He did his best thinking on his feet. "What we need to do is distance the two of you from it." Matthias turned back to the two gentlemen. "How many people know about this scholarship? Are there any others that can testify that this was not some dirty secret held by just the two of you?"
The two officers looked back at each other, silently communicating. Matthias was getting disgusted again.
"Come on you two, don't leave me out of the conversation again." His voice was laced with frustration and threat.
Pike turned guilty eyes on the councilman, his voice hesitant with what he was about to reveal. "Yes, there are a number of people who are aware of this scholarship, but it may be hard to get them to testify." Matthias was concerned about the legal factor again.
"What's the problem? Are you telling me it was financed with illegal means?" Spock took over the conversation.
"Technically, it is not illegal, however, the financial backing was made with activities that are frowned upon by Starfleet regulations. The participants may not want to be identified in the particular activities."
"Just spit it out Mr. Spock. What activities?"
"Gambling. Poker to be precise." Spock's answer surprised the councilman. He wasn't quite sure what the officer was going to say, but poker was not it.
"It started out our weekly poker game on the ship. We asked the winners if they wanted to donate their earnings to the fund. Most of them were good sports, and soon everyone was doing it. Word spread and we started having tournaments with other ship crews. We even had other sponsored tournaments outside our own ship that made contributions. A few admirals joined in. Mind you, the activity of gambling is against Starfleet regulation and could result in disciplinary action. So it was not openly talked about. But that did not stop it from happening."
"Can you give me names?" Pike shook his head yes. "Matthias looked down at the document the prosecution wanted to submit. It only went back two years. Hardly enough to establish credibility to Spock's statement. If the prosecution wanted to add this document into the record, he was going to make them work for it. "Did any of these participants make direct deposits into the account?"
Pike looked to Spock for confirmation and Spock answered for the both of them, "I do believe that a few did, but not in the last couple of years."
"I need to get those records. With those deposits, we can establish credibility and legitimacy. Chris I will need your help..." The rest of his request was lost by the audible signal of the door bell.
Pike was closest to the door, so he stood up to answer it. Uhura stood hesitantly outside the doorway. Pike waved her in. The other gentlemen stood up, Matthias greeted her and asked her to sit at the table.
"I thought that I was not allowed to be in this close proximity to Commander Spock?" Uhura kept her eyes on the councilman. Now that she was in Spock's presence, she felt uneasy, unsure of his reasons for keeping her in the dark, and not sure she wanted to know the answer.
"At this point, I am choosing the lesser of two evils. I would much rather have you informed of the situation, before the prosecution tries to take more pot shots at you."
Uhura bowed her head, "I am sorry that I did so poorly at the hearing, they just took me by surprise." Matthias quickly assured her that it was not her fault, his tone soft and comforting.
"You must not take it to heart Cadet. It was not your fault. You had no idea that your scholarship was anything but what was directed to you. If Spock and Pike were open with their information, we would not be in this predicament, trying to defend ourselves without all the facts." The councilman's statement was emphasized with dagger stares at the two gentlemen.
" Now then, I need to get with my people to try to get the bank records we need, Chris if you could try to gather up some of these names and try to contact them to see if we can build up our case I would appreciate it." Chris nodded as he got his communicator out. Matthias turned his intent gaze to the Commander. "Talk this out. Clear the air, so she's not in the dark." Matthias waited for Spock to nod before he stepped into the next room, his communicator on speed dial. Pike told the two to make themselves at home and followed the councilman out of the room.
Uhura waited for Spock to speak first. Normally, she was the one to push the conversation along. Not this time. They could stand there all night, for all she cared, in a staring contest, but damn it, he was going to make the first move.
Warily, Spock stared back. Was that fear in his eyes? No, it couldn't be. Fear was an emotion that he did not indulge in. Uhura took a step forward. Spock's eyes widened infinitesimally, not enough for her to notice, unless she had been studying his face so thoroughly. Moving closer, she gauged his response. He took a hesitant step back, as if to give her more room. He was afraid. Very well she would give him a chance to compose himself. Uhura kept moving past him to view the ocean through the wall of glass.
Spock watched the Cadet warily, calculating the most efficient way to relay the facts that he had omitted about the scholarship. Taking in account Nyota's tendency to react to conflict with volatile emotion, Spock silently calculated the probability of getting through this conversation unscathed was 73% at best. However, it was impossible to add all of the variables of Nyota's human unpredictability of female logic. He couldn't help but remember another time when he had underestimated the Cadet's sensitivity.
Spock superstitiously looked toward the door. Cadet Uhura had been on a leave due to the death of her Uncle for the last week, but the funeral had been two days ago and today was the aural final for Caitian diplomacy. She knew the importance of this test. He could not fathom the idea that Nyota would fail to complete this final. He decided to reassess his decision to give the Cadet her privacy to deal with her grief without interference on his part. Perhaps he would open communication with her this afternoon if she did not make an appearance before hand.
Picking up his PADD, Spock scanned the entries to see who had completed their final in the com lab, when Uhura breezed through, a whirlwind as she went to her com unit at her desk and deftly opened the program extracting the information she needed to start the phonology program in the lecture hall. Spock watched her for signs that she was still suffering from her grief, but she showed no indication that this was so.
"Cadet Uhura." His greeting was met with dry dull eyes. Spock noticed the dark circles that highlighted their ebony depths. There were drawn lines around her mouth, that was stretched in a tight line. She looked tired and drained. Perhaps she needed more time to recuperate. He had no experience in this situation and had no reference to navigate. "Are you well Cadet?"
Uhura showed no signs that she had heard his question as she keyed in the sequence to have the lecture ready for activation by the podium controls and then confirmed it to her instructor.
"The lecture is ready for your initiation Commander." Uhura stated as she picked up her PADD and made her way to the hall, not bothering to look at him again. Spock took a step toward her and touched her arm. She flinched as if he had burned her and took a step to move around him. The whole time he watched her face, and braced himself for an emotional outburst, but it never came. On the contrary, there was no emotion at all. That disturbed him more than if she were openingly weeping.
"Cadet is there something the matter?" Uhura looked up to him, a flare of heat lit up her eyes, only to be extinguished immediately. She nodded in the negative and moved toward the door. Spock took hold of her arm, firmly this time to stop her. "Nyota, what is it?"
Uhura turned sharply, "No, you don't. Not now." Her words bit out sharply, pain in each syllable. Spock's expression of confusion ignited her irritation.
"Do what? You seem perturbed . I am merely trying to ascertain the reason for your current demeanor. I cannot do so without you telling me."
"Are you serious?" At her question he assured her that in deed he was always serious. Uhura gave a bitter chuckle and replied, "you have a wonderful sense of timing Commander. Let me get back to you."
"Nyota I do not understand. Please clarify." Uhura took a deep breath to get a control of her anger. One whole week, he did not make a single attempt to talk to her, to see how she was doing, and now a couple of minutes before class, he wanted to discuss her feelings? Was he that clueless? Spock's eyes darkened with confusion as he reached for her face with his other hand. The thought left her cold, that he would try to seek something so intimate at a time like this. She jerked free of his hand and moved away to give some distance between them.
"Spock I can't believe that you would pretend that you don't understand why I am upset." Spock tilted his head, deep in thought. Uhura waited for him to speak, for him to explain his neglect at least. Even the worn out excuse of avoiding the appearance of familiarity would be welcome compared to the silence that greeted her.
"Nyota I do not pretend. It is obvious that you have a grievance with me, but I cannot rectify it, if I am not aware of the root cause." Spock's authoritative tone worked it's way under her skin.
Uhura dropped her the volume of her voice as she confronted the Commander, "I just lost my Uncle, Spock."
Spock's voice softened, "I am aware of that Nyota." She could see that he still did not understand. Uhura tried to remind herself that he was not fully human and the Vulcans might not react to grief in the same way. But he had been around humans enough to be more considerate of their emotions.
"Spock, I just lost the last close family member. The one person who had taken care of me. The person that welcomed me into his home, and took me in like a daughter. He was the closest thing I had to a Father and Mother." The Cadet could see that he was digesting the information that she was giving him, but without understanding the emotions behind it, he would never realize why she was so upset.
"Perhaps you need more time to process your grief. If you need to extend your leave..." Uhura interrupted him, breaking down her feelings into the simplest description she knew how to.
"Spock I was hurting, and alone. I felt lost and alone. I was scared and alone. I needed you to be there. I needed you to hold my hand and tell me that I was not alone. I needed you to tell me that it was going to be ok. I needed you to hold me and let me cry and talk about how much I would miss him. Spock I needed you." The Commander blinked as he processed the information. He really was oblivious to her need.
"Nyota I apologize if I hurt you, by assuming that you would have wanted privacy in your time of grief. I followed the traditional ways of my people. I assure you that although I may have not been with you in the physical sense, my thoughts were." Spock took a step closer to her and then stopped. Uhura dropped any pretenses of anger and closed the distance between them.
"Why did you stay away?" Spock raised his hand but stopped from touching her. Uhura grabbed his hand. His warmth a balm to her wounded pride. "I did not understand what kept you away."
"I thought that you would want time and distance to control your pain. It is impossible with people constantly around to distract. I did not want to add to your distress." Spock's reasoning made sense, in his own context.
"I thought that you did not care." Her words caused his eyes to flinch. He raise his other hand and caressed her cheek.
His voice trembled in its intensity. "That is the direct opposite of my feelings for you, Nyota. I did want to be with you, but I felt that it would have been a truly selfish action on my part. I was trying to put your needs above my own. Obviously, I erred grievously in my calculations." Spock's words broke the last control she had on her tears as they slipped past her lashes. Uhura choked on her sob as a chuckle bubbled up her throat.
"I do believe that is the first time I've heard you admit a mistake in your perfect calculator mind of yours. Uhura said as she moved into the hand that continued to caress as he wiped the tears that lay against mocha skin. He lifted her chin to raise her face, locking eyes with her.
"Nyota I have never claimed to be perfect. There will be times when I fail miserably in trying to understand your emotions. They are as alien to my thinking as the landscape of Vulcan would be to you. That does not mean that I am not trying. Or that I do not want to understand." Uhura closed her eyes at the raw emotion that she saw burning in his own chocolate depths. She felt the heat radiating from his nearness, before she felt the burning pressure of his lips as they sealed over her own.
He swallowed her surprise, at his first initiation of intimacy. She was so lost in the kiss, that she did not know when he opened the mind meld, until she felt his presence in every aspect of her thoughts. He showed her that in the past week, he was not exaggerating when he said that his thoughts were with her. He had been worried, and anxious for her well being. He also longed for her company, her presence.
She led him to the threads, where she had been longing for him. Uhura showed him how she had wished for his strength, is arms to hold her, for his shelter. Phantom arms wrapped around her, echoing the physical arms that pressed her closer. Phantom arms that drew her further into his consciousness until she blended into his thoughts and feelings, both alien and yet so familiar. Both broke the kiss as they gasped for breath, yet the connection was still just as strong. Within the meld there was no doubt of feelings, of intentions. She wished that it would never be broken. Uhura reached deeper, to be closer. Spock closed his eyes at the depth of feeling, not able to control intensity.
Uhura paused at the alien presence that met her. Not Spock, but another presence, curious and questing. Spock broke the contact, sharply and without any warning, but not before the impression formalized into a beautiful Vulcan female, regal and cold in calculation.
Spock stepped out of Uhura's arms his eyes lighting anywhere but on the Cadet, his breath shaky, as it sawed through his lungs. Uhura felt his distress, sharp and bitter in its intensity. She knew that he did not want her to have contact with this person.
"Who is she?" Uhura's voice dry and raw. Spock opened his mouth, but nothing came out and belatedly he closed it. "Was she your...girlfriend?" Spock turned away, he hand going to his temple. And she had the strangest feeling that he was having a silent war within his head. Maybe with this Vulcan female. But that was just her ridiculous imagination. She would have known if he was involved with someone else. Wouldn't she? Spock turned back as if he were privileged to her thoughts. Maybe he was.
"It doesn't matter." Uhura's words forced out before she was truly conscious of them herself. She tried to rephrase them. "I don't need to know about your past. It doesn't matter to me, your past." Her words seemed to have the opposite result than what she expected as he continued to avoid her gaze.
"Nyota, the scholarship was Chris and my way of helping you achieve your academic goals. Nothing more." Spock's words hesitant as he looked at her reflection in the glass, not quite able to face her head on.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Her question just as hesitant. Spock shrugged as he took his time to form the correct sequence of words to explain.
"You were proud of your achievement and ….there never seemed to be a correct time to inform you. I make no excuses... I did not know how to tell you. Then later it did not seem to be important." The truth echoed in each word that fell from his lips. Uhura smiled. He was protecting her pride. And maybe his own embarrassment. He would be hard pressed to boast of his own good will dealings.
"I should be flattered that you made up a scholarship just for me. Particularly since I made such a pest of myself when we first met." Through the reflection on the glass she could see a trace of a smile mark Spock's lips, at the memory. Afraid it would disappear if she turned toward him, she continued to spy his mirrored features.
"You were precocious. But you were gifted. It was apparent even then. …. I did not mean to cause you pain...I ..." Suddenly, it did not matter why he chose not to disclose the scholarship details. He cared enough, all those years ago. He had not forgotten or abandoned her, when he had no obligation to do so. She turned to him and reached up to cradle his face.
"It does not matter. You cared enough to take care of my future. And I never knew." She leaned in and he followed, relief flashed in his eyes before they were obscured by his dark lashes. The kiss was light and filled with gratitude for her forgiveness. They were interrupted with someone clearing their throat, both parting in embarrassment at being caught. Chris's eyes were as big as saucers, at the sight of his first officer's actions.
"Glad to see that you talked all out. If you are done, we have more work to do, before the hearing convenes." Matthias dryly stated as he sat back down at the table.
Sorry it took so long to update. My dog ate my homework per say. In reality, he (Yoda) ate the keys off my laptop computer. A good lesson to properly put up my computer when not in use and to not eat while I am working. After several dollars later, I was able to fix it. And a lesson in patience, the dog is well and I did not kill it like I threatened. Hope you like the chapter.
