Welcome To Vietnam

Chapter Twelve

OORAH! Oh wait, that's marines, sorry! HOOAH! Two updates in one day! Who do you love? Sorry that last one was so depressing! This one is going to be more about coping and T-Bone.

When I jumped off the chopper I saw most of the men from the base crowded around the landing pad. Horville was standing front in center with several officers. I walked over and saluted him. "Sir, Specialist Jakob Ryan was wounded in the field, sir. Dusted-off. Any word on him?"

"At ease, soldier. They brought the wounded here for temporary medical attention before they will be dusted-off to a military hospital in the south. Specialist Ryan will be among the men dusting-off at 0900. You are off duty now, Private Curtis, for performing admirably on this mission. Dismissed, now go get some rest."

"Thank you, sir." I walked around him and headed off for the medical tent. The crowd parted and let me and the other men returning, through. I looked back as they were unloading the last chopper, the ones with the bodies. That reminded me. "Oh, and sir? Here is Private Roger Smith's tag. He was KIA." I pulled the tag out of my pocket and placed it in his hand. He took it and nodded solemnly.

I didn't get far when I was being attacked from both sides by two men. I flinched and got out of their grasp, thinking foolishly it was the enemy and they'd followed us. I rolled my shoulders to loosen the tension when I saw it was just Steve and Two-Bit, looking hurt and bewildered. I didn't know what to say to them so I kept my mouth shut. I looked up at the sky and saw it was getting lighter. I just pulled a twenty-four hour mission and suddenly that weight fell on me. All I wanted was to collapse on my mat and sleep for a year, but I knew I still had to see Ryan before he was dusted-off. That wound was a ticket guaranteed ticket home so this was my last chance to see him.

As it turned out, I didn't have to say anything. A familiar bark grabbed our attention and we turned around to see the handlers returning the dogs to the kennels. T-Bone was with them. One of the handlers gave his leash to Two-Bit who looked crest-fallen as he realized that Andy didn't make it. T-Bone snuggled close to Two-Bit and whined, just as heart-broken. The man said, "Well, Two-Bit, Andy always said that you shared T-Bone, so I think it's only right that you get him now. Most dogs without handlers get put down and I don't want that to happen to him. I'll teach you all the signs if you're up to it."

Two-Bit looked up. "Yeah, yeah I think Andy would want that. Just let me know when." The man nodded and went on to the kennels. Two-Bit looked back at the dog who was staring up at him. Two-Bit choked out, "Well, old buddy, looks like it's just you and me now. Don't you worry about a thing, I'll take care of you." He bent down and hugged T-Bone, burying his face in his fur to hide his tears.

"I'm going to go visit Ryan," I say quietly.

Steve asked, "Okay. I'll ask what happened later. Wait, where's Roger? He with Ryan?"

That hit me like a punch to the gut. I struggle to find the words, for a way to break it to them, but I can't. My silence speaks volumes and Two-Bit looks up. I'm sure I look as hollow as Steve did, but maybe I look more pained. I see Steve eye my uniform and I follow his gaze. I'm covered in dried blood. It almost blends in with the mud stains, but not quite. My knees are damp with both from when I knelt in the crater to patch up Ryan who's blood pooled around me. My sleeves were trashed from trying to staunch blood and then when I lost it and grabbed Roger's bloody shirt. I looked like I'd been in, well, a war. I don't think any of it was mine, but my body felt numb.

Two-Bit cried, "No, no, no, no! He can't be... No!" He clutched the dog tighter and buried his face again. Steve doesn't know what to say. He looks shocked. I just nod heavily which breaks him out of it.

He pulls me into a rare hug. I'm too confused to hug back at first, but then I loosely return it. I couldn't deal with this now. Later, I'd deal with Roger's death, but I still had things to do and I couldn't break down yet. I pull back and he lets me with a sigh. I try to explain, "Just... not now, okay?" He nods and I know he gets it this time.

I turn around and leave him to comfort Two-Bit who needs it now more than me. Ryan needs me more. The medical tent is a large canopy with mosquito netting for walls. It has several beds lining the sides and a curtain closing off the surgical area. It wasn't sterile, but it was the best they could do here. Most of the beds were filled with guys from today. I spotted Ryan with this leg propped up on a pillow. The bandage had been changed and looked much cleaner. His eyes were closed, but I pulled up a stool and sat down to wait. He opened his eyes at the sound and immediately fixed on me. He grinned. I'm glad one of us could. Seeing it relieved a large weight from my shoulders, but not all of it. I gave a half smile back.

"Great job on the field dressing, Curtis. You's saved my life. Thanks, man. I knew teaching you's that stuff would come in handy."

I give a short laugh. "Funny, I was thinking the same thing when I patched you up."

He smiled again, but it quickly fell. He eyed my uniform just like Steve and sighed. "I heard about Roger... I'm sorry, man. Yah know that wasn't yours fault though, right? Donny told me everything when I woke up and it was his choice. He died saving our lives and I know that's how he'd want it."

I sigh and try to change the subject. "So I hear you're gonna get to go home. They're dusting you off to a safe zone hospital and then I reckon you're off to stateside. You lucky unlucky bastard, you."

He cracks a grin. "You's bet! The sis's are gonna flip when they hear this! I'll be treated like a king when I gets back. Then when you's get back, we's gonna get together and I'll show you's the town. No Socs there! But no Roger neither..."

I know what he's trying to do, but damn him! I stand up angrily and kick the metal stool across the aisle. "You know what, fuck you, Ryan! I just wanted to make sure you were alive and that I didn't kill you too before you dusted-off. Maybe say goodbye, but no. You want me to break down and deal with shit I just can't handle right now."

He frowns. "Ponyboy... If you's don't deal with this soon, you's gonna bottle it up and it's gonna destroys you! If you don't break down tonight, I'm gonna be's hearing of it and then I'll be forced to write you's one angry letter, everyday! I'll see you Stateside, Pony. Take care of yourself. It's been great knowing yah." He smiles at me as if we were old buddies who happened to meet at a chance baseball game. I almost break down right there, but I choke to hold it in. I hold out my hand as forgiveness and he shakes it warmly, patting my arm with his other hand.

"See yah around, Ryan." I turn and start walking away. My mat calling my name.

He calls out to me with a fresh piece of gum in his mouth, "It's Jakob back in the States!"

I laugh. "You crazy sonofabitch, we ain't in the States yet!" He flips me off with his middle finger and grins. I laugh and smile back.

Two-Bit is sitting outside our tent with T-Bone and a sandwich. I do a double take when I spy the food.

"Where the hell did you find a sandwich, Two-Bit?"

He laughs at my expression, spitting out little bits of bread. He mumbles, "My ma, stupid! She's been sending me all kinds of food since we landed in 'Nam. Here, have a half of T's half." He tosses my the fourth of a sandwich and I plop it in my mouth. It's just peanut butter on bread, but it's the best peanut butter sandwich I've ever had. I savor the flavor and swallow, regretting not taking smaller bites and making it last. He laughs at me again. "Here, eat the other half. I get these all the time." He tosses me the other fourth and I make it last, getting four small bites of heaven from it. T-Bone licks his chops and whines at Two-Bit, putting a paw on the arm holding the food. Two-Bit grins at his friend and gives him the rest of his sandwich.

I flush the peanut butter down with water from my canteen and go inside the tent. I'm off for the day so I can get some well needed sleep. Just the sight of my mat makes my eyes droop. Steve is sitting on his own and looks up when I come in. Two-Bit follows us inside with T-Bone.

"That dog better not trail in any more mud than we already got, Two-Bit," Steve warns. Oh yeah. I take off my boots and leave them by the flap. I toss my heavy gear down that I've been toting around all this time along with my helmet and rifle. Then I strip out of my damp uniform and hang it up on the clothesline we've made. I collapse on my mat. Thoughts swirl in my head of the past twenty-four hours. Every hour felt like a day, so much had happened.

"You okay, Pony?" Steve asks. I open my eyes and see them both hovering over me looking concerned. What now?

"Sure, why?"

"You're looking pretty beat up. You've got cuts and bruises all over, one's still bleeding on your back. What happened out there? And I don't just mean with, well, Roger..." Two-Bit said gently.

That's when it happened. That's when I broke. I sat up and drew my knees in, crying into them. I felt like a bawl-baby, but I didn't care because Roger was a great guy and now he was dead. He had a fiance and a life waiting for him back home. Everything that happened was awful. Ryan lost his foot and may never get to open up his own clinic like he wanted to do. Nobody would even hire a cripple to work for them. Andy was dead too, he was young and scared and had T-Bone to look after. Several guys were dead now, all of them with something to live for. Then there were the horrible things we did. We killed those guys. They were the enemy, they deserved it, but it didn't feel right. We unknowingly lured them into the same trap they set up for us and killed them all, me leading the assault... So it all crashed down on me and I cried just like Ryan wanted me to do.

"Shit, kid. Now look what you did Two-Bit. It's okay, Pony. Let it out." They sat next to me and whispered encouragement. T-Bone came over and rested his head on my foot, offering sympathy with his big brown eyes. Then I calmed down some and I told them everything that happened , giving them a play by play without the gory details. They listened and held me from both sides, not caring they didn't look like big tough men.

Two-Bit surprised us all by letting on to some of the missions his unit had been on. He'd seen a lot of death and violence and even had to deal it out. He understood more about the horrors of war than I gave him credit for. "How do you not let that get to you?" I ask, drying my eyes.

"I use my secret weapon, kid. My memories. My ma, my sis, the gang, Kathy. I don't dwell on all the bad shit. The first time I killed a guy, I bawled my eyes out behind a tree. The first time I saw a buddy get killed, I threw up. Then I didn't let it get to me and instead just focused all the good memories. Like getting you wasted for the first time, or stealing that tuff switch, any Friday night with Kathy... Lots of good stuff and that's what's gonna get us through this. We've got those good memories and more to be made back at home. So, think of the good stuff Pony."

I shut my eyes and thought hard. "Playing pool with Curly at Buck's, getting drunk the second time without Darry finding out, Sunday breakfast with my brothers..." When I open them back up I feel light. It really worked! "Thanks, Two-Bit."

They laugh. "No problem, kiddo. Now you look beat and I know I am so I'm gonna crawl over here and avoid responsibility for a bit to get some shut eye. Night boys." Two-Bit crawls over to the empty mat that no one's used and flops down. T-Bone crawls over and lays right next to him.

Steve rolls his eyes and ruffles my hair. "You okay for real now, kid?"

I nod. "Yeah, thanks."

He smiles and curls up on his own mat. "Hey, what else are buddies for right?"

I chuckled and lay down. "Right." Soon they're all three snoring and sleep comes easily for me.

The next few days are quiet. We haven't had any more scouts or ambushes, having flushed them out. Two-Bit gets a crash course on being a dog handler. T-Bone hardly ever goes to his kennel anymore, which I'm sure makes all the other dogs jealous. A few of us have been called in for small mission, but thankfully everyone has come back alive. Steve and I have been sticking closer together and try to score KP duty with each other. Funny what a few tears here and there do. Poker seems more lonely now without Ryan and Roger, but Two-Bit does a pretty good job of filling in the silence. He cracks as many jokes as Ryan told stories.

Two-Bit tears open his box like a little kid on Christmas. He opens the lid and shows the contents to T-Bone who licks his lips, but then he quickly shuts it and ties the twine back around it. It's obviously something edible and top secret. Hmmm...

"What have you got there Two-Bit?" I ask, motioning to the box.

"Oh, nothing," he lies.

"Spill. I haven't had anything but k-rations for four days!"

He huffs, "Fine, but keep quiet about it okay? It's a chocolate cake."

He's been holding out on me. I knew it. "And you didn't invite me? After all the cakes my brothers have made for you."

He laughs. "Or that I've stolen."

I make a dive for the box, but he quickly puts it out of reach. "Hey! It's only fair! You owe us!"

He says in a whiny voice, "Act your age, Pony."

I laugh, "You first. At least give me T's half. Dogs can't eat chocolate, it makes them sick."

Two-Bit thinks about it and relents. "Fine. But only for T. Sorry buddy." T-Bone whines and lays his head on Two-Bit's lap with his sad pathetic eyes gazing up at him. "Nope, sorry, T. You can have some of the sausage when we get back to the tent." T-Bone licks his lips again like he understands.

I cry indignantly, "Sausage! You really have been holding out on us! Wait till Steve gets a load of this."

Speaking of the devil, here Steve comes now, back from watch. T-Bone barks happily and jumps up on him. "Down, T-Bone." He does that whenever one of us shows up. T-Bone loved the gang and we loved him. Hopefully he'd get to go home with Two-Bit. It was rare considering the Army thinks of the dogs as Army property, but sometimes exceptions were made.

"Steve," I whine, "Two-Bit's been holding out sausage!"

"It's my sausage!"

Steve looks at us incredulously, "Now, children, don't make me turn this war around." We all laugh. Things were starting to look up again. There was even talk of relocation now that reinforcements were no longer needed. Maybe we'd get a base with running water or, god willing, electricity! Preferably in the safe zone, but priorities first. Our two units had pretty much already folded into one so separation wasn't really a fear.

Aw, happy ending! If only our next chapter could be so happy... Cue dramatic music!