Disclaimer: The respective characters belong to their respective creators. Not me.
Hi all, thanks so much for all the reviews! Really appreciate it. ^^ On the downside, I ain't very satisfied with this chapter... I'm not sure if I emphasized the feelings enough. Currently I'm thinking that I may redo this chapter- but please tell me what you think! ^^
Chapter 12: Decisions
Kagome promised to return at sunset a week later, then climbed into the well.
Seven days passed quite slowly if you had speed like Koga did, especially when the only reason you stayed around- i.e. Kagome- was at her homeland and your rival in love was all you had to look forward to.
After watching Kagome fall into the well in a burst of light, Koga had trudged to the clearing nearby. Trying to collect his thoughts, he'd sat under a tall tree- a tree with a diamond shaped scrape on its trunk. The leaves rustled peacefully in the breeze.
I love Kagome with all my heart, Koga thought. But she loves Inuyasha. That idiot Inuyasha… He just hurts her every time. Images flashed across his mind again and again; he didn't know how to feel. All his emotions, his love for Kagome, the pain knowing that she wouldn't choose him, his anger at Inuyasha… They seemed like they were mixed into a pot and being boiled over a fire.
What do I do? he sighed in exasperation, closing his eyes.
Slowly, gradually, without Koga's realization, a sense of peace crept into his heart.
When he opened his eyelids again, everything was clear to him. Finally.
He loved Kagome, and would do anything for her happiness.
Now, the only thing standing between Kagome and happiness was the memories that hurt her. There would only be two solutions to that. Either Inuyasha proves his love to Kagome, or the painful memories would have to be sealed away from her. There was no other way. He, Koga, couldn't bring Kagome the happiness that Inuyasha could. That was for sure. Kagome didn't and couldn't want him.
Koga's face spasmed in pain.
But I can't count on that blockhead, he thought, pacing around. Then… he had to have the backup plan: sealing Kagome's memories. Once he was sure Inuyasha would bring nothing but pain to her…
Though he must try not to resort to that. For… Kagome's sake.
Koga got up, and began running. Hesitantly at first, then he picked up speed.
There was this human being he heard some demons talk of before. She lived alone near a forest and a lake, and was different from other creatures, although human. This woman possessed magical abilities- rumour has it that she could read your heart by being near you, could kill demons and humans alike without shedding a single drop of blood… and could seal memories. Yet it was not everyone who sought her help would receive it; Hanajima-san mainly turned them away and left them to their own resources. As time went by, almost no one asked Hanajima-san for help. More likely than not, they'd be turned down.
By sunrise the next day, he had reached.
A plain, black hut set beside a beautiful lake. Behind the hut, an endless forest stretched. It was a tranquil place, but solitary. Secluded.
"What do you want, wolf?" came a soft voice from behind. Koga jumped, as a woman clad from head to toe in black appeared behind him. He hadn't heard her.
"I need your help, woman," he replied, following her into the hut.
"Don't they all," Hanajima-san said. She gestured him to sit. Koga reluctantly did.
After a moment of silence, she asked. "What are you here for, wolf?"
Koga began hesitantly, but soon he had related the entire situation to this woman. Hanajima listened without expression, sipping a mug of tea.
"Are you counting on the girl loving you, upon forgetting the hanyou?"
"Of course not!" Koga protested. "I thought you could read minds, woman?"
"Indeed I do," Hanajima murmured. "Good. Because the girl won't really forget the hanyou."
"What do you mean?" Does that mean she'll help?
Hanajima made no reply. After concentrating for some time, she spoke.
"I'll need an item."
"Payment?"
The woman stared at him. It felt as if her eyes could see right through him, and Koga looked away uncomfortably. She looked human, and smelt the part too; her dark hair was plaited right down to her waist. And the ebony eyes spelt loneliness. This woman was probably like Kagome- born with a gift and made to follow the path set for her. Bringing her above ordinary humans… yet away from her fellows. Alone. Kagome… wouldn't be alone, he thought fiercely. She's got me. And him, he added unhappily, feeling a heavy weight on his chest.
"Yours is an altruistic cause. I require no payment," Hanajima said, staring into his eyes. "An item, that the girl will have to keep by her."
Koga's eyes widened as it hit him.
The necklace!
He hurriedly pulled out the golden chain the little fox had entrusted to him. It was almost like fate…
"Return in three days."
The cold air conditioning of the library made Kagome's mind move slower. She read the question over and over again, barely absorbing anything. Sighing, she set down her pen and looked over at her friends, who were chatting together. As she tuned, Kagome thought she saw a flash of sliver.
Could it be-?
No, she thought, as she stared around. No, it was just her imagination. She was thinking too much about Inuyasha, and imagined it. There was no possibility… of him coming now.
Kagome's eyes were downcast as she recalled the tension in the room as she and Koga entered. How had she used to behave around Inuyasha? How did she normally behave? Kagome couldn't recall, but she was afraid. She didn't want Inuyasha to be disgusted and leave. It painfully possible- after all… Inuyasha never loved her.
Kagome felt icy daggers stab at her heart.
She didn't want to lose him again.
Knowing that he was there… was…
No, it wasn't enough. But… it's as far as it can get.
She remembered how involuntarily her eyes were drawn to that of Inuyasha's. But Inuyasha… never gave her one glance.
The ice in her heart grew.
"Kagome, 'you okay?" Ayumi asked in concern. "You seem a little out of it."
Kagome looked up to see five pairs of eyes looking intently at her. She blinked rapidly, bringing herself back to the present, and forced a smile.
"I'm fine. I just… felt dizzy all of a sudden," Kagome lied. She saw Eri's eyebrows come together and Kyle raise an eyebrow. The other three began worrying about her.
"I swear it's because you ate too little during lunch," Yuka chided, hands on her hips.
"You should rest, Higurashi," Hojou suggested. "I'll walk you home if you like!"
"Why don't we all?" Kyle's cold voice said, cutting across Kagome's half formed objection. "We're done for today, aren't we?"
Eri seconded Kyle, and began packing the books back into their bags. Hojou's face fell just a little, then recovered himself. They left the library, and continued talking. Kagome felt herself obliged to keep up with the conversation up 'til the sanctuary that was her home.
"Thank you for accompanying Kagome-chan home," her mother said with a smile. The group assured her that it was no trouble. After a lot of civilities and what seemed like ages, they left.
Kagome retreated to her bedroom and began packing. She had promised to return at sunset of the seventh day.
At that time, she really couldn't bear it. Inuyasha never once spoke to her, called her by name, or looked at her. It was as though she was inexistent. Like he didn't care. Like he'd never cared.
So close yet so far.
And Kagome couldn't stand it. She returned to the other side of the well- but it didn't help either. Inuyasha was out of sight- not out of mind.
Kagome decided that she would treat Inuyasha like she did Koga. She'd smile, like it didn't bother her, that she was fine. She'd face Inuyasha… like it never happened. She could, and she would.
"You're leaving already, Kagome?"
"Yes, Jii-chan," Kagome replied, as she carried her backpack to the door. "If possible, could you please find something that has dizziness as a symptom?"
"Be safe, Kagome-chan," her mother called over her grandfather's excited exclamations of "Brain hemorrhage!"
Kagome waved, and headed for the well-house.
Souta caught up with her. Kagome saw that something was troubling him, but it was as if he couldn't find the words.
"Something the matter, Souta?"
The boy hesitated.
"Yeah. Actually, it's that Kyle."
Kagome raised her eyebrows and invited him to carry on.
"I don't like him. I think he's suspicious. I heard him ask Jii-chan why you were sick so often."
Kagome's eyes narrowed.
"I see. I'll worry about it when I come back. But do keep track if he comes by," she said, climbing into the well. "I don't like him either."
Koga helped Kagome out of the well. She had changed back to her usual dress.
Kagome thanked him with a smile. Looking at her carefully, he noted that she looked as worn as before- her trip home had not done her any visible help. Koga felt extra aware of the locket hidden within his armour. It felt warm against his body.
He had returned to Hanajima-san's hut at the stated time. There, after making incantations and incantations, she made Koga focus on his cause and touch the locket.
Koga felt all his love overwhelm him all of a sudden, as the light surrounding the locket turned from silver to a beautiful shade of pink. The locket shuddered, then just as suddenly, became motionless.
The wolf demon shook away his blush and asked, "Is it complete?"
"It is complete," came the reply, as Hanajima-san handed him the locket. It was comfortably warm.
"The locket will seal her memory when both you and the girl are touching this locket, and your feelings are that you felt just now.
"But it can be broken," she told him. "Surely you can guess why?"
Koga frowned and made no answer.
"It will break under one of these two conditions.
"One: your regard for the girl ceases. That's because the prime motivation for this sealing is your regard for her happiness.
"Two: your worry is unfounded," Hanajima-san said, showing him out. "I'm sure you know how that'd be."
Koga looked at Kagome, her body resting on his back and her gentle fingers holding his shoulders. He bit his lip, drawing blood.
Yes, he knew when that'd be. When Inuyasha finally comes to his senses and claims Kagome.
But meanwhile, please don't deny me these small pleasures.
"Inuyasha, do you mind going to the kitchen and ask them for two more portions?" Miroku asked, waking Inuyasha from his reverie. "We expect Kagome-sama and Koga to return tonight."
Inuyasha's ears twitched at Kagome's name.
"Keh."
He pulled open the sliding door and headed to the kitchen. After passing the message to a hysteric cook and hearing a tirade of apologies, Inuyasha escaped to the corridor for a breather. For the past few days, he was keenly aware of eveyone's scrutiny of him. He didn't need to ask to know that they were wondering what he planned to do about Kagome- how he felt towards Kagome.
And how did he feel towards Kagome? Inuyasha wasn't all that sure.
He had loved her and Kikyo both, fervently. But after Inuyasha decided that he owed Kikyo, and left with her, he had tried to convince himself that Kikyo was the one he loved. And yet… he was never fully free from his feelings towards Kagome. He felt like a two-timing bastard.
Yet, he thought as his his cheeks tingled, when Kagome was near him, his heart pounded hard and fast.
In her absence, he'd finally come to terms with Kikyo's death. Kikyo, he loved deeply, but she was his past. Kagome was his present, his future. He had done his part- Kikyo died, having forgiven him. It was long overdue, but Inuyasha was finally going to put a full stop there, and move on.
He dreamt of Kagome almost every day while she was gone. In those dreams, they were back like they were before.
Her lips, so soft on his own. Kagome's soft form against his chest. Feeling her heart pound against his skin…
Inuyasha's face flushed, and he heard his heart race.
Get a grip, he thought. Inuyasha took the food from the cook's hands, amid protests. His heart didn't calm down much, but he comforted himself with the fact that he could regain his composure before Kagome came back.
The sliding door opened sharply before Inuyasha could push it open with his foot. Her scent hit his like a tidal wave, freezing him into place.
Kagome was back.
God, how did I manage to convince myself that she was nothing to me?
Inuyasha looked down at her eagerly and fervently, unable to help himself. He searched her face for a hint of softening in her features, which would suggest that she was pleased to see him. He wanted to hear his name spoken by her again in that loving tone.
Inuyasha's heart sank as he realized a split second too late that it was not to be. The perfect chocolate eyes had darted down almost instinctively, and Kagome's face scrunched up in pain.
Then, she walked past his motionless figure, brushing against his shoulder as she passed.
As though they were mutual strangers.
And as if it didn't hurt enough, Koga followed behind Kagome, his Kagome, his blue eyes glaring.
How long it passed after Inuyasha stared after the two of them he wasn't sure.
But after sometime, he became aware that the bowls were rattling.
Inuyasha looked down.
His hands were shaking.
