Hey it's Kelse guys(: Just wanted to say I love y'all, you keep me going. Also wanted to say that y'all are amazing people, I don't care what you think, you are, and I think we all need to hear that sometimes, if y'all need someone to talk to I'm always here, I may not respond right away if I don't see it. Anyways, please review it makes me so happy and I love to know what y'all think. Sorry for not updating, I have been having some.. problems lately, thanks for you support!
(Clary)
I have to go home. They are going to hurt me. I close my eyes and remember the feeling I had when I thought they would never touch me again. That feeling has disappeared along with all of my hope. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, waiting for the nurse to walk in, but she doesn't. It's twelve o' clock, lunch time, the nurse always brings me lunch at this time. I hate it when they come in, I have to act like I'm okay. I'm not okay. The worst was when Simon came in, he was so mad at me. He called me pathetic and worthless. He said that I didn't deserve to be alive if I was going to put all my friends through that pain. Tears stream down my cheeks onto the cheery, flowery mattress, its happiness mocking me cruelly. I am pathetic. Suddenly the darkness that lingers in the back of my head at all times pulls forward again, clouding my thoughts. I throw the covers from my body and rush into the sullen bathroom, it's blanche white walls contradicting the bedroom. I preferred it in here. I throw open cupboards, searching for my release. I need to find it. I dump bags of hygiene products, such as shampoo and lotion on the floor, scattering them everywhere. "Where is it.." I mumble hysterically under my breath, digging through the miscellaneous pile. I know what I'm going to do and I'm ashamed of it, but I can't help it. I reach into a cotton bag filled with nail polish and other items. All they have is tweezers, they'd have to do. I grab the tip and drag it across my forearm, wincing in pain, yet also sighing in relief. You see, cutting is kinda like a drug, it hurts you, usually eventually kills you, but you can't stop. It's not the fact that you like doing it, it's that you want the distraction from your pain. It isn't relief at all, it makes your pain worse, makes you feel ashamed and weak, but in that moment you would do anything for that little distraction because right then your emotional pain hurts you more than any cut ever could. I bite my lip and drag it across my scarred and tender flesh again. The tweezers hurt more than the razors I usually used do, causing the pain to last a little longer. I shake my head at what I had just done, thing is, I don't really care anymore. My heart throbs with emotion pain, as my arm does with physical. I clean out the cuts with alcohol and turn on the shower water. I strip down, looking away from the mirror, not wishing to look at my ghost, and hop in the burning water. It drips down my arm, causing the cuts to burn as the water and blood to mix and turn a light pink as it runs down the drain. Jon is going to touch me again. I lean against the wet tile wall, body heaving as a choke out my tears. I cover my eyes and try to stop the endless river of tears, but they won't. "Stop crying.." I whisper, "Stop crying," at this they just flow down my cheeks faster, blurring my vision entirely. I sob and bang my head against the wall, "stop," I choke out, "crying.." Everything in the shower is spinning, all I can think is he's going to do it again, and I won't be able to stop him, because I'm weak. Because I'm pathetic. Because I'm worthless. Because I'm already technically dead. The need to throw my body from a ledge consumes my mind once again. "why can't I just die," I sob, "All I wanna do is just die.." I put pressure on my eyes, trying to stop the endless supply of tears protruding from them. I scream in frustration and pain as I bang my head up against the wall again, this time much too hard. Everything goes black as my body crumbles to the floor. "Finally.." I whisper.
I wake up. I really wish I hadn't woken up. I feel very dizzy and can't open my eyes for too long. Everything seems so blurry and bright if I do, not to mention the killer migraine. I slowly open and close one eye, trying to get it to focus. It won't. Then it hits me, why do I care? I lie back down, blood flowing from my split head. I give up.
I wake up this time, barely able to move. The entire shower floor is coated with my warm blood. I was bleeding out. I don't want to die like this. I slowly lift my head from the sticky floor, opening and shutting my eyes. I am able to focus the left one enough to pull myself into a sitting position. The water once warm on my body, now hits me freezing cold, I barely notice. Thing is, I must've been out for a while, nobody noticed I was gone, nobody cared. I pull myself onto my feet, gripping the shower handle to steady myself. The entire room was spinning around me. My stomach emptied it's contents onto the floor moments later. I shakily open the door and hobble out onto the matt, blood streaming from my body and staining it a deep crimson. I pad slowly on the cool tile floor to the large mirror over the sink. I grip the counter and look up nervously into the glass. I gasp at the sight before me. There was a fist sized wound at the top right of my forehead, it was about three inches deep. I'm surprised I didn't see bone. My entire face my coated in my blood, including various other places on my body. My skin was paler then it had ever been, it was a snowy with with a yellowish tint to it. My eyes were a faded green, as if all the color had drained from them. The wound was throbbing painfully. I have no idea what to do about it so I throw on a fluffy white robe, attempting to tie it with my shaking fingers, but failing. Everything starts to spin again, I wobble into my room and land face first onto the floor. "Please make the pain stop." I whisper as I pass out again.
(Jace)
This waiting room is really boring. Especially considering the fact I've been in it for three days straight, except for when I left for short periods of time to shower. They wouldn't let me see her, because they say she's unstable and is better off to be in solitude for a little while. They don't get it though, being alone gives you time to think, and thinking brings only dark thoughts. I miss her so much. I am so worried for her. I am taking her home with me once they let her leave the hospital, I won't ever let them touch them again. I keep telling the nurses I have something important to tell her, but they don't care. I have evidence that she has been abused, so I'm going to take them to court. I have waited until now because her leaving would cause them to beat her harder than ever when they found her, and if I had taken it to court earlier, they could've won, also putting Clary in even more danger. I want to torture and murder them both for what they did to her, but doing that would take me away from Clary. Suddenly the emergency light starts to blink and the alarm starts to go off. "Patient emergency, all staff needed immediately, critical condition, room 305!" The intercom above me says loudly. Room 305. That's Clary's room. I fly out of my seat and down the hall, pushing people who try to stop me away. I sprint down and throw open the door. I feel sick at what I see, tears well up in my eyes and drip down my face. Clary is laying on the floor half naked surrounded by blood. I run in and pull her limp body into my lap, cradling her head and stroking her blood soaked hair. "Clary please.. please don't leave me, I love you. I've never loved anyone or anything like I do you Clary. You are my everything, and without you, I would have nothing." I whisper, my tears cascading onto her bloody body. "Don't leave me, I was saving you Clary, just like you saved me." Without this fiery haired girl I have no reason to live. Without Clary Fray I won't live. I will follow her into the depths of the unknown, because I love her. If she dies, her fate will become mine. "Don't die Clary.." I whisper, closing my bloodshot eyes and pulling her cold body into my lifeless one.
Please review it means so much to me.
I love y'all so much.
Thanks for reading my story! It's not over yet no worries!
Love or hate or okay? Please tell!
Stay strong xox
Kelse
