Chapter 11 (A God Buys Us Cheeseburgers)
The next afternoon, June 14, seven days before the solstice, our train rolled into Denver. We hadn't eaten since the night before in the dining car, somewhere in Kansas. We hadn't taken a shower since Half-Blood Hill, and I was sure that was obvious. I can't even remember the last time my hair saw a brush.
"Let's try to contact Chiron," Annabeth said. "I want to tell him about your talk with the river spirit."
"We can't use phones, right?"
"I'm not talking about phones."
I didn't elaborate for Percy's benefit, I really wasn't in the mood. All this traveling was trying my patience. We wandered through downtown for about half and hour, though I wasn't sure what Annabeth was looking for. The air was dry and hot, which felt weird after the humidity of St. Louis. Everywhere we turned, the Rocky Mountains were looming in the distance.
Finally we found an empty do-it-yourself car wash. We veered toward the tall farthest from the street, keeping our eyes open for patrol cars. We were three kids hanging out at a car wash without a car, any cop would automatically assume we were up to no good.
"What exactly are we doing?" Percy asked Grover as he took out a spray gun.
"It's seventy-five cents," Grover grumbled. "I've only got two quarters left. Annabeth?"
"Don't look at me," I said. "The dining car wiped me out."
Percy fished out his last bit of change, and passed Grover a quarter. I didn't know how we were going to make it the rest of the quest with no money, but I tried to put that thought out of my mind.
"Excellent," Grover said. "We could do it with a spray bottle, of course, but the connection isn't as good, and my arm gets tired of pumping."
"What are you talking about?" Percy asked.
Grover fed the quarters into the machine and set the knob to FINE MIST. "I-M'ing."
"Instant messaging?"
"Iris- messaging." I corrected him. "The rainbow goddess Iris carries messages for the gods. If you know how to ask, and she's not too busy, she'll do the same for half-bloods."
"You summon the goddess with a spray gun?"
I was about to snap at him, but Grover cut me off, "Unless you know an easier way to make a rainbow." He pointed the nozzle in the air and water hissed out in a thick white mist.
The late afternoon light filtered through the water vapor and broke into colors.
I held out my hand, "Drachma, please."
Percy handed it over. I raised the coin over my head, "O goddess, accept our offering."
I threw the drachma into the rainbow, and it disappeared into a golden shimmer.
"Half-Blood Hill," I requested. For a moment nothing happened, then we were looking through the mist at strawberry fields and the Long Island sound in the distance. We were on the porch of the Big House, and standing with his back to us was Luke. My heart skipped a beat.
"Luke!" Percy called.
He turned, his eyes wide. It looked like he was standing right in front of us, not hundreds of miles away.
"Percy!" His face broke into a grin. "Is that Annabeth, too? Thank the gods! Are you guys okay?"
"We're... uh... fine," I stammered, trying to make sure my hair wasn't a complete mess. "We thought- Chiron- I mean-"
"He's down at the cabins," the smile fading off his face. "W're having some issues with the campers. Listen, is everything cool with you? Is Grover alright?"
"I'm right here," Grover called. He held the nozzle out to one side and stepped into Luke's line of vision. "What kind of issues?"
Just then a big Lincoln Contienental pulled into the car wash with its setero turned to maximum hip-hop. As the car slid into the next stall, the bass from the subwoofers vibrated so much, it shook the pavement.
"Chiron had to- what's that noise?" Luke yelled.
"I'll take care of it!" I yelled back, kind of relieved to get out of sight. "Grover, come on!"
"What?" Grover said. "But-"
"Give Percy the nozzle and come I!" I ordered.
Grover muttered something about me under his breath, and he handed off the spray gun to Percy and followed me into the next stall. I had an idea and it was going to involve Grover losing his pants, and some other things I don't really want to go into. But sure enough, one of the guys screamed in terror, slammed his doors shut and he peeled out of the car wash.
Grover and I couldn't stop laughing as we rounded the corner, back to Percy. But, there was a strange torn expression on Percy's face, that caused my smile to fade. "What happened, Percy? What did Luke say?"
"Not much," he said, but I could tell he wasn't being one hundred percent truthful, but I let it slide. For now. "Come on, let's find some dinner."
A few minutes later, we were sitting at a booth in a gleaming chrome diner. All around us, families were eating burgers and drinking malts and sodas. Finally the waitress came over. She raised her eyebrow skeptically. "Well?"
Percy spoke up, "We, um, want to order dinner."
"You kids have money to pay for it?"
Grover's lower lip quivered, I felt about ready to pass out from hunger. Percy looked like he was trying to think up a good sob story when a rumble shook the whole building. A motorcycle the size of a baby elephant had pulled up the curb.
All conversation in the diner stopped. The motorcycle's headlight glared red. Its gas tank had flames painted on it, and a shotgun holster riveted to either side, complete with the shotguns. The seat looked like it was made of out of- human skin.
My heart dropped as I recognized the god on the bike. He was dressed in a red muscle shirt and black jeans with a black leather duster. He had a hunting knife strapped to his thigh and he wore red wrap around sunglasses. He had a brutish, cruel face. As he walked into the diner, a hot, dry wind blew through the place. All the people rose, as if they were being hypnotized, but the biker waved his hand dismissively and they all sat down again. Everybody went back to their converstaions. The waitress blinked, as if someone had just pressed the rewind button.
The waitress turned her attention back to us, "You kids have money to pay for it?"
Ares the god of war, said. "It's on me."
Oh man, this is not good I thought as he slid into our booth, with was way to small. He crowded me against the window, and I was less than happy. Ares looked up at the waitress, who was gaping at him, and said, "Are you still here?"
He pointed at her, and she stiffended. She turned as if she'd been spun around, then marched back toward the kitchen.
The biker turned his gaze on Percy. "So you're old Seaweed's kid, huh?"
"What's it to you?" Percy snapped at Ares.
I gave Percy a look, "Percy, this is-"
The biker raised his hand.
"S'okay. I don't mind a little attitdue. Long as you remember who's the boss. You know who I am, little cousin?" Ares quipped.
Percy had a look like a lightbulb just flashed in front of his eyes. "You're Clarisse's dad. Ares, god of war."
Ares grinned and took off his shades. Where his eyes should've been, there was only fire, empty sockets glowing with miniature nuclear explosions. "That's right punk. I heard you broke Clarisse's spear."
"She was asking for it."
"Probably. That's cool. I don't fight my kids' fights, you know? What I'm here for- I hear you were in town. I got a little proposition for you."
The waitress came back with heaping trays of food- cheeseburgers, fries, onion rings, and chocolate shakes.
Ares handed her a few gold drachmas, the waitress looked nervously at the coins, "But, these aren't..."
Ares pulled out his huge knife and started cleaning his fingernails. "Problem, sweetheart?"
The waitress swallowed, then left with the drachma. "You can't just do that. You can't just threaten people with a knife." Percy said.
Ares just laughed at him. "Are you kidding? I love this country. Best place since Sparta. Don't you carry a weapon, punk? You should. Dangerous world out there. Which brings me to my proposition. I need you to do me a favor."
"What favor could I do for a god." Percy said incredulously.
"Something a god doesn't have time to do himself. It's nothing much. I left my shield at at an abandoned water park here in town. I was going on a little...date with my girlfriend. We were interrupted. I left my shield behind. I want you to fetch it for me."
"Why don't you go back and get it yourself?"
The fire in his eye sockets glowed a little hotter. Percy really had a talent for ticking people off, and it wasn't just me, gods were victims too.
"Why don't I turn you into a prairie dog and run you over with my Harley? Because I don't feel like it. A god is giving you an opportunity to prove yourself, Percy Jackson. Will you prove yourself a coward?" He leaned toward Percy. "Or maybe you only fight when there's a river to dive into, so your daddy can protect you."
Percy looked like he was ready to punch Ares in the face. I prayed he wouldn't do it.
"We're not interested. We've already got a quest." Percy told the god of war.
Percy spaced out for a moment, after Ares started him down. "I know all about your quest, punk. When that item was first stolen, Zeus sent his best out looking for it: Apollo, Athena, Artemis, and me, naturally. If I couldn't sniff out a weapon that powerful..." He licked his lips, as if they very thought of the master bolt made him power hungry. "Well... if I couldn't find it, you got no hope. Nevertheless, I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. Your dad and I go way back. After all, I'm the one who told him my suspicions about old Corpse Breath."
"You told him Hades stole the bolt?" Percy asked.
"Sure. Framing somebody to start a war. Oldest trick in the book. I recognized it immeditaly. In a way, you got me to thank for your little quest."
"Thanks," he grumbled.
"Hey, I'm a generous guy. Just do my little job, and I'll help you on your way. I'll arrange a ride west for you and your friends."
"We're doing fine on our own."
"Yeah, right. No money. No wheels. No clue what you're up against. Help me out, and maybe I'll tell you something you need to know. Something about your mom."
That really piqued Percy's interest. "My mom?"
He grinned. "That got your attention. The water park is a mile west on Delancy. You can't miss it. Look for the Tunnel of Love ride."
"What interrupted you date? Something scare you off." Percy asked. I was about to kick him from under the table. He really needed to learn when to stop running his mouth.
Ares bared his teeth at Percy. "You're lucky you met me, punk, and not one of the other Olympians. They're not as forgiving of rudeness as i am. I'll meet you back here when you're done. Don't disappoint me."
After Ares' speech. I must have fainted, or been in a trance, because when I opened my eyes Ares was gone.
"Not good," Grover said. "Ares sought you out, Percy. This is not good."
Percy just stared out the window. He was looking toward the motorcycle, or rather, where the motorcycle was. He had that far-off look in his eyes like he was trying to go over what just happened. After a few minutes he said, "It's probably some kind of trick. Forget Ares. Let's just go."
"We can't," I said. "Look, I hate Ares as much as anybody, but you didn't ignore the gods unless you want serious bad fortune. He wasn't kidding about turning you into a rodent."
Percy looked down at his cheeseburger, "Why does he need us?"
"Maybe it's a problem that requires brains," I told him. "Ares has strength. That's all he has. Even strength has to bow to wisdom sometimes."
"But this water park... he acted almost scared. What would make a war god run away like that?" Percy asked me.
Grover and i glanced nervously at each other, both trying to think of a suitable answer for Percy.
I spoke up, "I'm afraid we'll have to find out."
The sun was sinking behind the mountains by the time we found the water park. Judging from the sign, it once had been called WATERLAND, but now some of the letters were smashed out, so it read WATRAD.
The main gate was padlocked and topped with barbed wire. Inside, huge dry water slides, tubes and pipes curled everywhere, leading to empty decrepit-looking pools. Old tickets and advertisements fluttered around on the asphalt. With the coming of night, the place looked sad and creepy.
"If Ares brings his girlfriend here for a date, I'd hate to see what she looks like." Percy quipped.
"Percy. Be more respectful." I said.
"Why? I thought you hated Ares?"
"He's still a god. And his girlfriend is very temperamental." I told him.
"You don't want to insult her looks," Grover added. I nodded in agreement.
"Who is she? Echidna?"
"No, Aphrodite," Grover said with a dreamy look on his face. "Goddess of love."
"I thought she was married to somebody," Percy said.
"Hephaestus."
"What's your point?" Grover questioned.
Percy looked like he wanted to change the subject, "Oh. So how do we get in?"
"Maia!" Grover's shoes sprouted wings. He flew over the fence, did an unintentional somersault in midair, and then stumbled to a landing on the opposite side.
He dusted off his jeans and gave us a look. "You guys coming?"
Percy and I had to climb over the fence, holding down the barbed wire for each other as we crawled over the top.
The shadows grew long as we walked through the abandoned waterpark. We checked out all the attractions: Ankle Biter Island, Head Over Wedgie, and Dude, Where's My Swimsuit?
No monsters came charging at us, nothing made even the slightest noise. We came across a souvenir shop that had been left unlocked. Merchandise still lined the shelves" snow globes, pencils, postcards, and racks of clothes.
"Clothes. Fresh clothes. " I said wistfully.
"Yeah," Percy said. "But you can't just-"
"Watch me."
I grabbed an entire row of stuff off the racks and I went into one of the dressing rooms to change. I decided on Waterland flower-print shorts, a huge red Waterland t-shirt, and the hideous commemorative Waterland surf shoes. A packed other fresh clothes in a backpack that I found. I felt kind of bad, but no one was using this stuff and we were in desperate need of fresh clothes.
"What the heck." Grover shrugged. A couple minutes later we were all dressed up like walking Waterland advertisements. Once we were all changed, we continued our search for the Tunnel of Love. I had a strange feeling, like the whole park was holding its breath. Something bad was bound to happen.
"So Ares and Aphrodite, they have a thing going?" Percy asked me.
"That's old gossip, Percy. Three thousand-year-old gossip." I told him.
"What about Aphrodite's husband?"
"Well, you know. Hephaestus. The blacksmith. He was crippled when he was a baby, thrown off Mount Olympus by Zeus. So he isn't exactly handsome. Clever with his hands and all, but Aphrodite isn't into brains and talent, you know?"
"She likes bikers."
I rolled my eyes, "Whatever."
"Hephaestus knows?"
"Oh sure," I said. "He caught them together once. I mean, literally caught them, in a golden net, and invited all the gods to come and laugh at them. Hephaestus is always trying to embarass them. That's why they meet in out-of-the-way places, like..."
I stopped. Straight ahead was an empty pool, about fifty yards across and shaped like a bowl. "
Around the rim, a dozen bronze statues of Cupid stood guared with wings spread and bows ready to fire. On the opposite side from us, a tunnel opened up, where the water would flow into the pool when there was water. The sign about it read, THRILL LOVE O' LOVE: THIS IS NOT YOUR PARENTS' TUNNEL OF LOVE!
"Like that.' I said.
Grover crept slowly toward the edge of the pool, "Guys look."
Marooned at the bottom of the pool was a pink-and-white two-seater boat with a canopy over the top and little hearts painted all over it. In the left seat, glittering in the fading light, was Ares's sheild, a polished circle of bronze.
"This is too easy," Percy said. "So we just walk down there and get it?"
I knew it couldn't be this easy. I was thinking, running my fingers along the base of the nearest Cupid statue.
"There's a Greek letter carved here. Eta. I wonder..." I said trailing off. It just had to mean something, but Percy, as usual, interrupted my train of thought.
"Grover, you smell any monsters?"
He sniffed the wind. "Nothing."
"Nothing- like in-the-Arch-and-you-didn't-smell-Echinda nothing or really nothing?"
Grover looked hurt. "I told you, that was underground."
"Okay, I'm sorry." Percy said, taking a deep breath. "I'm going down there."
"I'll go with you." Grover said, not sounding too happy about it. I had the feeling he was trying to make up for St. Louis, especially since Percy was tactless and brought it up.
"No," Percy told him. "I want you to stay up top with the flying shoes. You're the Red Baron, a flying ace, remember? I'll be counting on you for backup, in case something goes wrong."
Grover looked pleased. "Sure. But what could go wrong?"
"I don't know. Just a feeling. Annabeth, come with me-"
"Are you kidding?" I said, I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation, I was still thinking about the Eta on the statue. But Percy asking me to go on the tunnel of love snapped me right out of my revere. I just stared at Percy, pretty sure my cheeks were red.
"What's the problem now?" Percy huffed.
"Me, go with you to the... the 'Thrill Ride of Love'? How embarrassing is that? What if somebody saw me."
Now I was positive my cheeks were red. "Who's going to see you?" Percy said, now realizing how embarrassing the situation was.
"Fine, I'll do it myself." Percy said. But, I followed him down the side of the pool anyway. Muttering to myself how stupid boys were and how they always had to go and mess things up. Especially this boy.
We reached the boat. The shield was propped on one seat, and next to it was a silk scarf. Something to my right caught my eye, it was me and Percy in the reflection of mirrors that ran from the top of the ride to the bottom. All facing us. Ares and Aphrodite must have loved this, the chance to watch themselves. Typical gods.
Percy picked up the scarf, I saw it shimmer pink. A dreamy look crossed Percy's face, that's when I ripped it out of his hands, stuffing the scarf into my pocket. "Oh, no you don't. Stay away from that love magic."
"What?" Percy said, the dreamy look replaced with his default confused face.
"Just get the shield, Seaweed Brain, and let's get out of here."
The moment that Percy touched the shield, I knew we were in trouble. My gut feeling was right. Percy looked at his hand, and I saw what looked like a metal filament, so fine that it was almost invisible. A trip wire.
"Wait." I said.
"Too late."
"There's another Greek letter on the side of the boat, another Eta. This is a trap." I said.
Noise erupted all around us, the sound of a million gears grinding as it the pool had turned into a giant machine.
Grover yelled to us, "Guys!"
Up on the rim of the pool, the Cupid statues were drawing their bows into firing position. I was about to suggest taking cover, but they fired. They fired not at us, but at each other. Silky cables trailed form the arrows, arching over the pool and anchoring where they landed to form a huge golden asterisk. Then smaller metallic threads started weaving themselves together, making a huge net.
"We have to get out," Percy said, stating the obvious.
"Duh!"
Percy grabbed the shield and we ran, going up the slope of the pool was not as easy as climbing down.
"Come on!" Grover urged us, shouting.
He was trying to hold open a section of the netting, but wherever he touched it, the golden threads started to wrap themselves around his hands.
The Cupids' heads popped open, and out came video cameras. Spotlights rose up all around the pool, blinding us with the light, and a loudspeaker voice boomed: "Live to Olympus in one minute... Fifty-nine seconds, fifty-eight..."
"Hephaestus!" I screamed, cursing myself. "I'm so stupid! Eta is 'H'. He made this trap to catch his wife with Ares. Now we're going to be broadcast live to Olympus and look like absolute fools!"
I kept cursing myself, some daughter of the goddess of wisdom I was. We kept climbing and we almost made it to the rim when the row of mirrors opened up like hatches and thousands of tiny metallic... things poured out. Oh my gods, spiders!
I screamed, going into a full panic. I hate, hate, hated spiders.
They formed an army of wind-up spiders. I couldn't even tell you what they looked like because I was too busy freaking out.
"Spiders! Sp-sp-aaaah!" I just kept on screaming, unable to calm down. I fell backward, and Percy pulled me up and dragged me back toward the boat.
Even more spiders poured from the rim of the pool, millions of them, surrounding us.
Percy and I climbed into the boat. Percy did his best to try to kick away the spiders as they swarmed us, he was yelling at me to help, but I was too paralyzed with fear. The only thing I could do was scream.
"Thirty, twenty-nine," called the loudspeaker
The spiders started shooting out metal thread, trying to tie Percy and I down to the boat. Percy was breaking the strands, but they were coming so fast he couldn't keep up. He kicked a spider away from my leg, I was still screaming.
I was vaguely aware of Grover hovering above the pool, trying to pull the net loose, but he wasn't having any luck.
"Fifteen, fourteen," called the loudspeaker.
I could tell Percy was trying to come up with a plan. Finally he had a look of triumph on his face, "Grover! Get into that booth! Find the 'on' switch!"
"But-"
"Do it!" he yelled. I was still screaming my head off. I have never been so scared and helpless in my life. Looking back I was mad at myself for being useless.
"Five, four."
I saw Percy close his eyes, a look of concentration etched on his face.
"Two, one, zero!"
Water exploded out of the pipes. It roared into the pool, sweeping away the spiders. Percy pulled me into the seat next to him and fastened my seat belt just as the tidal wave slammed into the boat, over the top and taking all of the metallic spiders with it. The boat turned, lifted in the flood of water, and spun in circles around the whirlpool.
The water was full of the short-circuting spiders. I was finally able to stop screaming as I watched them smash against the walls. Spotlights glared down at us. The Cupid-cameras were rolling, sending us live to Olympus.
Miraculously, the boat didn't slam against the walls. From the look on Percy's face, I knew he had something to do with it. We spun around one last time, the water was level now and was almost high enough to have us hit our heads on the golden net. Then the boat's nose turned toward the tunnel and we rocketed through into the darkness.
Percy and I held on tight, Percy joining my in my terrified screaming. The boat rocked, shooting around corners and taking forty-five degree plunges past pictures of Romeo and Juliet and a bunch of other Valentine's day decor.
Then we shot out of the tunnel, the night air whistling through our hair as the boat barreled staright toward the exit. If the ride was in working order, we woudn't sailed off a ramp between the golden Gates of Love and splashed down safely into the exit pool. But there was a problem, the gates were chained. Two boats had been washed out of the tunnel already, and they were piled against the gates- one submerged and the other cracked in half.
"Unfasten your seatbelt!" Percy yelled.
"Are you crazy?"
"Unless you want to get smashed to death." He strapped Are' shield to his arm. "We're going to have to jump for it."
I looked around, and I finally saw what Percy was planning. The idea was simple enough, we would have to jump as the boat struck, using the force like a springboard to jump over the gate.
I gripped Percy's hand. "On my mark." Percy said.
"No! On my mark!"
"What?"
"Simple physics!" I yelled at him. "Force times the trajectory angle-"
"Fine! On your mark!" Percy yelled.
I hesitated, waiting until the tiny window of time that would get us safely over the gate. I waited, waited, then yelled, "Now!"
Crack!
I got us maximum life, but I was a little off on the angle. We got more than we need and we were thrown into the air, straight over the gates, over the pool and down toward the asphalt.
Something grabbed us from behind.
I yelled, "Ouch!"
Grover had grabbed us in midair, me by the arm and Percy by the shirt. He was trying to pull us out of our wild dive, but Percy and I had too much momentum.
"You're too heavy! We're going down!"
We spiraled toward the ground, Grover was trying his best to slow down our fall.
We smashed into a photo-board, Grover's head went straight into the hole were tourists put their faces, pretending to be Noo-Noo the Friendly Whale. Percy and I tumbled to the ground. We were banged up, but we made it. Percy still had Ares's shield on his arm
Once Percy and I caught our breath, we helped Grover out of the photo-board, thanking him for saving our lives. I looked over to the Thrill Live of Love. The water was subsiding, our boat had been smashed to pieces and was now piled up against the gate. A hundred yards away, the Cupids were still filming us. The statues had swiveled so that the cameras were on us, the spotlights in our faces.
"Show's over! Thank you! Good night!" Percy yelled.
The Cupids turned back to their original positions. The lights shut off. The park went deathly quiet again, the only sound was the trickling of water into the exit pool at the Thrill Ride of Love. I was furious. We'd been tricked by Ares and made to look like fools by Hephaestus, I could tell Percy was pretty miffed too.
"We need to have a little talk with Ares."
hey everyone. thank you for reading and reviewing. i probably won't be posting another chapter for a week or so. i'm really busy with school and i just had to put my dog to sleep. i'm having a rough time and need to get out of the house more. so i apologize in advance, but I promise to finish this.
thanks, all3
-xox kirstie
