Poptart Notes: *rings a loud bell* COME ON IN, KIDDIES; SH*T'S ON! COME AND GIT IT!
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Chapter 12: Wow, I Hate Him Already!
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King Arthur Productions
"King Arthur is Rolling in His Grave Productions…" Albert muttered.
In association with Britannia Leonard Pictures
"Uh, what's the U.K. equivalent of Lynyrd Skynyrd?" Phineas asked his step-brother. As a reply, Ferb shrugged.
Daniel Hobston
Richard Hamms
Frank Bonnie
Virgil O'Brauning
"Any girls in this movie?" Candace asked.
"Look in the kitchen." Buford replied.
Within hardly a second, he was dragged away to be given a sparkling tonsils.
Anthony Bourgese
Elizabeth Nordon
Jeanne Lichen
"All of whom pitched in to buy the director a bottle of lager after he realized exactly what he was directing!" Irving spoke up.
Screenplay by Matthias Gordon and Brittney Gordon
"They were married?" Isabella raised an eyebrow.
"Cool!" Phineas exclaimed.
"Ooh! Ooh! Matthias, baby, I know just what this script needs!" Irving cried out in a loud Wisconsin accent, shaking his brother by the shoulder.
"What, Brittney…" Albert sighed miserably.
"It needs some pink! Yes, it needs a LOT more pink! Riiiiiiiight there!"
Produced by Cole Nugdan
"Hey, Pete, you hear what Dan did last week?" Phineas spoke to Baljeet in a gruff voice. "Saw him mooching off of Bill for ten bucks in front of his own wife." Baljeet blew air between his teeth.
"What a nug." He muttered.
Directed by Wayne Brown
"Hey," Phineas sat upright now, "You all remember Django, right? Django Brown?"
His response was a small chorus of "no"s.
The screen fades to black and slowly rises back into color; a shot of a suburban backyard in the fall.
"Yep, es been three monfs since th'n passin' o' ole man Berkley…" Irving said in a southern-accented drawl.
Suddenly zooming in from the left side of the screen, in bright green comic sans, was the title of the film itself, "King Billy".
"AAGH!" Albert shrank back and made a cross symbol with his index fingers. "COMIC SANS!"
"My allowance provides a bigger budget." Isabella sighed.
The title slowly faded from the shot again as it zoomed in upon the small, white house. A woman in an apron and checkered dress stepped out onto the back porch. After looking around the premises for a moment, she called out in a flat voice, "Billy."
"Billy. Billy. Billy, have you found my acting skills?" Irving said in monotone.
As soon as he finished, a sharp cry came from the next room over.
"ALRIGHT! I GET IT! WOMEN DO NOT STAY IN THE KITCHEN!"
"Don't move yet, you haven't quite learned anything…" Candace spoke harshly in response.
"NO…NO!" There was another hiss of water, then the splashing of suds, and a loud clattering. Candace cried out in anger, and there was then the loud stamping of footsteps trekking down the hall. They gradually got louder until Buford entered, diving straight back into his seat, still soapy and soggy. Candace was seconds behind, still holding a rag and soap bar.
"GIVE ME THE BOY." She demanded. Albert gripped the back of her shirt and pulled her back into her seat.
"He's had his trauma." He told her sternly. Candace glared at him in reply.
At this moment, a little boy, around Phineas' age, walked through the wooded area that surrounded the house and entered the backyard. An axe was clenched in his right hand, and his expression was guilty.
"Well," Candace noted, "this has a pleasant connotation."
"Mother, I cannot tell a lie…" Buford began, "I bring this movie down an entire level…and the cherry tree is screwed, too."
"Why, Billy," the woman began, "wherever have you been?"
"Doing things that your lawyer can totally take care of!" Baljeet laughed. "…Right?"
Billy stared at his mother for a moment, maintaining his guilty look, before turning and walking back into the woods, motioning for his mother to follow him.
"Oh, this should be good…" Albert muttered.
"Check it out, mom!" Phineas exclaimed. "It's the best blueberry bush EVER!"
"That's nice, Billy; but what did you do to the body I asked you to bury?" Buford asked in a shrill voice.
"…The what?"
Soon, they both made it out of the woods on the other side and into a driveway of a neighbor's. The car in the driveway was overturned, the tires slashed, the bottom carved open, and the windows all missing. The mother clapped her hand over her mouth in shock.
Everyone blinked for a moment, stunned.
"This movie got dark. Quick." Candace announced.
"I think we found our antagonist!" Irving added cheerfully.
"GUILLOTINE! GUILLOTINE!" Buford cried.
"I'm sorry, Mom." Billy said softly.
"Sorry's not good enough! GUILLOTINE!" Buford continued to shout.
"But that would be a better movie." Isabella said.
"…YOU, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, of all people, are more interested in a kid getting his head chopped off than watching this." Baljeet pointed out.
To this, Isabella sighed.
"That's just how bad I know this'll be." She replied.
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Next chapter: Stuff Ceases to Make Sense. Quickly.
