Note: Sorry, I have been neglecting my lotr fic recently. Of all of the Athriel and Nariel based fics I think this is the one I find hardest to write. Despite the fact that I know what is going to happen it always seems to make me cry.
The Missing Years
Chapter 12- Ladies of Rivendell
Arwen sat across from her father's desk trying to understand what she was feeling. She had expected to have to drag her brothers kicking and screaming into the light, but Legolas had beat her to it. It was not surprising really. Mirkwood was a lot closer than Lothlorien, of course he would get there before her. And of course he would be there to help Elladan and Elrohir through their grief. But now what was she supposed to do? She was at a loss. Was she supposed to just say goodbye to her oldest friend, the elleth who had been like a sister to her her entire life? Was she supposed to just move on with her life, whatever that was.
TA290
Arwen stared out at the valley from where she sat. It was so peaceful, it was always peacefull out here but she was troubled. She was nearly 50, nearly at maturity and yet she had no idea what she wanted to be. Everyone else had a place, a purpose, but she didn't. She wasn't the first born, she wasn't the heir. She wasn't even the second. Those were her brothers roles. Elladan was the oldest and although he was a warrior he was also being prepared to take over the rule of Imladris when their father stepped down. Elrohir obviously was destined to be his second, he was the more scholarly anyway and would make a great chief advisor. But what was Arwen destined for? She had no idea. There was nothing that she wanted to do, nothing that caught her attention and that worried her.
"Arwen, what are you doing moping out here?"
The Evenstar turned to see Athriel striding towards her. She had been escorting her brother to Mirkwood for some meeting or other and had obviously just returned. Her hair was still wet from bathing and tied into a single braid down her back. The warrior maid sat down across from her pulling her legs up to sit cross-legged on the bench.
"I'm not moping Ree."
Athriel raised a single eyebrow in question and Arwen was suddenly glad that her brothers were out on patrol. It meant that she had a rare oppurtunity to speak to her 'big sister' without interuption.
"When did you realise that you wanted to be a warrior?"
Arwen asked. She knew that at her age Athriel had already been well and truly on her destined path. She was the Captain to the twins Lord and Adviser. She would take over from her brother-in-law when he stepped down. Everyone knew it, and they all knew that she do as good a job.
"What's brought this on?"
When the Evestar shrugged Athriel answered the question as best she could.
"I don't know really. Res says it is all Glorfindel's fault. He says we were dragged to watch Findel training recruits when I was 4 and I wouldn't stop talking about it. Apparently I stole your brother's swords when they told me that girls couldn't be warriors and ran off with them. I remember watching the recruits and thinking how graceful they looked. And I looked up at Glorfindel, at this huge warrior that I heard stories about, and I wanted to be like him. I still do I suppose. He's my Captain, the greatest warrior the valley has ever seen. But he's also my brother-in-law who used to help me look for monsters under my bed."
Arwen watched the other Elleth as she spoke and couldn't help but smile, until she turned it around.
"But this isn't really about me is it?"
Athriel was looking at her closely now with her head slightly tilted to one side.
"Not everyone knows what they want to do Arwen. And nothing is set in stone. Destiny isn't set and even if Vaire has started weaving your true path sometimes it is impossible to see without seeing the whole tapestry. Trust your instincts Arwen. You will know where you have to be when the time comes."
Arwen continued to stare into space as Athriel's words that day echoed through her mind over and over again.
"Nothing is set in stone. Destiny isn't set and even if Vaire has started weaving your true path sometimes it is impossible to see without seeing the entire tapestry."
Those words seemed truer now than ever. All those years ago Athriel had been on her path already, her destiny had seemed so clear and obvious. Athriel was going to be Captain of the guard while the Gwanun ruled the valley. But now Athriel was gone. She was dead.
Arwen turned to scan the shelves on the other side of her father's study. There still sitting where it had been placed all those years ago was 'Tindu'. She had loved that doll her entire childhood, never letting it out of her sight and from what she had heard Athriel had done the same before her. In fact from a very young age Celebrian had regailed her daughter with stories of how Athriel had come to own the doll and how she had later passed the same doll to Arwen.
TA 135
Athriel opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. It was different to the one she remembered. She turned her head. The room looked different to. She tried to remember where she was. Then she heard a voice. "My lady, what a wonderful surprise. Come in. Athriel is still asleep." Erestor. Now she remembered. She wasn't with her father anymore. He had gone. Now she lived with her brother Erestor in the big house. Glorfindel had brought her here on his horse the day before.
Quietly she climbed down from the bed that was much too big for her. She cringed slightly as her feet touched the cold floor. She quickly found her slippers and walked over to the door. Slowly she pulled it open and stepped into her living room. There was the door through to her brother's room.
The connecting door creaked as she opened it causing the two adults to look up. "Good morning Athriel." Erestor beamed. "Do you remember Lady Celebrian?" She nodded shyly. She remembered her from the night before. When she had met the twins. "Good morning Athriel. I brought you this." She handed Athriel a large doll with long black hair and a beautiful white dress. "Thank you" she said staring at it in wonder.
TA241
Athriel rushed through the corridors until she reached her rooms. She bolted through the door and then proceeded to rip the room apart. Where was it, she had to find it. Finally she saw a small pink leg sticking out from a pile of old clothes. There it was. She pulled out the doll that seemed far smaller than she remembered and flattened down its hair. There.
Sprinting she set off again down the corridor back the way she had come. Finally she reached the rooms belonging to Lord Elrond and Lady Celebrian. She opened the door and stood panting against the wall for a couple of seconds. "I found it" she proclaimed triumphantly. ""Found what?""The twins asked, not even looking up from where their mother sat holding their new baby sister. "The doll of course" Athriel laughed holding it up. Celebrian smiled softly. Elrohir walked over and snatched the doll away from her. "What this old thing? Come on Ree. I'm surprised it's still alive" She nudged him and took it back. "What's wrong with it?" Elladan stood on the other side of her and stole it a new. "Oh I remember this. Hey Roh, remember when we used to steal it and hide it up trees." They laughed together.
Athriel rolled her eyes snatching it back. She looked down at the doll in her hands. The dress was still white just not as white as it had been originally and the hair was a bit tangled. "Maybe I should get her a new doll. It's just. I thought it should be hers." Celebrian smiled. "That's a wonderful idea Athriel. I think she'll love it."
It was something that had connected them, made them closer than they otherwise would have been. Tindu had given them something that was their's and only their's. Something that the warrior didn't share with Arwen's brother's, Athriel's best friend's and constant companions. Tindu had become a symbol of their friendship, and now that bond was gone.
The sound of the door opening brought Arwen out of her thoughts. She hadn't expected to see anyone. It was late at night and she had only come to her father's study to dwell on her memories and her grief. There was nothing that she owned that made her think of Athriel as much as the doll did. Except maybe the knife she had been given by Athriel for her 50th birthday, the one she had taught her to defend herself with. But that was sitting on the desk in front of her.
Lord Elrond had been walking down the corridor when he had seen the light coming from behind the door of his office and went to investigate. Confusion clouded his face as he looked around until he spotted his daughter in one of the chairs.
"Arwen, iell. What are you doing up so late?"
She didn't reply, at least not verbally. Instead she simply nodded towards the shelf where the doll 'Tindu' sat. He could see the grief clearly on her face, but he didn't know what to say to help her through it. Instead, realising that she was probably only up and dwelling on memories because she couldn't sleep, he moved towards the cabinet where he kept some of his sleeping powder.
"Here, take some of this and get some sleep."
She nodded sadly taking the small package before picking something up from the table and making her way back to her room. As she stepped through the door Elrond saw a flash of metal in her hand and realised what she was carrying. He sighed heavily at the sight of the small knife, and wondered at the effect Athriel had over his children even after her death.
TA291
Lord Elrond stood on the edge of the training grounds smiling softly while his two closest friends did the same beside him. Arwen had finished opening her presents to discover that Athriel had gotten her not only a beautiful knife but had also volunteered to teach the Evenstar some self defence along side her brother-in-law Glorfindel. Now the two Elleth were practicing some simple moves. Athriel demonstrating and Arwen following the movements beside her. It was a proud moment for the three Ellon standing side by side, and for the two bounding towards the group after finishing their patrol.
