TARA

By Jackson Teller

I grew up in a town of streets paved with quicksand, and spent my youth watching them swallow people whole. My parents, once free-spirited gypsies, became hardened criminals defending a life that made sense only to them. My best friend, who never knew anything other than the chaotic life he was raised in, was destined to repeat his father's mistakes. And her. She was different, at first. Unsettled and quick-footed, she skirted the depths of the mire for years, sure she was going to make it out. She was the reason I had hope. She pulled me from the abyss at the last minute, just before my head went under. We were supposed to escape together. And we almost did.

Some say Charming, California is just as its name suggests, a charming little town full of nostalgia. But I know the truth. It's not nostalgia that keeps things from changing and people from leaving, it's the quicksand. And it's poison. All my life, I was told my destiny was predetermined. And when I was young, I believed it. Until she happened. With her fierce green eyes and steadfast determination, she told me stories of life outside the invisible walls that surrounded our town- where people could be who they wanted and do what they wanted- choose their own paths. So we made plans to break free together. I went first. But when I reached back to grab her hand, it was gone. The quicksand had devoured her.

For the past decade, she's haunted me. I can't tell you how many times I've heard her laugh ring out in a crowded room, or seen her face staring back at me in the mirror. I am a reflection of her, after all. I became the man she always knew I could be. But what became of her? The question nagged at me for years, and became a vice around my ankle, keeping me from moving forward with my life. I had to know. So I went back. And what I found was shocking.

I recognized her at once, even though she was not the girl I'd once loved, whose every inch I'd once known by heart. Her once wild, silky hair was frazzled, unkempt. Her eyes, once full of such intensity that one dare not look directly into them for fear of being devoured, were now dull, hazy with the mediocrity that had plagued her over the years. Her body, once tight and strong, was hidden under frumpy rags that revealed the tragic profession she'd been saddled with. She was going to be a doctor. She had a brilliant mind, skillful hands, and a full ride scholarship to one of the best medical schools on the coast. And now she worked in a dirty, run down animal clinic. The injustice in that was astounding.

I still feel something when I look at her, despite the fact that she's a ghost of her former self, although I'm not sure what. Is it love? Pity? A sense of duty to save her once and for all from the quicksand that's been holding her prisoner her entire life? I'm not sure, but -


His story stopped mid-sentence, which was probably a good thing. Tara wasn't sure she could take much more, but she couldn't tear herself away, either. She wiped away angry tears and stood up, her fury beating down her despair until it no longer existed. She always suspected, on some level, that Jax had come back to Charming for the stories that were hidden there, hoping to unearth them. Chibs tried to warn her. But she assumed, if anything, that he was looking to dig up dirt on the club. Never in her worst nightmare did she imagine that she was his subject of interest.

She picked up her phone and dialed his number with shaking hands. "Chibs?" she breathed, her voice unsteady. "I need you."


Her heart began beating fiercely against the inside walls of her chest as Jax pulled into the driveway. She wasn't ready for this. She was seated on the bench by the front door, so that she could hear what went on, but he couldn't see her.

Chibs squeezed her shoulder. "Don't worry, darlin', I'll take care of this." She had no doubt that he would. They might fight on occasion, but she always knew where she stood with her daughter's father. She could trust him. Which was more than she could say for the man she'd risked everything for. And for what? To be his latest case study?

"What the hell is this?" Her pulse quickened as Jax reached the front door and found his belongings on the porch. Turns out, it was every bit as simple to move him out of her house as it was to move him in, minus the unbearable heartbreak.

"Movin' day," Chibs said harshly. Tears stung Tara's eyes as the aroma of fried beef wafted into the house. The burger Jax had promised her. How quickly things had changed.

"What are you up to? Where's Tara?" Jax demanded.

"Tara is not your concern anymore."

"Tara!" Jax called into the house. She pressed her lips together as tightly as she could, so that he wouldn't hear the sobs forming in her throat.

"A word of advice, Jackie Boy. When you're playing double agent, don't leave the evidence lyin' around. Never know who might stumble across it."

"What?" Jax sounded completely clueless. The irrational part of Tara that wanted it all to somehow be a mistake filled with hope. What if somebody planted those files? No. That wasn't possible.

"Your computer, asshole! The story about Tara, the files on SAMCRO. She found it all. It's over. You're done." With Chibs' words, Tara's strength began to return. He was channeling her rage, saying what she couldn't.

"Oh God," Jax sighed, sounding like the wind had been knocked out of him. "Where is she? I need to talk to her. I can explain, I…"

"No, you can't." The calm in Chibs' voice was chilling. "You've hurt her enough. Just let her be."

"Tara!" Jax called out again. "Tara, please come talk to me. We can figure this out, just talk to me!" Tara held her hand over her mouth as her shoulders shook. She couldn't do this. She thought she could, but she couldn't. It didn't matter how much he'd hurt her, she couldn't do it to him. She didn't have it in her. Chibs gave her a warning look as she stood up. "Tara!" Jax repeated.

"You're makin' a scene, Jackie. Don't be stupid. See, Tara and I made a deal about how this would go down. You don't wanna fuck that up." He wasn't only warning Jax, but reminding Tara. Part of their deal was that she would stay out of sight and not say a word. No matter how badly she wanted to, she couldn't. Jax's life depended on it.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"See, when Tara called me, cryin', her heart broken, I wanted to kill ya. But even after you betrayed her, she still wanted to protect you. She made me promise not to hurt you, so long as you cooperate. So here's what's gonna happen. We're gonna keep what we found on your computer between the three of us, and you're gonna get the hell outta Charming, and never come back. You are not to contact Tara ever again. If you do, the club finds out what you've been up to, and, well…I think you know how that'll go."

"Chibs," Jax pleaded. "I swear, I wasn't.."
"Save it, Jackson. Just get your shit and go. It's the best thing, for everyone."

"Fine," he conceded. "I'll go. But only if I know it's what Tara wants. I need to hear it from her."

"Not an option," Chibs argued.

"Then I'm not going," Jax challenged.

Chibs pulled out his gun and pointed it at Jax's head. "Then I guess I'll just have to make ya."

Tara jumped up from her seat, not doubting for a second that Chibs would pull the trigger. She placed a steadying hand on his shoulder.

"Put the gun down," she whispered, giving him a pleading look. He clenched his jaw and obliged. She turned toward the door, careful not to make eye contact with Jax. "This is what I want," she said confidently.

"Tara, please," Jax said, choking on the words.

"Get out of here, Jax," she warned. "You don't belong here. You never did. Just leave me to my ruined life, as you so kindly put it in your article."

"Tara…"
"I said go!" she screamed, losing her composure for only a second. She took a deep breath, not speaking again until she trusted herself. "Go, or I'll let the club come after you."

"Tara!" Jax was shocked, but Tara didn't react. She simply turned around and walked away, down the hall, toward her bedroom. Hopefully her nonchalance would scare Jax enough to make him go, because if the club found out what he did, they would kill him.

She laid on the edge of her bed, listening as quiet words were spoken between the two men in her life, the one she loved and the one she trusted. She let out a sigh of relief when she heard Jax's suitcase scraping against the pavement as he dragged it toward his car. The opening and closing of the trunk, and then the door. The starting of the engine. And finally, his tires hissing as they took him away from the house, away from Charming, and away from her.

"I'm gonna stay here tonight," Chibs announced as he appeared in the doorway. "I don't want you to be alone. I'll sleep on the couch, if you like." Tara shook her head. She didn't want to be alone, either. Chibs took a seat beside her, and she rested her head in his lap. "I'm gonna take care of you and Sophie," he promised her. "You know that. You're my girls." And with those words, the tears Tara had been fighting back spilled over, and the floodgates opened.