Chapter 11 – Bittersweet Sanctuary


Hey guys! I hope you enjoy reading this! Next chapter will be up soon, depending on how my week goes. I love all of your feedback, whether it's in the form of reviews, favorites or follows! It all means the world! If you enjoy, please, please, please tell me why! Make theories! I love to read them and respond (without giving away a whole bunch)! If you have a private inquiry just PM me! I'll get back ASAP! If you enjoy what you read favorite and follow for more!

My Thanks: Thank you MyHusbandsAPrick, I'm so glad you loved this chapter so much! (I think it's probably one of the most revealing chapters we've seen of Eric yet and that's sooo exciting for me and it seems you too!) I'm really happy you decided to reread the story! It means a lot to me that you enjoy it that much! I kind've wanted to pinch his cheeks too honestly. We won't see the end of Archer for a while probably. He's a big antagonist for Ashe, representing the things grounding her to the now but also reminding her of her past, which is huge. But we'll definitely see Eric's response a lot more. Like I said in the last chapter Eric's gonna regress to old ways for a bit (response wise too), but not for long. The suspense won't hold for long! You'll have a lot of answers *and more questions* (from Eric or other places ;)) soon enough! Thank you so much! Thank you StardustSpike, you'll find out soon! And Archer...Well Archer shall be dealt with in different ways :) Thank you canadice for your sweet word! I'm glad you love it :)


Previously...

By some form of intuition I knew that Eric was simply protecting me, for whatever reasons he had. I fell comfortably asleep in the strength, security and warmth of Eric's arms.


Movement on the bed made me pick my head up, my eyes darting drowsily around the bed, immediately landing on the body laying beside me. Eric was watching me with his blue eyes, the dark depths unusually fiery. I haven't seen many emotions in Eric besides fury, impassiveness or just reined control. I'm reminded of the scars on Eric's back, like fine wisps of a long forgotten dream. He couldn't have been tortured, the fine white lines seemed too old. Too faded for that. No, he must've been hurt. Silently I wondered if the reason he was so cold was because he had to be, to save himself.

Gazing into Eric's eyes was like gazing into ice most of the time, the pools only reflecting your own image back at you. Normally he was only processing, not reacting. Now, his eyes definitely showed the spark of life that set people apart. That set Eric apart from everyone else in Dauntless, and all of the people in the other factions. I yawned, stretching lazily on the bed and covering my mouth. I noticed Eric's scrutiny of me never paused–the way he watched me was as if I was an interesting attraction. As if I was something new he'd never seen in his life before.

"How long have you been watching me?"

"A while." He admitted, fingers brushing over my arm gently. The touch surprised me because of its softness, the act almost unlike Eric. He was changing all of my perspectives, and I had only spent small amounts of time with him. I examined his figure.

"You're dressed." Letting out a small chuckle, Eric crossed his ankles over each other and put his arms behind his head.

"It's seven in the morning." I puffed, trying to push the hair that has accumulated overnight away from my face.

"That's still too early to be awake." I grumbled, my tone somewhat sulky. Despite the time, I gathered myself closer to Eric's side, his warmth inviting me against him. "You're like a machine. Don't you have a hangover?"

I could feel Eric's smirk, I didn't even have to see it to know it was there.

"I have my ways." I glanced up, carefully inspecting Eric's face as his eyes closed and a scowl set in over his features.

"What's wrong?" I inquired, my voice so much more smaller than normal.

"We have to meet with Max to talk about your sleeping arrangements. You can't stay in your dorms..." There was a long pause before Eric opened his eyes and regarded me carefully.

"And you can't stay here either." Sighing, I rested my chin on the pillow next to Eric and tried to pretend that his words didn't sadden me. I enjoyed being with him, even though I shouldn't have. Why shouldn't I? The answer was something that involved a large gap between initiates and trainers, especially trainers who were two years older than me and a leader of Dauntless. If anything I wasn't even supposed to feel comfortable with him, an ease when I joked and that small smirk or the mirth in his eyes that gave way through the coldness he often exposed to everyone else. That small gesture made me want more.

"Come on, wake up." Eric sat up, eyes raking over my body before he stood and made his way towards the doorway to the living room and kitchen. "Food's ready."

"I am up."

Eric raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled at him but he said nothing, so instead I opted for the safest route to eating.

"I'll be there in a minute."

Knowing that Eric could cook was another small thing I didn't know about him. Sure it was small, but it was definitely something I bet no one else thought he knew how to do. If I told Four that Eric knew how to cook pancakes, I'm sure Four would tell me to get my lying butt out of the pit. Cooking didn't really seem to be his forte, or at least he made it seem like that. In reality, he was a really good cook, and it was better than the food from the mess hall so I was happy. Except that neither of us spoke as we ate the eggs our plates, the silence almost deafening. Eric's eyes found mine over the table and his hand rubbed the space behind his neck.

"I saw the video from the dorms." He blurted out.

"What?"

"I saw what Archer did to you." The bluntness in Eric's voice made me cautious–as if there was something he was leaving out. As if this was all he could tell me. I felt ashamed at what had happened, at how slowly I reacted. I felt ashamed that I had trusted my instincts and tried to be brave. I felt ashamed that I chose Dauntless, because I obviously didn't fit in. I dropped my fork to the table and fiddled with my hands in my lap.

"Will he be punished for it?" I asked.

"No." The finality in his answer made me flinch.

I looked up at him, waiting for further explanation, but he just gazed back at me impassively, as if that was the way it is.

"So he just gets off? He assaulted me, Eric." Eric waved his hand as if it was unimportant. I didn't expect anything more, or maybe I did, because it still felt like a blow.

"This is Dauntless, this isn't some Stiff compound or some Erudite safe environment. People like Archer come and go, or they don't." Shrugging, he stood and brought his plate over to the sink and pushed it through the waterspout.

"So no one cares." I said, and I hated the pathetic undertones I could hear in my voice. Eric's face turned to me, but his eyes didn't meet mine. They just stared off somewhere into the distance.

"Not anyone that matters." Shaky legs allowed me to stand, out of fear and anger. Out of something that made Eric's blank stare reach a part of me that I knew. It reminded me of the broken years of my childhood when I had no one. When there was no one.

"Not even you?" I questioned. At this he turned around. Lips pressed tightly together and back straight, he was everything that resembled a brick wall. Distinct power poured out of him and I began to felt unsteady. Maybe he was right, this wasn't what I thought it was. It wasn't a place I could run to for safety, and Eric wasn't someone other than this cold person.

"You confuse me for a stiff." He stated matter-of-factly. "I'm your trainer, not your mother."

"Sorry, I just actually thought you had emotions. I forgot your motto: heartlessness." He didn't react but his arms crossed over each other, his signature pose, his hands grasping his biceps. The muscle in his jaw ticked and I could see the annoyance that mirrored his eyes.

"You did." He said with a tight lipped smile. It was fake, as fake as the smile I had seen on Jeanine's face when she walked through the compound in Erudite, and every bit of his was harsh and cruel. Did he push everyone away like this? I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair, somehow trying to pick up the pieces of everything falling around me so chaotically. I restrained myself from showing emotions, instead mimicking his pose and setting my head to look away.

"Are we going to meet Max?" Without another word, even that of confirmation, Eric picked up a jacket and put it on. He wore a black cotton shirt which was open at the collar and a pair of loose black ribbed jeans. Of course the jacket was leather, I doubted the Dauntless faction wore any other type of jacket. Even when I had gone shopping with Dahlia, not a one was different from the next. I followed him quietly, my steps almost pathetic to the way he marched with confidence and pride. He led me through the hallways until we ended up by my dorms. I staggered for a moment, glancing up his body before landing on his grey eyes. They were inscrutable, the dark rings that surrounded the blue depths–flecked in grey–shone in an almost deceptive manner. They were nothing but bright, instead hooded with emotions I couldn't even discern.

"Why are we here?"

"You can't see Max dressed like that." I raked my gaze down my tank top and over sweat pants. I rolled my eyes at him. His perfectionism at this point seemed pathetic. Maybe he had everything sorted in his life but that didn't mean I had to.

"It's better than my grey dress." I countered, leaning against the doorway.

Eric moved his head back and forth, as if considering my statement. "I liked the dress." The small, surprising compliment almost made me smile. Almost. Instead I shuffled quietly into the dorm room, peeking around to find Archer but he wasn't in his bed and he wasn't even in the room. I breathed out a sigh of relief and tiptoed quietly, turning the corner from the stairs and rummaging through the black wooden night stand by my bed. I grabbed a plain black shirt and leggings, practically tearing through my clothes to put them on. I shoved the old clothes in my drawer and bolted up the stairs until I stood in front of the Dauntless leader.

"Better." He commented, turning on his heel and taking off down the hallway.

"Do you think you could slow down? Your legs are longer than mine." Eric only chuckled, looking back at me from over his shoulder.

"Keep up." I had never felt smaller. Not only did I just meet Eric's chin, but I didn't feel as self-assured as I had been before. Anger at Archer boiled in the pit of my stomach and made my chest burn with fury. I hadn't liked him from the start, but attacking me? Everything he had done was uncalled for. I was still thankful for Eric's help, but I knew now he wanted no part in it. Trailing behind Eric as he led me to Max's office, I watched the muscles in his back tense as we neared his office. I automatically felt on edge from Eric's stance, the scenery changing from cold and black hallways, the metal and stone of the walls glinting off the light in hard angles. Now the floor which had been stone only a corner ago turned to dark oak panels and the walls seemed somehow less dark. Offices with desks and modern looking glass windows allowed me to peer inside and see men and women working on tablets, typing away at holograms and checking files.

My self-esteem slid to the wood floors, becoming one with the carpet that Eric stopped at. Fitting in here was beginning to seem even less likely, and that was if I survived.

"Don't be scared." Eric murmured quietly. He couldn't stop me from being scared even if he wanted to. I was way out of my league when it came to being people pleasing, apparently better routed for witty comebacks and inquisitiveness. At least around Eric. If anything I could always blame it on Dahlia and Jake. Their personalities could change anyone else's. I brushed against Eric, coming to stand next to him. I probably wasn't ready for whatever happened next, but I definitely wasn't ready to fight back against Archer. Eric and I both knew that.

Eric's balled fist raised up and he rapped against the door, four distinct hard knocks in a row.

A dark shape appeared from the opaque door, the same dark wood as the floor lining the glass. The door handle turned and with it appeared a finely dressed Max, a smile curling on his features. It was meant to be nice, and to anyone else it probably was, but I grew up around smiling people. I felt uneasy and I couldn't pinpoint why.

"Why hello there. Eric," Max nodded his acknowledgement of the leader and then his scrutiny fell to me, eyes meeting my own green ones. They were chocolate brown, almost like Four's, but even richer. Four's eyes reminded me more of dripping chocolate, warm. Max's eyes glimmered as hard as the floors I found coming here. I switched the weight on my feet and outstretched my hand.

"Hi." I barely recognized my voice, quiet and small. Around the two leaders I felt even less important in the scheme of things, my own little world of the Dauntless mess halls, dorms and training area shattered by this entirely different environment.

"Hello." Max's voice was calm and steady. I wondered if he was Dauntless born as he shook my hand because he felt more like a sweet talker; a liar.

"You must be Ashely Carr. Is my presumption correct?" I nodded while I noticed Eric's head turn towards me. I doubted that the extension towards my name caught him off guard. I bet Four wasn't Four's real name, and everyone had nicknames here right? He eyed me with silent disbelief.

"Maximilian Denvers, leader of Dauntless."

"One of." Eric added with a tight smile. Max shot Eric a look that Eric simply reflected, standing as still as a statue.

"Just call me Max." I eyed both Eric and Max, tall and confident leaders who obviously had issues. The testosterone in both of their presence, just in the way they stood was almost overbearing. They were both alpha males in the same environment, and as I learned from Erudite schooling, environments with two competing males often led to fights. Brutal ones. I found myself automatically betting that Eric would win any fight against this leader. I would've questioned why I took his side so instinctively but Max broke my small train of thought.

"Would the two of you like to come in?" Eric stepped forward, not even thinking twice about Max's offer. I, on the other hand, hesitantly advanced. I entered the doorway and I could've sworn I was transported into a whole other world. Brown couch with plush seats surrounding it, a black rug surrounded by a side bar that had different glasses adorning the table. The designs were extraordinarily complex, small swirls cut into glass deep, looking practically jagged yet ironically beautiful. The glass reminded me of Eric.

There were a few sets of doors and Max came up behind me, ushering me to one of the doors opposite the room that I had entered.

"You'll have to sit out of this conversation, but is there anything I can get you?"

"Wait why?" I asked, whipping around quickly as my eyes landed on Eric. Impassive was the only word I could've used to describe him, and at that moment, I completely gave up on trying to fight to learn more.

"Just a leader thing, is all." Then why would Eric bring me here in the first place? Max opened the door and led me through it, shutting it quickly with a brief smile. The opaque door allowed me to see his figure disappear as the distance grew further and further apart. Exhaling harshly, I turned around and sat in the small waiting area. The decoration was the same. Dark brown accents with modern art, the decorative effects completely different from what I was accustomed to. Even though the walls and wood had changed, it was no less chilling.

Muttering came from the other side of the door, and as I leaned forward I realized I could distinctly hear what Eric and Max were saying. I leaned forward and pressed myself to the wood, so that Max nor Eric could see I was eavesdropping on the conversation through the glass. If Eric didn't kill me for snooping–again, I didn't doubt Max would. Dauntless wasn't a Stiff compound, after all.

I had missed most of the conversation, but I figured that I came into it at the most interesting part.

Max's voice bellowed from wherever he was in the room. "My question Eric, is why you even care about this girl. She's an initiate, a smart ass. Is this some Erudite bias–"

"I don't." Eric's reply came out rather defensively, and harshly at that. I was surprised to hear one leader speaking to another like this. It only furthered my theory of the whole alpha issue.

"It's not like you helped other initiates who were being abused." Max countered, his side of the argument making much more sense, even if it didn't side in my favor.

"Well most of the time I was the one giving them the abuse."

"My point." I could hear Eric's exasperated sigh, even through the door.

"So am I just supposed to let her get raped by this kid?"

"No. I can't give her an apartment and you know it. She's not a member. We won't waste the time or energy if she doesn't make it. And she doesn't even look promising. If she doesn't want to get raped, then she should fight better." Like someone would want to be raped. I rolled my eyes at Eric's foolish response. There was a long pause.

"So then what do we do with her? We can't let her go back to the dorms."

"Why not?" Max asked as if he was missing a fundamental reason.

"She'll get raped, Max, or have I been wasting my breath here?" Eric snarled, his voice reminding me of tangible, painful things.

"Hey–since it seems you care so much, why don't you just let her stay in your apartment?"

"She can't stay there."

"Then you have no choice but to not get involved. Now if you'll excuse me." Eric growled something and the door opened quickly, surprising me so much that I stumbled against the wall and grasped a small bookshelf next to me. Eric appeared at the entrance, his face contorted in fury.

"Let's go." It wasn't a question, rather more of a command, and I quickly complied. I rushed forward, jerking my body towards the first door as if being pulled by a very strong rope. I passed by Max and shot him a sympathetic glance. He was probably just doing his job and Eric was being difficult, but I felt warm at the defense I had heard echoed in Eric's voice. Defense over me.

Eric hustled me away from the compound until the both of us were by the chasm again, like last night, except now his hand raked through the hair on his head impatiently.

"Fuck!" He growled, pacing the length of the small bridge before grabbing the rail with a white knuckled force and pushing his body off of the railing angrily, his boots pounding against the metal. If there was anything nearby to punch, I could swear that it wouldn't have made it out of the fight with a pulse. Eric was clearly infuriated, and it made me even more confused that he was letting me see it. He was letting me watch him fall apart in brittle pieces as he obviously had an internal struggle of what to do with me. He was always off limits to everyone else, and yet I found solace as I saw this other side; no matter how scary it was to watch.

I swayed from side to side, hands wrapped around each other as Eric threw his fit over the chasm, the heavy fall of water hiding the thickly muttered curses.

"I want you to know that you don't have to help me–"

"Like I have a choice?" He bit out, turning towards me fast. "It's either that or whatever else!" Eric waved his hand like a madman, his hair curled and hanging over his eyebrow. His piercing glinted in the light, his harsh movements cracking against the air like a whip. I moved forward slowly, approaching him as if he was possessed, until I stood next to him. My fingers tentatively brushed against his eyebrow, sweeping the messed piece of blonde hair back into some sort of placement on his head.

He gripped my hand and shoved me against the wall hard, his other palm flat against the hard metal. I winced as the wall pushed against my back, Eric's chest strong and unyielding against my front. His breath washed over me, fresh and minty. He was so close to me that one small movement and his lips would be touching mine. Slowly the thought trickled into my brain and I found myself wanting his lips on mine, kissing me. Would it be rough? Sweet? I didn't think Eric knew the word sweet. Anticipation racked my body as his lips came closer to my own.

"Why?" He murmured slowly, as if saying that simple little word pained him deep in his heart. Eric rumbled and groaned, releasing my arm and leaning his forehead against the wall above me.

"You don't have to." It was all I could say. He didn't need to, I was a pain in his ass. I was everything he didn't need and everything he could do without, but as he looked into my eyes I realized maybe that wasn't exactly the truth.

"I do." He took in a labored breath and pushed off the wall, standing in front of me as if I was the one with the power now.

"Why?" The question of the day it seemed, or at least the question of my entire life. Eric made no sense, an intricate puzzle that shifted every time I pressed too close. His heart was a maze and it seemed he was fine with that.

"Because I can't..." He pulled his lip between his teeth–hard–and sighed. "Because I'm going to protect you. I will never, ever..." He moved forward, his gracefulness back in place, his body like a sensual tower against me. "Let anyone hurt you. Never again."

"'Cause that's an answer, Mister Unspecific." He chuckled.

"Out of all the things I've been called, I never think I've be called that."

"Then you've missed out on life." Eric's eyes softened until the blue seemed predominant and his pupils were so dilated that the black seemed to eclipse over the color.

"It seems I have."