Part 10
A/N: This is going to be good.
"Coffee For One"
It had been a four days since I left Chuck alone on the sidewalk. I had been trying not to think about, which was a lot harder then I thought it would be. Not only have I been trying not to think about him, but I have always been trying to avoid him; which contradicts the not thinking. Really it was just a big jumbled mess in my head. The only place I ever got to think was when I stopped at Starbucks in the afternoon; sadly that peace didn't last long.
Here I was, being antisocial, alone in the corner of Starbucks. Drinking my mocha with a shot of espresso- honestly I haven't been sleeping well- reading It's Actually A Funny Story to focus on fiction troubles instead of my own. Everything was sadly perfectly like every other day when these two girls took the table in front of me.
They looked strangely familiar, I think they went to Constance with them, you know, once upon a time. Clearly they didn't see me or else I don't think they would be so loud about their upcoming affairs. First it started off as a normal conversation, discussing how one another were doing. Second they got on the subject of boys, of course. It was the third subject that actually caught my attention; a certain party was coming up, and it was thrown by a certain bad boy.
Apparently to celebrate school getting out this upcoming weekend Chuck was throwing a masquerade ball. It was going to be called "Saints and Sinners"; your choice of playing it nice or getting a bit naughty. That sounded like something Chuck would be into. All you needed was a dress and mask, let the night make up the mystery.
For a while I just sat there, listening to all the girls debate what dress they were going to wear or where they were going to get it. Half way through their conversation I would be able to spot these girls solely based on their obnoxious voices, and the fact they wanted to go matching. Just look for the two, loud, matching girls. To bad the masks could hide their voices.
Honestly I had to stop myself from laughing, imagining them pushing their way through the dance floor, hoping to find some desperate guys to dance with them. So many people would be there by the sound of it that it really would be hard to figure out who was who. You could be absolutely anyone, and no one would have a clue...
The thought of going went back and forth in my head, trying to decide if it was worth. In a matter of seconds the answer was clear: I had to go to this party.
Taking one last sip of coffee I stood up and passed the girls without letting them see me (I'd just hate for them to know I was ease dropping the entire time). I threw my cup in the trash and headed out onto the crowded street. Like a bad ass I slid my aviators down to cover my eyes as I made my way to fabric story. An imagine in my head for the perfect dress was already on my mind.
I can't sleep. I can't think. I can't eat. I can't even smile without you crossing my mind, Chuck. At this point I'm a love sick puppy. I don't regret leaving him on the sidewalk, that was a great decision; what I regret is not trying anything after that. This party could be the perfect opportunity to win him back and win him for good.
First I have to go and make the perfect dress; make it a little naughty. Next Saturday night I won't try and be the new, sweet Jenny. No, Saturday I'll be ready to be a sinner.
*Line*
"Vogue and Advice"
My feet were kicked up on the couch; I was taking a break from working on my dress to read Vogue. Besides for being envious of how gorgeous all the models looked, some of the clothes were actually good inspiration for my dress. There were some dresses that were the perfect mix of modern and masquerade. I was even folding the corner of some pages to mark to look back at later. I was aiming for perfection after all.
Right as I flipped to last page I heard the elevator ding. As stealthy as I could I made my body completely flat, holding the magazine up against my chest. Since the sidewalk thing ended so awkward for both him and me, I had been doing my best to avoid him. Actually I hadn't seen him once seen then. I was doing such a good job up until now, and now he might walking straight at me.
It's not that I don't want to see him, obviously I want to see him, just now with this masquerade ball I wanted it to perfect. Steal his breath away with my dress. Make him wonder who the beautiful blonde was. He would fall so hard without even knowing who he was falling for. At least, that's the fairytale I was expecting in my head.
That was when I heard a girly laugh, that almost broke my heart, until I realized I knew that laugh. Pulling myself up, setting the magazine on the coffee table, I looked over towards the elevator. Yep, I was right, there was Blair laughing ever so happily with my brother by her side. Not in a negative way, but I still wasn't understanding this relationship between them. They were so-... Different.
Different. Chuck and I are different, even more different than Dan and Blair were. Why I was being so spectacle of them? Both had such a lovely smile on their face, a real happy one. They were making it work, they were probably even falling in love with each other if they hadn't already. No matter how weird it was, it was cute.
"How do you do it?" I asked out of nowhere. Clearly that caught them off guard, I don't think they even noticed me yet. It was random but I really wanted to know, or here some answer. "Being together after so much, being so different." I stood up and started to walk towards them, actually hoping to have a conversation about it.
The two looked back and forth between each other, as if they were trying to figure out who would respond to me. Oh gosh they were doing that couple thing where they were talking without words, I could tell. How intense were they? How long had this been going on? I won't ask those questions though. Those don't matter, because despite any of that they were good.
Clearing her throat Blair I took a step towards; her hand was still intertwined with Dan's. Her mouth kept beginning to open, then shut again, like she was trying to figure out how to start. Slowly she glanced at Dan, who just her one of those warm smiles even I love. Having a little smile of her own, Blair looked back at me, ready to speak.
"Well... We're really not that different, Jenny." Blair shrugged, her smile growing bigger. Oh I bet her thoughts were filled of all the fun things Dan and her had in common. Thinking about it myself, I guess they did have some things in common. "We like a lot of the same things, and everything we don't have in commons well," she stopped to think for a second, "I guess that's part of what I love about Dan. That we're not identical." Blair looked back at Dan before leaning in and kissing him.
Somehow they found the perfect balance between having things in common and being different. If we dated someone we were identical to, there wouldn't be anything exciting about dating them. Dan and Blair thought the same way, yet their total views were different. They made it blend together.
Of course it just made me think of how Chuck and I could blend together. We had a good amount in common, probably even more if we took the chance to talk again. Still it was obvious we had a lot that separated us, but I can say right now all the ways Chuck was different from me, I adored more than anything. It was what made him him, and he was incredible in his dysfunctional way.
Dan took a step forward, standing next to Blair again, and shot me a confused look. "Why suddenly so curious about us?" I couldn't blame him for asking like that. I did practically find out and then run to my room, ignoring what they were telling me. Said I didn't even care, and now I was showing the exact opposite reaction.
"No reason." I said it like there was no emotion left inside of me, but I felt like breaking some. What sucked was that I couldn't tell anyone about what happened between Chuck and I. To many questions would pop up for a relationship that is slim maybe. There was no need to put myself through more struggle than I was going to have to. If anything ever became real I would definitely tell Dan, but right now wasn't that time.
Right as an awkward moment was about to set in, the phone began to ring. Dan let go of Blair's hand and went over to answer the phone. It was like being saved by the bell, giving me a moment to slowly escape back into my room and back to work on my dress. Except Blair was sort of glancing at me, which it made it a bit awkward with me trying to escape the conversation I started.
As I twirled around to go down the hall to my room, I saw Dan put the phone against his shoulder so the person on the other line couldn't hear him. Oh gosh that means he was either going to say something Blair or I, and when his eyes landed on me it was clear this was not my moment to try and escape.
Even more confused than when I asked him how they made it work, he stared at me, "Jen, Vanya is saying the mask you ordered is downstairs?" Like an overprotective brother he started to walk towards me some, having this look in his eye like he was about to hurt someone. "Are you going to Chuck's party...?" He was saying it like it was such a big deal, like if I went I was going to die or something.
Shrugging I began to walk to the elevator, stopping before entering and turning to Dan. "Yeah, I mean, I'm not invited but I'm going." I laughed as if it wasn't a big deal. Which really it shouldn't be one, but Dan's big brother mode was clearly kicking in. "But what's the big deal? Aren't you guys going?" So he had no right to get upset at me.
"Well, yeah, but..." Dan trailed off like he was deciding what he was about to say next wasn't a good idea; it only made me want to know it even more. Usually your first thought is the most honest one, and I could only imagine what he was thinking right now. "Never mind. You're not fourteen anymore. Ignore me." Just by how the words seem to barely escape his mouth, I knew there was so much more he was dying to say.
A bit of a bitchy smile spread across my lips. This battle I sort of, kind of won. At least he's not going to argue with me. "Thank you." I stepped inside the elevator and pressed the button to go to the lobby. "I'll be okay, promise." I had to throw in. Whether he believed me or not, I would be.
Right as the doors shut all I heard was my brother try and whisper "I'm worried." and then there was total silence as I stood alone. My breathing slowed down with each floor I passed. The back of my throat began to get a little soar as this weird sensation to cry was taking over.
I had been in Hudson for so long. Letters were sweet, phone calls were good, but there was just... Something about hearing my brother say he was worried about me that made me want to cry. Easily I was the luckiest girl to have a brother like him. He was overprotective, he looked out for me, and when needed he was my personal super hero. Dan did so much for me, and I couldn't even bare to tell him I was going to the masquerade to get Chuck.
In my mind it felt like if I told him about Chuck he would only be disappointed in me and my choice, though I didn't exactly choose Chuck I just fell, in guys. I forgot how much Dan's approval could mean to me, but clearly my heart hasn't. True I have gone against his warnings, more than several times, but he always forgave me. Once I get my shit together with Chuck, Dan would be the first to know. He deserves that.
Taking a long, deep breath I fought the soar feeling in my throat and held back the tears. I would have to make sure to not give Dan anything to worry about. I am going to grab my mask. Head back up to the apartment, grab Vogue, go to room, make sure the mask matches my dress, and then start going in to overdrive to make sure I was going to look flawless in my dress when I go to win Chuck over on Saturday.
"I'm Here With You"
Dark blue, dark blue. Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? Well I'm here with you...
My head had been spinning this past week. Could you blame me though? Dodging Chuck and making my dress was stressful enough, but there were all those little run-ins with everyone else that added on to the stress. Because whenever I was around other people I had to fake a smile and pretend as if I wasn't going crazy in my head. Which, of course, I was totally going crazy.
What really sucked was I didn't have anyone to gush to about Chuck. True, I could have blabbed to Dan or Erik or maybe even Vanessa, but they wouldn't be able to handle it and freak out. So instead of talking about him to anyone I wrote down in a journal (I refuse to call it a diary) my constant thoughts of him. It helped me keep in check what was fantasy and reality. You know, what actually has a chance of happening what is me obviously day dreaming.
Tonight was special though. A masquerade, pretty much a free card to let anything happen. Masks were a must and your outfit depended if you wanted to show the world if you were a saint or a sinner for the night. For me I was a sinner with the intentions of a saint. Despite all the odds against me for tonight, I think I've fought off enough as it is, and I can win this night over. More importantly, I will be winning Chuck over.
My dress was a dark, dark purple; if there wasn't light on it, it would appear black. There were pickups from the waist down, giving it some character. A slight v-neck went down, showing off what cleavage I had to offer. To give myself even more of a reason to be looked at, silver lace majestically trailed up the side until it hit my stomach and blossomed like a flower.
I was very pleased of how it turned out for something I had a little over a week to work on. Thank god the mask I rush ordered matched as well. Everything leading up tonight was going so well, I will admit, got my hopes up kind of high. It could be a good omen, right? If there was a reason for it to go wrong I would have seen a sign. Or maybe I missed it... Regardless I was about to step into this party and go for it.
Taking a deep breath I walked up to the bouncer at the door. Crap. There was actually a guest list, I couldn't just sneak it. Actually, let's get real. Here I was, a hot girl, dressed up to dress code, batting her long eye lashes ever so innocently. If that couldn't help get me in, guess it would mean going through the back door like last time. You would think I would finally be past that.
Biting my lip while batting my eye lashes I approached the bouncer. Right before I opened my mouth I saw a couple who just walked in. Long, beautiful brown hair on the girl; she was dressed insanely good. With her was a boy with short brown hair; he was also dressed pretty well but nowhere as good as his date. That's when I saw his slightly scuffed up black dress shoes; that was, without a doubt, Dan. And he would have no other girl on his arm than Blair.
Like a light bulb went off in my head, I started to smile sweetly, "I'm with Ms. Waldorf and her date." I stood there while he looked down the list, seeing if there was a plus one with Blair or Dan. "She might not of mentioned it. I'm really just here to hold her stuff while she's off dancing." That sounded pretty believable too. From experience she has made me do stuff like that.
After a minute of the guy continuing to look at the list, then to me, then to list, then to me, and so forth. It was making me get a bit antsy. This could not be my stopping point for the night. That was when I saw him crack the slightest smile, "Head on in before you lose um." He let a cute laugh slip to go with that smile, "Have fun." And like that he went back to being serious with his job.
I shot him a quick smile before heading into the ballroom. When I took my first step in, before I reached the crowds of people, I completely froze. It was like I was Little J again with her first party again. Being away for a year really did make me feel small again. These things were like a bike though, you just have to get back on and start peddling. So with a deep breath I took a stop into the crowded room of everyone I did not know, hoping to find the one I did.
Each step I took led me more into the ocean of masks and outfits. I think I over estimated my capability of finding Chuck. This was a lot more people than the last masquerade, or any other party. Guess as you get older the venues and affairs get bigger too. Though I can't be too surprised, Chuck is one to go all out.
Minute after minute passed by and I was literally getting nowhere. Not only was it sort of impossible to walk past everyone, but whenever a new face passed by it only took me a second to realize it wasn't him. It was driving me insane. At point I started to question if he was even at his own party. Giving up wasn't an option though, even if it meant I stayed here alone while everyone left the dance floor. I was going to find him.
It was amazing how alone I could feel in such a crowded room. Where are you, Chuck? Why won't you find your way to me? Sighing I continued to trudge through all the girls in their big dresses and the guys who were doing their best not to lose their masked girls. It was depressing to be the only one without a partner on the dance floor, so I made my way over to the drinks. A little break wouldn't ruin my chances of finding him.
Right as I turned around to grab some champagne; my body froze. At that moment my eyes gazed over the drinks, the people, and somehow looked right into his. I knew they were his, without a single doubt. His light brown eyes that if you catch them in the right lighting can have a hint of gray, and even from this far away I could see that sparkle in his eyes, the one that gave me butterflies. This was definitely Chuck.
Without a thought I made my way over to him, feeling confident in how amazing I looked right now. As I reached him some nerves started to kick in, nothing I would let stop me from this though, clearly. I took a breath while staring at the ground, gathering up my strength, before I took my final step towards him and all my confidence came rushing in. And the second I looked in his eyes again, I knew I could do this.
"What's an old devil like you doing standing here alone?" I asked in a bit of a seductive voice. I had to get him interested in me, and like everyone knew, Chuck liked the mystery in a girl. Nothing said mystery like an alluring voice (that and I don't want to come off too strong just yet).
His eyes were already on me; my voice was just the final hook. Already a small smirk got on his perfectly pink lips. It was sort of saddening how fast he seemed interested in me, because, well, he didn't know it was me. "Waiting for a beautiful angel like you to come over." With those words he took the smallest step closer, but it was a step closer.
With his step, I decided to take a step too. We could play the mime game, I don't think he would mind me doing what he was. "Oh but I'm no angel." I bit my lip only the slightest bit, knowing that would drive him crazy a little bit. Probably wishing he was the one doing it.
Not saying a thing I felt his hand take mine, causing a whirl wind within me. This was going a lot faster than I thought it would, and again it kind of hurt. So quickly he was willing to go after some random girl because she was hot and approached him. Though I did walk in here hoping for that, so I guess my complaining is irrelevant.
People stepped out of our way, like they knew we were important, as we walked back into the ocean I just got out of. When the space on the dance floor became tighter I didn't hesitate to pull my body closer to his. He didn't object at all, placing his hand on my lower back as we began to dance. Our hands were still tightly together; it made me really happy. Here we were, just dance together, not caring who was around or saw- though that wasn't exactly a worry for us.
I was drifting off so much into that moment that I almost missed what Chuck said, "I must have done something right to have a beautiful girl like you find her way to me." Smoothly he twirled me around before pulling me back into his arms. "I can only imagine where this night could go." He winked through his mischievous black mask.
Yes, my heart dropped more seeing him flirting with me thinking I was another girl, but like I said, this was my goal. Never thought I would be so damn good at. I could feel his hand going lower on me already. This was going so easily. Guess Chuck knew how to get girls as well as he knew the back of his hand. Speaking of his hand, he just got it where he wanted it to go: my ass.
Get your head together, Jenny. This was the moment you were aiming. Just go in and do it. Don't think to much or you'll freak yourself out. "Well it can go wherever you want..." I almost whispered out, holding my breath while I began to lean in to kiss him. My eyes were open to see he was leaning in too, and a that moment I knew once our lips touched I wouldn't be able to control myself from being upset.
This was such a bad idea.
"Is that right...?" He whispered back, beginning to lean in closer to me. Our bodies were swaying ever so slowly together, going perfectly to the beat of the music. In a matter of seconds his lips were close to mine. "But I have one question for you." His hand brought me in a little closer, which made everything feel a lot more intense.
Breathing slowly I put on my best poker face grin. Feeling him breathe would not compromise this. The fact his words seemed so sweet wouldn't make me crumble. "And what would a devil like you care to know?" Smirking I brought my face closer to his, like I was testing him to see how close we could get before something actually happened.
At that moment the song stopped, and so did we. My hand was still holding his, and his arm was now holding me by the waist. Neither of us spoke as we looked into each others eyes. I was almost holding my breath, wondering if this was really happening to me right now. It wasn't like I could stare off somewhere to escape the tension. No, our eyes were in a deadlock and all I could do was focus on that sparkle in his eyes. I had to keep myself from holding his hand any tighter. This was more than I could handle.
Chuck leaned in again, only to stop an inch away, causing my mind to go in a whirl. This question, it had to be something good or else he wouldn't be looking at me like this. Finally his lips opened to begin to speak, "How far were you going to go before telling me it was you, Jenny?" And that was when he kissed me ever so slowly, ever so softly, and just so... Perfectly.
Giggling a little I kept on kissing him, playing tag with our lips again. If I could explode of happiness; it would be happening right about now. This plan went about a million times better than I could ever imagine. Not only was I kissing him in the middle of the dance floor, but he knew it was me, without taking off the mask. Nothing could make this better.
After kissing him one last time I got my strength together to pull away. I tried to hide my dorky smile, but I'm afraid I looked quite foolish. You know what though? I'm over it. Now wasn't the time to call myself foolish. I just designed a dress, snuck into some ball to go after a guy and to get him go after me; though he had no clue it was me. That was foolish and it turned out great.
"Until I got to kiss you," I laughed a little; leaving out the part that if I kissed him without him knowing it was me, I was going to cry. Feeling more comfortable I brought my body as close as I could to his. As we slowed down, I rested my head on his shoulder. "I felt so alone in this crowded room." Up until I found him.
Unexpectedly I felt his lips touch my forehead, something that just caught me off guard. Not in a bad way but I have never really imagined Chuck sweet and soft that way. As the past few weeks have proven though, there was a lot to him I wouldn't have guessed. "Well I'm here with you..." Chuck's words faded away as he pulled me in and we continued to dance together.
Before I knew it everything seemed to fade away. All the people around us disappeared in my eyes. All the music and noise started to slowly fade too; all I could hear was him breathing. The only one I could see, the only one I could concentrate on, was holding me right now. Nothing, and I mean nothing, else seemed to matter than Chuck's arms being around me.
I still couldn't believe this was actually happening. What were odds? Clearly I had been on his mind the past couple weeks like he was on mind. Something I need to realize and really accept is, as well as I get to know him, I'll never be able to read his mind. He was random and emotional just like everyone else, and some things weren't worth questioning. That included this very moment.
No questions, just him.
*Line*
"As Long As I Have You"
I was leaning against my door, messing with Chuck's bow tie, with the dimly lit hallway. No one else was home yet, so it was just the two of us. The masks were off because, let's get real, they weren't needed anymore once we were in the apartment and knew we were alone. Finally it gave me the chance to see his face; a sight I have been missing for weeks.
"Is this where you kick me out again?" Chuck slightly laughed, still giving me that winning grin. It was hard to tell if he was being serious or not. The grin was a yes, but his eyes still seemed innocent, like he wouldn't mind if I turned him around right now.
My decision had been made a while ago though, if we got in this position, what I would say. Before I thought it would a bit hasty, but it really wouldn't. You never know... "No, I think you earned your way inside." I kissed him once before turning around and opening the door. Even though I was nervous, my mind going a million miles per hour, this was a good idea. I knew it was.
Carefully I started to take off my dress as I heard him close the door behind himself. I zipped it down the rest of the way and let it fall to the floor, exposing me in my skimpy lingerie (yes, I planned ahead in case it came to this). I gathered all my confidence and went over to my bed, taking a seat at the end of it; staring up at him as he walked over in front of me.
With slightly shaking hands I went and undid his bow tie, just throwing it to the inside like I didn't care. When he leaned down to kiss me I began to undo the buttons on his shirt. Soon that was off and onto the floor as well. Seeing him shirtless was a bit intimidating; he definitely had been working out. Next were his pants...
Gently he pushed me down and got on top of me. My hands were feeling his chest, still in a bit of shock of how great it felt. His hands were doing the same with me; feeling up every part of my body. This didn't feel like last time. It felt a million times better. This was the first time that I've gone this far with a guy and actually felt like I wanted to be doing this.
The world could be burning down, but as long as I have you... I think I'll be okay.
