Joe's Point of View.

"Yep… I finally did it." I place one of my porcelain dominoes next to Mike's and make my next move. After I make my move, I pick up my icy glass of brew and take a small sip. I'd rather be here, playing dominoes with my best friend than to go home. Truthfully, I'd rather be anywhere other than home. I don't know if I'm ready to look at my wife just yet. I'm not prepared to deal with her yet. "I knew it was going to happen today. I woke up with the feeling. When I saw her, the feeling got stronger. I knew today was going to be the day." Mike looks at me with an off-kilted half smile and puts his next domino next to mine, building on a seven.

"And?" Mike drinks the last big gulp of his beer and pushes his mug to the side until he feels like getting up to get a refill. "Was it as good as you thought it was going to be? Better?" He prods. I know I promised Demi that I wouldn't tell anybody about what we did, but it's just Mike, so I don't think he counts. I trust Mike with my entire life. I trust that he won't tell anyone what I'm saying, mostly because I'm his only friend so he has no one to tell. But I also trust him because he confided in me last year when he cheated on his wife once. It was a one-time thing and he hasn't done it again, but he still told me and I wouldn't dare breathe a word to his wife. I know he won't tell mine. "Feels good to get it out of your system, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." I put my hand of dominoes down to talk to him without interruption. He takes that as a white-flag waving and puts his down too. "It was great, Mike. Everything about it was just great." I lean back and allow myself to go back several hours to when it actually happened. I can explain everything detail for detail when I do that. "Every time she would moan, she'd moan in my ear. And she'd wrap her legs around my waist so I could go deeper. Her moan is so pretty. She was a talker, though. Real dirty, nasty talk too. It was so hot. She's a squirter, too; squirted all over me." I smile and just shake my head. "She isn't a baby, either. She knows VERY well what she's doing. I've gotten a lot of ass in my day, but I ain't ever had a girl that rode like that." I nod just once. "I'm gonna get her again, believe that."

He nods understandingly. "Yeah, I know the feeling. Just be careful, especially with a little girl like that. She probably fucks like she's grown, but all jokes aside, she's still a kid. Kids get their feelings involved, bro. Just be careful, that's all I have to say." He leans back and rubs his barely-there chin hair. "Yeah, the feeling is good for the moment. But if you don't know how to control it, it can ruin your life. I got lucky that Claud took me back after she found me out. Remember that?" He shakes his head. "Took me about a year to get her to trust me again, and she still brings it up every now and again. I don't want to see the same thing happen to you and Bea…"

Mike's right about that much. Demi doesn't have much to lose by sleeping with me, but I have everything to lose. If Blanda ever found out that I slept with Demi, she'd no doubt try to divorce me and I wouldn't see my girls every day. I know that much for a fact. But, I'll never get caught. I'll never speak of what Demi and I did again, I swear to it. "You're right…" I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I can't fuck her again. I have too much to lose. I wouldn't be able to deal with not seeing my girls every day, Mike. I gotta leave her alone." I sigh, realizing the truth in my words. I don't even know how I'm going to face my wife after doing what I've done. It's not fair that Demi doesn't have to face anyone. It's not fair how she can just go on with her life because it was just sex. She doesn't have a boyfriend or a significant other to answer to. Meanwhile, I have to go home and look my wife in her face and try to not feel guilty about cheating on her. It's not right how different the repercussions are for us.

"Well, at least you learned your lesson and got it out of your system." Mike pushes his chair out from the table and goes into his kitchen. It's not until now that I remember that we are in his house. His wife, Claudia and Bea and very good friends, so I hope Claudia didn't hear anything that she might run back and tell my wife. Mike says Claud's as heavy a sleeper as Bea is, so she can't hear us. But it still worries me. He grabs two more cans of Miller Lite's from the fridge and walks back over. "At least you bagged it up, right?"

A sly, nervous smile spreads across my face. "…I told you it happened fast." I sigh. "No… I didn't have bags on me, so I hit it raw." Now that I think about it with a clear mind, I realize how stupid I am. I don't know if Demi's on birth control, if she has any STDs or STIs. I don't know if she's clean or whatever. She smelled clean when I went down on her, but still. It was stupid of me to screw her with no condoms or other methods of protection. I can't tell you what I'd do if I got her pregnant or caught something from her. "I pulled out though… I didn't bust in her, I busted on her ass."

Mike looks at me like I just told him that the sky isn't blue. "You fucked her without a condom, dude?! Are you sick?!" He just shakes his head at me. "You know girls can get pregnant from precum, right? You had unprotected sex with that girl and she could be carrying your bastard seed RIGHT now… are you NUTS?! Do you WANT to get caught?!"

"Alright, Mike." I hold my hand up to shut him up. "There isn't anything I can do about it now. I had a stupid moment, okay? You've had stupid moments too. The only thing I can do about it is move on, right? I won't let it happen again, and if it does happen again, it CERTAINLY won't be without a condom. I had a lapse of judgment. Besides…" I take a sip of my beer. "Let her come to me and tell me she's pregnant…." I put the cup down and sincerely mean what I'm about to say. "I'm sorry, but that bitch will be taking a trip down the steps. I'm not losing my wife over that shit."

"You would never. Stop talking like that."

"Psssht! You really think I'm joking? I swear to goodness Mike. If she came to me and told me that she's pregnant, I'm pushing her down a flight of steps. She's not having my baby, get out of here." I shake my head and I REALLY mean that. If Demi came to me and said that I got her pregnant, either she's going to get a LEGAL abortion or she'll be down the steps. I'd let her take the choice, but she's NOT having it. I refuse to lose my wife over some bullshit. "Either I'm pushing her, she's getting a real abortion or I'll kick her in her fuckin' stomach. I'm serious about this. I'd rather take my chances in jail than to have her have my kid."

I have to talk to Demi, ASAP. We have so much to discuss. Firstly, I have to make sure that she ISN'T pregnant. Secondly, I wonder if she's clean. Like I said, she smelled clean, but that doesn't mean that she can't have like AIDS or something like that. This is part of the reason why I hate talking to Mike sometimes. He forces me to think logically and I hate it. Before I came over here to see him, I enjoyed what Demi and I did. I was happy that it happened and I really wanted it to happen again. Now, I'm not so sure if I enjoyed it. And I'm even more uncertain if I want it to happen again.


Demi's Point of View.

"Demi, come on. You need to go home now…" Selena grabs me by my arm and pulls me away from the tall, light-skinned boy I'm dancing with. I never did catch his name, but he's really cute. I think he's biracial, his eyes are a very pretty light shade of green and he has neatly groomed hair. He's very cute. "It's getting to be pretty late…" She keeps pulling me. I'm not sure why she's taking me away from him. It was her idea to come to this stupid party anyway. It's fucked up how as soon as I start having fun, she's ready to leave. That's actually so fucking annoying. "How much have you had to drink?" I should be asking her the same question.

"I'm FINE, Selena. I'm not drunk…" I pull away from her. "It's not even 12:30 yet… let's just stay. I only had one cup of E&J and Pepsi. I'm fine…" I look at her. I think she only wants to go home because David's driving out tonight and staying on campus with her for the rest of the weekend. It's not fair how I have to suffer just because she has a boyfriend. I'm single as hell and I don't have a man, I should be allowed to have all the fun I want. Selena adjusts her pink lace crop-top and her booty shorts and sighs. "We can leave in an hour…"

"…Okay. But Demi, you ARE drunk. I know you…" She fixes my clothes after she fixes hers. She grabs the red Solo cup out of my hand and puts it on the coffee table behind us. "No more to drink for you. I don't want to have to scrape you up off the floor." Selena always has been able to handle her liquor a little better than I've been able to handle mine. But honestly, I'm the drinker and Selena's the smoker. And judging by the redness around the rims of her eyes, she's been smoking quite a bit tonight. "Just keep your clothes on, babe." She lets me go and starts to walk away. "I'll be out on the porch if you need me. Kenny's rolling up again…. just come find me."

I nod once and go back to my dance partner just as a new song starts. I love when songs that I know the dances to come on. I just have to find a guy that knows how to do the guy part of this dance. "All this money on me… Like I'm taking from a G. All she tryna do is get naked…" The song starts and the guy I'm dancing with puts his hands on my hips. I turn around to face him with while I ask him a question. "You know how to do this dance?" I look behind us and all the girls and guys that know how to do it are partnering up. Okay, maybe I am a little tipsy. He nods at me and I turn back around and put my butt against his pelvis. He holds my waist. "And she gon' shake it like a red nose…" I remember that Selena taught me how to do this in the first place. Call it what you will, but I'm so used to doing it with her. I always did the girl part while she did the guy part. I won't lie; we used to get REALLY into it. We aren't lesbians, but if you ever saw us do the Red Nose dance at parties back at home, you would swear we are.

It was Selena's idea to go to this party anyway. She thought I needed to get my mind off Joe, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that she's probably right. Going out and getting drunk really doesn't take the shame I feel for myself away, but it sure as hell helps. If I'm not thinking about Joe, I don't feel so bad about doing what I did. I know Selena asked me not to, but fuck it. I'm eighteen, and I'm an adult. So, after the song is over, I turn around to my dance partner and give him one of my "I-know-you-just-met-me-and-I'm-a-good-person smiles" and pull my mini skirt down. He lifted it up while we were dancing, I guess. "I'mmm… gonna go… get another drink… oooookay?" My words come out slightly slurred. "Don't miss mmme too much…"

He smiles at me and slaps my ass as I walk away. I'm not sure, but I think he's sober. He doesn't strike me as under the influence, which really makes me wish I wasn't. Whatever, though. Hopefully I'll get so drunk I won't remember tonight. I walk to the kitchen where the host of the party is serving up drinks. I don't know his name either. All I know is that Selena showed up at my dorm at 11:00 and said that she heard a senior was having a party down in his dorm and we were going. Honestly, all I heard was the word "party" and that was enough for me to drop everything, get all dolled up and go with her. It's been a really long time since I've gotten drunk, and I needed to let loose. "What do you want me to get you?" The senior boy asks. He has short, spiky, brown hair and blue eyes. He's sort of cute. I reach in my pocket, because we have to pay him for drinks. I dig out a five dollar bill. "Do you have any more uh… Three Olives? The Marilyn Monroe strawberry…" I hand him my money.

He smiles at me and turns to find and mix my liquor of choice. "So, are you a freshman? I haven't seen you around here before. I usually notice girls like you." He mixes my drink with a coffee stirrer and hands it to me. "Mind giving me a name?" He pushes the money across the table at me. "Keep it."

"Yeah…." I nod and take one sip of it. Three Olives is so good. "Yeah, I'm a freshman, I mean. And my name's Demi." I take another longer sip. If I was sober, I probably wouldn't tell him my name. But that's the thing. Drunk Demi and sober Demi are two totally different people. Drunk Demi will say and do anything that's on her mind, and not give a damn who is offended or what the topic is. Sober Demi is a lot more reserved, polite and very, very annoyingly quiet. You ever feel that way? Like you're two totally different people, I mean. Like on the outside is the way you were born and raised to act, but trapped up inside of you is another entity just dying to get out and show the world that she (or he) exists. Ever feel that? If you haven't, take my word for it when I say that it is the worst feeling ever.

"Demi…" He says my name and it rolls off his tongue with ease. His smile is really nice; I think he's flirting with me. "Demi, Demi, Demi…." He mixes me up another cup of Three Olives and hands it to me again. "Sexy name, actually." He rests his elbows on the table and leans forward. "You have a beautiful smile. Anyone ever tell you that?" Yeah, he's definitely flirting with me. I feel weird, because I don't feel right flirting back.

I just smile and nod at him. "Yeah, a few times." I tuck my hair behind my ear.

"Well I'm gonna tell you again. Your smile is beautiful."

"Thank you…"

"You're welcome, Miss Demi." He downs a cup of straight Hennessy. He must be really strong to do that, because I would be throwing up if I did that. I have to have a chaser when I drink brown liquor otherwise I'll throw it ALL up. He reaches across the table and touches my wrist. "So will I be seeing you around my campus? Where do you live?"

I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath. I'm really starting to feel all my drinks. I need to go home. I'm gonna puke or piss, whichever comes first. And if I puke, I'd like to be in my own room to do it. I stand up from the table and stumble to the back door, completely ignoring the guy's question. Call me crazy, but I like getting so drunk that I throw up. I really do love getting pissy drunk. It takes away how I feel for the moment, and it's even better if I won't remember the night. It's a bit of an escape.

At least for a little while.


I grab my phone off the pillow next to me and put it to my ear. The ringing was so loud I couldn't ignore it even if I tried. My head is throbbing, but I knew that it would be. I was so fucked up last night…. I don't remember shit. My dad's voice sounds like it's four thousand times louder than what it probably actually is. "Uh… okay, dad…. Hold on." I lean over the side of my bed and close my eyes so the room will stop spinning. Holy shit I'm hungover. Once I stabilize myself, I try talking to him again. "Okay, what?" The back of my throat is so dry I can hardly talk. I stare up at the ceiling and realize that I'm lying on Selena's couch, not in a bed at all. I don't remember coming home last night, I don't remember going to sleep. I don't remember ANYTHING.

"Dad?! Demi, I'm not your dad!" Selena's voice hollers at me through the phone. Okay, if she's not my dad, then she must know that I'm extremely fucking hungover and all that yelling shit is for the birds. My head feels like it's going to explode. If I'm in her dorm, she HAS to know that I was drunk as fuck last night, right? "Are you up?!"

"Stop. Fucking. Yelling. At. Me." I say through clenched teeth. I feel like shit. "What do you want?" I brace myself against the arm of her couch and sit up slowly. If she's calling me, then she must not be home. I don't feel good… "…Wait, where are you?" I feel my lip poke out like it always does when I get upset. "….Selena, where are you? Why am I here alone?" I think I'm gonna cry.

"You're not alone. David's in the room. I went to get a few groceries. Stop crying, Demi." She sounds annoyed with me. "You're really starting to bother me with your crying, you know."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that I'm not your mother, Demi. You really annoy me how you want me to baby you all the time. You got on my nerves so bad last night." I hear beeping in the background so I assume she's checking out at the store. "You know what, Demi? If you want to go out and drink like a thirty year old, at least you can take care of yourself. You're adult enough to go and swallow enough liquor for the both of us, you're adult enough to take care of yourself."

A couple tears fall from my left eye. "What do you mean?"

"You were SO fucked up last night! I had to take care of you!" The beeping stops. "You pissed all over my damn couch AND you came in my room BUTT ASS NAKED in front of my boyfriend! Not to mention, you kept crying and throwing up all over my fucking dorm. I TOLD you not to drink anything else, didn't I? I HATE when you drink, because you can NEVER handle your fucking liquor. You don't remember SHIT, do you? Demi, you started fighting me! You slapped David in his face then you spit on me…"

"…I did?" Now that she mentions it, I do feel a little bit of pain on the right side of my face. "…Why didn't you kick me out?" My jaw trembles a lot and I can't stop crying once I've started. "I'm sorry…"

"What kind of friend would I be to kick you out and leave you to walk six blocks back to your dorm while you're pissy ass drunk like that? With the way you were hoeing around last night, I wouldn't be surprised if someone would have raped you. I couldn't just kick you out." I hear her start the car in the background. "You calmed down after I punched the shit out of you for spitting on me. You spit all in my face. I'm sorry for punching you, but you SPIT in my FACE."

"No, no… it's okay." She was right to punch me. I would have punched me too if I were in her shoes. I can't believe I did all that, and I don't remember any of it. I really have to stop drinking… "I'll… I'll be out by the time you come home, I promise. I'm so sorry…" My hand is over my mouth in shock. I can't believe I did that… "I'm going home…"

"No Demi, stay there. I already bought you some hangover food." Her voice buckles and I can tell what's happening. She's starting to feel bad for me like she always does when I'VE done wrong. Selena always starts to feel bad after she yells at me; even when I deserve it. "Just stay there. I'm sorry, I know you didn't mean it. Just stay there, okay? It's not your fault… I took you out. I made you go out, it's my fault."

"…Selena, you can be mad at me. It wasn't your fault… it's my entire fault. I should handle my alcohol better." I take a deep breath and attempt to stop crying. "But I'm not gonna drink again. And I'm gonna apologize to David too. I'm so sorry…" I sniff. "And I'll clean everything up…"

"There's nothing for you to clean up. I cleaned it all last night. David's gonna take the couch cushions to the Laundromat today to wash them." She shuts the car door. "I'm on my way in. I'll talk to you in a minute." She doesn't even say goodbye or anything. She just hangs up the phone and that's the end of it.

I feel like shit, to say the least. Selena is always the one that takes care of me when I'm drunk. I can't believe I treated her like that. I mean, I have had to take care of her before while she was drunk, but that was only one time and all she did was throw up in my toilet. She never treated me the way I treated her. I feel so bad. I swear I'm never going to drink again. I always knew that I was bad at handling my shit, but this really put it all in perspective for me. I'm not drinking like that again. It felt good to do it last night, but it's not fair of me to make Selena take care of me when I want to do that to myself. I owe her a huge apology. You know what sucks the most, though? The fact that this just adds to my shame. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like myself that much.

I wipe my face off, careful around my sore right cheek and pick my phone back up. I have three unread text messages, and to be honest, I don't want to answer any of them. I click on them anyway to see who they're from. One's from my dad, two are from Joe. Oh god, what does he want? I click on the one from my dad first.

Dad: call me when u wake up. i was thinking we can go 2 dinner 2day so we can catch up. love you honey. –dad

Remind me to call him later. I reluctantly click on the ones from Joe.

Him: are you sleep?

Him: ok ur obviously sleeping but call me in the morning ok? i really got to talk to you about some shit k?

Me: Can I call you now?

I'd rather just get it over and done. I don't feel like talking to him right now, to be honest. I don't want anything to do with him at the moment. I just need a day to shut my phone off and just rest. The stage of self-hatred I'm in right now is honestly lower than I've ever felt in my life. I hate myself. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.

Him: yea.

I sigh and tap "call." I put the ringing phone to my ear and just pray that he doesn't want anything from me today.