I was filled with a sense of calm determination unlike anything I'd felt before, my anger now focused on its proper target. We went straight to the council chambers from our sons grave, sending the first guard we saw to fetch everyone. As we waited I looked over the piles of maps that had been left on the table, apparently they'd already been looking for the orc.

Thorin was the first to arrive, Kili on his uncle's heels. They both gave me a questioning look.

"I'm fine, really."

Thorin gave me a quick hug before walking around to his place at the head of the table. Kili gave me one of his coy smiles from where he stood talking with his brother. The rest came trickling in one by one until Dis, the last to arrive, found her seat. I was standing next to Thorin, listening to him explain the little they knew so far when I realized all eyes were on me. I looked up from the maps and brushed a stray hair behind my ear, scanning over the confused and awkward faces.

"Let's go ahead and get this over with so we can drop it." I straightened and took a deep breath, finding my strength in Fili's blue eyes across from me. "As everyone knows, I was attacked, and I lost my child, our child, because of it. I refuse to be defined by what happened to me, instead I want the world to know what I did about it." The looks of sympathy were changing to admiration and support, strengthening my resolve. "Fili and I will not rest until Azog and his armies are destroyed. I won't ask any of you to come with us-"

Bofur stood from his seat and gave me a wink. "Aye, ya might not be askin, but I'll tell ya. It'll be a cold day in hell before I pass up a chance ta kill orcs!"

"Here here!" A loud cheer went around the table, chairs being knocked over as an enthusiastic argument broke out over planning. I watched in amusement, a genuine smile slowly forming until, not being able to hold it back any longer, I was laughing. No matter what happened in my life, I could count on these dwarfs to be there for me. Hearing Thorin chuckling next to me I looked down, he was shaking his head but smiling. When he cleared his throat loudly the arguing stopped and everyone scrambled to find their seats again.

"This is no minor journey we'll be taking, this means war..." Thorin's words seemed to sober the room. "What do you say, sister?"

Everyone looked to Dis, who'd been quiet the entire time. "I hate the word war. I hate the thought of my kinfolk leaving to possibly never return again." She sighed and gave a sad smile. "But I know my sons and my brother, Erebor won't be able to rest until they've had their revenge."

Thorin nodded. "Dain has agreed to join our fight, so have the elves. Azog and his hordes will rue the day they held arms against us!"

The sun was rising early on the day of our departure, I could still see stars in the sky as I rode near the front of the line. It had taken a full week for the small Erebor army to get ready, even with most staying behind to protect the mountain. Of the company, Balin, Bombur, Dori, Ori, and Oin stayed. It wasn't that they had nothing to offer, their skills were just more useful in Erebor.

We were due to meet with Dain and his soldiers at the joining of the rivers, the place we'd agreed to be our base camp. Around mid day Fili and I separated from the rest of the army with our small mounted unit, the first in Erebor's history. We barely numbered forty, but each and everyone had been hand picked for their riding and fighting skills. I trusted them with my life.

"We should reach Dain tonight if we keep a good pace!" Fili yelled over his shoulder as we cantered away.

In fact it was well past nightfall before we reached the edges of Dain's camp, sweaty and tired, but exhilarated from a long days ride.

"Halt! Name yourself!" A guard called, hearing our approach. He lowered his bow when he saw our flag, bowing as we rode past into the midst of the encampment.

Fili and I dismounted outside of Dain's tent, the red headed dwarf coming out to greet us.

"Well I'll be! It's great ta see ya!" He gave us both bone crushing hugs, Fili watching me closely to see if I became uncomfortable. "Come on in and have a drink!"

I shook my head even though his back was already turned. "We've traveled hard, I think it'd be better for us to call it a night."

Dain came back. "Aye, I suppose you're right. I've saved a spot by the river for ya." He gave us a sad smile. "And I'm sorry for yer loss. You'll find your peace on the battlefield."

We made our camp next to the slow running river by moonlight and flickering firelight, quiet in comparison to the raucous that was Dain's army. Our horses were tied close to our tents, saddle and armor just outside within quick and easy reach. I was struggling to unclasp my light armor when Fili entered the tent we shared.

"Here, let me." He waited until I nodded to do in one minute what I'd been struggling with for five.

I'd never been one to wear armor, it felt alien on my body, but I'd never been one to participate in wars before either. Fili started rubbing the soreness out of my shoulders, his own body used to carrying the weight. I let myself relax in his hands, a quiet moan of pleasure slipping past my lips. Hearing myself, I opened my eyes and jumped away.

"I'm sorry!"

"For what?" I could tell Fili was confused.

I looked from him to the pile of furs that made up our bed back to him. Feeling his hands on me like that had started to make me want more...

"I just can't, not yet." I took a shaky breath, refusing to look at either the bed or Fili again.

"Nora... I wasn't trying to do anything but help you relax. I don't want you to even think about being with me again until you're ready."

I sighed sadly. "What if I'm never ready?"

Fili smiled. "Then I would still love you like I do now. There's nothing you can do that will change that."

There it was again, that realization that I didn't deserve someone like him.

"Will you sleep with me though?" I wanted to return to what I once had with him, my heart ached for that connection, and I knew there was no way to get that back without trying.

"Of course, as long as you're okay with that."

I nodded and waited until we were laying side by side, awkwardly looking at the center pole, to speak again.

"I don't want to waste my life being a victim." I took a deep breath and sighed, putting my hands behind my head.

In the dark I saw Fili turn his head to look at me. "What can I do to help?"

Closing my eyes, I took a moment to decide what I wanted to do. I knew there was a part of me that would always remember the pain of that night, and maybe in the cold winter months, when I was alone by the fire, I would let myself feel that pain again. But my husband, who I loved more than life itself, was laying beside me, afraid to touch me in anyway that might frighten me. In that moment I took the memory that made me feel like a stranger in my own skin, and shoved it through a door. I took the image of Azog's disgusting smile, the sound of his breath, the feeling of his hands, and locked it behind a wall of Fili's smile, Fili's laugh, the way he'd looked at me as I walked down the aisle on our wedding day. These were the memories that mattered, the ones I wanted to hold onto, the ones I wanted to make more of. Nobody, not even Azog, would take that away from me.

I rolled over onto my side and, in the dim lantern light, looked into Fili's eyes. I let his scent wash over me and mirrored my breathing to his. Surprisingly calm, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, my hand finding its normal place on his strong chest.

"Nora, we don't-"

I leaned further into the kiss to stop his protests, somehow ending up half on top of him. Such a strong feeling of relief and love engulfed me that I wasn't surprised to feel my throat growing tight with emotion and withheld tears. I moved myself to be sitting over him, my hands pushing their way under his shirt, pulling it off when he finally let himself give in. Once my shirt was off I kissed him again, slowly undoing his belt and pants as he did the same with me. My heart began to beat hard against my chest, not from fear, but from expectation. Our eyes met again as I slowly lowered myself onto him.

With Fili's hands gently holding my hips, I took the lead in our love making. It felt like I was one with him again, the gap that had grown between us was gone, and I was whole. My eyes closed and my head tilted back as my breath quickened, Fili's hand sliding up to hold my back as we rocked against each other. He sat up to kiss along my breasts, giving my legs a better grip to strengthen my motions. Neither of us made a sound as we reached climax, though I'd never felt a release like that before. It was a release of not just my body, but also my mind.