So I was supposed to update yesterday, but I had a friend over and we got drunk. Not a very good or mature excuse, but it's the only on I have.
Also to the people that reviewed, THANK YOU!!!!!
It helps me a lot to know what you guys want and when you point out when I do something wrong. The only way I know if I'm going in the right direction is if you take the time to review, so once again thanks to those that have done so.
I don't own the show, but I do own this story. Do you think Tom Lynch would swap with me?
Senior Year
Chapter 12
Ashley's point of view.
Okay, so I fucked up. Like really, really fucked up. The minute those stupid ass words came out of my mouth I knew it. All of it was just confirmed when her eyes got all big and sad, like a kid that just watched Bambi's mom die for the first time, you know? All surprised and shocked, like she couldn't believe what just happened. Yeah, I'm a heartless bitch, maybe I've been hanging around Madison too much.
It's just that she scared me, because the minute she said those words, that simple 'for caring', I knew it was the truth. I did care. I do care. I care a lot actually. And it's fucking terrifying and confusing and down right inconvenient. I mean why do I care? I barely know her for a few weeks and we don't have anything in common besides Kyla and a shared hatred of Britney Spears. So from where the sudden urge to go stick my head in a pot of boiling oil for hurting her?
Now I'm all torn between running after her and basically begging her to forgive me or just letting her go. Now my head is telling me to let her go, because I care and caring only leads to hurting for me. It always had, but my heart? My heavily thumping, panicked heart is telling me to move my screwed up ass and make it all better with her. Quickly. Why, I don't know, but it's what I'm going to do.
Wait, what am I forgetting? Hmm...Oh. Car alarm.
I run over to my car and I almost laugh when I spot Kyla's face. She looks like she's five seconds away from imploding, sitting there pounding on my dashboard and swearing like my Grandma Lizzie. The woman sounds like a pot bellied truck driver, except she doesn't have a pot belly and she can't drive a truck. Or a car for that matter, not after the little drunk driving incident and the fact that she can't see jack shit with her seventy year old eyes. She could just wear her glasses, but she says they make her look dorky. Yup, she actually used the word dorky. I think she watches too many teen shows, actually caught her one day rewinding the bits in One Tree Hill where Nathan has his shirt off. Weirdest seventy year old Grandma I know, but she's the only one I got, so I deal with it.
Now I'm not so sure I want to deal with Kyla right this minute, because she really is foaming at the mouth. Maybe I shouldn't have locked her in the car, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Just like telling Spencer I didn't care about anyone but myself seemed like a good idea. Yeah, I'm stupid like that.
"Now Kyla, I'm gonna unlock the door, but you gotta promise me you're not gonna do anything violent, okay?"
Last time I got her this mad she cut a hole in one of my vintage band t-shirts. Actually my favourite vintage t-shirt. On second thought, maybe I should just leave her in the car.
"Just unlock the car, Ash!"
Demanding tonight, aren't we? She really can't take a joke.
"Fine, but if you freak out and hurt me...I'll...I'll...hehe...I'll tell everyone you still have your complete set of Barbie dolls in your shoe cupboard!"
That shut her up nice and quick, so I hit the little unlock button and make a run for the front door. I still have to go make good with Spencer after all.
I spot her at the drinks table and would have gone over, but Kyla caught up and apparently picked Aiden up along the way. Dumb and Dumber united again!
"Ash, what did you say to Spence?"
At least she's not going postal on me about the car thing, although I'd rather it be about that then my little slip up with Spencer. I so don't have time to explain it in a way that doesn't make me look like a complete ass right now.
"Look, nothing really happened okay? Nothing serious at least and if you give me five seconds I'll go clear up the little...incident with her."
Kyla grabs me before I can head off and gives me the stink eye. Great, she's in blood hound mode.
"I saw the way she looked at you! She looked all...hurt. What did you say to her Ashley?"
Now if she still seemed angry and mad, I'd have just told her to mind her own business, but she's asking in that quiet, disappointed way. I hate when people do that.
"I...I may have kinda told her...uhm...thateventhoughtwe'refriendsIdon'treallycareabouther."
There, I said it.
"Huh?"
"Wha?"
Kyla+Aiden Morons. And they say I'm not good at maths. Ha! Back to the topic on hand though, distracting myself only ever gets me so far.
"I said...that even though we're friends, I don't really care about her."
Cue the disappointed and pissed off looks, surprisingly enough from both Kyla and Aiden. They're double teaming me, that's no fair!
"Don't look at me like that, okay? It just came out wrong. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings or anything. She just came out of left field with something and I didn't really think before speaking."
I've already lost Aiden to his child like attention span, 'cos I can see his eyes drifting about the room, but Kyla's still staring at me all angry like.
"Look, I'm gonna go talk to her now and smooth things over."
Kyla grabs my wrist and yanks me back to her. Oh boy, she really looks pissed off. I gotta remember to stash all my good t-shirts away. I have a feeling none of them are safe.
"Don't bother."
What the hell's that supposed to mean.
"Don't bother? Uh...what do mean?"
She's looking at me, all intense like and it's kinda scary. Yeah, Kyla's all tiny and sweet most of the time, but when she looks at you like that? You get the idea she's planning to murder you in your sleep.
"Don't bother making it right with her if it's true."
Oh, she really thinks I meant it. That I don't care about Spencer. Well, that hurts. Why I don't know, but it does.
"It's not true, okay? I do...you know?"
I just flutter my hand in the air, not very keen to admit out loud that I do care about Spencer. So I don't say that word, that 'care' word. I just flutter away, 'cos it's safer than saying it out loud.
"No, I don't think you do."
Now she's just pissing me off. Does she like think she can tell me how to think or feel? I know what I feel for Spencer. Well, not exactly, but I at least know I care. Uhm...as a friend and all.
"Oh screw you, Kyla. Do you really think you're the only one that cares about Spencer? I mean you think so little of her that you'd think no one else could see she's pretty great! That she's funny, smart and that when she smiles...it's like...like... like you're being wrapped in warmth. She makes you feel all safe and warm and you can't help forget just about every damn bad thing that's ever happened to you? I get how great she is and I do..." Oh God, just grow a pair and say it! "care about her. So really, just screw you for thinking that little of me and her for that matter!"
And she calls herself a best friend! I mean really, she's going on and on about me not caring, but she's making it sound like it's that hard for people to care about Spencer! Spencer deserves a little bit more than that from her so called best friend if you ask me.
"Now look here Ashley, you don't get to say that to me. Not after ignoring her existence for the last two years! Only reason you're noticing how great she is now, is because I practically shoved her into your face this last month or so and I'm starting to think that was a mistake. Tonight proved that to me. I really thought you'd grow up and out of this scared, selfish little girl stage, but I was wrong. I think you actually like it in your little world. Your sad little world where everyone leaves, right? You think I don't see what you do? You push people away on purpose! You sleep with the same guy for months! Then when he starts to show a real, genuine feeling for you, you dump him. Happened with the next one too. You even do it with me and don't even get me started on how you abandoned Aiden after the...the thing that happened."
Jesus! Where the hell does she get off saying that to me!
"Don't you dare bring..."
She cuts me off, not even letting me finish my indignant rant.
"No Ash, I've stayed quiet for so long and I've watched you do all these things, all these things that only end up hurting you more. I'm sorry about your Dad, but it's not like he wanted to leave you! It was an accident and if it was his choice, he'd still be here with you. People like me and Aiden and especially Spencer won't leave, Ash. I promise you that. You can't be this...alone forever. It's not healthy Ash. I'm just so tired of worrying about you, so just let me in, okay? Let good people like Spencer in. Just let us be there for you and it'll get better, I promise you that. You need to let someone in, Ash."
I think I'm gonna cry, because it's true. I blamed my dad for leaving, when he really didn't leave me. He was just...taken, but it still God damn hurt! Same with...with the baby. I wanted that baby so much, so very much, but that was taken away too. So what am I supposed to think? All the things I want, all the things I love are just taken away. How can she expect me to let people in in that case.
"Can you really stand there and promise me all that? That you won't ever leave me? That if I let Spence in she won't end up being taken away too? It hurts so fucking much when that happens, Kyla. I just don't know how else to be, how else to keep from hurting. I just can't..."
She's looking at me so sadly, like she realizes I'm right. She can't promise me things like that, because that's not how life works.
"Ash, maybe it was wrong to promise, but I can tell you that it doesn't always go down like that. Not everyone is going to leave, but you have to give them a chance to really be there and show you that. Everyone will leave if you push them away and that's what you did with Spencer tonight. You hurt her so you wouldn't hurt in the end. Was that really fair?"
Oh God, she's right. That innocence that Spencer has that I wanted to protect so badly, I just chipped away at that tonight, didn't I? A little of it is gone because I'm just a big coward.
"No, that was far from fair, but I don't know how else to be, Kyla. I mean I want to fix this, but it's scary."
God, I sound like a four year old! Like some scared little kid. Kyla's so right, I've been this selfish little girl that's taken and taken and taken from people giving very little, if anything, back.
"I'm not saying you have to let everyone in right now. Just, start trusting a little bit, Ash. Let the people that really care in. I care, you know that and so does Spencer. She cares more than you realize, Ashley. So much more. She deserves to be let in, even if it is just a bit at a time."
I nod my head, 'cos what can I say to that? Kyla's right. I need to make a change, scary as it might be.
The surprising thing is I want to start with Spencer. I just want her to smile at me again and make me feel all warm and safe. I just want her to dance with me and sing in funny voices and lay down on my bed breathless with laughter. I just want her. So, so much.
Why I want her so badly I'll just think about later, because my head already hurts from this conversation with Kyla.
"Uhm...do you see her anywhere? I think I need to go kiss some major butt right now."
Aiden bites his bottom lip and looks all nervous like at Kyla. What the hell is up with him now. He disappeared for a bit there during the conversation and pops back looking like he's delivering a death notice.
"I haven't actually spotted her, have you Aiden?"
She actually seems oblivious to Aiden's obvious discomfort.
"Uh...yeah. She was dancing with Carmen earlier, but I think I noticed her heading upstairs a minute or two ago."
Spencer and Carmen, dancing. Carmen fucking Garcia danced with my Spencer. I mean my friend Spencer, that bitch! She was probably trying to cop a feel or something, taking advantage of Spencer being all sad and probably tipsy. Which is my fault I guess, but we shouldn't dwell on that, not while there's more pressing matters to take care of. Like finding Spencer right the fuck now!
So I don't wait for Kyla to say anything, I just turn and head for the stairs. I need to make sure Spencer is okay and then beg her to forgive me. If I'm going to do the whole open up thing, I might as well do it properly. So begging is the way to go I think.
As I head up the stairs I spot Aiden whispering to Kyla and her eyes go all narrow. Then she's running past me up the stairs. I can't help throwing a questioning glance Aiden's way, but he just ducks his head and slinks off.
"What the fuck!"
That gets my legs moving, because Kyla was using her angry voice. Loudly.
I can hear a grunt or two and when I finally find her in a bathroom, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. She's on top of a wide eyed, grunting in pain Carmen, both their arms and legs flailing around. Spencer's sitting all wide eyed against a wall, looking very red and flustered.
"Kyla, get the fuck off of her!"
I get a good grip on Kyla and yank her off before she hurts herself, because she's no good in a fight. I give her points for at least being willing to throw a punch if the need arose, but she's gonna get herself killed against a ghetto chick like Carmen.
When I get her up and off she turns at me with big eyes.
"Let me go! You don't understand, Ash! Carmen was...she was..."
Then I let my eyes wander back to Spencer. A flushed and flustered Spencer and I get a bloody good idea of what Carmen did.
She...she...she touched her.
I. AM. GOING. TO. KILL. THAT. BITCH!!!!
"Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!"
Before I can slam into her, Spencer jumps in front of me and we go down like a ton of bricks.
I'm struggling to get up and get at that...that...that thing Satan squeezed out of his butt and named Carmen, but Spencer's holding onto me tightly. Like completely lying down on top of me. Thigh against thigh, stomach pressed against stomach, Oh God, breast against breast! I mean I can feel her heartbeat against my chest. Her breath warm and sweet as it puffs out of her swollen lips.
Lips that are swollen, because Carmen...kissed them.
"Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"
That's about all I can get out as I struggle against her again, but she's so much stronger than she looks, damnit!
"Ashley, just calm down. Ashley!"
She presses even closer and I actually want to moan when her thigh slips between my own struggling ones and she presses up against me by accident. Hard into me. I just manage to keep from moaning, but my breath does hitch and for a moment our eyes lock.
She just looks at me, staring so hard and saying something that I just can't seem to understand. She let's out a deep breath then, her whole body shuddering as an after effect and pulls her thigh away.
Now here's the surprising thing. The minute her thigh pulls away, I finally become aware of the fact that I'm on fire. Everywhere her body is touching mine, there's heat. My heart is beating a thousand beats in what feels like only a second and my chest is heaving, pressing even harder into her with each painful breath. It's fucking glorious!
The heat just intensifies and I finally realize that it spread from where her thigh had pressed into me so intimately. Oh Jesus Christ! I'm turned on! She...she turned me on!
I shove her off me so hard and so fast that she lands with a loud thump. I just stare at her for a second or two, both of us just looking at the other. Her eyes big and surprised, just like mine. Oh God, please don't let her have realized what she did to me! Please, please, please don't let me freak her out! Shit, please don't let me freak out. More than I already am at least.
"Bitch, that hurt!"
I turn in time to see Kyla bite into Carmen. Yup, she actually bit her. I told you she was useless in a fight.
I guess they got into it again when Spencer and I were...uh...'fighting'.
Carmen squeals and gets Kyla in a very impressive head lock, leaving Kyla huffing and puffing while she claws away at the hands around her head and neck. They both look red faced and exhausted and really just ridiculous.
So I do what anyone in my situation would do. I laugh. Hysterically so and for a very long time.
Not long after I start I notice Spencer crack up as well and then it spreads like the black plague, because the two WWE wannabe wrestlers in the corner joins us.
So there we are, just sitting on the bathroom floor laughing our asses off for no reason at all apparently.
Not that that lasted long when we finally heard some shouts from down stairs.
"Someone called the Cops!"
"It's the Po-Po!"
Po-Po? What the fuck is a po-po?
Not that I have a lot of time to ponder this as Spencer gets all panicky.
"Police? There's police? I'm gonna get arrested for underage drinking, aren't I? Oh man, I won't last five seconds in the big house! I really won't. I can't even pee if I know there's someone standing outside the bathroom door, how the hell am I supposed to do it with a cell mate called 'Butcher' watching?"
I just roll my eyes and grab her hand, trying hard not to let the warmth of her skin distract me from pulling off our great escape.
"There's a balcony with stairs going down to the beach through those sliding doors. So come on."
I drag Spencer towards the doors and watch with amusement when Kyla has to ask Carmen to help her up. Apparently she hurt her ankle during one of her attacks.
"Just give me a hand up will you? It's your freaking fault I'm hurt anyway!"
Carmen scoffs but helps her up anyway.
"Yeah it's my fault, because I sooooo wanted to get tackled by a pixie with anger management issues tonight!"
Then all four of us are down the stairs as fast as we can go, not that that's very fast with Kyla hanging off of a pissed off looking Carmen.
I ignore Spencer when she suggests we head to the car, because, well duh, that's where the cops are parked. Not that I tell her that, I mean she's probably just scared and not thinking too clearly right now. This is obviously her first party where the cops show up, mine not so much, hence the logical thinking on my part.
We walk a good few minutes before I'm happy we found a good spot to wait out the cops.
Kyla and an exhausted Carmen, 'cause she dragged Kyla the whole way here, just drop down onto the sand and lean back against the rocks.
I take the time to find Spencer and myself a dry spot of sand before doing the same. Once we're all seated, I take the time to look each of them in the eye before speaking.
"So I guess we should...I dunno...talk?"
Spencer drops her chin onto her chest and sighs, Carmen watches her do it and nods to herself sadly, Kyla pokes her slightly swollen ankle and grunts before giving Carmen's shoulder a hard shove.
Yup, this is going to be a 'fun' conversation.
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So there we go! Let me know what you thought of this chapter, or I'll get Kyla to come bite you! Now I have no idea whose point of view should come next, but I'm thinking Kyla, because this chapter and the one before it was a bit serious. I wanna lighten it up a bit and Kyla seems good for that. So yeah, review!
