Chapter 12:A New Direction
Sarah woke up, her head pounding. She groaned and shuffled out of bed to the lavatory. It had been a long night. She used the loo and as she was washing her hands, her eye caught the bottle of potion on her lavatory counter and Snape's scrawled handwriting.
You'll need this.
Indeed.
She poured the potion into the measuring vial and then downed it, the ache almost immediately subsiding. She ran her fingers through her scraggly hair. She needed a shower. But before, she needed something in her stomach. Sarah wandered down the hall to the small kitchenette in Snape's Hogwarts flat. Severus was standing at the stove, making eggs. A glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee were on the table.
"I heard you stirring," Snape said. "Sit."
"Where is everyone?" Sarah asked as she slid into the chair.
"Minerva is hosting them for breakfast," he said.
Sarah winced, "Does she know?"
"Not all the unfortunate details, but she understands the gist," Severus said, putting the eggs and toast on two plates.
"Dad, I'm…" Sarah's face flushed.
"I know," Severus said. "We've all made mistakes when we were young. As I said last night, mine were a lot worse than the ones you are making." He put the plates on the table and then sat across from her. "Eat," He commanded.
She took a tentative bite of toast, her stomach settling.
"Okay?" he asked, eying her.
"Good," She nodded.
Severus took his own forkful of eggs and then looked her evenly, "How much do you remember from last night?"
"A lot," she said. "I really am sorry you had to come and get me out of trouble."
"Yes, that was unfortunate," Severus drawled.
"And that I interrupted your night with Andi," Sarah blushed again.
"For someone whose knickers were left at their work partner's flat, you certainly are embarrassed by sex."
"Naturally."
"I don't think it is natural," Severus commented.
"Well, you are my dad," she offered, taking a bite of eggs, "I don't really want to think about what you and Andi may or may not be doing. Though, I do want to know when you are marrying her."
Severus choked and then took a swallow of juice, "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well, you said that sex should just be within marriage," she said, innocently, "do you remember?"
Severus gave her a mock glare, "For someone who caused so much trouble last night, I would cease with the snarky comments."
She waved her fork at him, "Okay. I really am sorry."
"Stop apologizing or I am really going to get irritated," Severus said, sternly.
"Yes, Dad," Sarah responded, contritely.
"Now, you need to focus," Severus said, "Have you thought of what you are going to tell Robards?"
She shrugged, "I suppose the truth. The worst he can do is sack me. I am allowed to use dark spells in the capture of dark wizards. So I doubt I would be charged."
"No, I don't think so either," Severus conceded. "Why didn't you think about those protocols last night?"
"It was never Robard's consequences that worried me," she responded, "It was how I felt about what I did. Voldemort said I responded in that way because he taught me how to respond with dark magic. And on some level, he is right."
Severus grunted, "He used dark magic to destroy the innocent. You used it to protect them. Your motives are entirely different, but that distinction was always lost on him."
"Do you really think there is a difference?"
"I do," he nodded, confidently, "You aren't evil, Sarah. Far from it." He paused and then took a drink of his coffee, "Why did you go to Voldemort?"
She bit her lip, "I was angry."
"Angry?"
"That after all this time, he still affected me. That he lost, but it is my life that is in shambles."
Severus thought for a moment, then put down his fork, "Your life is not in shambles," he said, adamantly, "Far from it."
"It's still not what I want."
"I know," he said, softly. "But you are only eighteen years old. You have the whole of your life in front of you. Make it what you want it to be."
She ran her hand through her hair. "It sounds so simple when you say it," she said.
"You know I'll support you no matter what you choose."
"I do like some aspects of being an auror and I can't run from it now," she said. "I partly think I need to see it through for a while."
He nodded, "Okay then." He paused, "You said last night you went because he is the only person that understands you. Was that the drink talking or you?"
She ran her hands over her face, "He was always keenly aware of my thoughts and emotions."
"That's because he read your mind," Snape said, bluntly, "And he told you what he thought would manipulate you into submitting to him."
"And I know that…really I do…but there were times….he was almost kind to me."
"I know," Severus nodded, "And I did see some sort of care on his part towards you… even in the mere fact he gave you notice. But Voldemort never loves, Sarah. It was natural you would have been conflicted with how hard he was pulling you towards him. But in the end, you choose your path. And that choice was the right one for you. It was the only one you could have made and still be true to yourself."
"Even if that choice cost my child's life?"
He winced, "That was not your fault."
"It feels like my fault at times."
"I know," he said, soothingly.
She bit her lip, "Is it possible for me to go to Orion's grave?"
"We need to talk," Severus's look was pained as he pushed back his chair. "Let's go to the other room if you are done."
She nodded, "I am."
He led her to the couch where they settled down on it. Severus reached out to put a hand on her knee, squeezing it. "I don't think that is possible today."
"But it is the anniversary of his death," She said. "I need it to be possible."
"I can go for you, if you'd like," Severus answered.
"But I need to remember him today."
"I know," his voice was hoarse, "I can't imagine how hard this past year has been for you, Sarah. You will remember him today whether you go to his grave or not."
"I know it must seem silly to you at times," she said, quietly.
"Why?" Snape asked, frowning.
"It wasn't like I had made it to full term or Merlin forbid, I lost a child I had raised for years. But, I felt him move. And I would talk to him. Draco would talk to him…and…" she paused, "Sometimes I could swear like he was comforting me. When Fred died, when I was facing Voldemort, I felt him comforting me."
He reached over to squeeze her shoulder, but didn't say anything, not trusting his voice.
"Is it silly for me to be so affected?"
"No, child," Severus said, softly, "It's that beautiful, nurturing heart that will make you a wonderful mother one day. And we mourn the potential of his life…he was innocent in all of this."
She nodded, "So do you see why I need to see him today? I can't ever forget him."
"I do understand," Severus said, twining his hands, "But I am afraid it is impossible at the moment for you to go there."
"But why?" Sarah asked, confused.
"The press might be there," Severus said.
"At Orion's grave?" Sarah's forehead creased, "Why in Merlin's name?"
"Hoping you will come today."
Her frown deepened, "You will have to explain."
Severus sighed, heavily, "The press has the story that you are Voldemort's heir."
"Oh," Sarah squeezed her eyes shut, "Shit. That's really bad."
"Indeed," Severus swatted the side of her leg, "Watch your language. It's gotten positively awful since you went to the academy. That language may be appropriate around your colleagues, but around me, I will still get the soap out if necessary."
"Sorry," Sarah said, sheepishly. And she didn't doubt that he would. "So, what is going to happen?"
"Lupin will take you to work and you will have a meeting with Robards. They'll figure it out."
"How is it being spun?"
Severus shook his head, "Talk to Robards."
"You have to tell me what you know," Sarah insisted, "I'd much rather hear from you than him."
"Naturally," Severus paused, "the press feels that this was an indication of an intimate relationship between you and him. They are going to hound you for a while."
She sighed, "Okay, then," she leaned over to give Sev a kiss on the cheek, "I better go shower."
He nodded. "You will be fine, Sarah. Fight this head on. Don't wallow. And don't be ashamed."
"I'll try. As long as you are behind me."
"I'm always on your side, Sarah Grace," he said. "I'm really am proud of you…in spite of your poor choices last night."
"That really does mean a lot," she leaned down to give him a hug, squeezing him tightly. "I did miss you these past few months."
"I did too, Sarah Grace," he said, patting her back. "Go on now. Lupin will be here in a few minutes."
"Will you still go to the grave? I need you to."
"It will be taken care of."
"Thank you," She said, gratefully, then turned, "Will the press hound you?"
"Don't worry about me, Sarah Grace," he said, waving her off, "I can handle the press."
She nodded and then went off to take her shower.
"You should have told us that, Black," Robards said, gruffly. "I don't care about the other thing with you using the fiendfyre curse…that was justified…but Voldemort's portrait. That should have been reported by you and Potter."
"I know," Sarah nodded, glancing at Lupin,"but really, that decision rests on me, not Harry. I was trying to protect myself…and Snape…and I ended up just hurting myself."
Robards tapped his fingers on the desk before shifting abruptly in his chair, "I need to ask you one more time. Was there ever an intimate relationship between you and Voldemort?"
"No," She shook her head, adamantly, "I never had sex with him. He never touched me sexually. But I was forced to spend a lot of time with him at Malfoy Manor. In spite my best intentions, I did confide in him from time to time."
"About?"
"He knew first about my pregnancy. He knew how much my father's death and my mother's affected me. He was with me the first time I felt my child move. And he knew I was weakening to him. I was conflicted because he was different with me. I know it was manipulation, but when you are in there…in the trenches…it's hard to see that."
"Okay," Robards nodded. "We'll secure the portrait."
"Good," She swallowed hard, "So…"
Robards dropped a file in front of her. "Your new assignment."
She stilled, frowning, "But…"
"We all have to move on, Black," he retorted, "just don't do withhold that type of information again."
"Okay," she nodded, "What is this?"
"We need you away from all of this until the dust settles," Robards said, "And you are perfect for this assignment."
She opened the folder, glancing at the file. Her frowned, depended, "I don't understand."
"A member of the muggle government…"
"A MP?" Sarah asked, curiously.
"Yes, a member of Parliament is getting threats…we believe it is from one of Voldemort's followers."
"Why?" she asked, studying the picture of the young man. He looked to be in his early 30s. Not classically handsome, but still easy to look at. Dynamic. She could sense his charisma even from the picture.
"It's all in there," Robards waved his hand, "But his wife was a witch. Naturally, that previous association and now his notoriety as an MP and one who is on the upward trajectory would make him a target."
"His wife was a witch?"
"She died last year in a car crash."
"I see," She pursed her lip, "So, we normally don't get involved…"
"But this is a unique case. We can't have our world continue to threaten their world, especially a member of their government," Lupin intervened.
"But where do I fall into all of this?" she asked, still wrapping her mind around it.
"You are going undercover, Black," Robards said, "At the very least, you can provide protection for him. And we hope, you'll be able to see if you can determine where the threats are coming from and capture those responsible. But I warn you…it may take a while…a few months tops."
"A few months?" she asked, aghast.
"Or sooner," Lupin interjected again. "The threats are sporadic, but we do agree that it is from a witch or wizard. It will take you a while to get it all sorted. There is not much to go on."
"What will I be doing? I mean, I assume I'll have to have a job of sorts."
"Writing press releases for his office," Robards said, "or whatever he wants you to do."
"Press releases," Sarah frowned, "how ironic."
"Your writing is good," Lupin said, "You should be fine. We created a new history for you too. Read up on it."
She turned the page, "Graduated with honors from St. Andrews. Where is that?"
"Scotland," Lupin supplied.
"And I'm…oh, I see, twenty five."
"It makes you a bit more legitimate, you see," Robards said, "We know you are one of our top recruits, but your age, naturally, would limit what kind of job you would get in their world. You should be in university at your age."
"Okay," she nodded, "will he know?"
"He will have full disclosure of who you are. His wife was a witch. He knows about our world," Lupin said.
"But the secrecy laws…"
"As you well know are not bound to married individuals…"
"Of course," she said, fingering the file, absently, "Will I be able to use magic?"
"To protect him or protect the secrecy of our world, absolutely. I would suggest charms to secure his property properly and alert you to any danger, but besides that, use magic sparingly, Black," Robards answered, "We trust you to make sound judgements."
Sarah felt all things considered that was quite generous of them, but she definitely didn't want to point that out.
"George will be your contact here," Robards continue, "but you will be living there with the MP to make sure he has round the clock security."
"How will that work with the muggle press?" she frowned.
"You have to be discreet. Your stealth training will have to come into play," Lupin said, firmly. "We trust you to figure it out."
"Why me?"
"You lived in the muggle world before," Robards said, "And we need you to lie low for a while until this mess with Voldemort passes over. The press won't follow you and risk jeopardizing our secrecy laws."
"I'm being banished," she said, bleakly.
"No, we need you on this assignment," Robards retorted, "Now, go to your desk and study this file. We are still trying to figure out how to get you out of here and home to pack. It will be a few hours. Make the most of this time. And I need your report about Yaxley before you leave."
"Alright," She stood, "Thank you, sir."
"Thank you, Black," Robards nodded. "And good luck."
She walked back to her desk, trying to still figure out how her life could have taken such another sharp turn in direction. She just sat down, when she noticed the flowers on her desk. Daisies.
She opened the card.
I won't ever forget about our son. DM
She buried her head in her hands, sighing, the tears prickling her eyes. Her heart stirred with longing. Draco could be a selfish prat, but with her, it was undeniable, he was different.
"Are you okay?" Harry came up behind her to sit in his cubicle next to her.
She passed him the note.
"They are pretty. Your favorite, right?"
She nodded.
"I partly wish he would just leave you be."
"No, it's right that we should remember Orion on this day. We were his parents. Actually, do you think you could arrange for me to see Malfoy before they banish me to the muggle world?"
"I still can't believe that is your assignment," Harry said, patting down his wayward hair.
"It makes sense to get me away from all of this…though," she look at him, wearily, "it's going to be a challenge for sure. I was a child when I left that world for Hogwarts and while Snape Manor is in a muggle village, we still lived as wizards."
"You'll catch up. Meanwhile, you'll become very knowledgeable about muggle artifacts for Mr. Weasley."
She laughed, "I'm sure."
"British telly is also good."
"I remember liking that," she said. "I haven't thought about it. It's been so long."
"I think you will be fine," Harry tried to look encouraging, "you are probably the best one for the job."
"You would probably be the best one for the job since you actually lived with muggles all of your life," she said.
He nodded and she added, wryly, "but I'm the fallen hero here.''
"The press will get over the scandal," Harry said, "it wasn't your fault that Voldemort made you his heir."
"But," she sighed, "it does look bad, doesn't it?"
"Yeah," he frowned, "it sort of does."
She smiled at him, "Take care of Grimmauld Place for me. I will give Snape access to my vaults. Go to him for my part of the monthly expenses."
"Sure," he nodded, "that's great. You stay here and I'll hunt out Malfoy for you. He is sure to be at work."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"I heard you wanted to see me," Draco said, standing to the side of her cubicle two hours later.
"Yes," Sarah quickly flipped shut the file that she was taking notes on. She took her wand and secured her cubicle area. "Do you want some coffee? I need another cup."
"Sure," Draco nodded. He followed her silently as Sarah poured the still hot coffee out of the karraffe into two mugs. She handed him the coffee and then gestured with her head and he silently followed her past Robards office, taking note that he had looked up in that moment to see her with Draco. She wondered if he would have something to say about that later. She led Draco to an interrogation room.
"This should be somewhat private," she said, waving her wand to enact silencing charms. "Sorry, I couldn't come to you," she leaned against the table as she took a sip of her coffee. "Robards has told me to stay put."
"No, that's fine. I understand," he said. "Even within the ministry, your presence would draw too much unwanted attention, especially since the press has the story. Are they working on your exit strategy?"
She nodded, "Thanks for the flowers, Draco. I was really touched by them," her lip trembled.
He gave her a small smile, "You're welcome, Sarah."
"I'm sorry," she wiped at her eyes, "I've just had a rough couple of days."
"I heard," Draco said, dryly, "Snape came to visit this morning. We went to Orion's grave together."
"Did you?" the tears bubbled over.
"Yes, that is why I didn't get Harry's note until now. I came into the office late."
"And was there press around the grave?"
"Yeah, and I told them to shove off."
She took another drink, "Thanks. Did Snape tell you everything?"
"He said you got plastered and sicked up half of the night."
"Yeah, I just made a lot of mistakes last night in general," she wiped at her eyes. "The anniversary of the last battle and losing so many people I cared about…it brought things out of me…things I'm not proud of."
"That's understandable."
"I used the fiendfyre curse to kill Yaxley and then I…" she shifted, "went to Voldemort's portrait."
"Why?" Draco asked, frowning.
She shrugged, "He draws me to him even from beyond the grave."
Draco reached out to touch her arm, "You were never his. I was there too, remember? You were never his."
"I know," She nodded. "Anyways, I just wanted…I guess I just wanted to tell you that I am leaving for a while."
"Leaving?"
"Our world."
His eyebrows raised, "What do you mean?"
"I'm on assignment. I can't really give you details."
"I understand," Draco looked perturbed, "So…"
"Please visit Snape. He has Andi…" she paused, "did he tell you?"
"This morning," Draco nodded.
"But he needs you too. Please check in and make sure he is okay. I want him happy."
"He won't be completely happy with you gone."
"Me either," she said, honestly, "but I would feel better knowing that he had a couple people looking out for him. I know he can look out for himself, but I worry about him."
"Who is going to look out for you?" Draco asked.
"George will be my contact. And I'll take my magical mirror that I used to keep in touch with Harry while he was on the run. I'll be fine." She leaned over to kiss his cheek, "Take care of yourself, Malfoy."
"You too, Black."
When she reached the door, she turned, "Thanks again for the daisies. They are my favorite."
"I remember," Draco said.
She gave him a small smile before leaving him, her heart full.
Sarah folded a lightweight cardigan. "I don't really know what to pack," she told Snape, who was sitting on her bed. "Do you think my clothes are even appropriate?"
He frowned, "You have always dressed more like a muggle than a wizard in your preferences. I think it was from you growing up in that world, but also Hermione's influence."
"I hope in a good way," Hermione came into the room with a huge garment bag, "Whatever my influence was…"
"Snape was saying my dress is more muggle like because of you."
"Typically," she nodded, "I have this for you," she said, laying it on the bed.
"What is this?"
"Just some other pieces to get you through," Hermione said, "you need work dress," she opened the garment bag, "trousers, skirts, dresses…just a few. Your clothes are generally fine for everyday, but you need some professional dress. I went shopping the minute Harry called."
"What money did you use?"
"Harry gave me money that I exchanged. You can work it out with him later," she said.
"Thank you, Mione," Sarah said, gratefully.
"No worries," Hermione said, brightly, "You will be fine." She reached over to give her a hug, "My parents are only a phone call away. I can give you their number to ring. It's a pity Snape never let you visit."
"Yes," Sarah shot him a look, "It could have helped right about now."
"There was not enough protection," Snape said, "as you know."
"I know," She said, smiling at him, "I don't really blame you. And…" she turned to her, "what is a phone?"
Hermione's forehead creased, worried, "Didn't you have one growing up?"
"No," Sarah shook her head. "I don't really remember much about those years. Bits and pieces here and there. And mum didn't have too many muggle things in our home. She did have a telly I remember, but not much else. She still used magic in our home and everything."
"Well, I still think you should be okay," Hermione said, confidently, "As I said, I can give you their number to ring. They are just a train ride away from where you will be."
"Did Harry fill you in?"
"Yes and then swore me to secrecy. I guess he could get in trouble for telling me."
She waved her hand, "Probably, but we know you are trustworthy. Do you know anything about him?"
"Collin Stevens?" Hermione nodded, "Mum is in love with him. He's a good speaker. Very inspiring. And quite the charmer. His wife died in a car crash. All quite tragic. He had to move out of their home and everything he was so grieved. She was pregnant with their child at the time."
"That's awful," Sarah frowned, "how sad."
"He is really popular, Sarah. I think he has a good reputation. You should be fine."
Sarah bit her lip, "I hope."
"I better run," Hermione said, hugging her. "Tell George if you need anything. He'll give Ron the message for me."
"Good, thanks so much, Hermione."
"You're welcome," Hermione smiled at her and waved at Snape, "Bye, Professor."
"Miss Granger," Snape nodded.
Sarah went over to sit next to him on the bed, "I'll be fine."
"This is just not what I expected," Snape said, "their world is so different than us."
"But we live in a muggle village. Our world intertwines all the time," she said, "I know some things."
"I know, but we don't have much interaction with our neighbors…just passing by," Snape said, "you are unaware of things."
"I'll learn."
"I'm sure you will," Snape said. "I'll send letters by George."
"I'll write too," Sarah said, reaching to wrap her arms around Snape, "I mean it this time. Every week."
"Good," Snape nodded, "I'll hold you to that."
She gave him a kiss. "Don't worry about me."
"I always worry about you, especially now. But I have always believed that you can face whatever you must. You have shown that time and time again. Just find who is responsible and hurry home."
"I will try," she said. "Try not to miss me too much."
"As if that is possible. I thought sending you to Grimmauld Place was hard. Sending you away from our wizarding community is much, much harder."
She bit her lip, "I do feel like they are banishing me until this Voldemort's heir story dissipates."
"Possibly," Snape said, "but their reasons for this assignment seems sound. Just stand your ground with them, Sarah Grace. You are young, they may try to take advantage."
"I shall be fine," she declared with another hug, "Let's call this…" she paused.
"How about an adventure?" Severus suggested.
"An adventure," Sarah nodded, "I like that."
"An adventure," Snape mused, "Yes, indeed, I do think it will just that for you."
Snape's words proved true- the months that followed took Sarah on an adventure that she could barely have anticipated at that moment. But one that would change the course of her life forever…and by extension, the lives of those she loved the most.
A/N: yes, this story is taking a sharp twist as Sarah heads into her new assignment. But Snape, Harry and Draco will still be central characters in the story as we shift between happenings. Also, more Snape and Andi to come…
