Title: Rarely Pure, Never Simple

Author: Arisprite

Summary: The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, The Moment of Truth.

A/N: This chapter is one of my favorites. It was actually the scene in this part, towards the end of this chapter that inspired me to write this at all. I hope you enjoy it as much I did!


"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." Mark Twain


Morning dawned over Ealdor, and Arthur groaned as he rolled away from the intruding sunshine, feeling the hard floor, and wishing sleepily for his bed back in Camelot. His foot nudged someone, and Merlin beside him snorted, and flipped over, nearly missing Arthur's head with his own foot. He lay there, more awake, and staring at the bony ankle of his manservant, inches from his nose.

Grumbling, he shoved the offending foot, sitting up in the process, and causing Merlin to gasp in alarm, and wake, blinking at his foot. Arthur waited a moment, then sighed.

"Merlin!" He said, quietly, for he didn't want to bother the other occupants of the house. Merlin started, and shook himself, finally waking up properly.

"Arthur?"

"Awake then, Merlin?" Arthur asked, glaring while inwardly grinning. "Now come on, get moving."

Merlin nodded quickly rising to his knees.

"Of course, yes, I'll just..." Merlin stopped rambling, and blinked at him again. "What did you want me to do?"

Arthur could hold back his snort no longer, and he broke into quiet laughter at Merlin's confused face. Still smiling broadly, Arthur lay back down, folding his arms behind his head.

"Nothing, Merlin. No one's even awake yet." It was true. Hunith lay on her bed across the room, and Gwen and Morgana's soft breathing filtered through the hanging fabric. Merlin gave him a petulant look.

"So why did you wake me?" He whined, laying back down as well, burying his face into the pillow. Arthur half smiled towards the ceiling, a retort 'for the entertainment of it' hanging from his lips. That wasn't the real reason, however. He hadn't even know it at the time, but now the memories of last night, and what would happen today came back, and his chest tightened in anticipation and nervousness. He'd woken Merlin so he wouldn't be alone in this thoughts.

The other man groaned into his pillow, and roughly turned to face the ceiling, pose mirroring Arthur's.

"Now I'm awake, I can't get back to sleep, prat." Merlin said, annoyed. Arthur huffed a laugh.

"You're welcome."

Silence came, and Merlin shifted a little. Arthur felt a sudden urge to talk, to not let Merlin go back to sleep and leave him alone to his musings. He already was having trouble not thinking about Kanen and his men, riding here in mere hours.

"Merlin,"

Merlin hummed in response, but Arthur couldn't think what to say. Then in his odd way of knowing Arthur's thoughts, Merlin continued regardless.

"Why'd you wake so early?" He twisted, trying to see out the cracked window, judging the position of the rising sun. "My mother won't be up for a while yet..." Merlin murmured. Arthur shrugged.

"The light, I suppose. You always wake me with that blasted curtain back home, just used to it."

Merlin moved a bit again, his feet making the blanket by Arthur's head lift then billow back downwards.

"When I was a child, I'd always wake ridiculously early." Arthur snorted, picturing his perpetually late servant now. Merlin laughed. "Hard to believe, I know. My mother tried everything to get me to sleep in longer, heavier curtains, warm milk, what have you, but nothing worked. Eventually, she just ignored me when I woke up early, though I'm sure she was awake, and just listening for the trouble I'd get into."

Arthur lay still, listening to Merlin's story. He was oddly intrigued; he'd never thought overly hard about his manservant's home life or childhood, but he found the picture Merlin was painting compelling.

"Funny thing was, once she stopped getting up and trying to make me go back to sleep, I'd wake, then lie in bed and actually fall back asleep again, just as she'd wanted." Arthur smiled.

"You always do have to do things your own way, don't you Merlin?"

Merlin shrugged. "Well, you know me, sire. Always the rebel."

Arthur laughed, and nudged Merlin's side with his knee. Merlin nudged him right back, and things may have degenerated into some type of wrestling match, which Arthur would have invariably won, if not for the sudden stirring from the other side of the room, and the noises of people waking.

Arthur and Merlin both sat up. It was time for the day to start. A sudden solemnity fell over Arthur and he met Merlin's gaze for a moment. Today would decide the fate of Merlin's home, and that fate rested on Arthur's shoulders. It was a heavy burden to bear.

Clearing his throat, Arthur looked away, standing, and beginning to tug on his clothes for the day. He'd get into his armour later. He dressed quickly, brushing aside Merlin's offer to help, and grabbed his sword.

"I'm going to go stand watch." He announced, earning looks of surprise from Hunith, who'd risen and was stoking the fire pit, and the still abed Morgana and Gwen. "Get ready quickly. We don't know when Kanen and his men will arrive."

He strode from the house, feeling Merlin's concerned gaze follow him out the door.

Going to keep watch, alone in the woods with the silent landscape his only company, turned out to be a phenomenally bad idea -at least as far as his own mental state went. He was left with nothing to do, beside stare into the distance, and think. There was no movement anywhere he looked, and as such he was left with only his mind to engage him, and his mind was a vindictive creature.

Arthur sighed, leaning against a tree. He didn't want to think about the words William had said yesterday. He didn't want to think about how this was his first real command away from the knights, and the protective influence of his father in case something went wrong. He didn't want to think that more people were going to die today, perhaps ones he knew, like Hunith, or Morgana or Gwen or Merlin. He didn't want to think that if Morgana or Gwen was hurt, it would be on his conscious, not to mention his head. He'd allowed them to fight. He really didn't want to think of all the villagers, barely trained, and following his direction, fighting armed robbers.

Of course, thinking of all the things he didn't want to think of was rather counterproductive.

A stick broke from behind him, and he breathed out. Someone coming to relieve him? No, light footsteps, a woman. A distraction at the very least.

He turned slowly to see Gwen, carrying a bowl of what looked suspiciously like Hunith's morning porridge.

"Arthur, Hunith made you some food." Arthur tried not to make a face. Truly, ask Hunith to make anything else, her dinner meals were good, but the morning porridge...

"Thanks," He said, taking the bowl. Gwen nodded and turned away. Arthur looked down at the congealed mass in distaste. "I think," He muttered, under his breath.

Gwen heard him, and she turned back sharply.

"Food is scarce for these people, you shouldn't turn your nose up at it." She reprimanded.

Arthur looked at her, startled, that she'd heard his words, and that she'd say such to him. And, though he'd not admit it, a bit shamed.

Her eyes widened as she realized what she'd said, her face growing adorably flustered.

"Oh, no...I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I'm sorry." She turned to walk away, wringing her hands in embarrassment.

"Gwen," Arthur called her back, but she didn't listen.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. It won't happen again..."

"Guinevere!" Arthur used her full name, stopping the rambling apologies. She froze, then turned on the spot to face him, looking abashed. Arthur looked at her, then nodded.

"Thank you." She looked startled, but Arthur continued speaking, looking at her firmly. "You're right. And you were right to speak up."

About more than the food, Arthur realized. "I should have listened to you and Morgana." All his previous ruminations came to the forefront, and his voice was quiet as he looked back to the woodlands, picturing the trees overrun with raiders. "We're going to need all the help we can get."

Gwen stepped forwards, her previous unease forgotten.

"We'll be fine." Her voice was firm. Arthur looked at her, his gaze unblinking.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I have faith in you." Arthur frowned very slightly, not breaking her gaze. What? Some of her awkwardness returned, as once again her mind caught up to her mouth, "I mean, we all do."

Arthur felt his throat close, as her strength rushed through him. He was touched, and moved by her assurance that he could do it. For, before that moment, he wasn't at all sure if he could. He swallowed, then nodded jerkily.

"Thank you," The corner of his mouth twitched in what he hoped was a sort of smile, what he hoped would convey his gratitude. For at her words, he felt some confidence return.

She smiled, and nodded, turning to go. Arthur watched her walk off, noticing that his chest breathed looser, and he no longer felt as if a sudden move would snap his careful control. He took a deep breath. He was ready for this day. Arthur raised his jaw, straightening his shoulders. Let them come. He would lead this people, Merlin's people to victory today.

And to start with, he glanced down at the bowl of porridge in his hands, studying the whitish paste, he'd take Guinevere's first piece of advice. Raising the spoon, he scooped up a generous mouthful, and took a bite.


The reports came mid-morning, after Merlin had helped his mother tidy the house, seen the last of the older women and children, all who'd not stayed behind to fight, off into the caves within the woods, and checked the traps that dotted the village, just waiting for hapless raiders to wander into them. Arthur had come running in, saying that the riders had been spotted on the other side of the woods, about a half hour away. The village flew into a flurry of activity in a matter of moments.

Morgana and Gwen were drawn into the preparations, gathering the other women, and Merlin's mother laid out bandaging and herbs. She wasn't a true healer, but she'd do what she could until the physician from the next town over arrived. They'd sent for him the night before, but it was a full day's ride, and so would probably be here once the worst had been done.

Arthur hadn't put on his armour yet, and was directing people's movements with all the skill he'd cultivated over the years. But the fool was going to get himself killed if he didn't dress properly. Merlin grabbed Arthur's arm, and all but dragged him into Hunith's home, where they'd stored the armour.

He reached for Arthur's bag, and then Merlin remembered the borrowed armour Gwen had given him, chain mail, that was slightly too big for him. He had armour to put on too. The thought was strange, just as was the thought that he was actually going to fight today, defend his village, and probably kill, if he had to. Not that he hadn't done that before. There was the witch that began it all, who he'd dropped a chandelier on to save Arthur for the first time. Then Edwin, Sophia, Aldrich...perhaps there were others, accidental, unknown or unnoticed.

Death by sword was unpleasant, he knew that. He'd already done it, he recalled, when they first arrived, and had put it out of his mind. But it wouldn't stay buried forever, he knew.

Then, the realization flooded into his head, that if he did what he'd planned on doing, there would be no need for people to die, not by the sword, and certainly not by his sword. Then his mind was consumed with a whole new nervousness. If Arthur saw, then everything would change. His life would either end or begin, and he was sick with worry about which one it would be.

Merlin realized he was kneeling on the floor, clutching both his and Arthur's armour bags, so he stood, and handed Arthur his chain mail, letting him dress himself in it, while Merlin wiggled into his. The under tunic was thick, rough, and the mail was heavy, but he could still move. Swallowing, he turned to the table, where the metal plates of Arthur's armour were laid out. He lifted it, the movements feeling strange today, where for many months they'd been a habit. Merlin turned, going to raise it above Arthur's head, the way he knew it was meant to go, but Arthur's hands stopped him. He paused, confused.

"No, not today." Arthur said, taking the plating from Merlin's hands, and meeting his eyes solemnly. "Put on your own." Merlin stared for a moment, then looked at the remains of his own armour on the table. Arm bracers, and he knew how those were put on.

Soft clanging echoed from beside him, Arthur donning the armour, while Merlin concentrated on slipping on and fastening the metal cuffs. The left went on with no difficulties, but his weaker hand fumbled with the buckle on the right.

Then, Arthur's large hands took his arm, and moved his fingers out of the way, buckling the brace for him, not a word said. Merlin let him. Then Arthur moved his hand to Merlin's shoulder, clasping it in the way Merlin had seen with the knights. Blue met blue gaze, and Arthur gave him a little smile.

"You ready?"

Was he? Merlin's stomach churned with nervousness. Not for the fight, not solely. But it was the moment of truth, and he was terrified. "My throat's dry." He didn't think he'd meant to say that out loud.

Arthur's hand fell from his shoulder, and he gave Merlin an unreadable look. "Me too." The prince admitted, and Merlin twisted his lips, not entirely believing him, but appreciating what he was trying to do.

Then Arthur took a step back, and stuck his hand out between them. To shake hands like equals, like friends.

Merlin took his hand, callused from sword play, as his own was callused from work, and shook it firmly. They nodded to each other.

"It's been an honour." Arthur said, and Merlin remembered his goodbye atop the battlements back in Camelot. He'd said those words to Arthur, meaning them entirely. To hear them said back... He didn't know how to respond save another nod. He hoped it conveyed all he wanted it to.

Arthur seemed to understand, nodding back, before turning to pick up his gloves.

The exchange served to lessen Merlin's fears, and as he turned back to the table, his face was determined.

"Whatever happens out there, please don't think any differently of me." Don't think we're not friends anymore, don't think I've betrayed you, don't think I'm evil.

"I won't." Arthur replied, and Merlin turned back around to see his face. "It's all right to be scared, Merlin."

Merlin stood still. "That's not what I meant."

Something in his tone seemed to catch Arthur's notice, and he turned back to Merlin, curiously. 'What is it?" Merlin opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. Arthur looked at him expectantly now, not sure what Merlin was trying to do. "If you've got something to say, now's the time to say it."

How easy would it be? To just let his eyes flash gold, to pluck the still unworn glove from Arthur's hand, and let it flap about. Arthur would know. The secret that hung over his head every day would be lifted. He'd be able to stop hiding from the person he wanted least to keep secrets from.

The possibility that Arthur would not accept him, that he'd tell him to leave or take him home and lock him in the dungeons to be executed, now seemed impossibly small. Arthur was his friend! Merlin opened his mouth once more, letting magic build inside him for a practical demonstration, and-

"Arthur," Morgana's voice cut through his thoughts like icy water. Arthur turned, giving his attention to her report. "They've crossed the river."

Merlin's shoulders slumped as Arthur left with her without a backwards glance. He watched them go, frowning in disappointment. He'd been so close!

He sighed, and looked at the sword in his hands. Blade it was then, rather than magic. He drew the weapon, hearing the familiar ring of metal against the sheath. Then, with the sword in hand, and magic in his heart, he followed his prince to the battle field.