So this is the chapter a lot of people have been waiting for… Obi-Wan and Satine talk. It is a bit short but I felt that scene like this deserved its own entry rather than wedged into a longer chapter. Thank you to everyone who has commented so far – it means a lot that I am doing something right, so far anyway!
A Jedi's Love
Chapter 11
Obi-Wan stood outside the door to Satine's quarters. His stomach was twisting with nerves and he was wringing his hands nervously. He kept berating himself for feeling the way he did. Sweat was building on his face. Calm yourself, Kenobi. It is just Satine. You know her. You spent a year with her on Mandalore. Nothing is scary about talking to her. He took a deep breath, sending calming waves of energy through himself.
He raised a hand and knocked on the door, heart beating fast in his chest. He almost felt like running away before the door opened. He was committing himself by staying but he held his nerve. When it did open, one of Satine's personal guards stood there.
"Master Kenobi to see the Duchess Satine as requested," he said, inclining his head slightly.
"The Duchess is expecting you," the guard answered. He moved aside so Obi-Wan could move past him. Then the guard and a second one moved outside to guard the door leaving him alone with Satine. They would need the privacy. The door closed behind him and he felt jittery despite using the Force to calm his nerves.
Satine was sitting on her sofa, hidden from view to prevent any assassins directly targeting her. She wore a thin green dress, the sleeves ending at her elbows. Her hair, though short, had small strands falling around her face. It had yet to reach her shoulders, but the slight curl of a few strands around her chin made his stomach flip.
"Hello Ben," she said, patting the seat next to her on the sofa. "Come and sit down."
"You haven't called me Ben in years," he noted. It had been the name he had used when he and Qui-Gon had been protecting her. They had used different names to protect the integrity of the Jedi Order.
"It was a name I liked and it suited you."
"Oh." It was a rather simple name. It made him sound ordinary. What was he supposed to say? "Would you rather call me Obi-Wan or Ben?"
Satine shrugged. "I do not mind."
They seemed to be at an impasse.
Someone had to say something.
"You can call me whatever you like. I'll answer both," he said.
Satine nodded. "Fair enough."
Another uncomfortable silence fell between them.
They kept meeting each other's gaze, yet neither knew what to say.
They opened their mouths at the same time.
"Obi-"
"Satine."
They both stopped.
"You first." They were in sync.
Both blushed, their cheeks flaming red.
"We're not getting anywhere, are we?" noted Obi-Wan.
"No…" agreed Satine.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath. He was the one who had kissed her. He should start. His stomach flipped again.
"Obi-Wan…"
"Satine," he sighed. "I think I should start."
She nodded, the small blonde strands of hair flopping in front of her forehead. "Ok. Go on."
He took in a deep breath. "I kissed you." How else could he start? He was looking down at his hands. "I was glad you were safe, that Merrik hadn't harmed you. Kissing isn't something I usually do. But… I know there isn't anything stopping me… The Code has changed. I am allowed to love…" He lifted his head to look at her. "I've had feelings for you ever since the year I spent protecting you in my youth."
On impulse he reached for Satine's hand. It felt nice and soft. "Now, being with you I realised during the year on Mandalore, I learnt to love. Love you. I cannot deny it any longer." He swallowed, realising his next few words would change everything. "Satine…" he squeezed her hand. "I love you," he hesitated. "I always have."
"Obi…" Satine answered quietly.
They were looking directly into each other's eyes.
"I love you too," she replied.
Obi-Wan felt his heart sour. Saying those three crucial words had been the most difficult thing he had ever said. But now they knew they each had the same feelings they had to decide what to do. His expression softened and a sad glint entered his eyes. "How can we make things work?"
"What do you mean?" asked Satine.
"Satine…" Obi-Wan felt uncomfortable but he had to talk. "I have thought about this. We live on different worlds… our duties will keep us apart. I want a relationship," because he really did want one, "how can it work?"
Her face fell. She had not considered any complications that could stand in their way of pursuing a relationship. But as her quick mind worked, Obi-Wan saw realisation strike her. "It would be difficult," she relented. "How would we see one another?"
Obi-Wan could sense her disappointment reverberating through the Force. Neither of them wanted nothing to happen. So why had he brought that up? He had made it difficult to pursue a relationship but did that really mean he could not? Of course not.
"Despite that…" he began, wanting to amend things, "I can always ask the Council if I can be on Mandalore… The rules have changed. I'm not necessarily meant to be present on Coruscant all the time. Relationships are taken into account now. Each individual's circumstances are looked at. There are negatives and advantages to any relationship. They are not without their problems."
"I know," said Satine, "despite these obstacles, I want to try. You are the only one I've ever loved. I'd rather die knowing we tried then never know the touch of the man I love."
Obi-Wan felt heat rising in his cheeks. Did Satine really want him that way?
She seemed to pre-empt what he was thinking. "Of course I do. Besides, if the vote does not go in my favour, you and I may be spending more time on Mandalore."
"Of course," he said, answering quietly. He remembered if the Republic or any Jedi presence was required on the planet or within the system itself, Satine had requested that he be part of the team. He would endeavour to be there for her regardless. Not because he felt he had to but because he wanted to.
"So… what are we going to do?"
Obi-Wan didn't know. He wanted to kiss her again. But he didn't want to say it. Kissing her would make his intentions known. He had to be brave. He was no longer constrained by the old Code. He could do what he liked – could have a relationship. He bit the bullet. "I know what I'd like to do."
"What?"
Do it. Just kiss her. His inner monologue was telling him. We both want it. He could sense her anticipation in the Force. She was waiting.
They seemed to move at the same time in their awkward silence that had fallen between them.
They kissed.
Warmth spread through Obi-Wan and the feeling of doing the right thing entered his very soul. His hands were resting on Satine's shoulders. It was a long and lingering kiss, their lips caressing one another slowly, both of them leaning in to the kiss.
He pulled away. His lips were tingling as he stroked her cheek with his right hand, his eyes continuing to bore into hers. "I…" he started to say.
Satine put a finger against his lips.
Obi-Wan's eyes widened.
And then she leaned in, kissing him gently, their mouths tangling together, their tongues battling against one another as their passion and desire overtook them. Satine's hands were on his face, his own hands bringing her body closer to his: her right hand moved from his cheek to tangle in his copper-red hair, leaning further into him so their bodies were barely inches apart.
Time seemed to pass, as they didn't seem to break apart for ages. When they did, both of their faces were red and their eyes were misty. They had become so wrapped up in one another.
"Err…" Obi-Wan started. "That was…" He couldn't finish.
"Nice?" queried Satine, a slight smile on her face.
Obi-Wan leaned forward. "It was." He scratched the back of his neck. "Is it always going to be this awkward?"
She stroked his cheek. "No, not when we get used to being like this with one another."
He took hold of her hand and squeezed. "I want to get used to this."
"So do I." Satine moved closer to him on the sofa, resting her hand on his shoulder.
His arm wrapped around her shoulders, leaning himself back on the sofa. Obi-Wan pressed a kiss to her head.
For the first time in a while he felt content.
"I love you," he whispered.
Satine looked up at him. "I know." His kisses said it all.
Their lips met again as he leaned down to capture her mouth with his once more. It was only a short one yet the Force was singing all around them. It wanted this for them.
"Obi-Wan?"
"Hmm?" He sounded quite content, only because he felt it.
"If we were at Sundari, do you know what would be perfect right now?" asked Satine.
"What?"
"Standing on the balcony watching as the sun sets. I know we have a few hours until then… but I'd like that… A beautiful view, looking out on the world."
Obi-Wan understood her meaning: regardless of what planet she was on, Satine wanted to do that with him. "You want to stand on your balcony?"
"Yes."
"Satine…" Obi-Wan recognised the dangers that were posed to her if she stood out in the open. "Assassins…"
"I know," Satine relented sadly. "I hate that we cannot do what we would like to do because of the threat to my life."
He pulled her close. "So do I." He didn't want to risk exposing her. If they took that risk to gaze out into the city as the sun set, Satine would be revealing herself to the assassins undoubtedly ordered to terminate her life. If anything happened to her, Obi-Wan would never be able to forgive himself. "One day, I promise."
"That is all I can hope for," whispered Satine.
And so they sat in each other's arms, occasionally trading kisses, as they considered their future and marvelled in the touch and new feelings that spread between them at the start of a new relationship.
The afternoon wore on and the two dozed in each other's embrace.
Contentment spread through the Force.
Across the city, Anakin Skywalker could sense the peace Obi-Wan was feeling. He truly hoped the Duchess and Obi-Wan had sorted things out between them. This relationship would complete Obi-Wan. Most of all, Anakin wished for his brother to find someone to share his life with.
After everything he had been through during the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan deserved to find happiness.
I really hope you have found the one, Master.
Anakin felt certain Satine was the one for his brother.
A smile spread across his face.
Obi-Wan deserved it: just as everyone else in the universe did.
To be continued…
Please let me know what you think!
I felt that a scene with Anakin rounded off this chapter nicely. As for Obi-Wan and Satine… I did not want to go down the route of them expressing their love for one another and leaping straight into bed. I know other authors have done that before but I do not think that suits Obi-Wan's character. Their romance needs to be built up before they would do anything like that. Obi-Wan will be getting used to the idea of kissing Satine when he likes without having the worry of what others will think. The talk itself, they probably have not gone over everything they could have done but at the moment they have talked about the main things that could prevent a relationship from working out and I think that is the main thing – that despite the obstacles they still want to try. There are other things that they have not discussed yet, nor thought of that may get in the way… certainly their beliefs: Satine's pacifism and no weapons rule. Obi-Wan has a weapon and though she understands why he needs to use it, there could be conflict there… I will get to that later… but for now, Obi-Wan and Satine are officially seeing one another. And that was the main point of his chapter – to make that happen, which is also why it is so short.
This chapter needs to happen to push the characters into the positions they need to be in for future chapters. Obi-Wan and Satine will have a bumpy road ahead of them, just like any other couple. Events will conspire against them ;)
The next chapter will be posted next week!
Until next time,
the-writer1988
