IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ THIS FIRST. I think some of you guys aren't reading the A/N that I post. Haha. So be sure you do because that is when I explain the timeline.
So, this is another flashback, in EPOV, during their break up. A reader was kind enough to tell me that I had posted that they were broken up for five months, and then I said three months in another chapter. They were broken up for five months… I just made a mistake.
If you don't get the title of this chapter, then you are way too young to remember how awesome the 80's were.
So go read already…. hah
"What the fuck are you wearing?" I yelled over the loud thumping bass of the music coming from the house. Standing in front of me, wearing a grey tank top paired with red and white striped shorts that were so short that they should be illegal, stood Emmett. I tried not to concentrate on the fact that if he wasn't wearing supportive underwear, we might be seeing a hell of a lot more of Emmett than we needed to.
"Dude, I'm Richard Fucking Simmons!" Emmett yelled back at me, waving his huge hands to indicate his frizzy Jew-fro wig and horribly disgusting work-out scrunch-socks and shoes. "Who the hell are you supposed to be?"
Alice and her fucking theme parties were a definite pain in my ass. Tonight we were all gathered to celebrate Jasper's birthday, and what better way to celebrate than to have a fucking 80's throwback party where everyone had to dress up as an icon from that decade. At least the music would be decent.
"Maverick - Top Gun," I muttered as I watched people filing into the house wearing all sorts of jacked up shit. I'd lived through the 80's once, and really wasn't keen on going back, even for one night. My minimal attempt at a costume was probably obvious. I owned the aviator sunglasses, and I'd borrowed the brown leather jacket from Ben. Everything else came straight from my closet.
I watched with vague interest as Emmett welcomed people showing up for the party, and it must have been obvious that going into that house was the last thing I wanted to do.
"Stop being a pussy Edward." Emmett laughed before punching my shoulder. "Bella isn't here yet. You have to be a big boy and go inside."
"I'm not being a pussy. It's just awkward," I said while rubbing my arm.
"Well that's my sister fool, so you will get no sympathy from me," Emmett said while adjusting the white sweat band around his forehead. "Just have fun."
I groaned again when he slapped my shoulder and cat-called after a girl who was walking back inside. I could hear his lame ass pick up lines being shouted over Billy Idol, and realized I couldn't just stand outside all night.
For five months Bella and I had been skating around the edge of this obviously awkward friendship. We were continually being thrown together into these social functions that our friends threw, and while we had both agreed to try and stay friends, we also knew it just didn't work that way.
Taking a deep breath, I made my way into the crowded house. Alice, being Alice, had gone all out and made the place look like an exact replica of a typical 1985 high school prom. The neon pinks and greens were almost blinding, even with my sunglasses on.
I saw Jasper, who was sporting a fantastic hot pink Mohawk, wave me over. I slid between the groups of people, and after narrowly avoiding some guy doing the worm on Alice's living room floor, I finally made it to where Jasper stood.
"Nice hair," I called once I'd reached them. Jasper, looking the true punk rocker with his fucking torn up jeans and mesh tank top, nodded in approval.
"The shoes are actually mine," he drawled before flashing one of his cheesy ass smiles.
I looked down at his black and white checked Vans and could only shake my head. Jasper Whitlock could wear a fucking dog collar and make it look cool.
"Happy birthday," I called over the wailing of a guitar solo, and handed him a flat square that was wrapped in a brown paper bag. He took it while raising an eyebrow curiously. "It's Dylan's Blonde on Blonde - mint."
I watched with satisfaction as Jasper carefully pulled the album out of the bag. Emmett and Ben were cool kids, and really good friends, but Jasper and I connected over music. He knew exactly what having an album like that meant, which made hunting it down and being able to give it to him even more worthwhile. Not only was it the last record Bob Dylan made before the accident that basically made him a recluse, it was one of the greatest double albums in music history.
"Where did you find this?" he asked while turning the album slowly over in his hands.
"When I was down in Portland," I answered. "I found it and knew it was yours…"
Before I could finish my sentence Jasper pulled me into a hug, but before I could pull away a bright flash left both of us blinking and shaking our heads.
"How adorable are you two?" Alice asked as she tucked her camera back into the belt of her Madonna virgin-esque costume. "Edward! I am so glad you could come!"
"You threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't come." I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and grunted when her elbow connected with my gut. "Glad to be here…."
She smiled, leaned up on her tip toes to kiss Jasper, and pulled him out onto the makeshift dance floor. In less than thirty seconds after watching the two of them being followed out onto the floor by Ben and Angela, I was so lonely it hurt.
I looked around the crowded house, not wanting to admit to myself who I was hoping to see. It wasn't that I was pining away for Bella, it was just that no one else was Bella. It never felt right.
"CULLEN!" I choked on the beer I had just taken a sip of as Mike Newton slapped my back a little too forcefully.
"Mike," I replied as I wiped front of the jacket before looking at him. "Who are you supposed to be exactly?"
He was wearing what I assumed to be red boxing shorts, a red bathrobe, and he'd thrown a pair of boxing gloves around his shoulders.
"I'm Rocky, yo!" He laughed before hitting his chest and screaming "ADRIAN!!"
What a fucking retard.
"Mike, that version of Rocky is from the 70's. In the 80's, he wore yellow and became the Italian Stallion." I pushed my sunglasses up on my head and looked at him. "Did you honestly not know that?"
"Nah, I never saw the movies," he said with a shrug. "Doesn't matter really."
Doesn't matter? Rocky was only one of the greatest movie series of all time. I mean, how can you be a dude and not understand the importance of the fucking Rocky franchise? How could you be a dude and not have seen any of the Rocky movies?
I shook my head and looked back toward the couples that were dancing.
"So Bella huh?" he asked in an oddly optimistic manner.
"What about her?" I tried to keep my voice as level as possible, but my stomach clinched at the sound of her name.
"Just wondering how the whole friendship thing is going." Mike's voice was low and somewhat sarcastic.
I turned to look back at him, but saw that he was staring at something near the front door. I followed his gaze, and once I saw what he was looking at, I wanted to punch him in the throat. I swear to God if it wasn't for the fact that Mike was one of Ben's best friends, I would have kicked his ass a long time ago.
Bella was walking past a group of people standing near the front door. She stopped to say hello before continuing into the house. I felt the corner of my mouth turn up into a smile as I watched her.
She had her hair pulled into a ridiculous side ponytail and was wearing an off the shoulder grey sweatshirt. When she found Jasper and Alice, she immediately ran over to them. I watched as Jasper pulled her up into a hug, and couldn't help but laugh at the obnoxious pink leg warmers she was wearing.
Once Jasper set her down, Alice pulled her into a hug and I watched the two of them whisper to each other. Having known both of them as long as I had, I knew that when they whispered, it was never a good sign. I tipped the sunglasses back down onto the bridge of my nose, picked up my beer bottle, and headed for the back yard.
I lowered myself into one of the chairs Alice had arranged out on their back porch. I could still hear the loud music and the occasional boisterous laughter of someone standing close to the backdoor, but it was much quieter back here. I leaned my head back and stared up at the sky, loving how the cold December air was crisp and fresh.
It just shouldn't be this hard. I knew Bella; really knew her. And she knew me; knew all of my faults and weird ass tendencies. She was my friend. We were friends. So why was this so much weirder than talking to Alice and Jasper? Or Emmett and Ben?
"Hey."
I jumped at the soft voice behind me and turned to find Bella shifting her weight nervously from foot to foot.
"Hey," I replied as I stood up. I hoped I'd seem calm and collected, but when the back of my leg pushed the chair against the brick porch it toppled backwards, making a god-awful clattering sound. She laughed, and I couldn't help but join her as I picked up the chair and sat it back up.
The two of us stood there looking at each other, and after a few awkward seconds she finally walked around me and took the seat across from mine. She had pulled her oversized sweatshirt over her knees that she hugged to her chest.
"How are you?" she asked as I sat back down.
I nodded, rolling the beer bottle between my palms. "I'm ok. You?"
"Ok." Bella nodded and bit her bottom lip nervously.
Silence. Awkward fucking silence.
"So, Flash Dance?" I asked while watching her pull at the hem on her sweatshirt.
"What?" She looked up at me in utter confusion.
"Your costume. Flash Dance?" I nodded towards her and couldn't help but smile when she blushed.
"Oh. Yeah. I wanted to be Madonna, but Alice already had the costume." She smiled and shrugged, making the open neck fall further down her shoulder.
"Where did you find leg warmers?" I asked as I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
I am such a tool. I'm asking her about leg warmers?
"My mom still had them in a box of clothes in the attic. You know how she is about keeping random shit." She shrugged again and it automatically made me want to move closer to her. I didn't.
"Authentic." I nodded and leaned back in my chair while taking another drink.
"Top Gun?" she asked. "I'm surprised you didn't go for like Bon Jovi or Billy Idol." I watched her, completely transfixed as she pulled the neck of her sweatshirt back up her shoulder.
"Well, the birthday boy seems to have the whole 80's rocker thing covered," I said while watching her fingers trace patterns on the arm of her chair. "Besides, I don't have the hair to pull off a Mohawk like J does. And Top Gun is a kick ass movie."
She nodded as I took another drink from my beer.
"Take me to bed or lose me forever," she blurted out, and for the second time that night I choked on my drink. As I coughed, she began muttering apologies and slapping my back.
Through the coughing up of beer and what very well might have been a piece of my esophagus, I wondered if she had really said what I thought she did. I mean I knew she didn't mean it like that… But still. She had said it. To me.
"I'm sorry. That was so inappropriate," she muttered before throwing her hands over her face and shaking her head.
"It's fine Bella, really. You just…surprised me," I said encouragingly as I slowly pulled her hands away from her face.
My heart stopped when I discovered the look of absolute heartache that covered every inch of her face.
"Bella…" I left my hand wrapped around hers as she looked up at me.
"I miss you. A lot." Her voice was a whisper that I barely heard.
I wanted to tell her I missed her too. I wanted to pull her against me and tell her that my life didn't make sense without her in it. I wanted to tell her how absolutely stupid I had been five months ago. But, then I remembered my reasoning five months ago. I couldn't promise Bella what she wanted. I couldn't just continue leading her on with no promise of marriage.
"Hey! Alice is about to jump out of the cake!" Emmett yelled at us from the back door, making both of us jump.
Bella kept looking at me, waiting for me to say something, and I wanted to. I really fucking wanted to. But I didn't.
I dropped her hand, and after nodding slowly, I walked back into the house with my shoulders hunched and my heart broken all over again. How many times was I going to end up hurting her?
I ignored the loud music and people dancing. I pushed past the several sets of hands that tried to grab me, and before I knew what I was doing, I'd made my way upstairs into Jasper's office. I shut the door behind me, blocking out everything that was downstairs - including Bella.
I sat at the keyboard that Jasper had against one wall and slowly ran my fingers over the keys, but nothing came to my mind. The notes and melodies that normally filled my brain anytime I got near a musical instrument were missing. The only thought in my head was of her.
I was hurting her, which was something I hadn't ever wanted to do. I'd thought I was doing the right thing by leaving when I couldn't promise her what she wanted, but my choice was exactly what was hurting her.
I could hear Emmett's voice carry up the stairs, gathering people together to sing happy birthday. I pulled my sunglasses off, and after hooking one of the ear pieces on the front of my shirt, I rand my hands roughly over my face.
I had to go back downstairs. As much as I hated seeing Bella like this, I couldn't be rude.
I pushed away from the keyboard and slowly walked down the stairs. On the last step, I stopped and watched as Emmett pushed a huge cake into the middle of the living room. You could tell that the cake was paper, but Jasper didn't look any less excited as he crossed his arms and winked at me once he caught my eye.
"Boys and girls!" Bella called through the crowd, and my head snapped in her direction as I saw her walk slowly toward Jasper. She smiled uneasily as she reached him. Jasper frowned as he looked down at her, obviously able to tell that she was visibly upset, and then looked back at me. I only shook my head as Emmett helped Bella stand on a chair next to Jasper.
I watched as Bella led everyone in a chorus of the birthday song, and I clapped when Alice unsurprisingly jumped out of the cake, earning a rather lengthy round of applause. But nothing could really hold my attention. I watched Bella dancing with Alice to a mix of Madonna songs, and I could see past the fake smile she had on her face.
I saw the sadness that only the few people who really knew Bella would be able to recognize; how one of her lips seemed to almost be tucked into her mouth. Her eyes seemed to be downcast. And the faint blush that normally colored her cheeks was gone.
I spent the next hour watching as she moved around the room, pretending to be enjoying the party for the sake of her friends. I also watched as she continued to drink, and I couldn't help but get more and more concerned about it.
I was sitting on the last step, watching as Bella laughed loudly with Mike Newton when Jasper joined me. "What happened?" he asked as he moved to sit on the step behind me.
"No matter how good my intentions start out being, I always end up just making it worse for her," I said as I looked down at the empty beer bottle I'd been carrying around.
"Do you still love her?" He leaned down, resting his elbows on his knees and followed my eyes to Bella.
"I don't think I'll ever stop," I answered. It was that easy.
Jasper nodded and patted my back before standing up and stepping back down into the living room. "Then that's your answer," he said simply before smiling and moving back into the crowds of people.
I sat there, staring at the bottle in my hands and considering what Jasper had said. I needed to talk to Bella - alone. Actually, I probably needed to get Bella home and then figure out how to talk to her once she was sober.
I stood up, saw that Bella was still humoring Mike, and moved back into the throng of people to find Alice and Jasper and tell them goodbye. Alice, obviously knowing I had upset Bella had simply told me, "Fix it, or I will high five your face."
Jasper was a little more encouraging, and after telling Emmett and Ben goodbye, I made my way back to where Bella and had been standing with Mike. Only when I got there, they were both gone.
I looked over the tops of people's heads and caught a glimpse of Bella as she walked through the front door with Mike-Fucking-Newton.
I pushed my way past the last few groups of people standing between myself and the doorway, but by the time I had actually made it outside Mike was already getting in his car and driving away from Alice and Jasper's house.
I stood there letting the sight of Bella, with Mike's arm wrapped around her shoulders flow through my mind. The longer I stood there, the more pissed off I got.
I was beyond mad.
I was mad at myself, and I was mad at Bella. But I was fucking pissed as hell at Mike.
How could she fucking do that? How could she tell me she misses me and then leave with the first guy to come along and offer a shoulder to cry on?
Because I'm fucking always running away from her and because I stood there like a complete asshole and didn't tell her that I missed her too, that's fucking how.
Somehow I made it back to my apartment; I didn't remember driving or actually walking into the building. I just remembered being so irrationally mad that my vision was literally tinted with red.
I pulled every kitchen cabinet open; searching for the bottle of scotch I knew was still in there. I had been hiding it from Emmett; saving it for a special occasion. Well, this was pretty fucking special.
Any ideas that I had about Bella and I being able to get back together were gone. If she was able to just go home with someone like Mike Newton, then there was no way I could ever be with her again.
I fell back on the couch, opened the bottle, and without even bothering to get a glass I began drinking. I let the liquor burn my throat, letting it add fuel to the anger and resentment that was building in my chest.
When my cell phone started ringing, I pulled it out of my pocket and without even looking at the screen I turned it off and threw it onto the coffee table.
I closed my eyes, debating on if I should just beat the shit out of Mike or just have Emmett beat the shit out of me. When my house phone started ringing, I slammed the bottle down onto the coffee table and grabbed the phone.
"What?" I growled when I answered.
"Edward?"
I blinked in surprise as Tanya's voice registered in my mind.
"Tanya?" I looked around the apartment, wondering what the fuck she could want.
"Yeah silly it's me. How are you?" she asked.
Her sweet, fake voice annoyed the hell out of me. She was the exact opposite of Bella.
That thought registered in my head, and suddenly all the anger I had been feeling finally had an outlet.
"I'm…" I thought for a split second and decided that I didn't want to think anymore. "I'm drunk."
"Well, drinking by yourself is a bad sign. You ok?" she asked in her sugary fake voice again.
"Well if you called me to lecture me on the dangers of alcoholism, I don't need it." I fell back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling.
"Actually, I called because I am going to have to be in Seattle for some business, and I was wondering if you would mind if I stayed with you. You know I hate staying at hotels for extended periods of time." I could hear how hopelessly optimistic she seemed to be. It was no doubt fueled by my mother.
"When?" I asked.
"I fly out tomorrow. I know its short notice." I could tell from her voice that she was smiling.
I didn't want to think anymore. I was done thinking. It hadn't done anything but fuck shit up for me anyway.
"Yeah. Yeah you can stay here." I stood up and walked to the balcony that looked out over the bay and pretended to listen as Tanya explained what time she would be here.
"Ok, well we can do dinner tomorrow night or something!" she said eagerly.
"Sure. See you tomorrow," I replied dully.
"Bye Edward!" she called.
I shut the phone off and continued to stare out the window, watching the lights flicker on the water.
"No more thinking…"
NOW BEFORE YOU ALL COME HUNT ME DOWN… I promise it will all make sense in the end. This will probably be the last flash back until we get to what the hell happened during the BIG fight.
I might be posting some outtakes from this story, so be sure to add my Author alerts so that you guys will know when they are posted. These will probably include their first date, some wedding shit, and maybe some Alice and Esme fighting.
June 9th will be my second wedding anniversary so happy anniversary to the hubs.
As always, thanks to Di for being one of my new fav things and my first Twilight friend. Thanks to Mels, Kim, Ang, Beezy, and Vic. Thanks to my fabulous Mommy and my loser of a best friend Ally. And, this is for TFTM. You know who you are.
