Disclaimer: Cheese and crackers! I refuse to state the obvious, even in my usual dork-a-riffic way.

A/N: This last volume is dedicated to everyone who has left a kind word, followed, faved or all three. And also to everyone else who might be too shy or maybe a bit ashamed to admit that I make them laugh or become 'overheated'. So once more into the breach my dear friends with the resplendent Maura POV leading the way.


The Isles Residence, Beacon Hill

"Your mother just texted and her spelling erota notwithstanding; she is waiting for us inside." I say calmly, knowing full well the fury that statement will no doubt incite.

It's rather comical to witness actually and I can't help but smile at the thought.

"That's not funny Maura." Jane states as she pulls our bags out of the cargo area of the Prius. "Jesus Christ in flip-flops and a speedo! To whom I swear by; if you ever let her move in with us." She continues as she shuts the cargo hatch forcefully. "I will divorce you."

I laugh as Jane breezes past me in the garage with our luggage in both hands. She stops at the entry door and I step quickly to the door, but I pause before putting my key into the lock.

"You would really consider divorcing me?" I ask tenuously even though I know she is joking to an extent, perhaps.

Jane sighs, "It's nothing personal but I lived with my mother for eighteen years and I won't go back to that. I love her but she's better in small doses." Jane replies as she sits our bags down on the garage floor. "I mean she has absolutely no boundaries when it comes to being overbearing and what little patience I was born with only goes so far when it comes to dealing with her."

I shrug, "Jane, she is only in our home because she offered to care for Bass and Jo in our absence."

"You gave her a key to our home?" Jane asks sarcastically.

"How else was she supposed to get in?" I reply in the face of Jane's apparent astonishment. "And Angela won't overstep into our boundaries."

"Oh yes she will. Have you not met my mother?" Jane says as she sighs and shakes her head. "Now she'll be popping by whenever the urge hits, especially since she doesn't have to bother with formalities anymore; like pesky alarm systems or even knocking. Christ! Once she walked in on me and the old battle-ex one morning."

I can clearly picture Jane's face when that event happened. I somewhat stifle my urge to laugh before I speak, but just as I'm about to the door swings open to reveal my mother-in-law.

"Jane, what are you waiting for take the bags upstairs." Angela says smiling at me.

"Speak of the devil." I hear Jane mutter under her breath while she picks our bags back up and pushes past Angela.

Jane all but dashes upstairs. In fact I can't recall if I've ever seen her move that fast.

"So how was your trip?" Angela asks as we walk into the kitchen side by side.

"Thrilling to say the least." I reply while opening the refrigerator for bottled water. "You know how excited Jane was when I told her we would be going to racing school for her birthday."

"Did she scare you with her crazy driving in one of those sports cars?" Angela asks knowingly.

Jane would not appreciate full disclosure on that question. I smile before I twist the cap off my water.

"No, the experience was not frightening; more liberating than anything else." I reply before taking a sip.

Angela chuckles, "I'll bet. I can picture Janie using that lead foot of her's to get a Lamborghini around a racetrack as fast as the car will go."

I place my water down on the countertop, "Actually we drove an Enzo Ferrari, and yes she did have that car doing its maximum speed that the racing school will allow."

I notice Angela's smile fade a bit as she moves closer to me. "Maura, did Jane mention our conversation over the phone?"

That took longer than usual.

"Yes, we talked about it."

Angela sighs, "I honestly don't mean to come across as pushy as I do and I admit I can be pushy. But do you and Jane really not want children?"

Angela's melancholy expression is almost overwhelming to me but then I hear Jane coming back downstairs. Thank you to all deities!

"Again with this subject?" Jane asks loudly walking into the kitchen. "Ma, you're gonna give me ulcers the size of flying saucers. And I didn't say I didn't want kids. I said I don't want to waddle around with a bun stuffed in my oven."

"Ulcers are caused by bacteria."

Jane stops and turns to look at me, "Whose side are you on?" She asks lowering her voice and I simply shrug with indifference.

Angela frowns, "Jane, I was just asking Maura the same question I asked you." She says while looking at me expectantly. "And just because you don't want to be pregnant doesn't mean she feels the same way."

I start to answer Angela when Jane shakes her head at me.

"You know Ma just the other day Frost and I were sweeping the personal ads for low-key terrorists. And we laughed ourselves rotten over this guy who actually posted an ad that read: 'Hey Ladies, Lookin' To Get Pregnant?' Jane says as disgusted expression overtakes her features. "And then he listed all of his physical qualities, including his sperm count which was very high. But he left out his disgusting habits and I.Q. score." Jane continues, her hands resting on the countertop for support.

Watching Jane patronize her mother is quite entertaining but I see this situation not ending on a positive note if Jane keeps on with her rant.

"So Ma, should I contact him? Or better yet post my own personal ad on Craigslist but it would have to read: 'Married Lesbian Seeks Man Gravy To Appease Her Mother.' Jane gestures to an invisible text in front of her. "Then assuming I get any takers to make a deposit in a dixie cup and not me." Jane's facial expression is clear disgust. "Maybe then Maura can whip out her turkey baster, and use it to get the job done."

I cover my mouth to hide my smile and laughter. I need to diffuse this situation and perhaps in a fashion only I can. I remove my hand from over my mouth and grab my bottle of water.

"Actually Jane, a syringe is the preferred tool, not something one uses on Thanksgiving Day." I say defaulting to my clinical voice.

Jane snorts and Angela just stares at me.

"Also, you have to be ovulating to become pregnant. And sperm banks are a much more suitable option than what you proposed in jest." I look between Jane and Angela. "Sperm banks offer washed or nonwashed sperm. Washed means the sperm is separated from the semen. You know most experts recommend against unwashed sperm being inserted into the uterus because it can make you vomit. And then there's the risk of contracting an STD from unwashed sperm, or fresh sperm if you will. But fresh sperm is more effective in achieving pregnancy than sperm that has been frozen."

If my lecture worked then now is the time for 'Jane-Lo' sarcasm.

"Thank you Doctor." Jane states dryly. "I now know more about jizz than I ever wanted to."

That did the trick. I smile and laugh at Jane.

"Jane Clementine Ri..." Angela exclaims.

"Careful Ma, that's not my last name anymore." Jane interrupts. "And honestly it shouldn't be yours anymore either." She moves closer to her mother. "And we just can't keep butting heads over this and you aren't going to wear me down to get your way-it's my body." Jane states gently. "But we do have an answer to your question. Maura and I have decided to adopt when we are ready."

Angela seems to be rendered speechless and I also move around the counter towards her.

"I share Jane's sentiment; I too have never felt the overwhelming urge to experience childbirth." I state gently but with an air of finality to my voice. "And I won't entertain the notion that somehow makes me less of a woman."

Angela smiles sadly, "I understand and respect your decision." She moves from around the counter. "It's getting rather late and I should be heading home now."

I watch Angela leave the spare key I gave her on the countertop before she leaves the kitchen. I look at Jane beseechingly and she nods in return.

"Ma, you're forgetting your key." Jane says sweetly.

She pretends to be such a bad-ass but she is an absolute sweetheart and a pushover. I smile at Jane as she hugs Angela goodnight.

One Week Later...

Galerie d' Orsay, Boston

"Yes, I know Maura." Jane's says tenderly. "The painting got its popular misnomer from the darkness in the background." She gestures to the work of art in front of us, but my eyes are on Jane at this moment. "Whereas the figures in the foreground are clearly standing in the sunlight."

I see no need to tone down the warm stare of affection that I'm directing at her right now. "I'm impressed; will you ever cease to amaze me?" I say placing my hand over my heart. Secretly smart and obviously beautiful inside and out.

Jane turns slightly to smile at me, "The Night Watch has always been my favorite painting of his." She replies as her smile widens. Those dimples; every time I see them I have an overwhelming urge to kiss her.

"Did you know that Rembrandt had a particular affinity for dogs?" I ask teasingly, trying to deflect my mind from its own adoration for all things Jane.

"And that both of his wives died from tuberculosis?" My mother interjects.

Damn! She beat me to that 'fun fact' as Jane calls them.

Jane jumps slightly, "Oh God, now I'm really in for it. Not one but two Professor Isles are here to culturize me." She says smiling as she turns to face my mother.

Jane's hand automatically searches and finds mine and then she laces our fingers together.

"Glad you both could make it." My mother states smiling. "Jane you look lovely in that dress and I only mention that because I so rarely see you in one."

I smile slyly because of what happened between Jane and I once I saw her in that crimson red dress; it drapes so invitingly over her spectacular frame. Jane blushes, no doubt her mind went to the same memory as mine or just her general shyness about compliments.

"Thank you Constance. I thought I would make an effort for Maura and you of course." Jane replies, her voice dripping with her brand of charm. "You know if I'm going to embarrass you I should do it in the proper clothes."

"Then I appreciate your efforts all the more." My mother replies with a smile as she reaches for my arm.

Jane and I laugh lightly as the three of us make our way into my mother's exhibit. As always my mother's pieces are meant to be thought provoking, but she saves the more aesthetically pleasing ones for last.

Oh, how interesting.

"Hanging water bottles is art?" Jane states incredulously, thus halting my appreciative thoughts.

With wide eyes I glance over at my mother.

"Yes, it actually passes as art nowadays Jane." My mother retorts smiling at Jane. "Even though as much I would like to be the next Rembrandt, alas I'm not."

Jane snorts, "Have I told you how much I enjoy trading sarcastic fisti-cuffs with you?" She says before dropping my hand gently to grab two flutes of champagne from the passing waiter.

Jane offers me one and my mother the other.

"No thank you Jane." Constance replies smiling. "I prefer to do my speeches sober, even though sometimes I think I would be more interesting if I were as tipsy as the patrons."

Jane laughs into her champagne flute, "Please invite me to your next art installation where you plan on doing that."

My mother laughs, "Don't you know you're invited to them all?"

I smile at my mother and I have to say since Jane entered my life she has changed so much. We both have and it's as if Jane's very presence demands the best out of everyone she comes into contact with. My love for her grows with each passing nanosecond.

"So sorry to interrupt but the guests are waiting for your speech Mrs. Isles." The curator says somewhat tersely to my mother.

She nods to him; a polite dismissal and he steps away quickly to give us back our privacy.

Constance smiles, "Jane, would you do me a favor and tell the curator; whom looks as if he is about to soil himself, that I will be ready to give my speech in five minutes please?"

Jane returns the smile, "Yes Mrs. Isles. Or should I call you Artsy-Fartsy Isles?" She inquires cocking her head to the side.

I think Jane prefers my mother over Angela.

Constance adjusts her blazer, "The art title I will accept, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on the flatulence moniker."

Jane laughs as I spit a bit of my champagne back out into the flute.

"I'll go deal with that pesky curator man now." Jane says sauntering away, still lightly laughing. I watch the stark contrast of her swinging black curls against the red of her dress before she blends into the crowd.

To your average onlooker it would appear that Jane and my mother do not get along, but that would be an incorrect assumption. They in fact like one another very much and frankly enjoy teasing each other. I laugh at the thought between sips.

My mother takes my arm, "So, Angela told me how you and Jane swiftly put her in place to phrase it as delicately as possible."

I chuckle briefly at the humor in my mother's voice, "Yes, we were quite blunt but not what I would consider overly rude." I reply thoughtfully as we move slowly arm in arm through my mother's exhibit.

Constance laughs, "I'm so proud of you darling. I used to worry you were too polite for your own good. And looking back now I feel there were times I too took advantage of your kind and forgiving nature."

"Mother, that's not true." I say lovingly as I squeeze her arm for emphasis. "And the relationship we have now more than makes up for the past."

Moving further into the exhibit we stop abruptly; just shy of one of my mother's beautiful etchings of a woman whose features strongly resembles my significant other. Jane will be embarrassed when she sees this.

"Yes, a certain person figured predominately in my renderings here." My mother says recapturing my attention and I turn to look into her warm blue eyes. "And I would be so proud to have any child of yours and Jane's to carry our family name. Just as I was deeply honored that Jane chose to take our surname."

I know perfection doesn't exist, but for me, in this moment it's close enough. I place my hand over my mother's on my arm.

"Thank you." I say quietly, my voice an emotive of happiness.

-END-


Soundtrack:"Catch My Fall" by Billy Idol, "Panic Station" by Muse, "Take Your Mother Out" by Scissor Sisters & "Little Bird" by Annie Lennox

Updated A/N 2:This story didn't require too much tweekage. That's a total fib because it so needed some work and that took some time but it was fun to read this again. Regardless though, I'm going to leave you with my original farewell...'Let's see what to say...Oh! Big fracking truckloads of thanks to everyone for reading this, and the peeps who've recently discovered 'Living Like Hell' and found their way here too. Yet again I didn't outline this hot mess in any way because I think that just sucks all the life out of writing. And there is a deleted scene from this chapter called 'A Red Room In My Heart' so check that out if you want to.'