"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it."
— Jiddu Krishnamurti
Rick peered into the growing darkness, through the chain-link fence surrounding the yard that kept the walkers out of the prison grounds. Beyond that, the overgrown trees of the woods that housed more of the occasional walker and a few varieties of animals, such as deer, rabbits and squirrels. And it had apparently been hiding something else for who knows how long since Rick had been standing at Dale's grave with Jo. But now he saw. Now he was aware.
"Well, I'll be damned," Rick had muttered, narrowing his eyes.
On the other side of the fence, with the fingers of his left hand curling around the chain-links and a metal cap with a blade over where his right hand once was, Merle Dixon stood, wearing dirty clothes and a shit-eating grin.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Officer Friendly and my good friend Sugar Tits."
"Merle," Rick acknowledged with a nod. "I can honestly say you're one of the last people I was expecting to show up."
"Who were you expecting? The Queen of England?" Merle chuckled at his own quip. "Is my brother alive? Is he here?"
"He is. Are you alone?"
"I am." Turning around, Merle looked upon a few walkers approaching him. "What say we make with the small talk later and let ol' Merle inside, alright?"
Rick gestured to the arm blade contraption. "You seem pretty capable," he remarked. "You made it this far."
"Oh, c'mon. You already left me for dead once. You really gonna do it again?"
Jo gave Rick a tug to his shirt, catching his eye when he looked down at her. "Let him in, Rick," she insisted. "He saved my life. He got me and Sophia out of Woodbury. I owe him."
Both of them looked over at Merle, who was getting antsy. Because Rick was taking too long, he had to turn his backs on them so he could see the walkers approaching and take them down with his arm blade. There were only four, yet Merle managed, just as Rick had expected he would. The former sheriff deputy watched the way Merle held his own and took down each walker with a mix of brute force and finesse; having acclimated to his prosthetic bayonet arm.
"You make that yourself?"
"Uh, yeah." Merle looked down at his right arm; the blade now covered in dark walker blood. "Took a while, but you'd be surprised what you can do when have a lot of downtime and desperation on your side."
Rick nodded, appreciating the handiwork of the prosthetic and recalling Jo's thoughts on them doing something similar for Maggie down the line. He continued to look back at Merle, who did the same, but more expectantly. As a few more walkers from along one of the other fences sensed Merle was there, they began ambling over to him and the older man sighed heavily with a 'you have got to be kidding me' tone to his sigh.
"Rick," Jo pressed. "Let him in."
She had spoken loud enough for Merle to hear her speak in his defense. "Yeah, Rick. C'mon. Let me in," he remarked, stabbing one walker in the eye.
When Rick continued to hesitate, Jo walked forward to the fence where Merle stood and pulled her pocket knife out from its safe-keeping in her bra. Flicking the blade open, she grabbed onto the chain-link fence and gave it a rattle as one of the walkers took notice of her and walked over. She waited for it to press his face against the fence so that it was close enough when she jammed her small blade into its skull. The walker wasn't as decayed as most so it took more effort to insert the blade and then remove it afterward. With a sigh of his own, Rick stalked forward and unsheathed his machete; whistling over another walker and impaling its head through the fence.
Jerking his arm backward, Rick pulled the machete out of the walker's skull and gave the blade a shake of excess blood as the walker collapsed. Removing the handkerchief he had stuffed in his back pocket, he wiped the rest of the blade as he gave Jo a side glance before casting his eyes back to Merle.
"You gotta let me in," Merle said, turning around to face Rick again once the immediate threat of walkers had been taken care of. "I saved Jo's life. I got her and Sophia out of Woodbury." He then pointed at Jo. "I assume she's told you about Woodbury and The Governor."
"She has," Rick confirmed. "And I know what you did for her and Sophia, and I appreciate it. I do. We all do. But you're showing up here after the fact, a month after. It makes me question things."
"Listen, I left when I could. The Governor isn't the man I thought he was," Merle began to explain. "He's become unhinged. He wants Jo, no matter the cost. He wants revenge on her for her taking his eye and his child away from him. Bastard's out for blood and it doesn't have to be just hers."
Rick put an arm out and pulled Jo back from the fence on instinct, as if The Governor himself was standing there and that simple gesture could protect her.
"You say The Governor's become unhinged. You know what he's done, what he's capable of doing. So, why did you stay? You're a tracker like Daryl. Why are you just reaching her and us now?"
"D'ya ever hear the saying 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer?' I was able to do more staying behind. He would've been on Jo and Sophia's trail within a day of them escaping if not for me, and every day since then." Merle gave a haughty nod. "So, you're welcome."
"Then why now?"
Merle shrugged. "I think he was starting to figure out I wasn't exactly his obedient little foot soldier anymore. I gave him the slip while we were out scouting for Sugar Tits, here." He gestured at Jo. "He'll find you soon enough without me there, but I couldn't stay no longer. So, c'mon; give ol' Merle a chance."
Jo looked between both men and rolled her eyes. "I'm going to get Daryl."
Without waiting for a response from Rick, she turned and walked back toward the prison. Rick looked after her and hesitated before looking back at Merle as both men began to square off with their eyes alone.
"You've come a long way since I last saw you, Officer Friendly," Merle quipped, a rakish smile upon his lips. "I mean, you're still a dick, but…" He laughed. "Heh, how about that? Rick the Dick."
Rick took a menacing step forward. "Listen, if you're gonna be here with us, you're gonna do as I say, when I say." Another step forward and he practically growled. "Do we have an understanding?"
"Yeah, but I—"
"Do we have an understanding?"
Merle took a step back, and held his arms out at his sides. "Yes, sir."
Daryl was walking alongside Jo through the courtyard, and had just reached the gate leading to the yard when they both noticed Rick and Merle walking up the dirt roadway up to the inner fence. He eyed Daryl, who had been doubtful when Jo originally told him about Merle, but now that he saw him with his own two eyes, he couldn't get the gate open fast enough.
"Merle!" Daryl shouted.
"Little brother!" Merle called back with a smile.
Rick took his time, walking behind Merle, preferring not to have the other man behind him so he could keep an eye on him. Once the gate opened, Daryl barreled forward and both the Dixon brothers met in a tight hug.
"Good to see you're still alive and kicking, you little bitch," Merle teased.
"Right back atcha, asshole."
"How sweet," Jo jested, standing at the gate as she waited for the brothers and Rick to return inside of the courtyard.
Rick pulled the gate closed and locked it up with the two Magellan Carabiner clips, and the chain connecting them, once they were all in. He stood there watching as the Dixons talked among themselves, pretty much just enveloped with their little reunion, but eventually cleared his throat to get their attention.
"So you weren't gonna let my brother in?" Daryl questioned. It was hard to tell if he was pissed off or if he was okay with it after the fact.
"I needed to know where he stood beforehand. I have more than just myself and him to worry about," Rick confessed. "We have more than just ourselves to consider in this and you know that."
Daryl waved his hand at Rick. "You let him in. That's all I care about."
"Jo went to get you and I knew once you knew, there'd be no way I could stop you from doing it yourself." Rick eyed Merle. "Better the devil you know, right?"
"I may be a bad boy, but I ain't a bad man," Merle contested, sending a wink at Jo, which she rolled her eyes at. He sized her up, regardless, and gestured to her. "Looks like you had your baby, Sugar Tits."
"I did," she confirmed, folding her arms across her chest.
Rick stepped forward, into Merle's line of sight. "You won't be calling her, or any other female here, that, understand?"
Merle frowned and shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I say it out of affection."
"Well, it's rude and the women here don't deserve your brand of affection."
Daryl placed a hand on his brother's chest and nodded at Rick. "It's alright. He'll curb his tongue, won't you, Merle?"
Merle grinned and threw and arm around Daryl's shoulders. "Anything for you, little brother." Craning to look around Rick and at Jo once more, he eyed her up again. "When'd you have the little one? Was it a boy or girl?"
"It was a girl."
"Was?"
"Is," Jo corrected. "I had her earlier today."
"And you're up and around? Damn, woman, you're a tough cookie, aren't you?"
"I have to be."
"Can I meet the lil' one?"
Rick stepped in again. "Maybe later. Tonight, and the days following, consider yourself on a probation of sorts. You may be Daryl's brother and you may have saved Jo's life from being ended at the hands of The Governor, but I still have my doubts and you need to prove yourself to me and our group. We all need to be able to trust you. For all we know you can be a plant for The Governor, here to break us down from within so we're easy pickings for some later assault."
"That ain't how it is," Merle insisted, his tone becoming serious. "I'm done with that man and his lackeys."
"Well, we don't know that for sure," Rick reiterated. "We just lost someone today, and now we have two children to keep safe. I ain't taking any risks, so you have to forgive me if I don't share in your brother's enthusiasm or the extent of Jo's gratitude, as appreciated as it is for all of us."
Daryl shifted his weight around and got a little fussy, but Merle held his hand up and gave his younger brother a look before eyeing Rick knowingly. "It's alright. I understand. I'll bid my time as long as you need me to so you can see I come in peace or whatever."
Rick pointed to Merle's prosthetic. "I'll need that for the time being."
"What? Rick, no," Daryl began to pipe up.
Merle and Rick both eyed each other. Rick wasn't backing down from his gaze or the stance he was taking. Merle wasn't stupid, either, so he relented. As he began to unstrap the contraption from his right arm, Rick's persona softened slightly.
"It's just a temporary thing," he assured. "If and when we bring you out on runs with us, or if we need you to help dispense with some walkers, I'll give it back. But inside there, with our women and children, it's not necessary for you to have right now."
"It's okay. I get it." Merle handed his prosthetic over without hesitation, revealing his since healed stump where his right hand once was. "Who died today?"
"You remember Dale?" Daryl questioned his brother.
"The old coot with the RV?"
"Yeah, him. He got bit by a walker this afternoon."
"What happened?"
"Prison got breached by some walkers that were let in by a former inmate with a grudge. Dale was trying to protect some of the ladies, get them into cells."
Merle snickered. His eyes wandered to Jo again. "You give birth before or after that all happened?"
"During."
"Shit."
"Yeah," she agreed.
The door from C Block opened and Shane stepped in the caged, outer entrance. Glenn and T-Dog were behind him, probably curious as to what was all happening and why it was taking so long for Rick to return and why Jo had discreetly pulled Daryl away from the group inside.
"Fuckin' Merle Dixon?" Shane remarked. It was more of a statement than a question.
"That's me," Merle smiled.
"I thought we were gonna wait to go look for this ass."
"You better watch your mouth, Barney Fife," Daryl remarked, defensively.
Jo looked down, stifling a smile and a giggle at the pop culture reference. Only Daryl seemed to notice her reaction, and it puffed him up a bit to get more on the defensive on his brother's behalf.
Rick held a hand up between Shane and Daryl, like so many times before. "He came to us," Rick clarified. "He tracked Jo and the rest of us here on his own."
Merle finally noticed T-Dog and sneered. "Hey, there, Chocolate Drop."
T-Dog reacted negatively right off the bat and would've launched himself at Merle if Glenn and Shane hadn't pulled him back and if Rick, himself, hadn't chosen to get in between the pair.
"There'll be none of that, either," Rick growled over his shoulder.
Merle threw up his left hand and his right stump. "Fine, fine. But just so you know I ain't forgotten you dropping that damned key down the drain on purpose."
T-Dog sneered. "It was an accident, you bitch-ass redneck."
"Whoa, claws away, girls," Jo quipped, holding her hands out. "If we're all gonna live together, we gotta get over whatever went down between all of you in the past and focus on today, tomorrow and the days after. Okay?"
"Of course, Sugar—" Merle caught himself just as Rick whipped his head around and eyed him up. "I mean, of course, Jo."
Rick looked around at all the faces and then ushered everyone toward C Block's entrance. "Let's just get inside and get everyone squared away with our new arrival, and get him situated somewhere. We can discuss this in further detail in the morning," he spoke, placing his hands on his hips. "It's been a long day, a lot has happened. Let's just get some rest and start fresh tomorrow, alright?"
The others nodded, one by one, in agreement and began to walk back to the caged entrance to C Block. Jo was allowed in first so she could make a beeline for her daughter, followed by T-Dog who wanted to get the hell away from Merle as soon as possible. Shane and Glenn were in the middle, and then the Dixon brothers, with Rick bringing up the rear so he could once again keep an eye on Merle.
Once inside, Rick locked the door behind them all and watched as the others came into the communal area, which they had all just come to refer as the Common Room. Those that remembered Merle from the base camp outside Atlanta, basically most of the women (Andrea, Lori, Carol and Sophia) seemed a little on edge, because they remembered all too well the type of man Merle had been beforehand; regardless of what they knew now of what he'd done for Jo and Sophia. Of course, Carol seemed a little less on edge, because Sophia was her daughter and she made it back to her with Merle's assistance; so, in that sense, she owed him a debt alongside Jo. Lori and Andrea were less trusting. Hershel and Maggie, who had only heard of Merle before, and the inmates Oscar and Axel, who were plenty out of the loop because they had only just been brought into their group, officially, as of that afternoon, were a little more open to the new arrival. But that's not saying they weren't a little defensive either. Hell, they were a little defensive when they first laid eyes on Jo at that abandoned house with Sophia, and she had been pregnant and unconscious; no obvious threat at all.
"What's he doing here?" Andrea demanded, pointing at Merle.
Jo walked past her to Carol who was holding Hope now; taking back her daughter.
"I think she might be hungry again," Carol informed. "While you were outside I threw together a sort of privacy blanket so you can feed Hope without worrying about anyone seeing anything you don't want them seeing."
Jo smiled. "Thank you."
Carol ushered Jo back into C Block to show her the blanket in question, and gestured for her own daughter to follow.
Merle stepped over to Andrea, as if trying to throw his weight around and apparently forgetting his "probationary" status within the group for a minute as Daryl got on the defensive toward the other blonde. Rick held the hand out that was holding his ring of keys, so it jangled considerably, as he stepped between them all.
"He's here because he found us," Rick commented. "He said The Governor has become unhinged and that he poses an immediate threat to our group. If Merle hadn't shown up tonight, we might still be living blindly, thinking we're fine. But we clearly ain't."
"Why should we believe a word Merle says?" T-Dog questioned, a permanent scowl taking up residence on his face for apparently however long Merle would be with them.
"Because my brother wouldn't lie about something that concerns me, too," Daryl insisted.
"I ain't lying," Merle remarked. "The Governor just wants his child and will take it however he can. If he has to kill everyone to do it, he won't hesitate. If he finds this place and realizes Jo is here, he will tear this place apart."
"So, then we just hide Jo and Hope," Lori suggested.
"Easier said than done, princess," Merle quipped. "You have a son, don't you? You remember what it's like when he was a baby — cryin' all the time?"
"We had a son," Lori said, sadly, looking down at the floor while crossing her arms over her chest.
Merle nodded his head a little sympathetically in condolence. "Well, either way, you ever try to quiet a baby when a shitstorm of noise is goin' down? The Governor will shoot first and ask questions later. He'll draw everyone out with gunfire, pick ya'll apart one by one if he has to. And since the baby is already here, with all that noise, he'll probably be able to hear it crying after a while and that'll be all he'll need to rip ya'll to shreds with bullets."
"Which is why we need to start preparing now," Rick pressed, gesturing at the ground as if making a point. "Merle, like Daryl, is a tracker by nature; can find a needle in a damned haystack if he has too, and up until this point The Governor had Merle as his Seeing Eye dog. Fortunately for us, Merle claims he's been leading The Governor astray on a wild goose chase while determining the real path Jo and the rest of us got off to."
"I ain't claiming it's what I've been doing, it's truth."
"Whatever," Rick bit out and threw the older Dixon a stern look. "Point is, we need to start stock-piling our own weapons, fortify this prison, save bullets; any walkers we need to kill, we try and do with blades or other blunt weapons." He looked over at Oscar and Axel. "You two want to be part of our group so bad, this is your chance to prove yourselves for good and earn my trust. You stand with us against this oncoming storm that's most likely headed our way and you got it."
"What've we got to lose?" Oscar shrugged. He nodded. He was in.
"Our lives, for one," Axel remarked, but he was clearly in as well.
"I'd rather die fighting humans than get ripped apart by the undead."
Rick nodded in response to their decision to stand with his group. "That increases our numbers, which we'll need. It's late now, though. We'll head to bed, start early in the morning to make this place safer for us. We'll also need more people on watch tonight, just in case," he decided. "I'll take first, along with Shane. Oscar, you can come with me."
"Sure thing," Oscar nodded.
Looking between the Dixons, Rick pointed at Merle and then one of the cages along the wall in the Common Room. "You're in there tonight. Tomorrow we can decide if we can trust you enough to let you join us in there," he said, gesturing over his shoulder toward the C Block cell rooms.
Daryl looked as if he was going to protest but Merle nodded. "Fair enough."
Passing Merle's prosthetic off to Glenn, he ushered Merle into one of the cages and then locked him in. Merle held his gaze the entire time, rather impishly at that, which made Rick's thoughts run amuck with doubts as to whether or not the older man had any ulterior motives brewing. He really just prayed Merle weren't some Trojan horse on behalf of The Governor.
Daryl stayed put, to keep his brother company, which Rick was fine with as Rick went into C Block and see to everyone heading off to their own cells for the night. He remained stalwart, his tired blue eyes scanning everyone, as Hershel stood beside him as if keeping vigil.
"Do you trust him as far as you can throw him, Rick?" Hershel asked, referring to Merle.
"I don't want to, but I also have no reason not to," Rick admitted quietly. "From everything Jo's told us, or just me, about The Governor — the kind of man he is, the things he's done or the things she's left unsaid about what's been done to her, I have no reason to doubt what Merle's said. If The Governor went to such extreme measures to keep Jo locked away until the baby was born, why wouldn't he have spent the last month searching for her?"
"Let's just hope it doesn't come to a war," Hershel said in his typical, calm voice. "We have too many lives at stake here."
"I know that, and that's why we need to do everything we can to protect this place."
"Maybe we can talk to this Governor; have a sit-down and come to terms."
Rick took a step back and eyed Hershel as if the old man had just shit himself. "You want to negotiate with that man?"
"We can lie to him; tell him Jo died giving birth and so did the child. We'll dig an extra grave and put a walker in it, then bury it and place a cross. We can tell him Jo and her baby is buried there."
"Who's to say he won't bust in here and dig the grave up to be sure, or that he'd even believe us?"
"He doesn't have to know Jo was ever here to begin with. Like Lori said: we just hide away Jo and Hope. The Governor doesn't know how many people we have here. We can put one or two people with her as protection, Glenn and Maggie maybe. I'd rather not have Maggie in a fight of any kind right now in her condition and Glenn wouldn't want to leave her side. We can prove that Sophia is here if need be, but that we found only her. We can lie and say Sophia told us she and Jo got overrun by walkers on the road and Jo sacrificed herself; that Sophia got away to safety which is when we found her."
Rick nodded, considering that option. "How do we just hide Jo and Hope? Merle's right, as much as I hate to admit it. If The Governor comes here and there's a commotion…sound carries in that courtyard. If Hope starts crying, and a baby's crying is pretty damn distinct, he'll know we're lying."
"So, we just do everything we can to keep things from escalating to that point. We keep our heads and wits about us. We don't let him get to us, physically and mentally. We don't really know that man, except what we've been told. We don't know what kind of mind games he could be capable of. We know enough what he is physically capable of." Hershel gestured toward Jo's cell where the blonde woman was sitting on the bottom bunk with a blanket of some sort draped over her chest; discreetly nursing her daughter. "He's clearly someone who thinks nothing of violating a woman and harming her after the fact. And he's apparently willing to kill innocent people to get to her and his child."
"Hope ain't his child," Rick insisted, venom in his voice. "Bastard like that may have helped create that girl, but he ain't her father. As far as anyone is concerned, Hope has a mother and that's it."
"Well, she has us, too."
"Yeah." Letting his eyes linger on Jo for a minute longer, Rick cast his eyes back to Hershel and placed his hand onto the older man's shoulder. "I gave Glenn the prosthetic Merle was wearing. It's like what Jo was suggesting we make for Maggie. Maybe a few of you can study it and find something to create something similar for your daughter. Maybe we can even get Merle to help us with it."
Hershel nodded. "I'll take a look at it," he spoke. "I was pretty good at shop class once upon a time."
Rick smirked. "Alright." Without saying anything else, he parted ways as the older man went to Glenn and Maggie's cell. Rick walked over to Jo's cell instead, placing his hands on the barred cell door and she looked up at him instantly, as if she had already sensed him coming her way. "She doing okay?" he asked, in regard to Hope.
"Yeah, thankfully." Jo winced at what was going on under the blanket. "She has no teeth, but she's a biter already."
Rick laughed slightly under his breath. "Carl was, too. Lori didn't get to nurse very long though. She got that, uh, mastitis about two months in and had to switch to formula exclusively from there on out. Hopefully you're more fortunate."
"Well, I have been so far," Jo remarked, then winced again and looked down at the bulge that was her baby under the blanket. "Fingers crossed."
Boldly, Rick stepped into her cell and placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "If you need anything…"
Jo looked up at him. "I know where to find you," she smirked.
"I was actually gonna say Hershel or Carol will be happy to help with the baby," he said, gesturing to the blanket draped over her. "But, yeah…you can come to me to with anything if you need."
Blushing slightly, Jo looked down. "Right, yeah."
Rick lingered for a moment and then nodded at her before stepping out of her cell. He stepped past Shane, who had just come from the upper level where he shared a bunk with Lori and both men nodded to each other.
"Jo and the baby okay?"
Rick confirmed with a bob of his head. "She's feeding right now."
"Damn kid's been alive half a day and she's eating like a parasite," Shane joked.
"Babies do that."
"Yeah, I guess you'd know that firsthand experience, wouldn't you?" Shane gave Rick a playful shove as they both stepped into the Common Room. "I remember how overtired you were after Carl was born; complaining about getting no sleep at night because he kept waking up every two hours to eat."
"Yeah, he was consistent like that."
As they eyed the Dixons and then gestured for Oscar to follow them outside, Rick and Shane stepped out into the courtyard, locking the door behind them. They looked around, eyeing the yard specifically and the woods beyond the outer fences.
"I'll take one of the two towers down there," Shane offered, pointing. "You and Oscar take this one here. I'll wait till you get up there and you watch my back in case anything or anyone is out there and tries getting me before I get where I'm going."
Rick nodded. "Sure."
Shane walked over to the gate separating the courtyard from the yard and removed the two Magellan Carabiner clips and opened the gate, stepping to the other side and waited as he pulled the gate closed. Rick and Oscar opened the door to the tower nearest the prison and ascended the staircase swiftly. When they reached the observance deck, they stepped out and Rick nodded down at Shane who locked the gate up behind him and hustled down to the front gates, unlock and relock the inner front gate and then hurry up into nearest tower. The entire time, Rick had his rifle, which he had left up there from a previous watch, and used the scope to keep a better eye on Shane and the surrounding area. He passed his Colt and a few extra bullets from his shirt pocket to Oscar so the other man had something to use for defense.
Rick watched as Shane waved at him, to let him know things were okay at his tower once he reached its observance deck. In response, Rick held up a hand and nodded, whether or not his oldest friend saw the nod.
"So, how long we doing this watch for?" Oscar inquired, holding the Colt at his side.
Rick shot him a sideways glance and shrugged. "A few hours, maybe all night if need be," he replied. "Hope you caught up on your beauty sleep."
Every two hours or less, throughout the night, Hope woke up fussing or crying; needing to be fed, have her diaper changed or just wanting to be held and it was exhausting for Jo. Once her head had finally touched down to her pillow, and she knew that Hope was asleep inside the pack-n-play crib Rick and the other guys had found previously at that abandoned daycare, Jo had fallen asleep. She had surprised herself by lasting as long as she had throughout the day; what with giving birth a month early in such chaotic circumstances, rushing back to C Block, Dale dying and holding his funeral, and then Merle arriving. It was such a roller coaster of a day and Jo was just impressed with herself that she had managed so well throughout it.
Waking up so frequently was rough, but she was thankful for Carol hurrying to her aid. When Hope didn't need to be fed and just needed a diaper change or to be held, Carol was there, as eager as a beaver. By the time the sun began to rise again and her cell was getting brighter, Jo had woken to a fussy Hope once more and just knew it was feeding time. Her breasts were sore and her top was soaked at the nipple area, which she was mildly embarrassed by. This time, however, it wasn't Carol who appeared to help. It was Lori.
"Morning," Lori greeted, crouching over the pack-n-play to lift Hope up and cradle her.
"Morning," Jo replied tiredly, while failing miserably to hide the leaking.
Lori looked over to her and smirked. "Don't be embarrassed. That happens." She passed Hope to Jo and took a step back.
Not caring if Lori saw anything, Jo lifted her shirt up and finagled Hope in a way so that she latched onto one breast before she could reach for the privacy blanket Carol and thrown together for her and drape it over Hope. "Where's Carol?"
"Asleep. She was about to get up again to help you, but I insisted she take a break. I'm plenty capable," she informed. "Been there, done that, too."
"True."
"You've made it through your first day as a mother. How are you finding it?"
"Well, not quite a full twenty-four hours yet, but it's been okay, I guess," Jo replied. "It's just…a lot has happened and I'm still trying to process it and there are so many things I have to worry about, and not just in regard to Hope. I mean—ow." She looked down, winced and cupped Hope's face. "Ow, stop, with those gums, little girl."
Lori chuckled. "Yeah, there's no getting used to that."
"I guess so," Jo remarked, and continued. "But, yeah…I mean, now I'm worrying about my own safety because I want to be around to see Hope grow up, even if it is in this kind of world, and everyone else's safety because of The Governor. I feel like I've put everyone in this horrible position and I didn't ask for any of this."
Looking down at the bump in the blanket that was her daughter, Jo teared up and began to cry; her post-natal hormones getting the better of her and knocking down the wall she had built up as not to bother anyone with the terrible things she'd been through, when she knew they'd been through their own terrible things. Lori frowned, sympathetically, and sat down beside Jo on the bed, placing an arm around her shoulder.
"I didn't ask to get roofied. I didn't ask to get pregnant," Jo cried, letting her tears fall down her face upon Lori's gesture. "I didn't ask to get locked away for six months in some cellar, chained to a wall at the ankle. I didn't ask to be threatened with death upon the birth of my child. I didn't ask for that fucking monster to come to me every fucking night for my last two weeks in that fucking cellar and force himself on me. I didn't ask to have all of you find me and take me in without a second thought and then have me scared for all of you because of that fucking monster." Jo turned her face to Lori, ugly crying at its best. "Walkers I can handle. But they're supposed to be the monsters I fear at night, not the father of my child."
Lori placed her free hand on the opposite side of Jo's face and pulled the blonde woman's head down onto her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "Shh," she whispered into the fair tresses. "That man is not your child's father. You are Hope's mother and father. We are all her father and we are all here for the both of you no matter what, do you understand me?" Tears were falling down Lori's face by this point. She felt that if someone had done to her what had been done to Jo that people would be there for her as well, through thick and thin. "Rick, Shane, Daryl, T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie, Hershel, Andrea, Carol, me, and even Sophia: we are your family and we will help protect you and Hope. We won't let that fucking monster hurt or kill you and we sure as hell won't let him take Hope."
As Jo simultaneously cried on Lori's shoulder and nursed her daughter, Rick and Shane had been standing in the Common Room with Oscar behind them, having come off watch after switching places with Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog who had already gotten up for the day. Oscar had gone straight through C Block and continued on to the door at the opposite side to head to D Block where he and Axel's cells were so he could get some sleep. Merle was asleep in his cage, and everyone else seemed to be as well, except for Lori and Jo, who Rick and Shane had heard talking.
The two longtime friends stood there, listening carefully to every word being spoken, occasionally exchanging a look with each other.
Rick couldn't help but feel personally attacked, as if what Jo was finally admitting about her past experiences with The Governor had happened to him and it filled him with an anguish he hadn't felt since the loss of Carl.
His jaw clenched, his fingers curled and he balled his fists up tight until his knuckles turned white like alabaster. Breathing heavily through his nostrils to keep his anger in check, he almost didn't notice Shane touching his shoulder and gesturing to him to step a little more away from the cell block door.
"What she just said was done to her, Rick, we gotta make that right," Shane whispered.
"I know," Rick agreed as his nostrils flared.
"That shit ain't right. No one deserves that."
Shane shook his head and ran a hand through his thick brown hair which had long since grown back since he'd shaved it all off on Herhsel's farm. He winced and felt a pang of guilt, remembering that one time at the CDC when he'd drunkenly come onto Lori and had almost forced himself on her before she scratched him and he checked himself. He had come so close to turning into the same kind of monster that had repeatedly attacked Jo and he'd never forgive himself for his temporary slip-up. He couldn't imagine how a man like The Governor could live with himself after going through with it, not once but multiple times. Sure, Lori had obviously forgiven him since then, but he thanked God every day she had given him a second chance and that she chose him after everything that had happened. However, he could never forget it and he didn't want to. It made him strive to be a better man for the woman he loved every day.
"No, no one deserves that," Rick once more agreed. "Least of all Jo."
As Rick stalked over to Merle's cage, Shane looked after him.
Least of all Jo?
Shane let that roll around in his head and slowly he began to realize something that he was sure Rick didn't even know.
Fuck, Shane thought. Is Rick falling in love with—
His thought process was cut off by Rick banging his hand on Merle's cage door.
"Wake the fuck up," Rick growled.
Merle woke with a startle and literally sat up swinging before he remembered where he was. Turning to face Rick and Shane, who was slowly approaching, the older man looked the former sheriff deputy up and down and scowled, though not out of ill-contempt, per se. Mostly because he was probably having a good dream that had been disturbed by such an abrupt wake-up call.
"What can I do you for, officers?" Merle asked, eyeing both men.
Rick stepped backward and sank down upon one of the seats at the nearest table, all the while never breaking eye contact. "You're gonna tell me every detail about Woodbury and The Governor your ugly fucking head can remember."
"Well, not with manners like that," Merle quipped, chuckling at his own humor.
"Tell me every fucking detail or I will cut your fucking throat with your own fucking prosthetic and then let you turn," Rick growled out with such venom dripping from his voice and with such a severe glare that Merle sat up straight and wiped the smirk from his face. "Do you understand me?"
Shane looked away from Merle and to Rick, studying his friend's expression and nodding as he remembered something he had told him during an argument on Hershel's farm after the barn incident.
Rick, you can't just be the good guy and expect to live, okay? Not anymore.
A moment like this and Shane knew Rick was fed up with striving to always be the good guy; at least, for now. Acting like the bad guy sometimes seemed like the only way to get shit done anymore.
Pulling his Colt from its holster and laying it down on the table behind him, but aiming it in Merle's direction, Rick then leaned forward and folded his hands between his knees as he maintained his gaze with the caged Dixon.
"Did I fucking stutter?"
Merle nodded in response.
"Good," Rick remarked. "Start talkin'."
