Chapter Twelve: Unbearable
BPOV
When I come out of the bathroom from my shower, I find Edward still in my bed with my phone in his hand.
"Did I get a phone call?"
"Your dad called."
"He did?"
"He did."
"He never calls me in the morning. Did you answer it? Or just see it on the caller id?"
"I answered."
"Did you talk to him? What did he say? Is something wrong?"
"He didn't say anything was wrong. But he couldn't wait. So he said he'd call you later. After we had a nice talk."
"You had a nice talk with my dad?"
"I did."
"About what?"
"About you, Puppet. What else would we talk about?"
"You talked to my dad about me?"
"I did."
"What about, exactly?"
"Are you worried about what I talked to him about? About you?"
Ummm... yes. Maybe. "No. Should I be?"
His laugh sounds sinister to my ears but his smile that follows is sweet. "He worries about you being here in this big, bad city with no one but Angela to look out for you."
"He told you that?"
"He did."
"And what did you say?"
"That he didn't need to. Because I'm here, keeping a very close eye on his little girl. Amongst other things. While I keep the big and bad far away from you. But I didn't tell him about those, of course. The other things. I didn't think he'd want to know about those."
Telling him about those would kill him. Or you... "And what did he say?"
"That he was glad I was here."
"He did?"
"He did."
"Did he say anything else?"
"That he looked forward to meeting me."
"Oh. Well, I don't know when that would happen. He-"
"It's happening this weekend."
"It is?"
"It is."
"But how? Is he coming to-"
"No, Puppet. We're going. I'm taking you home to your dad for the weekend. And getting you away from this big, bad city."
And Angela...
Who isn't either.
And who won't even miss me, I guess.
Because she doesn't seem to remember that I'm even here...
Since you have been...
"Now, why don't you stop asking questions and bring that too-curious mouth over here where I can feel it instead of hear it."
"I can't, I'll be late for class if I-"
"Did you not hear me say now, Puppet?"
"Yes, but I-"
"Will be even later if you don't hurry up."
"Later, Edward, I promise. I-"
"Must not like it when I'm nice."
"No, that's not true. I do. I-"
"Have about three seconds to start trying to keep me that way. And the big and bad away. But remember... whether you do or don't... it was your choice."
He's right. It was. And I chose him because he was. Being nice to me...
Something that Angela never wasn't. I never had a choice with her. I only had to let her be. And tell her that I wanted her to be even nicer than she already was.
Something she was glad to do.
To me and for me...
When she was still here, where she isn't now because Edward is. And has been for the last three days. And where he has been nice... but not as nice as she was. Or as I've had to be to him to keep him that way.
Like I try my best to do now. Again, as I do what he wants and rush to him to do what else. Because it's the only choice I have, really. The only one I can live with. Because I really do like it when he's nice.
Which he's still being... while he strokes my hair as he lays back and watches...
His cock slide in and out of my too-curious mouth.
That can't ask any questions now. Because it's full of the only answer he had left to give me. The big and bad answer.
The one he's given me over and over again for the last three days...
After the morning that I woke up and asked him for what I thought I wanted.
So he would know...
I chose him.
"Dad? Hi. I'm sorry I missed you this morning. Is everything okay?"
"Everything is uh... good. And for you, I hear."
"Well, good is... good. And um... yeah. School's great, and-"
"That boyfriend of yours. He's pretty great, too, huh?"
When he wants to be... "Yeah, Edward told me he talked to you... "
"Sure did. This morning. Early this morning. When you were in the shower."
Crap. Maybe Edward misread their conversation...
And my dad only wants him to bring me home this weekend so killing him will be more convenient.
Well, I don't want him to die... "Dad... he just came over to give me a ride to class, since we had one at the same time. I was just running late and wasn't ready yet. That's why he was here when I was in the shower. He-"
"I trust you, Bells. You've always made good choices. And from my talk with Edward, I know you have again. He sounds like a very nice and respectable young man. Who was nicely and respectably elsewhere while you were in the shower. He wouldn't have been able to answer your phone if he wasn't."
What the hell? I wanted him to believe my lie, but...
But Edward.
There's not a doubt in my mind, especially now, that he laid the charm on thick with my dad on the phone. Really thick. Because there was a boy in my room while I was in the shower - not that he knows he was in my room, just elsewhere - early in the morning and he doesn't sound in the least bit mad about it. He even thinks Edward is nice and respectable because of it.
And because he has no idea where Edward was before I was in the shower. Or after. Where I was...
And because he doesn't, and because Edward is... well, whatever he is... he definitely doesn't want to kill him.
But I still can't imagine that he would agree to us spending the weekend under the same roof even if he doesn't, and even if it's his roof we're under.
Somewhere I don't want to be with Edward. And his charm.
"He said something about me coming home this weekend... after he told me he'd talked to you. I can, but I can drive myself, Dad. Edward doesn't know anyone in Forks, and-"
"He will after this weekend. He'll know me. And more importantly, I'll know him. Which is a lot more than I know now, since my daughter doesn't tell me anything."
"I told you about him." Well, that there was a him...
"You told me there was a boy."
"There's not really much else to tell... "
"And that's exactly why it's a good thing that he's bringing you home. So that I can see what you don't think there is to tell for myself."
"Well, what do you want to know about him? You can just ask me. I'll-"
"I have to go, honey. I'll see you Friday night. Edward said you both had early classes, and that he could have you here in time for dinner. We'll go out for that one, but the rest of the weekend I want to eat my little girl's cooking."
"But-"
"I really miss your cooking."
"Of course, Dad. Anything you want, but-"
"Gotta go, Bells! Love you!"
He hangs up before I can get another word out. And once again...
Edward has made sure that I don't have a choice. Not one that isn't him, anyway.
APOV
For the first time in three days, Edward's car isn't outside when I come home.
Three agonizing days, that turned into even more agonizing nights, because it stayed there... here... in my way.
Making those agonizing nights unbearable...
Something that I won't waste time dwelling on now, because, for the first time in three days, I have Bella to myself. Even if I can't have her...
Not having her was a big part of the agony. I didn't know it was possible to crave a person so much. I had... craved her... I ached with how much I did.
But that was before I'd had her. The craving after is different. More desperate. More intense. So much more...
It's the unbearable.
That settles over every part of me when I walk through our door and see her...
Bent over and straightening the magazines on our coffee table. Bent over and alone.
And smiling at me. When she turns and looks up. Sort of.
It's not a whole smile. Not an easy or comfortable one. I think maybe she thinks I'm mad at her. For the agony she knows she caused me. And is now. Me... and herself, even if it hasn't hit her yet.
"How are you, sweetie?" I ask her, wanting her to know I'm not. Mad... because no matter how agonizing it is, I understand it.
That she can't help it. Just like Eric can't. Or me...
"I'm okay," she answers, biting her lip for a second. "How are you? I feel like we haven't seen each other in ages."
So do I... seen or touched... or... fuck. "I'm okay, too. I guess."
"That's... um... "
"Okay, Bella."
"You don't have to say that it is. I know it's-"
"Not something I want to come between us," I tell her, because it's not. No matter what happens, I know that.
"I don't want that, either, Angela. This... him... or anything else. Ever."
There's worry and fear in her eyes. And pain. For me, I think. I can't hope that she feels any for herself.
Not that I would ever hope for her to feel any at all...
I wouldn't. But...
I just don't know. Anything... but this agony that chokes me.
And the love. "Well, I won't let it, Bella. Or him. Anything. You never have to worry about that. Nothing has changed."
"But you've been... well, you... "
"Just went where I was wanted. It was nothing more than that."
"You're wanted here."
"So is he," I say, instead of the thing I want to. The thing I can't bear to hear the sound of. Because the feeling of it is bad enough without it. The knowing that the want is different.
She doesn't want me the way she wants him. Doesn't crave me the same. And not at all the way I do her.
And I think that whatever he's been doing here for the last three days has filled what she did.
She craved being. Wanted and needed. She ached to feel how much she was.
But I don't think she does anymore. Because I don't see it in her now. Don't feel it between us. And don't hear it in what she doesn't say. To me.
Or in what she does to Edward, who strolls through our door like he owns the place. My place. "Thank you. Now I have everything I need."
My stomach turns as she says the words. Roils as he smirks at me with the sound of them, and then smiles at her. Right before he kisses her. And drops as she lets him pull her into the kitchen and away from me.
She didn't even look back. And that hurts, but hurt isn't the only thing I feel.
"Really?" I fix Eric with an angry glare, because Edward didn't stroll through our door like he owned the place alone.
"Really what?"
"Don't what me, Eric, you know what."
"Edward got you some wine," is all he says, and then turns and walks away from me and follows them into the kitchen.
I stay where I am, because I refuse to make it that easy for him. And because I don't dare at the moment move. I'm too angry... and if I go in there, more than dinner might get cooked.
Something I know he knows when he comes back after only seconds. "Bella's putting it on ice for you."
"Don't be an asshole."
"I didn't mean anything by that. It wasn't... what are you pissed at me for?"
"Bonding, were you?"
"No. I came up because I thought you were home. He was already here with her. And already planning to stay. And then Bella asked if I - we - wanted to have dinner with them, and since all you do is worry about her with him when you can't see them, I said sure. So you could for a while."
"How generous and considerate of you."
"It was. I know my wants aren't high on your list of priorities, Angela, or on it at all, but I'd much rather have you to myself. Just like you'd rather have her. But we can't always have what we want. Not when what we want is different than that of the one we love. So, we compromise. I compromised. Because I know you've been dying inside for the last three days being away from her. And even though you can't stand to see her with him, I think not seeing her at all is worse for you. Unbearable, even. I just tried to make it not so much for a night.
"And Bella needed some things for the dinner she was planning. Edward offered to go get them, and since you weren't here yet, I went with him. So you could have a few minutes alone with her when you did get here. And if you're mad at me for that... "
"Then I'm the asshole."
"I'd never call you that."
"Not to my face."
"Not to any part of you."
His playful smile makes me, despite everything else I feel.
And I'll try to keep it on my face tonight...
Because I want what I want to feel to see it.
The who I will compromise for.
The smile didn't stay on my face for very long. It got knocked off.
Bella's seemingly endless giggling coming from our kitchen was making me crazy. And thirsty.
Because it wasn't me that was making her make that beautiful sound. It was him.
And I wanted him to make me something, too, so it wouldn't be so unbearable to hear. Eric said Edward got the wine for me...
So I went into the kitchen with my plastered on smile to accept my gift...
And had the floor ripped out from under me. And the countertop...
Because it had been. In a sense.
Because Bella's giggles were coming from on top of it.
Our blue and white tiled countertop that I'd stopped hating. Because my fantasy had come true and she'd let me love her on it. In the most intimate of ways.
Ways she's not thinking about now, like I am.
Ways she's forgotten, I think, as Edward stands between her legs in front of it.
Stands, not bows. Because he never would... bow for her. To her.
He'd never bend like I did. Over backwards if it was what she wanted... and forward because it was.
He wouldn't. Hasn't. And doesn't have to.
He doesn't have to do anything to make her love him. And next to nothing to make her happy.
Giggle with joy.
And take mine away.
"Did Bella tell you about our plans for this weekend?"
"Plans?" I repeat, dreading what the single word could mean. And hating the look on his face that tells me I should.
"I'll take that as a no."
My eyes flash to Bella across from me at the table, but she doesn't meet them, because hers are focused on her fork, that's now moving food around on her plate.
But then they flash back to him... mine... because he's up from his chair and leaning over me, blocking my view of her.
"You like the wine, I see. I'm glad. I've never tasted it... it's not really my thing... or Bella's, as we've discovered... " He laughs - because he thinks he's funny, and maybe also because when Bella tasted it, she made a face that made us all. "...but I had a feeling it would be yours."
God, I hate him...
And he loves that I do. Beams with it as he fills my glass.
"Well, at least Bella tried it," I say, as he sits back down beside her.
"And didn't like it," he retorts. "Which I expected. I know what she likes."
"So do I."
"And it's not your wine."
"So, what are these plans you mentioned, Edward?" Eric squeezes my leg under the table as he tries to calm the tension. "Are you and Bella doing something fun?"
"I don't know if fun is quite the word I'd use to describe our plans, but I'm looking forward to it... spending the weekend with Bella and her dad."
I choke on my wine at his carefully and evilly timed announcement, but unfortunately don't spit it all over his smug face.
"You alright, Angela?" he asks me, not an ounce of concern in his tone. "Need a pat on the back or something?"
Not from you... "I'm fine. Just went down wrong."
I ignore his chuckle - and the urge to jab my fork into his throat - and focus my attention on the matter at hand. Because I can't have heard him right.
"Is your dad coming to visit, Bella?"
"No... " she starts nervously, "He wants me to come there. Or go... and he um... wants Edward to take me. So that he can meet him."
"And then he's leaving." I say, rather than ask, because it's the only thing that makes sense. Because I've known Charlie Swan since I was a little girl.
"No... "
"No? Well, he's not staying?" Again... I know Charlie. And there's no way...
"Well, yeah... I mean, he's not just dropping me off. He doesn't know anyone in Forks, so... "
"The whole weekend? With you?"
"And my dad."
Eric wasn't kidding when he said Bella was putting it on ice...
Because it couldn't get any colder than this.
Cold enough to send unbearable chills of dread up my spine.
Cold enough for Hell to freeze over.
I'm sorry. It's really all I can say.
But I guess I should add that SM still owns Twilight and its characters. Characters nothing like these, who are mine. Or the ones in Worth Waiting For, who are also mine, and who I brought back for a second chapter a few days ago. Second and final. And trust me... that Edward is still someone you'd want to spend time with, whether it be a weekend at home, or three anything-but-unbearable days, or a lifetime.
