Here Without You


This particular day hadn't started off well for anyone. Hikaru especially, but everyone was feeling a sense of hurt and disappointment.

Up to this point, Haruhi had been missing for almost seventeen months. A year and a half. Over the course of this, everyone had lost a lot of sleep, weight, and their glorious ivory skin tone, and had gotten a little paler.

Haruhi's long term disappearance had taken a toll on everyone, much as Hikaru would like to say that no one gave a damn, as it wasn't their wife who had gone missing, but the girl they had gone to highschool with and had been friends with every since, was now missing, and they couldn't go on with life without knowing what happened to her.

Despite them, it had taken the biggest toll on Hikaru, and they all new that.

He never slept, which caused the dark circles under his eyes. He had a terrible sleep schedule, where he'd lay awake all night, fall asleep in the morning, wake up too late to go to work or to have breakfast. He'd have a late lunch which made him skip dinner. You'd be lucky to get two meals into him everyday.

He had lost weight, they could tell but no one dared to ask him how much. He looked pale from lack of sleep. He was grumpy because of that. Now, if you had shown everyone a picture of him of what he looked like two years ago, and a picture of what he looked now, you'd have to look at each picture for awhile before you'd realize that he was the same person.

He was paler, skinnier, meaner, and looked a lot older than he should.

And Kaoru never would have been able to guess that a woman would ever have this effect on his beloved twin brother.

Kaoru thought of this as he sat at his desk in his home office. Ever since Haruhi left, Hikaru had been taking a lot of breaks from work. He might have worked a total of maybe a hundred and forty hours of work in the last year and a half, so he had taken up most of it.

He wiggled his pencil in his fingers and twirled it around a few times before sticking it under his nose to looked through his papers. He was the designer of the two of them, while his brother was more so with the finances and accounts, as his brother was always better with numbers, but now he had taken both sides on by himself, because well... somebody had to do it. His mother luckily helped him a lot when he needed her to.

Laying on the loveseat on the other side of the office, was his beautiful, crabby, pregnant wife. He looked up and raised his eyebrow, noticing that her hand was draped over her forehead, looking asleep.

"Moko," he muttered, talking had made him drop his pencil. "What's the matter?"

Mokoto turned her head to look at him, dropping her hands from her face. "Hungry." Was all she said.

He only looked back at his papers. "Do you want me to go and make something?"

"And let you nearly burn the kitchen down again? No, I'd rather not have to clean up the mess."

He pouted. "I've gotten better at it."

She ignore that and plaid a hand on her stomach as she turned over on her side. "Have you talked to Hikaru today? I tried to call him earlier, but he wouldn't answer me."

Kaoru tightened his lips. "Figures. I tried to call him, too, but it just went to voicemail... three times." He looked back at his papers, flipping through a stack that was stuck together with staples. "It's a bad day for him today I guess, so maybe that's why he doesn't want to talk to anyone."

Mokoto sighed, turning back over to lay on her back. "...Your anniversary shouldn't be a bad day for you..."

Kaoru only nodded in agreement, not looking away. "This is the second anniversary of theirs that she's missed. You know he didn't take the last one too well. I was hoping we would have found her before this one but..."

"I know... It's been hard on him and he doesn't want to talk about it to anyone." She said lightly. "My mother sent him an anniversary card, but earlier today she called and said that he had sent the card back to her with sharpie written all over it."

"Probably because she sent the card to him with a picture of him and Haruhi inside of it."

"I hope he won't have hard feelings for her for long. She didn't mean anything by that. It was just a custom card she made."

"I know. Your mother's a sweet old lady, but... I don't think he likes her that much, because of the worst of times she mentions Haruhi straight to his face."

Mokoto grabbed the head of the couch to help her sit up. She was almost four months pregnant now, and her belly was showing. Though luckily she just looked fat and not pregnant and not everyone could tell. Kyouya however, figured it out the most recent time he had saw her, but Kaoru told him not to say anything.

It had two weeks since Haruhi's fake funeral, and today was Hikaru and Haruhi's wedding anniversary. He and Haruhi had been married for four years now. They had been married for two and a half years before she went missing. They only wished that they'd find her soon, before Hikaru would have to spend another anniversary alone.

Kaoru looked at his wife again, and watched as she struggled but managed to sit up. Her belly wasn't that big, and he could only guess that she was just being lazy and over dramatic. "Where are you going? I though we were hanging out?"

She just gave him a weird look. "I'm hungry."

"But we had lunch just a little while ago..."

"I ate for myself then. The baby's hungry and wants cookies."

He blinked. "...Hardly a proper meal."

"Maybe some brownies too."

"Just add cake to the list, why don't ya?"

"That sounds good too."

"Don't forget donuts."

Mokoto scowled. "I'm not kidding, I'm getting cookies."

"We don't have cookies."

"That's why I'm going to the store to get cookies, dummy." She shook her head, holding her arms up over her head to stretch. "I'm going to the store. FYI, I'm taking your car, and your money."

Kaoru tilted his head. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"If you come with me, how am I suppose to take your money and secretly go to the mall after I get cookies?" She looked at him, adjusting her shirt. "Don't be shocked if I give your credit card back and it's maxed out."

He grinned. "I have a feeling we're gonna have a fat kid."

She just shrugged. "I don't care how fat it is. Just as long as I can loose the weight as soon as it's out."

Kaoru leaned forward in his chair as she walked up to him. Her small blossoming stomach rubbed against the edge of his desk as she leaned closer to him. His lips curved upwards as she gave him aa quick kiss and played with her hair, trying to get her to make it last longer.

That didn't work, as she pulled away instantly and gave his cheek a small pat. "I'm leaving." She said, standing up straight. "Don't wait up. I'm also stopping by my mothers house."

He sighed, sitting back into his chair, throwing his feet onto the desk. "You sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"I'm pregnant, not handicap."

He waved his hand. "Alright fine. Be back before dinner though. We're going to Hikaru's place."

She tried to smile, but that didn't come. "...Then I'll buy him cookies, too."

"He won't take them."

"Double chocolate chip, then."


Even if it was the evening of a Wednesday, the maids were nowhere to be found. Because the maids were not wanted that day so obvious reasons.

They weren't wanted to cook, or clean, or to talk.

Because Hikaru didn't want them around to do any of those things. He had told them so in a very aggressive, non-Hikaru way. One of his eldest maids, who was in her forties, walked up to him and asked what he wanted her to make for dinner, and he had shouted at her.

None of them said anything else to him, and after they had done a few touchups to the cleaning, and left something for their boss to eat -despite what he said- they left. They didn't blame him for being in a bad mood, but they also didn't want to be around him when he was.

He didn't mean to shout at them, and he didn't want to shout, but he wasn't in a good mood and he couldn't help it. It was as though shouting at everyone was in his nature now.

He was usually fine on random days. He could control himself and no say a thing. Today though, it hurt. Today opened his already damaged wounds, and seemed to only pour salt on them to make them sting.

Last night he had managed to get the best night of sleep he had in a long time, but the moment he woke up, snuggled into his pillow after a comforting dream, he started to cry after he had realized what day it was.

He hid his face into his pillow as the tears strung his eyes, and hadn't gotten out of bed until almost two hours after that.

A year ago, when it was their third anniversary, he had been too busy and his time was too occupied to think about it, and didn't even celebrate it. But this time, he wasn't doing anything, and his mind was just set on one thing.

Haruhi...

And he couldn't get away from her.

All day long, it had been just been about her. he wouldn't worry about her as much, but today he realized how much he missed, and today he realized that his wife had been missing for over a year. He had been without her for so long, and still couldn't get her out of his head.

How long did she want to torture him like this? What was she doing today? Or what was she not doing?

It hurt because he didn't know whether or not his wife ever coming back, and it brought him back to his regular questions he asked himself almost everyday.

Was she with someone else? Was she dead? Was she happy, or not?

Screw her if she was, but... screw everyone else if she wasn't.

Now, he sat on the couch, with his head in his hands. His elbows rested on his knees as fresh tears started to form and a large painful headache throbbed the side of his skull. He wiped under his eyes with his wrists and looked up to grab and finish off his glass of hot red wine.

Or better yet, finish off his fifth glass of wine.

It was that moment when he realized that his large alcohol consumption that evening, might be the cause of his migraine.

His family and friends, over the course of the last year, and sent him many gifts full of things that they thought would make him feel better about Haruhi. Though after the funeral, there was many gifts sent to his house, and most were some of the finest red and white wine, so of course... what better day to get rid of it all than today?

What better day to get drunk for the first time since his twenty-first birthday, besides his anniversary? Which he had to spend alone, for the second time. Because his wife was missing, and most likely could be dead.

Haruhi never liked alcohol, and only drank champagne on occasions, so they always had that special stash, but he never drank just because he felt like it. He had always been to classy for that, he had told her one time.

Not this time.

Now he drank because of the stress, trying to relieve it. His body almost ached from the stress of lack of sleep, and over working himself at night with his computer and the missing reports and research.

He drank because of the sadness, hoping it would make him forget about it. His sadness had taken over him so much that he had no other feeling, other than regret, guilt, and shame. Shame because this is how his life was now. And a random female is what made him like this.

And he drank, trying to ease the pain of it all, but it wasn't working. It still hurt, and now it hurt even more. It felt as though his heart was bleeding, and it wouldn't stop.

He was using alcohol as a temporary Band-Aid. But it wasn't working for him to forget her. The more cups he poured himself, (he finished off the first bottle and was half way done with his second one) it only made him think of her more, and think that the only reason for his drinking, was because of her.

Was this how he was going to become for the rest of his life? His father-in-law worked at a tranny bar and got drunk regularly because of where he worked. Did he do it for the sadness too? For his own wife who was taken from him earlier in their marriage?

Was he going to be like this everyday? Have bottles of this hated, yet satisfying liquid scattered across his house like it was now?

Was he going to become this new person who he already hated? Was he going to stay like this?

A rough, painful twinge stabbed his heart as he downed another glass. He placed his empty goblet on the coffee table and tangled his fingers into his bangs as he leaned into the couch. He had drank so much that he was beginning to feel sick.

Hot tears made their way onto his face again as he hid his face with his palms. His shoulders shook as he uncontrollably sobbed into his hands. He wasn't ashamed anymore. The only thing the alcohol managed to do was take away his cares.

"Goddammit." He whispered though a clenched jaw. Just kill me now... He thought. Talking to the alcohol. "Dammit, dammit... dammit."

Then, he poured himself another glass. Leaned back into the couch, and finished it. Only to lean forward once he was done, to pour more. He knew it was bad, and knew he should stop, but why? Just because he should, didn't mean he couldn't. There was no one to stop him.

No one was there to stop him from swallowing himself up in his self-pity. He was alone, and probably would be forever.

Hikaru opened his eyes again. Tears glazed his golden irises as he looked up at his glass that was empty again and noticed that he had now gone through two whole bottles of wine. Two whole bottles by himself.

He felt sick to his stomach, his head hurt, and he was indeed drunk.

He was drunk, and despite what he had heard. It didn't felt good. He felt like crap.

Hikaru reached for his glass again, and sat p straight to get another bottle from the cabinet, but stopped. He closed his eyes against the pain in his head and slowly say back. The taste of it had gotten to him and made his tongue addictive to the flavor. His body wanted more, but he couldn't take anymore. He was at war with himself.

He took a deep breath and wiped his forehead. His eyes were red and his cheeks were wet and shined with his past tears. He let his bangs go and fell sideways onto the couch, letting his cheek hit the cushion.

"Haruhi..." He whispered her name through a hoarse breath. Clenching his fist beside his face. Never had he let himself be so emotional, but now he didn't care. He let himself cry.

Come back...


It was the middle of September, and the Host Club was having it's reunion. Everyone had gone off to their universities for their studies in different countries, and now that they had all graduated, they decided to meet up at Ouran in the third music room.

Not only had the former host club members come, but some of their old customers heard of their reunion and came too, to see and be friends with their favorite hosts.

Soft piano music played from the corner, as a professional pianist played with it. Girls danced with the host's who were in a relationship, and danced with their own partners. It was loud with random chatter, but there was a certain brunette who was too busy eating to talk to anyone.

It was announced before she left for law school that she was a girl, and all the other girls took it better than they thought they would. Everyone was happy.

She happily chewed on her tuna as she sat in the corner away from everyone, and sipped her tea. Everyone ignored her and let her do as she pleased so she was happy. Or that's what everyone thought, from the look on her face.

She was happily eating however, until something interrupted her.

And that something, was her fork of tuna being taken away right before she opened her mouth to eat it.

She grunted in displeasure. "Hika..."

"Girlfriend." Hikaru's mocked her whine with a smirk. "Get up. If you haven't noticed. I've danced with everyone except my girlfriend."

Haruhi frowned. "That's not my problem. You took my food."

"Obviously babe. I think you've had enough anyway. You'll give yourself a stomachache."

"But I haven't finished my plate yet-"

He rolled his eyes. "This is your second serving. I've been watching you."

Before she cold complain more about her still being hungry despite that fact, her boyfriend of five years grabbed her hand and pulled her off her chair. She sighed and gave up. She had gotten used to her food being taken away from her all the time anyway.

He gripped her hand tighter after she stopped resisting and started to pull her across the room. It was getting late and some people were already leaving because the sun was going down, but the former hosts were still there, and since Kaoru was too busy hanging out with his serious girlfriend, Mokoto, he wasn't paying attention to his twin.

She could only guess that he was bored.

Then, as he opened the door to the room they were in, and started to pull her out, she stopped and tried to tug her hand back.

"Hika," she grumbled, pulling her hand, trying to make him let go. "Where are we going? I thought you wanted to dance? If we're leaving could I at least finish my-"

"We're not leaving yet." He muttered under his breath, quiet shutting the door. Making sure no one heard them leave. "I just... want to go somewhere."

"...You're face looks hot."

"Strange time to start flirting, Haru, but I'll take it..."

She crinkled her nose. "No- I mean... your face looks red."

He looked down at her, and indeed his cheeks were a bit more pink than they usually were, but he just shook his head and waved his hand towards her to dismiss it. "It's nothing... just follow me."

He had said that, but she didn't need to obey since he still had a tight grip on her hand. She looked at him as she struggled not to trip over her own feet as he dragged her. "Are you getting sick?"

"I will be sick if you don't hurry up."

"...How would me walking faster prevent you from-"

"Let's not put logic to what I say, Haruhi, okay? It's better for the both of us."

She scowled in confusion, but ignored him. It was probably better for them both if she didn't think too much about what he said. His way of thinking always confused her. "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere."

"But where?"

"When I say somewhere, I mean, it's a secret and I don't want to tell you, kitten, so shush."

Haruhi shot him a grimace of annoyance. "...You pick he oddest of times to pull me away from something I'm doing."

He stopped in his tracks and turned around, pressing his finger to her lips. "Shhh, it's better that you stay on your good side with me."

She turned her face from his hand. "That's gonna be hard."

He would have shot her a sharp remark to that, but he just gave her a cheeky grin and turned back around, and continued to pull her down the hallway. They talked and have small random conversations with each other as he led her to where he wanted to take her. They talked about Kaoru and Mokoto, and their relationship and how it was effecting him.

Kaoru had met Mokoto in their first year of college but didn't ask her out until a year later. They had been dating for almost four years now, and Hikaru couldn't be happier for his twin. He had Haruhi, and he wanted his brother to have that sort of happiness with someone like he did, even if that meant they'd have to grow apart from each other and be more independent.

Being independent had gotten easier on the both of them after they had both found someone they could be dependent on again, and in return, have then depend on them.

Love had made both, Hikaru and Kaoru more mature, and even if they still were closer than more siblings, they could live away from each other, and have their own lives. They talked to each other when they had time to spare and not every fifteen minutes.

He was twenty-two and she was twenty-one, and they had been dating for almost five years, since he had asked her out the first year of university. Some would think that it was impossible to stay with someone, who you knew since you were a teenager, and still be with them until you were an adult, but it wasn't for them.

They had broken up twice over the course of those five years, because they got on each other's nerves too many times to count, but they had always gotten back together, because they split over dumb things and always tried to make things work.

Hikaru did it, not only because he liked her too much to not date her, but because his brother had Mokoto and he was terrified to be alone.

Now, he was pulling her down another hallway, only stopping to open one of the large double doors that led out to one of the many balcony's of the giant school.

She could only stare at the back of his head with a disinterest expression. "...I don't understand-"

"You don't have to, darling."

"Why do you keep saying darling? You usually only say that when I do something dumb. Which isn't very often."

"I..." he blinked. "I like it?"

"Am I going to have a million nicknames or are we going to stick with one?"

"Depends on my mood."

She opened her mouth, probably to most likely continue on asking what sort of mood would have which nickname, but he turned back around and shut the door behind them hurriedly, as though he was afraid of someone following them.

"Don't make me call you honeybunches in public," he said winking at her playfully before gripping her wrist with resistance and pulling her more outside, closer to the rail. "I just wanted to show you something out here."

Haruhi looked around with her eyes half open. She saw Hikaru, then turned her head, nothing was there, so she turned to look back at him before looking off to the other side, and still... nothing was there.

She looked back at him. "...I don't see anything. Kinda pointless if-"

"It's not on the ground." He rolled his eyes. Then his eyes widened and he stuck his hand into his pocket. A look of relief seemed to have flashed across his face before he looked back at her. "I... it's up there!"

Haruhi blinked. Her eyes followng his hand, which pointed to the sky. "...I still don't see what I'm looking at. Is it a magic flying carpet? We're on the balcony. I could only guess that you had something stupid like that made to impress me."

He frowned. His forehead gaining odd creases. "I dont' do stupid things to impress you."

"Remember the time when you brought that stupid large hot air balloon to my-"

"Yeah, well that wasn't to impress you."

"And then there was that time-"

"Honey, I did not bring you out here to be embarrassed by you in front of a bunch of fireflies." He sighed, grabbing her hand, pulling her closer to him. Her nose grazed the chest of his shirt, but he grabbed her shoulders and jerked her forward to look out the balcony. "Look, see?"

"..."

She looked up, then looked down. She didn't say anything so she looked left, then right. "I still don't see anything, Hikaru. If you just wanted me to pay attention to you, you could have just ate with me, I was-"

"No, it's right there!" He almost shouted, his face now almost beat red. His one hand grasped her chin, and his other hand pointed to the sky, while her back leaned up against his chest. "See it?"

"..."

"..."

"...No."

"The sunset, Haru! Geez, it's not like it takes up the whole freaking sky, or anything," he blurted out sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Do you see it, or do I need to get you a magnify glass?"

Haruhi glared, and resisted the urge to elbow him in the stomach. She turned and glared at him, throwing her arm out to the side. "You took my tuna away to show me the sunset? Why?"

He looked down at her, looking little hurt, but that look quickly was replaced with a playful grin. "Because it's pretty. I saw it a little earlier and It reminded me of you."

She only scoffed in amusement. "Why?"

"...Do I have to have a reason?"

"It'd make sense if you did."

"Well I don't."

Haruhi let out a long breath in hopelessness for her boyfriend. He held her hand tighter as he looked up at the sky. She really couldn't see what was so important. Then he started looking around anxiously until his eyes found hers again.

Then he stopped and just stared her. She blinked at him dumbly as his stare intensified and become a little more awkward as though he had lost all train of thought.

She snorted. "What'd you bring me out here for? I'm still hungry."

"Do you ever stop thinking about food?" He blurted out, scrunching up his face as he looked down at her. He looked around again and mouthed a swear word. She looked at him weird, but didn't get the chance to ask what was wrong with him, before he moved his hand from hers to grip her wrist. Her eyes widened as he pulled her towards him again.

She squeaked but didn't get to say much as Hikaru wrapped his arm around her lower back and pulled her up slightly onto her tiptoes and roughly captured her lips in his. Her hands gripped the front of his shirt as if she thought she'd loose her balance.

The kiss softened instantly and his other hand found her face and cupped her cheek. Haruhi's hands didn't leave his shirt but she eased into him more. The toes of her shoes were stepping on the front of her dress she was wearing that night (courtesy from Hikaru's mother) but she didn't care, as she had been stepping on the darn thing all day.

He lent forward more, and pulling her closer to close that tiny gap between their bodies, and as there was a tiny wolf whistle from off into the distance, they knew someone was watching them and they clumsily, and reluctantly pulled apart from each other.

But Hikaru still didn't let her go. His arms were still around her tightly as he was squeezing her as hard as he dared without crushing her in his strong arms he built up from the gym.

He liked to think he was the strongest in the world after going to the gym for two weeks, but Haruhi still thought he as a far cry from anything. She didn't say anything to burst his ego though, so she didn't say anything, so she was most likely the main reason for his ego.

As she was just starting to get comfortable though, Hikaru pulled away with his hands on her shoulders, and moved one of hand to hold her as he knelt down. It was a sudden movement she wasn't planning on so she stumbled a little when his knee touched the ground.

She looked at him weird. "...Hika?"

"Haruhi."

"What're you doing?"

Hikaru looked up at her, then flustered darkly and looked away. "Dying."

"You're dying?"

"It feels like it."

She snorted. She used a finger to pull a straggling piece of hair from her face and looked down again. Haruhi was beginning to question her boyfriends sanity level until she saw his free hand secretly move into his blazer pocket of his suit.

Her eyes widen and she didn't move a muscle, as he pulled out a dark purple velvet box. "...Oh my god."

He wasn't looked at her yet, but she saw him smirk at her words, knowing that she knew what he was doing. "...Haruhi."

"Hikaru..."

"I uh..." He paused, waiting to think of the right words he had shamefully rehearsed with Kaoru. "...I... love you."

"I love you, too, Hikaru."

"And I... want to wake up next to you every morning, and-"

"You kind of already do."

"That doesn't count! Not as a couple. I don't want to just live in your apartment for the rest of our lives-"

"But sometimes I go to your apartment-"

"Focus babe, I'm asking you if you'd want us to wake up next to each other as a married couple, not as just couple cause some people actually frown upon that in China."

"What exactly are you asking me? If I would agree with you? Because I think you're making this a little more complicated than-"

"Haruhi! I'm asking you if you want to... marry me." He grumbled, looking down, feeling his face burn. "I really want you to live with me in our own house. Not in one of our apartments, cause I still technically live in the same one with my brother and you still kind of live with your dad so... If you want to, I'll buy you all the tuna you want whenever you want. You don't have to wait for special occasions to have any, and I'll buy the biggest house on the market so you don't have to-"

She sighed, sitting on her knees to be at the same eye level as him. "Whoa, okay, stop. I don't need a giant house - tuna maybe would be cool - but you don't have to pamper me into marrying you that just-"

"I need a big house... I have over ten maids, what am I suppose to do with them?"

Her shoulders dropped. "I don't need maids either."

"If you can handle me, then I'm sure you can handle my maids."

"If so, then you have to handle me shopping with coupons."

He grimaced. "Coupons? Are you sure those aren't illegal?"

She tried fruitlessly not to smile. "Shut up."

Hikaru grinned. Which them both on their knees, he entwined their fingers together. He pulled the ring out and threw the box over his shoulder before grabbing her left hand. He left comfortable now. "Will you marry me, Haruhi?"

"We'd look a little weird if I said, no."

"If you say no, I'll be sure to let everyone know, while I throw the biggest hissy fit you've ever seen."

She laughed. "Then I guess I am."

"So?"

"Yes." Haruhi snickered. She nodded and grabbed his face in both her hands. Their lips brushed for just a second, until Hikaru pulled her closer, deepening their kiss. Her arms snaked around his neck as she practically threw herself at him, making him almost fall over but he caught himself with his hand on the ground.

And they didn't move from that stop until Tamaki had gone looking for them and found them in the same position.


And now, laying on his back on the couch, with him arm thrown over his face. Hikaru had one more glass of wine before he decided that he couldn't take anymore, and now, just laid there, like he had nothing else to live for.

And in reality, that feeling couldn't be more truer. His empty shell he had mentioned earlier, was now even more empty if that was possible.

He laid there, motionless. The wine was getting to him. His head throbbed so bad that if he opened his eyes, he as afraid there would be more tears.

He still love her, and he wanted her back, but... hated her for leaving, and being gone for so long.

If she appeared suddenly at the door, he would take her back in a heart beat, and he wouldn't let her go. He'd never let her go again.

But she wasn't going to, and he knew that.

The emptiness, was never going to be full again. Because the only person who he ever loved with everything, was gone. And he didn't know when she was coming back. Maybe she never was.

Then, there was a knock at the door.

He ignored it. It wasn't Haruhi, and he wasn't interested. He just wanted to lay there and die. He wanted to puke.

Quite literally.

Hikaru turned over to lay on his side. His head pillowed on his arm. His stomach hurt and he couldn't be sure or not that he had just given himself alcohol poisoning.

It had just occurred to him that drinking two whole bottles of wine, probably wasn't healthy and he was probably dying.

He drank more in that one evening, than he did in his life. Never, had he been this drunk before.

Why was alcohol everyone's main medication for heartbreak? It didn't help. Nothing was going to help.

There was another series of knocks...

Tears formed again, and he didn't stop them. The alcohol in his system didn't care about the tears. The alcohol didn't care if he looked pathetic. The alcohol didn't care if it was making him this way.

He grabbed one of the small throw pillows that went to the couch, and held it to his face; hard. He pressed it to his face and held his breath. His head throbbed so painfully he wanted to cry more. His stomach was on the verge of turning. His heart bled from the inside, and oozed from the slits that were left in it after being stabbed with the sharpest knife of betrayal.

Betrayal, because she said she was coming home...

But she never did.

She was never coming... home.

He cried into the pillow. The deep fabric managed to hide his shamefully hard sobs. Harder, he pressed it to his face. Harder.

Just stop breathing...

Just stop.

I don't want to hurt.

I can't do this anymore.

He thought of her, so his arms gave up on the pressure. What would she say to this? What would she say to him about what he was doing? Drinking until he couldn't take to drink anymore, crying, holding his breath?

Would she shake her head at him, or beg him to stop hurting himself? Would his tears make her cry too? Would she help him?

He didn't know.

He didn't know her anymore. He didn't know what kind of person she is, or was. He didn't know what she'd do, and he didn't care. The alcohol just couldn't give a damn.

So that's what it is...

Alcohol just drained all your cares away. Alcohol was just a temporary Band-Aid. All these cares would be back in the morning, along with an even worse headache than before.

Then there was footsteps.

Light, tip-toeing footsteps against the tile of the hallway to his home. They were muffled from the pillow that was still laying on his face, but he heard them as they got closer. The foot steps moved from the tile, to the hardwood of the living room, and he knew someone was there with him. Someone was looking at him.

But he didn't care.

"...Hika, what're you-... oh my god, Hikaru?"

He heard that female voice, but he didn't move. His heard hurt too much to even try.

There was a few more small footsteps until that person got to the couch where he laid down at. A small hand was placed over his and he flinched when the pillow was taken from him.

He squinted at the light he had adjusted himself not to see and groaned as he moved his arm over his face again.

"Hikaru, are you okay? do you need something?" The voice said again, with lightness of a kitten. "Were you sleeping? I'm sorry. I just got worried when you weren't answering my calls, and then you didn't open the door. I was just making sure you were home."

He curled his nose as he moved his arm and looked into the face of who was kneeling above him. Brown hair, deep brown eyes. A soft, comforting voice.

"...Haruhi?"

"Kagami," she said, running her hand over his forehead. "It's Kagami... Haruhi's gone, remember? Are you okay?"

"...No."

Kagami looked down at him with a frown built deep into her beautiful features. "What happened? Did-... where you drinking? Your breath smells horrible. Did you... drink all this?"

Hikaru gripped the fabric of the pillow. He closed his eyes tightly and turned his head. "...Haruhi..."

"Kagami."

"No... Haruhi."

Her shoulders dropped, as she looked at him with a sympathetic stare. "Sure... I could be, Haruhi."

He's drunk.

Her hand felt his forehead again, brushing his bangs out of the way. Comfortingly, she grabbed his free hand and entwined their fingers like lace. "You're hot."

With his eyes closed, he gripped her hand. "...Don't leave me."

She looked down at him and gave him a tiny, assuring smile. "I won't. I promise."

"You already did."

"That was wrong of me... I'm sorry."

His shoulders shook, so she placed her other hand on one. "...It's okay, calm down."

He turned his face. Facing her now, but his eyes still squeezed shut. "Don't leave me again."

"I won't."

"...I can't do this anymore."

"You don't have to. I'm right here."

"I don't want to be alone anymore..."

She stroked his hair soothingly. "You're not alone anymore, Hikaru. Shh... it's okay now. I'm right here. I'm never going to leave you again, you don't have to be alone anymore."

That was comforting. Hikaru, with his cheek against the cushion, opened his eyes slightly, and was greeted with two large brown eyes staring back at him. Two large brown eyes he thought he'd never see again. She was never going to leave him again. She wasn't going to be alone anymore. He found her.

He stared at her, his lips quivering. "...Haruhi?"

"I'm right here."

His heart hurt.

"...I love you."

Kagami bit her upper lip, and nodded. "I love you, too."

And that was the needle that had pierced him. He looked at her and felt the tears again. He didn't move, but his arms moved up and gently cupped both of her cheeks. Her eyes widened at the contact of his hands, and gave a small, suppressed squeak as he pulled her face down to meet his.

She froze as his lips brushed against hers, and could only press her hand against the rim of the couch cushion to help her keep herself steady. He was kissing her. His tongue ran over her bottom lip and her first impulse was to lean into him.

"Hika..." She managed, after he pulled himself away. her brown eyes wide with shock. "Hikaru we... what was-"

"Haruhi..." He whispered, their lips still close. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer. She had to have helped him, from the position he was still in, to be able to get her on top of him. His hands lingered around her upper torso, fiddling with her blouse.

"Hikaru." Kagami gasped, but she was cut off from saying anymore as he moved his hands behind her head. Forcing her to kiss him again.

After she had stopped resisting, his hands moved down to her shirt again, and started to unbutton it.

And she didn't stop him.

He didn't care. Haruhi was gone, but he didn't know that. His mind, that was alcoholically induced with thoughts and faces, was convinced otherwise.

For now, he had Haruhi.

And he didn't care about anything else.