A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to SongsofSiren, a new reader. Hope you enjoy!
-C
Things had barely cooled down later that week, the school still buzzing with the news of Vanessa's humiliation, which nearly everyone had witnessed and still the rumors were making things even worse than they really were. On top of that were the rumors about how Sarah and I had broken apart from Vanessa. I tried to ignore all of the chaos, but it got a bit difficult. Especially because I was fairly certain Vanessa had yet to think of how she would exact her revenge on us all. I didn't sleep easily, when I slept at all.
I felt disgusting, repulsive, haggard, and exhausted, so the last thing I expected was for Amos Diggory of all people to sit down across from me at the Gryffindor table at breakfast one morning.
Even with my complete obsession with Sirius, I knew enough to know that many girls found Amos to be at a level not far below Sirius in attractiveness. He certainly wasn't near Sirius in my opinion, but I could see him giving James a run for his money.
"Hi, Amy," Amos said, smiling at me.
"Morning, Amos," I replied, smiling as best I could with how exhausted I felt.
"You look really nice this morning, Amy," he said brightly, and I knew he was lying, but I thanked him anyway as I spread some raspberry preserves on my toast. It seemed impolite and ungracious to point out that I looked the worst I'd done all year. To my surprise, he continued along that line, rather boldly I thought, considering the Marauders had just entered the Great Hall. "Hogsmeade's coming up."
"So it is," I said politely, wondering what I should say to him and pretending that I didn't know Sirius was glaring daggers at the very foolish Hufflepuff.
"I was wondering if you might want to-"
"Stop that sentence right there, Diggory," Sirius said, coming level with us, not bothering to sit down but towering over us from his rather tall standing height.
The worst bit about it, I decided, was not that I had told him twice within the span of a week to stay out of my love life, but that he really already disliked Amos Diggory. I knew that was the main reason he'd probably forgotten all about my requests to leave the boys who showed interest alone. He couldn't resist putting Amos in his place.
"Black," Amos said slowly, but Sirius once again didn't give him the time to finish his thought.
"Do you remember Christopher Orioli?" Sirius said in his most deadly voice and I bit my lip nervously, looking down at my plate.
From the glance I got at Amos as I turned my gaze downward, the way he blanched at the mention of the name meant that he certainly did remember, and how could he forget?
Christopher Orioli was the only boy who had ever actually managed to ask me out. I was fourteen years old, he was fifteen, and he was so proud of himself, asking me to Hogsmeade. I had just opened my mouth to tell him I had other plans when Sirius cursed him.
Christopher was in the hospital wing for three weeks, and because he was Muggle-born, when a letter went home about Sirius's behavior it was the only time he'd ever gotten a positive letter from home. His mother was hopeful that her son had been putting the Muggle-born boy in his place for approaching a pureblood.
She was disappointed, of course, when the next boy Sirius attacked on my behalf was a Slytherin pureblood, but all Sirius had to do was mention Christopher Orioli most of the time and whoever he was threatening would literally run away.
"She's not your property, Black," Amos said, rather bravely, I thought. Sure, his hands were clammy and shaking, but he got the words out without stuttering.
"No, she's not," Sirius said, nodding to concede the point. "But she's a Gryffindor, and we protect our own, and I'd rather put you in a permanent hospital bed than see you touch her."
"Sirius, please," I said, fully aware that people were starting to watch, hoping that Sirius would curse Amos.
"No, Amy," Sirius snapped. "Diggory here needs to understand that he's not allowed to have a go-"
"If Amy doesn't want to go to Hogsmeade with me, she can say so herself," Amos said, face now red with anger as he turned to Sirius, and I could see it turning nasty quickly.
"And I was about to do that before Sirius arrived anyway," I said quickly, giving Amos the most apologetic smile I could. "I'm sorry Amos, but I'm just not interested."
Sirius smirked, as if somehow I was saying it because of him, or to give him a victory over Amos Diggory. I wanted to hit him again, but I couldn't make myself do it in front of the Great Hall. Sirius might like the attention, but I'd really had enough of it.
Amos nodded and thanked me, moving away from our table to go back to his friends more or less in disgrace, and Sirius sat down, grinning like he'd won some massive victory.
As much as I loved him, I couldn't stand to look at him in that moment. He started putting food on his plate and I just wanted to scream at him, so I stood up.
"Where are you going?" he asked. "You've not finished breakfast."
"I'm suddenly not hungry," I spat. "I'm going to the common room, and yes, I'm upset. And if you want to talk with me about it why don't you wait about twenty minutes before following me so I don't say something I'll regret."
"Amy," Sirius said with a sigh, but it was too late. I was already walking back up to the common room, and I saw Sarah scramble to her feet and follow me out.
"That was ugly," she said, hurrying to keep up with me in spite of the height difference.
When we reached the common room I was glad that it was nearly empty, just a few younger girls fixing their hair before heading down to breakfast and a couple of first years returning to their dormitories from early breakfast. I collapsed in one of the armchairs by the fireplace and Sarah took the other one, frowning at me.
"You're really upset with him," she said softly.
"Yes, I'm upset with him," I sighed. "Obviously I was never going to go on a date with Amos Diggory. I do have standards. But he can't just let me say no on my own!"
"He thinks he's doing the right thing," Sarah offered weakly, watching a couple of second years scurrying up to their dormitory as I began to cry.
"No, he really doesn't," I choked when we were alone again. "He wanted to have a win over Diggory at my expense because he couldn't let the opportunity pass to put Amos Diggory in his place."
"But it worked out in the end."
Sarah just wasn't getting it and all I wanted to do was throw something at Sirius's head still.
"I've only got twenty minutes until he's following me up here," I groaned, "and I need to not want to claw his eyes out."
"Amy, are you really that upset with him?" Sarah asked gently.
I honestly wasn't sure. It just seemed like it was one thing after another and it was getting harder and harder not to just give up, but I really had nothing left but Sarah and maybe Remus if I did that. I wasn't sure how much more I could take before I snapped.
"All right, let's sort this out," Sarah said, noting that I wasn't about to answer her question. "Sirius made a mess of things with our dormitory."
"Yes," I groaned, thinking of the increased tension in the room whenever I had to go to the dormitory.
"But how much of that was really his fault?"
"All of it."
"No, let's think about it," Sarah insisted. "He can't control Lily Evans and her behavior. He managed to fix something that wasn't really his fault, so in a way he improved that. Yes, he messed things up royally with Vanessa, but how long could we really have kept things going if she was going to eventually attempt to sink her claws into James."
Well, that certainly was true enough. So maybe Sirius had just expedited issues already inherent in the dormitory. I was willing to concede that. But that didn't mean that he wasn't single-handedly responsible for the vast majority of frustration in my life.
"Next, the issue of boys," Sarah said slowly. "All right, I can't really argue that it's not his fault that you've never been on a date."
"No, you can't," I agreed, grinning a bit. "But go on; let's see how you can mitigate this one."
"Well, doesn't it feel, sometimes, like he's jealous?" Sarah said with a grin.
I grinned, thinking back to the early days of his chasing away guys who were interested in me, thinking that he didn't want them near me because he wanted to be the only guy near me. Sometimes I still managed to convince myself that it was some subconscious form of jealousy that kept him pushing people away from me.
"But even if that's the case," I sighed, "is that really healthy of him to do? He can't just get angry every time someone looks at me and smiles, even if we are together, which we're not."
"Fair," Sarah said with a nod. "But if he doesn't know why he's doing it, he really can't deal with it healthily, can he? I mean, if he someday wakes up and realizes that he's being jealous because he has feelings for you then he can be reasonable and you can sit him down and explain it to him rationally, why it's not okay. But if he doesn't know why he does it..."
I frowned at the fireplace, thinking about the other day when he'd said that he really didn't know how to express why I was different and special, just that I was.
Could it be that he was actually in love with me after all and just hadn't realized it was what he was feeling? Even if that were the case, was it all right to get my hopes up?
"I don't know," I finally sighed, leaning back in the chair. "I guess, but I'm not sure I want to let myself be let down if it's wrong, and I really wouldn't be able to justify him then."
"Maybe you're right," Sarah agreed, nodding. "You don't have to make decisions about it now. But don't you feel better?"
I smiled.
She had succeeded in that, at least. I was calm, and when Sirius came in sometime in the next five minutes I wouldn't want to attack him.
"Thanks, Sarah," I sighed. "I won't attack Sirius. That was the end goal, after all."
She laughed and said, "Don't mention it, Amy. I just didn't like seeing you upset like that. You really can't let it get to you so much."
Just as I was about come up with a response, there was a tapping at the window and we turned around to see an owl through the common room window. Sarah got up to let in and we both recognized it as my mother's owl the moment it tumbled into the table next to the window.
"Hi, Medea," Sarah said gently, taking the letter and bringing it over to me, taking Medea in the other hand and petting her. "Your mother's hand writing is a bit shaky on the outside, Amy."
I took the letter, confused, opening it as Medea and Sarah spent some quality time playing.
My heart dropped to my toes as I read the opening lines.
Dear Amy,
I've written Dumbledore and he will tell your sisters, but I wanted to tell you personally. Ashley Elizabeth is dead.
I don't know much yet, so I'm afraid I don't have any answers for the questions you must be filled with, but I will let you know as I learn things.
My brave girl, I do know, though, that she died as a result of Death Eaters. Stay with your friends. Don't go anywhere alone. And keep an eye out for your sisters. I've tried to stay calm in all this madness, but now I can't sleep at night for worry.
I love you, Amy.
Love,
Mum
I couldn't breathe.
"Amy?"
I struggled to find my breath as I stood up, bracing myself against the armchair as the parchment fell from my hand. I was vaguely aware of Sarah picking it up to read what was wrong as my vision began to blur.
Tears.
I was crying.
"Oh, Merlin," Sarah whispered. "Amy, I'm so sorry."
Ashley Elizabeth... Death Eaters? Why would anyone want to hurt Ashley Elizabeth?
She was a pureblood.
The portrait opened and I heard Sirius's voice saying my name but the world was starting to spin.
"What's this?"
Sarah must have handed him the letter. I felt his arm around me as he read, his grip tightening as the world spun even faster.
"Amy, listen to me. Amy, stay awake. I'm taking you upstairs so you don't fall and hurt yourself."
Sarah must have taken back the letter as Sirius scooped me up in his arms, carrying my weight easily as I wrapped my arms instinctively around his neck and felt tears roll from my face onto his shirt.
He kicked open the door, carrying me across to his bed and gently putting me down on it, pulling the duvet down underneath me and then pulling it back over me as I began to shake with sobs wracking my body.
"Amy, I'm going to get a Calming Draught, okay? I don't know if Remus has any in the bathroom, but if not I think he can get Evans to make one. All right?"
Maybe I nodded. I really don't know, but Sirius kissed my forehead and went into the bathroom, then back out, then running downstairs. I stared at the bed hangings, just waiting, not wanting to think of anything because thinking seemed to hurt a spot in my gut that I'd never actually felt before.
"Amy?" Remus said gently several minutes (hours? days?) later. "Amy, I want you to open your mouth. I'm going to pour a bit in. And then I want you to swallow, all right?"
Maybe I nodded.
My mouth opened enough to drink from the vial he put at my lips and tipped. Sirius was sitting on my other side, holding my hand.
"It's going to be all right, Amy," Sirius whispered. "Everything's going to be fine."
But it would not be fine. Ashley Elizabeth was dead. I was suddenly the eldest child. And my mother, from the shakiness of her writing, was a wreck.
As the potion began to take effect I could feel a sense of serenity come over me and I thought vaguely about sitting up, letting them know that I was okay, but then I decided that I really didn't feel well enough.
"How do you feel?" Sirius asked softly, his face so close to mine.
"Sick," I muttered. "I feel sick to my stomach."
"What exactly happened?" Remus asked, confused.
"My sister was killed by Death Eaters," I replied, confused by the lack of emotion in my own voice. "She's dead. Pureblooded and everything, but dead."
"Amy," Sirius sighed, "I'm so sorry. But we're going to help you through this, okay? Is there anything I can do? Anything you need?"
"I really want to sleep," I muttered. "Could I sleep here?"
"It might get a bit loud," Remus said nervously. "When the others finish breakfast."
"We'll keep them out, then," Sirius said resolutely. "Take James to the Quidditch Pitch if he complains. You'll get the room to yourself for as long as you want, Amy. Sleep tight."
He kissed my forehead again, tucking me in a bit more snuggly, and closing the bed hangings around me.
When I woke up later (that night? week? month?) I found Sirius looking down at me with a frown.
"Do you feel any better, Amy?"
I shook my head numbly, vaguely aware that the other boys were in the room. I tried to sit up, but slid right back down against the pillow, whimpering.
"Hurts?"
I nodded.
"What hurts?"
"Everything," I croaked. "My head, my stomach, my arms..."
"Okay, I'll talk to Remus. You stay right there. Don't move, love."
A few minutes later Remus came over with a bit of potion for the pain and they agreed between the four of them that I stay in their dormitory until I felt better.
"The last thing she needs is to deal with other people right now," Sirius said gently. "I'll sleep on the floor-"
"No," I coughed, attempting to sit up again. "No, I don't want you to do that."
Sirius frowned.
"I don't know what-"
"Sleep in the bed with her, Sirius," Remus said gently. "I don't think she wants to be alone."
"Oh," Sirius said softly. "Oh, right."
The boys also agreed to change in the bathroom rather than the dormitory, and Sirius came back a few minutes later, crawling under the duvet with me nervously.
Feeling especially blunt I muttered, "Hold me."
Sirius only hesitated a moment before he rolled over and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly to his chest and kissing my forehead once more. The scent of him was even more intoxicating with him so close, with his sheets covering us, with his pillow behind our heads. I buried my face into his chest and sleepily, knowing that my eyes would not stay open much longer I muttered, without really knowing why I was saying it, "I don't want you to die, Sirius."
