Hey everyone. Thanks for all of the reviews!! I just love getting them!

Okay, it's my goal to not make a single negative comment for the rest of this story. It's hard because I'm super judgmental when it comes to my own writing, but I'm officially not going to let myself be pessimistic (or at least show my pessimism :) ).

Anyhow, here's chapter twelve. Hope you al like it. Please review!!

Pathways

JULIET

Two months and three days after the initial start of our relationship, James and I were lying on my bed. It was one of those nights when we weren't doing anything; we were just happy holding each other and watching each other and being with each other.

I was on my side, trying to finish up the latest book club read and James was tracing patterns across my back.

"James, please," I said in mock seriousness. "I'm trying to concentrate on some very important reading."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He imitated my tone. "This better?"He kissed my neck, hair, and cheek then lifted up my shirt, continuing to run his fingers along my back, this time without the fabric between my skin and his.

"Much," I laughed. I closed my book and turned around to wrap my arms around him.

"Hi," I said, snuggling into him.

He ran his hand through my hair. "Can you believe we're here?"

"Where?" I asked into his neck. "The seventies?"

"No, here. I mean, the first time I saw you, you attacked me with you handy dandy taser. Then the second time you held Kate at gunpoint."

"That's not true," I argued. "The second time I offered you my water, which you rudely refused, as I recall."

"Oh that's right. You gave me your water then you held Kate at gunpoint."

I pulled away so I could make him face me. "You know I wouldn't have done anything to her, right?"I asked softly.

"No."

"Well, I knew I wouldn't have to. I knew that as soon as you saw her in danger, you'd back down…" I trailed off and looked away from him, not liking where this conversation was going.

"Hey," he said, forcing me to make eye contact again. "It doesn't matter what happened. We both know he the other was, and we both know who they are now. And I like this Juliet, regardless of what I thought of you then."

"And I like James, regardless of the Sawyer you tried to be."

"I didn't try." He said, voice full of anger and hate. "I was."

"You weren't. If you were, you would have continued with the con that you stopped when you saw the girl had a kid. You wouldn't have regretted what you did to Cassidy. You wouldn't have cared if we killed Kate."

"You and your fucking files," He muttered.

"You're a new man, James. The file doesn't tell me anything about him."

"No, it doesn't," he smiled his classic, dimpled smile. "The file doesn't tell you anything about James LaFleur, protector of all that is good and holy in Dharmaville. The file doesn't tell you anything about the man that spends all his time thinking about you. And the file doesn't knownothin about the man who is able to do this-" he pulled me in and kissed me.

The file told me exactly what Sawyer had done and prepared me for all he was capable of. But I could have read that damn file again and again, and it never would have prepared me for falling in love.

Remembering. That is how I managed my first night without him.
I wanted to scream and cry about it. I wanted to get drunk and forget everything. I wanted a shoulder to cry on and a soothing voice to tell me it was going to be alright. But I couldn't have that because in comparison to Desmond, I'm the luckiest one around. So I had to provide him the shoulder and the words he needs to hear and pretend I'm okay.

I'm anything but okay.

I groan as I get out of this new, empty bed and move through the rooms.

Desmond is already in the kitchen scrambling eggs.

He looks up at me. "Hey."

"Hey."

I sit at the table as he puts some of the food on a plate and brings it over to me. "Juliet, I've been awful to you. Blaming you for things, getting drunk and making you take care of me, saying…" he sighs, unable to finish. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Desmond. I know you've been through a lot."

"But that's the thing," he pulls the chair next to mine out with unnecessary force and sits. "You have been too."

"Desmond I'm fine," I lie.

"No, you're not."

For a moment I just stare.

"I miss him," I finally whisper.

He pulls his chair closer to mine, but doesn't seem to know where to go from there. And in the silence I let every feeling and every thought that I've held back since Kate showed up pour out. By the time I'm done I'm surprised Desmond hasn't drowned.

SAWYER

There are some questions that you need to ask yourself in order to figure out which of lives many paths you want to take. But you lock them up and hide them away because you're afraid of what your answer will be.

Why the hell did I look at her?

Charlie and Claire left quickly after Claire's little destiny lecture. I wanted to talk to Daniel more, but his phone rang and, after giving Jack, Jin, and I his number, he left in a hurry. Sun and Jin left too, and I couldn't blame them. If I just found Juliet after three years, I wouldn't waste any time listening to other people's sorry lives.

Jack left after saying his goodbyes and exchanging numbers with everyone. And so I bailed out on my connecting flight, rented a car and just drove, thinking.

Why the hell did I look at her?

I could lie to myself and say that after a while I stopped thinking about her, stopped loving her. I never did. But I stopped needing her; there was even a time where I stopped wanting her. At first Juliet filled her spot, but soon she rose above it. The things I had with Juliet were nothing like what I had with Kate. And I didn't want to go back. But Kate had to come and ruin everything again.

When I saw her, everything I used to feel rushed back to me. I remembered why I loved her. I remembered every little moment we shared. And I wanted it all again.

It would have been easy if those returning feelings pushed the ones I had for Juliet aside. I would have felt horrible, but I would have broken up with Juliet. I would have made it as easy for her as I could, but I wouldn't force myself into a relationship I didn't want.

The thing is, they didn't. The feelings I had for Kate didn't replace the ones I had for Juliet the way that the feelings I had for Juliet replaced the ones I had for Kate two years ago. The way I felt for Kate just piled up on my love for Juliet until I thought all of the weight might break me.

Juliet was standing, staring blankly out the window.

"What's on the T.V?" I walk over to see Kate and Jack walking past the house. Oh.

"It's over, isn't it"?

I look at her, not really sure what she meant. "What's over?"

"This. Us." She let out a small laugh. "Playing house. I never actually thought they'd come back."

I knew, in that moment, how very easy it would be to leave her. She was expecting it. I saw my life unfold before my eyes. I would simply say, 'I never thought they'd come back either. But they have and, I'm sorry Juliet. But she's back, and I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry.' I would have kissed her one last time, told her I didn't regret a single day we spent together, maybe even cry a little. Then I'd take my things and walk out, go to Kate's place and tell her how I feel. Kiss her like I haven't kissed anyone since the cages, and we would run away together. The two paths were right in front of me, and for the first time in three years, the one leading to Kate wasn't blocked off. They were both here, and I could try to make it work whoever I wanted.

"So they're back. Nothing's changed."

I said the words, and watched as the road to Kate crumbled. A part of me was sad to watch it go, but I was mostly thankful to see Juliet's path with no more damage than a crack. I didn't choose her because I felt guilty. I didn't choose her because I was scared Kate would turn me down or because after three years I didn't know how to be with anyone other than Juliet. I choose her because after three years, I didn't want to know.

So why the hell did I look at her?

*

I didn't know what I wanted to say. I didn't know why I was driving to the police station. But I needed to find her. I needed to talk to her. I needed to see her face again.

I pulled into a parking spot and shut off the engine. What was I doing?

I sat in the empty car until I forced my hands to unlock the door. Maybe if I saw her without Juliet right there, maybe I'd understand.

I walked a few paces when I heard someone say, "You sure you want to do this?"

"Charlie, I'm sure."

I turned to see Charlie and Claire headed toward the building. "Well, well, well. What brings you'll here?"

They looked up at me. "Same as you, I presume," Charlie said.

"Why would you be trying to track down Kate?"

"You don't need to have slept with someone to care about them, Sawyer," Claire snapped.

I was stunned speechless. Was this the sweet, innocent Claire we all knew and loved?

"I need to find out about Aaron," she whispered gently, looking down. I sighed. Okay, she was forgiven. Losing a child had to be worse than losing a love, and I've had much experience in knowing what that does to you.

"Okay then. After you" I waved her in front of me.

We walked inside together. "Oh, for the love of God!" I groaned when I saw Jack lounging in one of the metal chairs by the door.

"Sawyer," he nodded. "Charlie…Claire," he said the last two names more as questions.

"Aaron," I filled him in.

"Ah."

"Can I help you guys with something?" we all looked up to see a woman in uniform.

"She looks…familiar," Charlie mumbled under his breath. And she did.

"Well?" she probed, a bit exasperated.

The door opened. "Ma?"

"Oh come on! You've gotta be fucking kidding me!" I cried out upon seeing who walked in.

"Ma, you said you'd come pick me up at the airport."

"One second, Ana."

This chapter totally goes out to Duskveil, who sent me the idea to tie Ana Lucia in by having her meet Kate while going to see her mother. Thank you so much!!

So, at least for now, my plan is to focus on the love…square (because they are just too cool to have a love triangle) between Kate, Jack, Sawyer, and Juliet (I cannot believe I went 12 chapters without doing a Jack pov). So, yeah. Be prepared!!

Thanks for reading!! Please review!!