Heeeeeeere's Fixit!

"That is not a good idea! A good idea would be-"

"-a Pollo Papaya Pizza Pie!"

"Yes, exact- wait, what?"


"You did what?"

"I know, isn't it a brilliant idea? Sarah helped me with it a lot, of course…"

"That…sounds incredibly awesome, actually. There are so many things I could do with that…"

"Nothing too disruptive or traumatizing, please. Or anything that exposes the Bots."

"…easy enough since I won't be there…"

"What do you mean, you won't be there!"

"I'm in Denmark all week for the international conference, remember? I can't make it…can you just reschedule? I want to come so badly…"

"No, we cannot reschedule. Do you have any idea how hard it was getting approval for this in the first place, much less making sure most everyone could come?"

"If it's anything like some of the projects I've overseen in the past…"

"It was horrible! There was so much paperwork-"

"…particularly if Roombas were involved…"

"-and they just kept sneering at us and deliberately trying to mislead us-"

"…especially if there was ANYTHING potentially explosive in the slightest…"

"-I don't know what we would've done if the Bots hadn't been so willing to help us, especially Mr. Prime-"

"…fraggin' irritating spawn of a cuckoo clock and a malfunctioning wind tunnel…"

"-I think the Bots helped primarily because they want to meet you so badly-"

"…if I ever get back I'll immediately ban them all from going anywhere near anything potentially explosive…"

"-and you haven't even been listening for the past minute, have you?"

"…maybe a Roomba alarm, something to let people know to duck and cover anytime one of them goes near possible explosive material…"

"FIXIT!"

"What!?"

"PAY ATTENTION!"

"Ma'am yes ma'am!"

"Now then, I will see you on Saturday-"

"But Judy, I'm busy-!"

"MARIE FIXIT CALLAHAN-WITWICKY! YOU WILL ATTEND THIS DINNER IF I HAVE TO GO OVER THERE AND DRAG YOUR SHINY, OVER-SIZED AFT BACK HERE MYSELF! UNDERSTOOD!?"

"MA'AM YES MA'AM!"

"Okay then, see you soon sweetie!"

Judy hung up, leaving Fixit cowering on the couch in her hotel room.

"Primus, that woman scares me…"


"Picnic, picnic, picnic," Miles sang as Fixit drove them to the base. Judy had organized the picnic as a way for the albino to finally meet the Autobots, seeing as she had been busy with work for the past nine months since Mission City. Marie Callahan was incredibly involved in the rebuilding.

Of course, once Judy had met Sarah Lennox, the previously small picnic had turned into a formal gathering of pretty much the entirety of the newly-established NEST. (Marie was also one of the alliance's biggest supporters, and was involved in getting way more countries than just the USA, UK, and Australia into said alliance. Which was yet another demand on her time…)

"Now then, my son…" Fixit began, catching Miles' attention. "Shall we arrive in style?"

"Frag yes!"


"Aunt Judy!" Miles called, waving to her from across the room as he and Fixit walked in.

"Miles! Fixit! Get your shiny afts over here!"

Sam groaned in mortification as his godbrother and guardian devil sauntered over to them, everyone in the vicinity gaping.

"Why me?" he whined, covering his eyes with his hand as Mikaela and Bee's holoform suppressed laughter.

Miles was wearing a stylishly-cut black suit with shining silver thread interwoven into the fabric. His shirt and shoes were a dark scarlet, and his tie…

His tie was bordered with hippie beads, and had neon-colored lava lamps bouncing around on it. Evidentially Fixit had finally finished the flexible LCD screen tie she had been working on before Mission City.

All in all, Miles (and his scarlet-streaked hair) wasn't really the problem. The problem was his mother.

Black tailored cargo pants and sparkly purple combat boots peeked out from the bottom of her high-collared trench coat…a trench coat made entirely out of the flexible LCD screen used in Miles' tie.

Displayed on the screen, matching her movements, was a giant multi-colored balloon person made up of many different long balloons. It was blue and red and purple and yellow and green and orange, and squeaked realistically (albeit softly) with her every motion. A rainbow camo-patterned bowtie was displayed on her high collar, and to top it all off…she was wearing a giant, twisted balloon crown…that easily reached a meter in height.

It was quite the impressive work of art.

Judy beamed as she bounced over and practically tackled Fixit in an exuberant hug, Ron and the other Autobots' holoforms trailing after her.

"You made it!"

"Like I would dare to skip after that phone call…" the albino said dryly, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips as she gazed fondly at the woman.

"Phone call?" Jazz asked, sidling right up to the women, leaning in with an inquisitive grin.

"Oh yes, it was quite terrifying…"

"Of course it was, you were being a stubborn aft and working yourself to death again," Judy huffed, finally letting go and taking a small step back.

Fixit ignored the woman's (completely true) words in favor of capturing one of Jazz's dark hands, comparing it to her own. His holoform was a strongly-built African-American man with dreadlocks in his thirties. (Some of the dreadlocks were dyed different colors, or had bright beads on them.)

"Daaaamn, woman. Ah knew ya were pale, but…"

"I'm an albino, of course I'm pale. But the contrast looks really cool."

"Tha' it does. O' course, it's such a small sample…ah think we shou' work on creatin' a greater contrast somewhere mo'…private…" Jazz's holoform trailed off suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows as he leered at her, smoothly sliding a strong arm around her waist.

"Jazz!" Optimus and Ratchet reprimanded instantly as Sam paled and Miles gagged. Ironhide and Ron just rolled their eyes.

"Oh sweet Primus, the images…" Sam whimpered, covering his face with his hands as his godbrother started turning green.

"Nooooo, Sam, I can never unsee that now…" the blond whined, looking seriously ill.

Fixit's mouth twitched slightly as she looked at the holoform, who was having a hard time suppressing a smirk. Obviously he was just teasing, but…

"…oh, I have no doubt creating such contrast would be…" here she made a point of looking him up and down hungrily, licking her lips slightly. "…exceedingly enjoyable...as well as quite the workout... but I sadly must decline. My intended would not be too happy with me for reveling in another man…without him there, at least."

Sam fainted as Miles sprinted for the nearest trash bin. The adults (who had caught on almost immediately) suppressed their laughter with difficulty. Of course, Ratchet, Ironhide, and Judy didn't try at all.

Jazz and Fixit grinned at each other. Oh, this was the start of something beautiful…

…or the beginning of a never-ending nightmare.

Depended on who you asked.


A/N: And so Fixit finally meets the Autobots…or at least Jazz.

DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!