That night, at dinner, I was in my room not feeling myself. I have been losing my appetite. I feel bad for not being a good guest while Grandma Verna and Michelle, but I just feel lost without Kayla. I couldn't help it.
"She's not a very good company to be with us," said Grandma Verna.
"Why did you say that about Mary Anne for? She's still upset about Kayla. I was like that when Madeline died, too. Mom and the boys were the ones who understood my feelings. You made me feel guilty when you mentioned that to my mom during my depression. I know how that feels. Didn't you feel that way when you lost your best friend? I remember your reaction when Bob told you about his grandmother's death," said Michelle angrily. "You know what? It's really sad that I'm the only one who knows what she's going through besides Carlos and Meredith."
"I agree with Michelle," said Meredith.
"Me, too," added Carlos.
"Do you want me to go see if Mary Anne's okay?" asked Michelle. "I'm done anyway."
"Go ahead," replied my dad.
I was on the top of the stairs listening when Michelle saw me and we went to my room.
"You look mad," said Michelle.
"Why did Grandma say I'm not a good company to be with?" I asked.
"Wait a minute. You heard her say that?" asked Michelle as I nodded.
"That's making me feel bad now. She doesn't care on how I feel," I said. "At least you do."
"I know," agreed Michelle.
"Why can't she understand I'm having a tough time right now? Besides, she was the one who said regretting the wake had nothing to do with my decision, I just couldn't handle it," I said. "What happen there?"
"You got a good point," said Michelle.
"It's not my fault that Kayla's dead and there's nothing I could do about it," I said.
"That's true," said Michelle.
Dad, who was done with his meal, knocked on my door and came in and said, "How is she?"
"She heard on what her grandmother had just said," said Michelle. "She's mad about it."
"Oh, really?" asked Dad who was shocked.
"Mrs. Baker should understand what she's going through right now," said Michelle. "Mary Anne said it's not her fault that Kayla's dead. There's nothing she can do about it. She had a good point on that."
"I agree with you," said Dad.
"What Mary Anne doesn't understand is that your mother-in-law was the one who said regretting the wake had nothing to do with Mary Anne's tough decision, she just couldn't handle it," said Michelle.
"I'll have to go talk to Verna about that. Excuse me," said Dad as he left my room.
Out there, Dad came down and said, "Verna, you and I need to talk in my den."
"What about?" asked Grandma Verna.
"Just come with me please," said Dad.
In the den, they sat down.
"Michelle was telling me that Mary Anne heard what you said and she's very hurt about it. It's not that she's not a good company, she's just having trouble accepting Kayla's death. They have been best friends since Kayla first moved here with her family. That's why Mary Anne took it very bad. They were very close. And, I'm sure she will be a better person after she sees Dr. Reese. You need to understand about that," said Dad.
"But...," interrupted my grandmother.
Dad ignored her and added, "There's nothing she can do about it. It's not her fault. Michelle was the one who has been going to Mary Anne when you both came to support her, but you didn't. What Michelle said earlier is correct. Carlos and Meredith knew how she felt. They lost their families and felt the same way. Mary Anne supported Meredith out when she learned about the death of her mother and sister. She even went to London with Meredith for the funeral. Mary Anne probably thought you're here to support her, too. Why did you think you and Michelle came down for? For nothing? Besides, didn't you tell her that regretting the wake had nothing to do with her decision, she just couldn't handle it when you spoke to her on the phone?"
"I thought Mary Anne would be with us to make her feel better," said Grandma Verna.
"She tried, but Dawn wasn't any help, remember?" asked Dad. "Michelle is a good friend and cares about Mary Anne's feelings. You should go talk to her, too, and apologize while you're at it. You're the one who took her in after Alma died when I couldn't raise my daughter for awhile."
That probably got Grandma Verna to understand what Dad told her because she came up and knocked on the door.
Michelle came to open the door a bit and said, "Are you coming in to say your sorry for upsetting your own granddaughter? She is very hurt because about you said. She heard you from the top of the stairs."
"I'm just in here to talk to her," said Grandma Verna.
"And, owe her an apology?" asked Michelle.
I was facing the other way when Grandma Verna came in and sat with me.
"Look, I'm sorry about what I said about you," said Grandma Verna.
I turned my head to her and said, "I'm trying to accept that Kayla is dead. What you really said about me not for being a good company made me feel bad. I couldn't help being depressed. I just miss her. We were very close and were like sisters."
"Can you forgive me?" asked Grandma Verna.
"Only if you don't say that about me again," I replied.
"I promise," said Grandma Verna.
I sat up to hug her.
"I'm just lucky to have Michelle as my friend since she knew how I feel," I said. "I just never knew she had a best friend."
"She never brings it up. When you met her, she was really happy to have a best friend again. Like you, she might get upset if she mentions it to anyone," said Grandma Verna.
"She didn't get upset when she told me about it though," I said.
"That part is true," said Michelle.
"Only because you knew what she went through," said Grandma Verna.
"Exactly, which is why I have been helping her," said Michelle.
"I'm glad I have three other best friends, but nothing would be the same without Kayla. I just don't like feeling this way," I said.
"I know," said Grandma Verna.
