A.N: Thank you to JJ Twi1ight for helping me out :)


Hyde


When speaking of happy people, like the-happiest-on-earth people, or in the universe or just people being really happy, there was one important factor that was frequently overlooked. Most of those happy people don't live in the same house as Jacob Black.

I did that.

So really, when speaking about how happy they were, or about being the happiest in the world, or on the moon, or in the galaxy, or you name it, they should really stop to reconsider. Because, really, that wasn't possible. Unless they did live in the same house as Jacob Black.

But they didn't, because I did.

Also, considering how this factor on its own would make anyone happy without any considerable amount of effort, this other important factor also needed attention. Jacob Black needed to be happy, too. Because if he was the happiest, and you were the happiest, you were really the one being the happiest. Because no one could be as happy as the one living together with a happy Jacob Black. Too much brightness. Too much warmth. Not. Possible. Must. Be. Happy.

I did that, too.

Jacob and I did not speak about kissing, or happiness, or naps on couches, or happiness, or kissing for the rest of the day. He did not kiss me again. I did not kiss him either. But his eyes were brighter than I had ever seen them before. I could sense it when I entered the same room as him, or hear it in his steps as he walked down the hallway.

I hadn't been happier, either.

After kissing me, that morning, on the couch, after that nap, I had blushed, and he had pulled back, smiling. I had finished the cup of tea he had made me, and I had snuggled in the blanket and complained about sleeping half the day. He had listened, smiled, tucked the hair down behind my ear, watched my blushes and teased me when I spilled tea on myself.

Then I had gone to take a shower, and then gotten ready to go to school. I'd told him an awkward, slightly blushing goodbye from the hallway, which he had returned calmly, brightly, happily.

I had then left for a lecture, which I later did not remember anything from. In school I was ambushed by Jessica in the hallway, who told me I looked dreamish and wondered if it was because I had made out with my hot roomie yet. I told her no, it wasn't, and it didn't really feel like lying as we hadn't actually made out. At least I thought not. At least not by her definitions.

After school, I had left for work, which later I didn't really remember much of either except that the hours had gone by really slowly. When I was done, it was past nine, and I was starting to build up that blush again.

When I finally got home, he was there, in the kitchen, eating. He had smiled and gotten up on his feet as I entered, wondering if I wanted anything, which I had declined. We did not kiss hello, or goodnight. He had just looked at me, and I had looked at him, and I had blushed again, and he had smiled. Then I had told him I would just go to bed, said "goodnight" and he had said "'night", and I had picked up Edward and gone to my room.

Still, I hadn't been happier. We were good. We were great. We were undefined, we were not kissing, and we were both walking on ice. And I was absolutely happy. Living with a happy Jacob Black simply made people happy. Especially if he'd kissed them first.

I did not sleep well that night either. I was too occupied trying to stifle the butterflies in my feet and stomach. When I thought about him, I got butterflies. When I thought about the kiss, (or kisses really, there were two), they spread their wings and flapped like crazy. Edward sent me sour looks whenever I couldn't lay still; he was all wrapped over my feet, and was constantly disturbed whenever I tossed around. When he'd had enough, he set his eyes in me for a few seconds, clearly disgruntled, before he jumped down from the bed to sleep in my underwear drawer.

Jacob had told me yesterday, in this very room, that we were just friends. That was all, no misunderstandings. Just friends. He'd said "good" several times, as if that was clearly his opinion of it. Then we had bonded, we had slept. And he had kissed me. Barely, but still. And then we had slept some more, and then he had definitely kissed me again, a lot more than barely. Absolutely no misunderstandings, no mixed signals. He'd kissed me. For real.

Definitely not 'just friends' behavior. I smiled, flapped my toes, and tossed some more. Edward turned his back to me inside the closet.

The next morning, I overslept. Of course I did. My sleep-routines were mixed up. I had just managed to get up and peek out into the hallway, still in my blue striped pajamas, where I found Jacob in a full rush on his way out.

"Hey," he said when he saw me, just pushing his arms in his jacket and sending me the brightest of grins. "I've got to go, new job and all. Wish me luck."

I blinked a bunch of times. "Oh, right, it's your first day." I dragged my hand through my messy hair, trying to clear my thoughts. "You'll do great. I know it. Don't be nervous."

He just paused for half a second, looked at me for another one of these heartbeat-skipping moments, then smiled. "Thanks. See you later."

"Good luck!" I called out, just before the door closed behind him.

Still blushing. Still smiling. Still butterflies. Still never been happier.

I didn't have any lectures that day, so I stayed home to get some reading done. After sharing a quiet breakfast with Edward, me sitting on the bench and him by my feet on the floor – watching me, of course, as he always did while I ate – I ventured into the living room with my boring book. The boring book made me smile, though, as it reminded me of Jacob. He'd commented on it, briefly, just before the couch and the kiss.

I doubted I would get much work done today.

After a few hours, a little reading and a whole lot of digressing and curling of toes, I got up to take a shower. I shaved my legs. I opened a body-scrub I had gotten from Renee, but never used. I even put some special hair-conditioner in my hair that was supposed to make it shinier (also from Renee), all the while telling myself that this was simply because it was time and it would be rude not to use the products she had bestowed upon me.

I made fruit salad for lunch, feeling fresh and kind of polished. My cheeks were soft and red from the scrub – maybe I hadn't been supposed to put it there. On a whim, I decided to call Angela. I hadn't done that in a while.

"Hello," she said as she picked up.

"Hi, it's Bella," I said brightly, jumping back up to sit on the counter. You could see out the window from here, and the sun was out for once. "How are you doing?"

Angela replied brightly as well, telling me about her weekend, and also seeming a little surprised that I had called her. I had to do that more often.

"But what about you?" she wondered after a few minutes. "Why are you so happy all of a sudden? Not that you aren't normally happy, but I can almost hear you grin."

"Oh, nothing much," I said. It was true. I couldn't stop smiling, for some reason. But hey, the sun was up! "It's just a nice day. And then I told Jacob by accident that I loved him, and he kissed me. Twice."

As I said it out loud, I realized how fourteen-years-old I sounded. I guessed some just developed late. And to my defense, I had never experienced this before. Not this.

"You what?!"

A lot of information was needed to make it all clear. I told her everything from the beginning, or from one of the beginnings, and didn't stop until she had all the information that I had.

She wondered a bit about us not kissing since. And not talking about it. Or anything, really.

"I don't know," I said, shrugging even though there was no one there to see. "But I'm not worried about it. We just kissed. And it hasn't been weird or anything. At least not more than normal. Just … you need to see it to get it … but he seems happy. At least I am."

I could almost hear Angela smile over the phone, too. "I believe you. But I still think you should talk. You know you'll have to eventually, right?"

I nodded to no one in particular. "Yeah. But still … I think we're good."

When I had procrastinated for so long there really was no way to escape it, I hung up and went back to my boring book. It was already late in the afternoon. Soon, work would be done for the day, and everyone working would go back home...

It was chilly in here, when I came to think of it. I should go and put on another sweater. A prettier one.

After doing this, and locating Edward under the drawer, I picked him up and brought him with me over to the sofa. We cuddled for a bit, and I dragged my fingers through his perfect hair. He purred, and owned me, and was so possessive I had to push him away from my face a few times. His honey eyes smiled at me, squinting, as he kneaded my stomach, and for a moment there I didn't think life could get much better.

Then there was the sound of steps on the porch outside, and some jiggling with keys. Edward wagged his tail in skepticism as he turned away from me to glance at the hallway. My stomach immediately filled with butterflies again, huge ones, flapping up and down. I pushed my hair out of my face, straightening it, feeling fourteen.

Jacob appeared in the hallway. When he looked up and noticed me, he slowed down for a second, a smiled spreading on his lips.

"Hi," I said, feeling a smile form on my face just by looking at him.

"Hey," he said, still looking at me, smiling. There was another one of those moments. Then he blinked, as if remembering, and I shook my head a little to clear it.

"How did it go?" I wondered, remembering how polite, normal conversations were supposed to go.

His face lit up. "It went good. I've never worked in a place as big as that before, but it was cool."

"Were there nice people?" I wondered, watching him flip off his shoes as I scratched Edward behind the ear. Edward was staring suspiciously at Jacob.

Jacob seemed to find my question amusing. "Yeah, of course. It seemed great. I'm just relieved to be earning some cash again."

I smiled at his reply, and he crossed the floor to come sit in the couch next to me. As he sat down, there was a loud hiss from Edward before he violently pushed himself down from my lap and disappeared into the kitchen.

We both looked after him for a moment, before our eyes met. I shrugged, and Jacob smiled again. "That hasn't changed, at least," he said.

We looked at each other for another moment- I had completely forgotten how normal, polite conversations were supposed to go. His eyes were bright again, happy, and I could slowly feel the blush creep back on my face. I sent him a nervous look, still immensely happy, but also very aware that neither of us really knew what to say.

Or do.

I felt like it was my turn, sort of. To say something. Or do something. To clear things up. After all, he had kissed me. I had done nothing. But then I really didn't have the guts either.

I cleared my throat. "I still just think you need to get to know each other a little better."

Jacob pressed his lips together, looking down at his hands. When he looked back at me, his eyes were still bright, still happy. It would take more before I could ruin that at least.
"Actually, I'm surprised I'm still alive," he whispered, knowing very well the scowl that would follow. He leered back at me when I did, his smile suddenly back to that boyish smile that reminded me of childhood and worms in lunch-boxes. It warmed because it was proof we were still friends. Friends and then some?

"Oh, really?" I said, fully aware he was teasing me. "Let's test who's right, shall we?" And then I stood up from the couch to tip-toe into the kitchen. I could hear him snigger behind me, but didn't turn. As I had hoped, I found Edward under the kitchen table. He liked to sit there, as it made him feel superior and gave him a view over the hallway.

"Hi, you," I cooed, and lifted him up. He looked at me suspiciously, as if he knew something was up. I scratched him behind the ear as I carried him back to the living room. Jacob was still sitting on the couch, sending me almost the exact same look as Edward was.

"If we're all going to stay under the same roof, a treaty would be nice," I told them both.

They both looked skeptical.

"Seriously Bells, I don't think he likes me much," Jacob defended. "I don't know if this is any good."

"Oh, don't be stupid," I told him as I sat down. "I just think you two should get along. It's important."

Jacob looked at me then, and that heartbeat-skipping look was back. Maybe there was something I said – well, they were the most important creatures in my life at the moment – but something at least made his eyes smile, and I couldn't help but blush again.

"Really," I said, looking down and hoping he wouldn't notice. "He's not as bad as you think. Are you, Edward?"

With my hands firmly around his waist, and his stomach exposed to patting, he only scowled at me and banged his tail once against the sofa cushion. He sent Jacob a nasty look.

Jacob inched backwards, laughing. "Bells. Jeez. It's as if he knows what you're thinking. And I agree, I don't think it's a very good idea for me to hold him. You know what happened last time."

I sighed and cuddled Edward's stomach, trying to make him relax. He looked at me sourly and did not purr.

"I think he can smell that you're scared," I whispered, so Edward wouldn't hear. "That's the problem. He knows you're terrified."

Jacob inched back. "I'm not terrified. But look at him. You can't say he seems to like me much." He had a point, as Edward just then decided to bare his teeth in Jacob's general direction.

"Just try to scratch his ear, then," I suggested. "Then he can't hurt you, and he sees that you're good."

Jacob pressed his lips together, but lifted his hand up to pat Edward carefully on the head. Edward only stared at him and banged his tail on the cushion once more.

"Okay, now I'm definitely on his bad list," Jacob said, removing his hand from any critical area. "But hey, we tried."

As if Edward heard, he started wiggling, and then jumped down on the floor with an irritated thud.

"Maybe you need to earn his trust," I said thoughtfully as we watched him walk out into the hallway. There he started to clean himself, particularly on the top of his head where Jacob's hand had been.

"Look," Jacob whispered. "He's got your clean-gene".

I ignored him. "We'll just try again tomorrow."

Jacob didn't reply to that, only chuckled and shook his head.

We sat there, watching Edward for a few minutes and not saying much. It felt good though. Everything felt good now.

I turned to him after what felt like a long time, and he looked down at me as well. His eyes were still bright, his face still happy. I smiled at him.

"I like you," I said simply. I knew it wasn't a lot, and that there were many bigger words to use, but I could see in his face that he knew what I meant.

"I like you, too," he said back. He looked at me warmly. Then he lifted his hand to stroke it down my head, before he finished by shuffling it though my hair and making a mess, laughing at the disgruntled noise I made in return.

Yes. He knew.


We ate dinner, sitting across from each other by the kitchen table as we usually did. The gray sky and light drops of rain outside had turned angry, and it was raining heavily. Jacob had wrapped his hand around mine, which was new, and I liked it very much. I liked being indoors when it was raining outside. Being indoors with Jacob holding my hand, was even better. Most things, I realized, were better with Jacob in it.

Edward came sulking into the kitchen after a while, when he realized Jacob wasn't about to leave it any time soon. I saw this as great progress – earlier, he had refused being in the same room as Jacob at all, except if there was a drawer there to be sneaky underneath. I had already filled his cup on the floor. Without a glance at either of us, Edward went there and turned his bum to us both.

Jacob didn't seem to think much of it, but was looking out the window at the rain splashing against the pavement.

"What are you doing for Christmas?" he wondered absentmindedly, still looking outside.

I looked outside too. I had to stretch my neck a little to see over the old lace curtain.

"I haven't really thought about that yet," I admitted. I probably should have. It was already November. Soon, I would have to buy a plane ticket. "But I'm going home to mom and Phil. How about you?" I added,

"I'll go home, I guess. I dunno. We don't really make a big deal out of it." He was still looking out the window as he said it, and I wondered what was the source behind this sudden topic. It struck me that he did not seem enthusiastic. Which was a mystery – how could one not be enthusiastic about Christmas?

"What do you usually do?" he wondered, before I could ask anything else. He was looking at me now, eyes curious. "Do you usually celebrate with your mom?"

I could feel the proximity of our previous conversations, about Charlie and Forks, and I almost felt a little uncomfortable. But Jacob looked only curious, still smiling, and I realized that was all. He just wanted to know what I usually did in the holidays.

"Yeah," I replied. "It's just always been like that. We're home, just us. Phil has been there for the last few years, obviously. Mom is crazy about Christmas. She'll put up too many decorations, and then get really annoyed when she have to take them down, because there's so many. Sometimes, you can find forgotten Santa Clauses throughout the house in June."

He laughed. I smiled, and continued. "This is the first time I'm not there the whole December. It'll be a little weird."

"But you're going home for the holidays?" he clarified.

"I am," I nodded. "But Christmas isn't just about the holidays. I mean, it is, but mom and I used to do stuff all December."

"What kind of stuff?"

I shrugged. "Lots of things. Decorate, make cards and stuff, watch Christmas movies … She always makes Christmas cakes too, and they always taste weird, because she always tries to adapt them to her current thing. Like last year for example, she had this phase where she tried to not eat sugar. So she used artificial sweetener instead, which was much sweeter than sugar, and the cakes became so sweet no one could eat them."

Jacob smiled, absentmindedly stroking his thumb up my wrist. "Sound nice," he said, then added. "And kinda overboard. But nice."

I laughed. "Yeah. I guess it's a little much."

"What do you do with Edward?" He wondered. "Do you take him with you?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't want him to go through that. He'll get really stressed being in a cage for so long and flying and all that. He'll be terrified. I've planned to let him stay with Mrs. Turnip who lives upstairs. She's more than happy to. And he'll be better here, when he knows the place and can be outside."

"Oh. Okay." He nodded. We looked out at the rain again. Jacob seemed to be done with questioning.

"What do you usually do, then?" I wondered. "For Christmas."

"I'm usually home," he said. "But we don't do the stuff you do."

"Then what do you do then?"

Maybe they had other traditions. I knew many families in the Reservation didn't celebrate Christmas at all, but then some did all the same.

"We don't make much of it. I don't really like Christmas."

I was shocked. Traditions or not, what was there not to like?

"Why?" I wondered, feeling my voice border on incredulous.

Jacob smiled at my expression, and shrugged.

"It was around the time my mother died."

Oh. I felt a cold lump in my stomach.. For a moment, I had absolutely no idea what to say. I hadn't been expecting that.

Jacobs mother had died many years ago. I remembered. It was when we were young and I was stupid. I had been at home with Renee when Charlie had called. He had asked me over the phone how I was, and then he had told me that Jacob's mom had died. I hadn't really thought much of it at the time, except that I thought it was sad. I remembered wondering how someone could just die, just like that. Charlie explained that it was an accident. When Charlie had taken me to La Push next summer, eight months later, I had played with Jacob like normal. We played together well at first, then I got tired of him and he became annoying, as always. Everything seemed normal. Jacob was still a boy, digging in the dirt and following me everywhere. He seemed the same. I hadn't thought much about it.

Things were quite different now. I could feel the lump in my stomach; it was a mixture of feeling bad for him, disliking myself, and of not knowing what to say. But Jacob just continued, unaffected. "So I guess that's why dad never was very enthusiastic. I mean, we made more out of it when we were kids, my sisters and I, we always exchanged presents and stuff. But when they moved out and I got older it kind of faded a bit. I didn't mind."

I only squeezed his hand slightly. He smiled. "But yeah, I guess I'll be going home. I haven't been home in a while. And besides, there's nothing to do here if you're leaving."

"I'm sure it will be nice seeing your dad again."

He nodded. "Yeah. Sure." He looked up at me. "So are you sure you're going to your mom this year?"

I looked at him. I knew what he meant. "It's what I always do," I defended.

He just looked at me for a moment, as if saying 'exactly'. I pursed my lips. I didn't want to argue. He smiled.

"I'm just saying," he clarified. "I'm sure Charlie would be thrilled to have you back, even for just a few days. And we could go together. It wouldn't be too bad."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know why I disliked talking about this so much. Maybe because, deep down, I knew he might be right. It was just that it was Christmas, and Christmas was always celebrated with mom. It had been like that, always, as long as I could remember. I hadn't really thought too much about what Charlie was doing for Christmas. I guess I hadn't really wanted to think about it. By not thinking about it, I could just assume he was great, drinking beer and watching sports with his friends. I didn't have to challenge that view if I didn't think too much about it.

Jacob smiled. I realized I had been quiet for a while. "I'm sure you'll have a great time with your mom, though," he said. "It seems you've got quite the traditions. I get that. Have you ordered tickets yet?"

"No," I shrugged, shaking off the thought of Charlie eating his Christmas dinner alone in his kitchen with the yellow cabinets. "I should have. I will. It's just, time seems to just fly by lately. The last month … It have all passed so quickly. I don't even remember what I've been doing." I looked over at him. "Except hanging out with you, I guess."

He smiled again. "I know. Time flies by in great company and all that."

I laughed at him. My hands felt so warm in both of his, I never wanted him to let go.

"You're so confident," I commented, smiling.

He pressed his lips together, smiling too. "Not really."

We sat like that, for a long time, sipping coffee and not doing much, his hand wrapped around mine.


The evening passed too quickly, without me getting around to blush down and woman myself up. We were happy, we were great, but we were still walking on ice. I was too polite, he was too friendly. I still hadn't kissed him.

It was my turn. I had done nothing. He had kissed me, once, twice, and he was holding my hand, and I had done nothing. Jacob seemed happy, and his eyes were still bright, and he looked at me sometimes in a way that made the world stop. And then sometimes his eyes became unsure, and then he grinned, and then we were back to being friends.

I made popcorn, loads of it, and we spent a few hours watching TV and teasing Edward. Before it had even gotten dark out, and before I had managed to calm my own nervously thumping heart, Jacob had fallen asleep beside me on the couch, snoring so loudly I couldn't hear what the people on the talk-show were saying.

I was just lurking out in the hallway, wondering how best to approach this, when I realized I was not the only one doing that: Edward was sitting in the darkness of the hallway, peeking into the living room where Jacob was. I watched him lurk in the shadows, waving his tail like he did when hunting mice.

And I realized Jacob had been right. My Edward Ferrars had become Edward Hyde.

"Come here, you," I whispered, and picked him up. I put him on my arm and stroked the white fur that sparkled in the light from the kitchen. "Let's get you something to eat."

As if he had understood, Edward looked into the living room hungrily.

"Not Jacob," I clarified. "He stays. And I don't think he would taste very good either. And I would be angry and you would get a stomach ache. You can have the mixed meat you didn't finish yesterday."

I thought Edward looked mighty disappointed as I carried him to into the kitchen.